Advice needed!! I have an old school friend who I used to class as one of my best friends but since leaving school we drifted apart although kept in touch. She got married a few years ago and asked me to be her bridesmaid, we were all abit shocked at the time but I accepted. Since then any event we've had she's said she's coming and then just not showed up, she then goes into silent mode and I hear nothing from her until she thinks it's been forgot (6months in one instance!!) my mum advised against having her as a bridesmaid because of this (ie she would say she was doing it and just not show up on the day after we've paid for the dress etc) I was going to invite her as a day guest, but the last thing she missed she was literally texting up to an hour before she was supposed to be here, saying she was looking forward to it and confirming details.... then just doesn't show and not heard off her since! I feel bad just inviting her to the night do, but we're on a budget I don't want to give her a space for her not to show when we have people who we've not been able to invite during the day due to numbers/costs. I know I should only invite who I want etc but what do you all think? What would you do in my situation?
Hi I wouldn't ask her if she acts like that :)
Why don't you just keep her with you ? My bridesmaids have to show up as they spending 2 days before with me in hotel and spa
Personally I wouldn't invite her. It seems like more stress and worry than it's worth x
You're under no obligation to ask her to be bridesmaid just because you were hers. It sounds like she wouldn't turn up anyway. You have to look honestly at your relationship with this woman - are you really friends,or are you just holding onto the idea of friendship because you've known her so long?It's OK to end it if it no longer holds joy for you. From what you've said,I'd say it's the latter. Don't feel guilted into inviting her to any part of your day
Ummm I wouldn't bother inviting her. Doesn't sound like a nice person.
I had the exact same issue when I got married. However mine would have had to travel from England to northern Ireland. I asked her to be my maid of honour and she was excited and as the day got closer she also went silent. Right up to the day I didn't know if she was going to turn up. As I knew this may happen I asked her to wear a certain colour on the off chance she would turn up. I explained this to the hotel that we married in and they were really helpful. They allowed me to confirm my numbers a week before. So I knew by that point as she remained silent that it became obvious that she wasn't coming. It didn't stop me from becoming angry at her for disappearing tho. It actually hurt that she vanished on me. So I would suggest asking what is the latest you can confirm the numbers and plan as she isn't likely to come. It was the only way that I managed to get past it. Mine didnt make contact by the time the numbers need to be in then I sent her a message saying that cos I didn't hear from her I'm sorry but I can't have her on the day but she still would be welcome on the night.
As it turns out for me I didn't hear from her for 2 years after I got married but because I felt I did everything I could to accommodate her but didn't lose my temper that we were able to move past it. We message every few months as we used to and things are fine between us, I just don't invite her to things anymore.
Hope my story helps
It sounds like she has social anxiety. Dropping out of social events with little or no warning is a big symptom of it, and it's not her fault.
I wouldn't give her a day space in fear of no-show and then you have wasted a space of someone who could be there! Evening invite 😁
I was a bridesmaid a couple of years ago, similar situation myself and my other school friend we're shocked to be asked. Since then I've not seen her, rarely heard from her, and I've not invited her at all. I would invite her to the eve, if she questions it just explain and say I'm sorry but you're too unreliable atm!
I would speak to her about why she has a history of not turning up as it sounds very similar to someone who is suffering from social anxiety.
Personally I'd just ask her straight up why she isn't turning up to events, as said above it does sound like social anxiety and it can be a struggle for people who have it to get their feet out the door. And if that is the case then her opening up to you about it might help her a lot and you can plan together what the course of action is.
Tbh with it being your wedding it's a lot bigger than say a birthday/anniversary and people are a lot more likely to be reliable on the day as to not let you down. Good luck!
I personally wouldn't invite her at all. She doesn't sound like she deserves to be there
I think you already know the answer
I would invite her to the day, if it were me. I would also have a chat with her and just make sure she can definitely come/get the day off and confirm it with her a few times, chat to her about the day etc so she remembers. Tbh it sounds like she has social anxiety or something. Maybe see if you can go and see her after you send the invite, as this might make her feel more comfortable.
I wouldn't invite her. I'd also confront her about the behaviours as at the end of the day she is an adult and fully aware that saying your coming then not turning up is not only hurtful, but it's time and money wasting x
No I wouldn't invite her to the day. To the evening only sounds like a good compromise, it doesn't sound like you're really friends anymore. Sometimes friendships do just naturally meet their end, people change, priorities change. I don't think you need the added stress on your wedding day if she'll turn up xx
I wouldn't do it - if she can't be bothered to pitch for any of your other parties/ events (after confirming), I would rather give someone else the space. I can't stand flakey people like that - no respect for others time (and in this case, money) xxx
I would invite her to the day then find out the latest you can confirm numbers. Tell her you need to know then if she is coming. If you don't hear from her until then you know she isn't coming, just text her and say as you gent heard from her you will assume she can't come and take her off the list. If she is annoyed at you so what? You don't see her anyway! X
If she was a friend, she wouldn't treat you like that. I wouldn't even invite her at all but if you want to, invite her to the evening. Real friends do not tell you they are going to be coming somewhere hours before and then just do not show. You do not need that kind of negativity in your life
I had this exact situation minus the me being bridesmaid. But I didn't invite her to the day part just the evening part. She never said anything but if she did I had it in my head that I would be like look, I can't trust that you'll turn up and it's not the sort of thing you just don't turn up to and give no word of warning. She'll have to get over it!
Maybe she is anxious about the events you invite her to? For example, when she's invited, she has every intention of turning up and is excited but as it draws nearer and nearer, she just can't face it? You do not have to ask her because she asked you but if you really want her by your side, address it with her.. please don't just dismiss her completely, not yet, have a chat with her :-) suggesting a few catch ups beforehand might work, maybe suggest going to her rather than her having to leave her comfort zone. I'm not saying you should pussyfoot around her but just talk to her and see if there is more to it, if so, the more you have these 'catch ups', she'll hopefully relax a little more. But also, if she just isn't bothered then at least you know. I honestly think it sounds more like she's dealing with social anxiety rather than doing it to upset you. I hope it all works out for you :-)
I have a friend like this, I've invited her & her son to my day do, theyve accepted but I've actually assumed they won't be coming as no communication with her since & when I invited her to my hen do she didn't reply after several attempts to contact her! It hurts as she would have been previously counted as one of my best friends but since I moved away (30 miles) a couple of years ago & had 2 kids, she's not been interested at all, she's never met my kids!! I hold a tiny bit of hope that she might attend & there's a way we can jiggle the tables if she does on the day but I've not counted her in the food & drink!
It's not about her being flaky, it's about your day. Can you honestly say that you are still best friends with her and you will miss her if she's not beside you on the day? Don't invite her if not. You should only have people there who will add to your day.xx.
These were mine from the rainbow club. They all have the rainbow club stamp on the sole's with a blue gem, and a little note in the box that says "take a look at the sole of your shoe, I can be your something blue..."
Night do only. Honestly, it costs a fortune per guest and if they don't show up then it's wasted someone you actually want there. Believe me!
I would just invite her to the evening reception