Am I being unreasonable...? I've told my other half that for our wedding I'd like him to shave off his stupid beard and (just for a few pictures) take out his massive septum piercing. He knows how I feel about his stupid beard, he didn't have it when we met and I've said he can grow it back again after but he keeps harping on about me trying to change him! What do you laydees think?
Tricky, I personally hate beards too, but how would you feel if he was always trying to change your hair for example? I would talk to him again and explain and see what he says?
I really dont see his problem with taking out his septum piercing but his beard is tricky like Jayne has said. I would try to talk to him again.
Septum yes but with the beard - can't you get him to clean it up - talk to him to see what if he would compromise? 😊
When me and my H2B get married he's allowed to keep his beard, his piercings and his tunnels, he's the man I fell in love with and he hasn't changed since we got together. Maybe ask him to trim his beard, make it look tidy or something.. It's a difficult one. How would you feel if he asked you to change something about you for your wedding day?
I think it's out of order.. ur marrying him for him.. beard .. Piercing .. tattoos the lot ..
Piercing .... take it out for official photos bit let him out it back in for reception
Beard... trim and tidy up, you can't make someone shave his beard off what if you have long hair and he makes you cut it to a bob and you hate it or change you're hair colour .. it works both ways
Cut your hair short and don't wear earrings and see how it makes you feel
The peircing I think is fair enough. But when it comes to the beard I do think that you are being unreasonable. If he asked you to cut or dye your hair specially for the sake of some wedding pictures you probably wouldn't be too happy about it either, would you?
I have to agree with everyone else. How would you feel if he said he wanted you to cut or dye your hair for the wedding? If he was saying he hated your stupid hair colour? I'm sure it wouldn't fly. If you wouldn't accept it back then I wouldn't push it on him. You fell in love with him for who he is, get him to have a good trim and get over it. You're getting to marry the man you love, that's all that matters xx
Just ask him to tidy up his beard. You would probably get upset if he dictated what you do with your hair. If he likes it then let him keep it.
I don't think I'd get married to my h2b if he told me to take my septum piercing out. I think you are being incredibly shallow and you should marry him with his beard and piercings or don't marry him at all.
Personally I love beards and I actually talked my fiance into growing one and now he is addicted to it ;) he has been promised to go to mo hair in Glasgow for a beard experience before our wedding which is basically like a beauty treatment for the beard. He has already invested so much time, patience and money in that beard it would really hurt him to get rid off it now. Piercing on the other hand yes I'd tell him to take it off
You clearly don't love the man for who he is! His piercings and his beard are apart of him xx
That's quite a drastic change. I do think you're being a bit unreasonable. Personally if my partner wanted me to change the way I looked I wouldn't be very happy. Let's be honest, would you be?
I can understand the want for "perfect wedding photos" - I'm planning on swapping my nose ring for a discreet stud on the day and my ear piercings will be covered by my hair, but that is my choice.
My hair is currently bright red, and just imagining my other half telling me to go back to blonde just for our wedding day then I can dye it back? Not a chance. If you can put up with his 'stupid' beard and septum every other day, then why not your wedding day? To me that says more about what you feel for him... Embarrassment of how he looks being a larger feeling than love...
See mine is a bit different but I've got quite a few ear piercings and some have little rings in, and I said to my htb should I take them out cos the metal might look a bit tacky, and my husband said 'no because they're you and you won't look right without them' if you don't like the beard fair enough but if it's 'him' then as long as he's clean and tidied up I don't see what's that bad about them xx
HI I agree with most of the people I would ask him to trim his beard. But personally I do not like facial hair it irritates my skin. :)
My other half didn't have a beard when we got together. He does now though and I love it so much I've asked him to keep it for the wedding. He can get it trimmed and tidied up for the big day.
I actually don't think she's being unreasonable. My partner is honest and if I have a haircut he doesn't like he tells me. If he grew a beard and I didn't like it I'd tell him. As she says, he didn't have it when they met and he may well shave it off and not have it for the next 20 years and then the wedding photos wouldn't look like him would they.
You can't force him to do it but there's definitely no harm in trying.
I think you should let him be him on his wedding day, septum, beard and all x
I would say that if you're marrying him for the right reasons does it really matter if he has a beard or piercing? Just imagine how you would feel if he said just for the wedding he would like you to dye your hair purple with green stripes and shave it into a Mohawk (I'm presuming that is not what your hair looks like). You would feel that he wasn't happy with your appearance and especially if he was trying to make you change it for what is suppose to be the most special and important day of your lives together. He clearly doesn't want to do it so I would say to leave it and appreciate the man he is.
