Hi I'm in the really early stages of wedding planning and haven't asked my bridesmaids yet. I'm definitely having my two SIL to be's, my cousin and also toying with the idea of having my brothers long term girlfriend although I'm not that close to her as she lives away for uni. My problem is with my two 'best friends'. We've been friends for about 7 years and over time I've drifted a lot from one of them in particular. I had a baby and she is completely anti-baby and thinks you should travel the world when you're young etc (I'm 24). I barely ever see or hear from her and she makes no effort. My other friend isn't as bad and makes a bit more effort but what's really upset me is that neither of them have shown any interest in the wedding so far. I've only been to see a couple of venues, posted on Facebook about this and also posted a bit about getting excited looking at ideas online and while family got excited, neither of them acknowledged it, sent any messages to say oo where have you been to see or oo have you got any ideas? It's like they just couldn't care, whether it's jealousy or not I don't know but I just think if you're meant to be close friends you should show an interest. It's not just the wedding issue, there's been a few issues with them lately and I've been upset quite a lot, it's all stemmed from me having a baby really. Thing is they will expect to be bridesmaids just because we've been friends so long but the way things are going I don't really want people who don't seem to care! and I'd have enough bridesmaids without them. But it would be so awkward to raise the issue with them and they'd probably never speak to me again and doubt they'd even come to the wedding. I hate confrontation so I've not said anything to them yet but it's certainly getting to that point where I will be if it keeps up! What would you do?? X
My best friend isn't going to be my bridesmaid as I have enough with family. I was her bridesmaid and she totally understands. If they don't understand or cause a fuss then they aren't friends let alone best friends and I wouldn't want them any where near my wedding. X
I see a lot of posts like this about bridesmaids that are rubbish or live far away . In my opinion just have people you see all the time and that you like . My sister who is my maid of honour lives far away but I see her twice a month and anything I want sorting for my wedding or just want to talk to her about it all and need a good rant she is on the phone to me . If they can't be that kind of person you don't want them
Hi I agree with the 2 answers above you don't need to have them or the hassle if they don't like it tough :)
Wouldn't have them xx
Just tell them you're having family as wedding party and leave it at that x
You have to do what makes YOU happy, had the same issue with one of my 'friends' at first she showed an interest but then went really distant and even stopped texting me back. I'm just leaving her to it now, got married 2 weeks ago she didn't even reply to be at the wedding. Sucks but it's made me realise that if people want to be apart of my life the will cos they WANT to be there xx
Shame how many 'friends' give up on you when you've had a baby, I know the feeling. Easier said than done but I wouldn't have them people shouldn't expect to be doesn't matter how long you have been friends for. It's your day for you & your little family don't worry about anyone else xx
If you want them to be there with you in the morning have them, if not, don't. They may have not wanted to jump on you with plans etc as they are probably waiting for you. If your wedding is far away then they won't be caught up yet.
My best friend got married about 4 years ago and I wasn't asked, nor was I expected to be asked, I am getting married and haven't asked her as have 8 with just family. Just because they are friends it doesn't necessarily mean that they will be bridesmaids. You also need to do what is best for you and will be the less stressful as we all know wedding planning can be stressful sometimes x
Just have family as the wedding party. That's what I'm doing, my two best friends understand and are very supportive. Xx
Just to put it into perspective.... my best friend didn't ask me to be bridesmaid because at the time even though we spoke everyday she think get I wasn't interested. And I wasn't getting that excited because she hadn't asked me to be bridesmaid and I was a bit sad about it. Anyway. She explained and I explained and in the end she did ask me and it was really lovely. But maybe they think you've already picked bridesmaids but not them. Especially if you are at the venue stage as I would assume this came later!
I think it's pretty standard that some family and friends are totally disinterested in weddings! It can be upsetting but remember that the people who truly love you will be there for you when it counts.
