I really don't want to invite one of my uncles to my wedding. He has always been distant from me and the rest of my family at best, despite living less than an hour away he rarely comes to any family events. He has also been downright nasty, accusing my nan of caring every day for her elderly sister in law in her final years "just to get money and to exploit her" (my nan has a heart of gold and this is the last thing she would ever do, my uncle may I add never cared for or even visited his aunt whatsoever). He has also sent nasty emails to my mum calling her "cruel" for trying to organise a rare day out for their parents, suggesting that as they need a little more help mobility-wise than they used to they just sit indoors every day instead! I mentioned to my mum that I didn't want to invite him and she said she and my nan would be upset if he didn't come as it "wouldn't be right" and they are prepared to forget what he has done in the past as "he is family." He has never apologised or even shown any remorse for this previous upset and I don't forgive him for hurting my beloved mum and nan. I really dislike him, and really do not want him to be a part of my wedding day but I don't want to upset my family.
Hi just explain to your Mum and Nan that you don't want him at the wedding :)
I agree with Lucy. Try to explain again as it will clearly upset your day x
This is your day! Not theirs. They need to respect that what ever you choose. I am facing a similar problem with a family member that I do not want to invite.
Talk to your nan. Explain that no matter what they say about forgiving him you can't. And go from there. If you feel strongly enough about not having him there then don't xx
I'm with Amy on this one. Your day, your guest list, your rules. If you don't want him there, don't invite him. You need to surround yourself with people who love you and you want to be there on the most important day of your life.
Or, look at it another way - sad but true, I'm afraid. Would you buy him let's say, £120 worth of present? If the answers no, then don't invite him, because that's pretty much how much you'll be spending on having him there when you don't really want him there. Better to spend it on someone you know will appreciate it.xxx.
Don't invite him. Simple. If you don't like him that much there's no dilemma
Its YOUR wedding not theirs. Personally i wouldn't invite a trouble maker Tell your nun and nan that you want no trouble on your special day and this man can't be relied on nit to do this. Also you only want those who you are close too and he isn't one of them
I wouldn't invite him, will you miss him if he isn't there. No! I didn't invite one set of aunt and uncle and their children as I don't like them. Z
its ur day you have who you like there :) i didnt have certain relatives and neither did my husband due to not getting on with them x
Simply don't invite them. My partners cousin is getting married, we don't speak as hate each other, and so we aren't going to theirs, and them not to ours. Being immediate family and all, all goes out the window.
It's your day if you don't want him there don't invite him, I have problems with some of my family and I won't be inviting them and my whole family know about it and understand that, it's not about them it's about you and how you feel x
Invite him sounds like he wouldnt come anyway
I would send him an invitation but include a letter from you .....
" as you will see I have invited you to my upcoming wedding, this has been done purely on the wishes of nan, I would do anything to make her happy and apparently despite the vile things you have done/ said to her and the rest of the family you being there she feels is 'right' ,
I have seen the upset you have caused,you may think that the couple of minutes spent writing an email is it..but the hurt continues to go on.
You could take ownership of what you have done and do the right thing by apologising but I'm not sure you feel sorry.
Obviously it is now up to you if you come,but at least you know my open & honest feelings "
Id invite to the reception...not the weddin...wedding cerne r ormaly for close family and friends and receptions extend the celebration...hes not super close..hes an extention..peraonally id keep him at reception only xx
I have someone like this who I do not like. I haven't invited them cause I want to see people who will be generally happy for me on my big day xx
It's your wedding day and you don't need negativity. I'm not inviting half my family for that reason. Family is what you make it and you should surround yourself with people who make you feel happy and loved xx
I don't speak to the majority of my family ! Would rather have close family and friends there ! If you wouldn't buy them a meal in a restaurant why would you at a wedding ?
It's tough, but perhaps ask your nan as I assume it's her son. Explain why you feel this why and what it means to you if he is there.