Sorry but i agree with your fiance if my fella asked me to take out my piercings or cover my tattoos i would be fuming they are who i am people change
the only thing with shaving off the beard is the risk of colour change, the skin underneath will not have caught any sun whereas the rest of the skin on his face & neck will naturally be darker so if you want him to shave it off he will need to do it several months before and keep it off, I dont like beards (had a scare when little) but maybe he could just have it short & tidy? that would be a compromise for both of you?
He should look like himself. My Mum was a registrar for years and said it was always a shame when bride and groom looked like a different person. For that reason my now husband asked me to keep my glasses on and not wear contacts.
Ask him to maybe tidy his beard a little bit but to ask him to shave it off & take his piercings out is not on. How would you like if he asked yo to cut your hair or dye it a colour he liked not one you like? Cuts both ways.
Catherine Regan Doreen Mooney 😂
Why should he change for the wedding ...it's who he is...like me telling my hubby don't have a mohican....it's who he is ...you either love him for who he is or you don't...
Wow poor guy x
I really really hate beards but if he likes it then it's probably up to him, it's a tricky one! Just hope my OH never wants one!!!!!
Ashley Mark Snowden
This is my husband to be in October. When we got together 5 years ago he was bold everywhere and the only thing we don't agree on is him having longer hair then me x
I would want him to have a shave too . But I am bossy lol x
Leave him be! I won't be taking out my piercings for my wedding photos.
Why don't u treat him to a bit of a treat at a barbers with a nice hair cut and beard trim or shave the ones with the proper shaving knives
You love him the way he is, why would he change up his look for one day?
I wanted extensions and contacts for my wedding but my now husband said no cuz you won't be you xxx
Keep the piercing and go to a barber for a smart trim x
There part of who he is so i dont see why he should you wouldnt like it if he asked you to change something.
If I was your h2b, I'd get more piercings and grow an even stupider beard.
I've told my h2b he has got to shave his off for the big day aswell lol xx
Im suprised hes still marrying you!
You obviously love him as he is, faults and all so why would you want him to change for your wedding photos?
Your marrying him because you love him and want to spend the rest of your life with him. Why should him shaving a beard and taking out his piercing be that important. What is important is your special day together. My other half had grown a beard. He just needs to make sure it's nicely trimmed before our big day.
I think it's out of order and selfish! Don't marry him if you can't accept a piercing and facial hair in your wedding photos... he may not of had it when you met but it's who he is now and obviously you can't feel too unnerved by it or you wouldn't say he can grow it back or put his piercing back in! Personally to me this comes across as you worry what people will thank of your wedding photos then anything else... the perfect wedding is not what anyone looks like it's who's there to share your day and appreciate your love for one another!.... I'd never dream of asking such a thing of my partner for our wedding and nor would he ask me to change anything about me.
Wow. Why are you even marrying him? Marriage is meant to about acceptance and unconditional love. How about he asks you to remove a part of you, so so don't spoil the pictures? Smh!
To be honest I get what you are saying, and I would like my partner dressed a certain way purely because I can style him better than he can lol. But I agree with the comments, if he tried to change something about my appearance I would feel a little hurt. I am losing weight for the wedding but I know he would care if I didn't, I have never asked him to lose weight for the wedding, and recently found out he is going to shed a few pounds which is lovely it will motivate me, but it has been his choice. It could possibly cause problems if you go ahead with this.
Frankly it's like him telling you to lose weight for the wedding - if he likes his beard and it is who he is, why must he change it?
I asked my husband to clean shave for our wedding day mostly because, we'd spent a lot of money and genuinely prefer him clean shaven. He grew it back straight after, he has his ear pierced twice with big bcr's in them, he said he would take them out but forgot, now I look at it and think he'd look weird without his piercings in !
Personally I think it's up to him how he looks on the day. It's his day too not just yours.
When I met my husband he had a full head of hair. 13 years later we got married and he is now kind of bald. I didn't tell him to wear a wig on the wedding day just because that's how he looked before. Like a lot of people have said, you would be really upset if he asked you to change something about yourself so he could get a good photo
People change over time so looking back at photos should be a memory of how you were then. Whether thats your wedding day or not. As long as you look happy and feel good then what does it matter over some photographs! I'd rather look like myself and be comfortable. And I wouldn't want my other half to feel he had to do anything other than be himself. I've said I'd rather him and the best men wear matching suits but he wants them to be comfortable. And in the end that's kind of what matters!
The piercing, OK maybe he could take that out - but how would you feel if he asked you to change your 'stupid hairstyle'? The way this is phrased makes you sound absolutely ridiculous. It's one day, and his beard is part of him - whom you're marrying...or is 'the big day' making that somewhat difficult to remember?