Only ask people to be a bridesmaid if you are 100÷ sure to save any upset further down the road
Between now and your wedding you need to grow a thick skin, and above all else remember.......it is yours and your fiancé's day and nobody elses. If you start to bend over backwards already for people you will be a wreck by the time your day arrives. Do what makes you happy x
I would not have them as my bridesmaids x
I'm not sure why you would even think of asking them to be honest.......
If I was you id just have who I want,its your special day and noone should spoil it,I told who I wanted to be bridesmaids and that was that no problem,thank god didn't have mobiles or texting 24 yrs ago so no problem,enjoy yourselves think you worrying about others too much ,have a fabulous day
I kept my bridal party family only. I've been bridesmaid for a few friends and if I asked all my mates I'd have way too many. Just tell them you are keeping it family orientated, if they don't understand then they aren't true friends x
Ha,ha thanks Debbie,the bride and groom should do what they want,the day goes so fast enjoy every minute,I know you will soon lol xx
One thing to remember. Nobody will ever be as excited about your wedding as you are. My MoO during my 1.5 year lead up to the wedding gave me the impression she couldn't care less. One of the other bridesmaids organized the hen do and so on .... but on the wedding day all came together and I wouldn't have had it any other day. She was perfect and knew what I wanted without asking or sometimes thinking it. Best friends don't always get along and don't see eachoter all the time ... they don't speak all the time. They are best friends because when they get together everything is forgotten and only the good times matters. Best friends are there when it counts. I wouldn't have had my day without her even tho I told myself 1000 times I can do without stressing about her. Also remember people have different financial possibilities and may be that there may be mental health problems you may not be aware. But at the end of the day have who you want to be there for youand you think you will miss if not there. Good luck and enjoy the planning x
Woohoo Debbie,how exciting xx
Maybe just explain to them that you don't want a big bridal party. It will go one of two ways, they will either accept it and show interest in your day or they won't. I know it's hard but try not to do things because they are easy or because they don't upset people. It's your day and if they don't show an interest then they shouldn't be a part of your bridal party.
An easy solution would be to say that the bridal party will be family only, but offer them the chance to do something else special for the day.
I did it the opposite way, I had too many family to choose from so we just had my 1 friend and our daughters.
If they take offense then it's on them, I drifted apart from many friends when I had my eldest, sometimes it's just the way it happens xx
only a few times in life that show people's true colours
moving house/ new partners or having a baby if these people don't act the same when these thins happen they aren't meant to be in your life
Dont have any of them. Have you a sister or cousin you could ask?
Its YOUR day have who you feel happy with.
You could always say we're just having family as bridesmaids no friends xx
I am not having one of my oldest friends as a bridesmaid as she has completely derailed recently and really upset my other closest friends (one of whom is already a bridesmaid). Don't feel obliged to ask! It's your day and your choice xxxx
Don't have people you can't trust as bridesmaids its not worth it. I obviously don't know your friends or what they are like however also don't be too harsh on them, when people are at different stages of their lives it is natural that they do drift apart and don't speak to each other as much. I am asking one of my oldest friends to be a joint MOH with my sister (my friend is the one who introduced me to my H2B) but we no longer live near each other and only speak a few times a year, but when we do speak it is like we were never apart which is why I know she is my life long friend. She hasn't so far made much of an attempt to ask me questions about my wedding except for congratulating me, but I know she will be thrilled when I ask her to be apart of my day and I know she will make her best effort to attend things I want her to attend, but at the same time if she can't make some things I completely understand. Do what you feel most comfortable with, if they are true friends they should not get angry with you for not asking them to be bridesmaids.
You haven't asked them yet, you're safe! You want people you can rely on during your wedding planning/ day... that being said my parents are the only people who have taken any interest what so ever in our wedding... but that's ok, no one is going to be as excited as my OH and I. You can't expect your friends to be jumping for joy about it. I personally wouldn't ask them, or you'll be on here in a few months time asking for advice on how to demote 2 bridesmaids to guests instead. Save yourself some hassle and only choose people you're close with x
Just say your only having family as bridesmaids, job done x