From what you say he probably wouldn't come anyway, but it would be the time he decides to make an appearance.
Frankly he sounds like he has a chip on his shoulder
I doubt he would attend from what you've said about him.
Chances are he won't turn up anyway if he doesn't go to any other family events, I would invite him, then if he doesn't RSVP then don't book him a meal etc, if he doesn't turn up then at least you tried, good luck and have a wonderful day xxx
It's your wedding at the end of the day. If you feel uncomfortable having him there, then he shouldn't be there! I hate one of my mates girlfriends, so she's not invited, end of.
To be fair I wouldn't. It's your wedding and I know you want to keep your mum and nan happy but once the wedding is underway your mum and nan will be so busy they won't even notice he's not there and have an amazing time. Xx
It's your day and if you don't want him there do not invite him, I'm currently doing my invites and there people I don't want there and won't be inviting them if people are not happy about tough it's us that have to pay for the meals for everyone...
Just send his imitation to the wrong address then you've still sent it out like they asked
I'm not inviting nay family o don't see or bother with, just cos they blood doesn't guarantee an invite in my eyes, if they not in my life they not in my wedding and it's not for others to dictate who should or shouldn't be invited, i've had to tell someone our guest list has nothing to do with them, good luck x
It's your wedding, you'd only resent his presence on the day and it would be constantly in the back of your mind. I doubt your mum and nan would be upset for very long they'll be too busy enjoying your day, he might get the message that he can't treat people badly without consequence if he's not invited x
I didnt invite 2 of my cousins to my wedding as all they jave done is cause problems i spoke to my dad as it was his nephew and neice and he said it was my day and if i dont like them not to invite them (only reason i asked my dad was because there mum died over 30 years ago and hes there closest family)
Thanks for the advice everyone, I would invite him as like some of you have mentioned I doubt he would come anyway, but I don't think I would want to chance it and it would be a worry in the back of my mind. And yes I would like to think once it's underway my mum and nan would be having a lovely time and not have time to think about him anyway! :)
Just tell them you don't want him there, they may be prepared to forgive and forget his behaviour but you're a different person and you've made up you're mind. I've had a very similar situation in my family recently and I know exactly how you feel, it's your day you shouldn't invite someone that will make you feel less happy on a day that should be entirely joyful
Tell your dear ones you have sent an invite....but, don't send him one. As he probably wouldn't come anyway ..what us the difference,. .....you are not worry that he might turn up. The bloody post must have lost it!,,
I wouldn't invite him at all tbh. If you would feel uncomfortable with him being there then that's that. It may upset your mum and Nan but with the greatest respect it's not their day, and will just have to accept it for ONE DAY.
I hope you have a lovely wedding xx
This is a difficult one, I would like to say don't invite him because that's what you would prefer to do and he sounds awful. However just based on personal experience, not inviting him can possibly do more damage than good. My cousin got married abroad, they booked the wedding within a matter of months of getting engaged and said as it was so last minute they weren't going to invite the whole family, just their parents, brother and our grandma which we all understood. However they also invited one of our uncles and not the other two, this caused a lot of upset and a massive rift in the family and even three years on this is still somewhat affecting the family (there would have been no argument had all or no uncles where invited to the wedding). I also used to be a wedding coordinator and have seen a few times how much this sort of thing can effect the family as a whole. Every family and situation is different, and yes it is of course your day, but you might want to weight up what is going to cause less damage. Is your mum and nan going to be initially upset if he isn't invited but will get over it fairly quickly? Or if you think this may cause your mum and nan considerable stress and guilt before and even years after the wedding do you really want to put that burden on them? It is not the solution for everyone and ultimately it is up to you, however sometimes inviting someone you don't want to invite and having to speak to them for all of 5 minutes on the day may be worth keeping the peace in the long run. As others have said it may be worth explaining to your mum and nan exactly why you don't want to invite him, or maybe just invite him the the evening? Good luck!