I wonder what you would say if he made nasty comments about your appearance? Your ugly hair? Your unsightly cellulite? Your crap makeup? Just think for a minute how it would feel if he were making comments about your appearance like you have about his. he has every right to look how he wants at his wedding, just as much as you do. I really do feel from your post that you have absolutely no respect for him at all. You say he keeps 'harping on' about you trying to change him - well he's right. If you were my partner you'd be lucky if I turned up at the wedding at all🤷️
Yes! Your being awful! He is your husband and that's who he is! Why would you want him to change his look to what suits you in what's supposed to be both of yours happiest days.
You obv love him for who he is so take that pics and all it's his wedding to! I think your being self righteous
That's like saying "babe.. mind just changing your face?"
Beards can be a really personal thing for men. My partner has a beard and was heart broken when he had to shave it off for work. I don't know about the piercing but I would be veeery careful about calling his beard stupid. How would you feel if, for example, he called your hair stupid? It might just start off as a joke but that can lead to all sorts issues.
I think wow pretty awful to be honest it shouldn't matter as that is his style I had major issues going off on my wedding day but my husband still married me
It's his day aswell not just yours if he wants a beard and his septum piercing let him rock it! I got my tattoos, piercings and tunnels on show for m wedding because there my style... that's his style don't change him
Obviously his beard is now part of him and his look. It's how he defines himself... I don't like how you are calling it his stupid beard. I'm sure if he said your stupid hair or your stupid make up or your stupid shoes you would be offended. If he wants a beard (he must if he's grown it) it is part of him do you want him to look and be something he's not on BOTH of yours big day. He needs to feel himself and be true to himself not a fake version just to conform to others views. If you truly love him it's about who he is not was or looks like and he needs to feel comfortable too.... If you have an issue bout these small unimportant things ruining both of your day maybe you should rethink why you are getting married at all... love not looks!
A beard is as much to their identity and expression of themselves as our hard styles is.
If he prefers his beard let him be.
I think calling his beard 'stupid' is a tad insensitive. I'm not saying you have to like it but how would you feel if he referred to your hair or outfit as 'stupid'?
Let him express himself freely.
Not unreasonable. The wedding photos will be there forever and you don't want to look back hating the beard!!!
Could you not suggest that he maybe get beard trimmed and shaped properly on morning of wedding at barbers ? Rather than trying to put him down constantly ? Your marrying him for him surely ?
Personally I think just because you're marrying the guy doesn't give you the right to dictate how he should look! For what a few pictures, if he's happy that should be more than enough for you
Wow, ladies! Calm down!
So, I want him to shave off his beard so he looks neat and tidy... That has sweet fa about being shallow or selfish.
He asked me to take my lip piercings out and I agreed!
I'd like a FEW pictures of us without any piercings in for my nan as she hates them but I'm not going to ask him to take all of them out (he's got 17!), just the massive one that draws all the attention away from his face because it's so big, you just end up staring at it!
I called it his "stupid beard", because that's what I call it!
It gets in the way when we kiss, it gets in my mouth or tickles and scratches me when we cuddle!
Plus we're always late for EVERYTHING (including my sons birthday party and grandads funeral) because he's always combing the stupid thing.
He laughs because I call it his "stupid beard"!
We've been chatting about it and he told me he was always planning to shave it off for the day and was messing about whenever he said I was trying to change him!
If he had a problem with my PINK hair, I would change it for him because I WANT him to be happy when he looks back at our wedding pictures.
To Ace V, I already have short hair and don't wear my earrings so if he asked that I'd be pretty confused!
He knows I love him and he also knows that I don't like his beard or his giant septum ring but I NEVER tell him to stop being who he is, because I love him and I live with the bits I don't like because he likes them and to me him being happy is all I want.
A tidy shave for a day and a removal of one ring for a few pictures does not mean he's a "poor guy"! 🙄
Hahahahhahahahahaa Omg you actually made a joke!!! OK, you agreed to marry him when he had a beard and his Septum piercing so why not actually go ahead and do it??? I've asked my partner to have a mohawk for our wedding and I'll be wearing my stretched ear jewellery and Septum piercing. Grow a pair and stop being a dick.
Darling if you don't think it's an issue then why ask us for our opinions? Go carry on being controlling and hope that your marriage lasts..that's if it gets there! You clearly have little respect for him and are clearly superficial too let how he looks bug you!
These posts make me chuckle because guarantee if we all stuck up for you you'd love it but cos we don't agree with you, you don't like it pfffft don't ask opinions if your not willing to take good and bad criticisms on the chin
Actually Sarah, he didn't have his big beard when he proposed and he wasn't wearing his septum ring either!
What if your oh doesn't want you to wear your stretched ear jewellery for that one day?!
How am I being a dick exactly?!
It shouldn't be a case of "allowing" him to grow it back, it's his face remember. You're entitled to make a suggestion that you'd like him to smarten up but he's entitled to tell you to eff off if he doesn't agree. Calling it his stupid beard just shows a lack of respect really...OK, you don't like it, that's fine but there's not much you can do about it and you should put up and shut up.
I don't want him to shave it all off, just back to how it was when we met and right up until he moved in with my son and I, short and tidy.
He's allowed to do whatever he wants.
He asks my opinion, I tell him straight if I don't like it but that doesn't mean I'll stop him from doing it.
He wants some crazy long floor length beard and the idea makes me nuts but I won't stop him.
And it'll still be called his "stupid beard", it's not lack of respect.
Our relationship is filled with us taking the piss out of each other and having a joke.
If he didn't like it, he would tell me and I'd stop.
I don't know how girls manage with their oh having a beard.. I can manage stubble my oh has stubble and I find it really attractive. But when it needs a trim it irritates my face to kiss him etc. I wouldn't like it if he grew a beard. Not only that I hate the way they look on young men. Makes them look like their trying to look like 50 lol. It hides their features and isn't flattering at all.
However that's just my own personal opinion.
I understand for wedding photos to look tidy etc but if he really doesn't want to you shouldn't force him. It's a tough one really! I 100% get what you mean though I think I'd feel the same. If he's adamant he wants to keep it , it might be best just letting him. At the end of the day hel still be your husband at the end of the day! Chances are his appearance will change throughout your married life too. So will yours! , youl have to accept eachother for all of your flaws , highs and lows, weight loss, weight gain, maybe pregnancy, old age etc. By marrying him your agreeing to love him no matter what and support him through everything. If you don't start now how do you know it's going to work?
Why do people need to ask strangers about their relationship in the first place??? All these posts make me think 9/10 people shouldn't be getting married at all!!! 🤔
You shouldn't try and change someone you love. It's his day too and if he wants to wear that then it’s his choice.
I think its perfectly acceptible to ask that. If he didnt have those thimgs when you fell inlove with him and ge proposed and he knows how you feel about them thats fine to ask!!!
On an normal day i ask my husband to shave his head and keep the stubble bc i LOVE it like that.. he dies it bc he dosent mind it and he knows how much i love it... just like he asks me to have my hair down and to keep my nails nice.
Its perfectly fine to ask it for your big day!!!
oh wow! jaks!! what a response, you have to be the least nasty bitchy bitter or hostile person i have ever known! such a shame people have to go on the attack when someone posts a question, if you don't agree then say sorry i don't agree, if you do then cool but not nasty little cat fights that could really harm someone from behind the keyboard. people you really don't know what someone's life is like so always be kind, it costs nothing!! love you jaks! xxx
Im getting married next year. Ive been with my h2b nearly four years. Over the past six months he has started to grow a beard and he loves it. I have told him hes getting a shave and even his sister and dad have told him they will pin him down and shave him. He says it makes him look older and he looks like a baby without it but he knows he looks smarter without so is going to shave although he keeps winding me up about it. I dont think your being unreasonable atal.
Piercing tattoos hair style colour and beards are all fashion. I would never dye my hair an out their colour in case i looked back on the photos years later and wished i was just natural as asposed to something which was in fashion at the time...grey hair. Beards are in fashion so it depends how you look at it.
I understand u completely if my h2b decided to grow a beard I would tell him to get rid as I hate them . And I really want my nose pierced but my partner hates them and has told me to wait till after the wedding . It's all about respect at the end of the day you wouldn't go out buy a wedding gown you knew he would hate you dress for each other on your special day you want to make them see the most beautiful version of yourself
If my partner told me to take out any of my 'stupid' piercings for wedding i would tell him to do one. If he objected he could find someone that he loved and accepted for who they are and marry them instead...
Don't know the bloke but feel sorry for him .. I don't really like beards but if that's how my hubby feels comfortable and he is happy then I am happy
I genuinely think if that is who you both are piercings and beards then that's what your wedding pictures should reflect it's your wedding nobody else's and there's no right way to look in your pictures don't get tied up in the silly small details if you're both married and have a nice time then that's all that matters honestly xx
I think maybe tuck the piercing in for the pictures, have it out for the rest of the day, and you can't tell him to shave his beard. My OH wants a big beard too for the wedding, and I love a beard but I want him to have stubble but I am not going to tell him no, as I wouldn't be happy if he told me to cut my hair or something similar. I hope you sort this x