Brides. I'm having plenty of issues with my soon to be in laws and I could use your advice. I have never gotten along with them because of how they have treated me in the past but I have tried to keep them involved in the wedding planning as a way to build bridges. Every time we visit they have so many opinions and it drains us. My in laws have demanded that we have a specific venue because the one I wanted wasn't 'posh enough' and didn't have a hotel for guests which we ended up going with to make them happy. They also demanded that my Fiancés sister was a bridesmaid which I also decided to do to keep everyone happy. They demanded that my FIL and brothers in law all had matching suits despite the fact that none of them are officially apart of the wedding party yet (but I also agreed to make them happy even though they refused to include my granddad so that he could also match (he is my driver so is actually apart of the wedding party)). They all preach to us about saving money and yet they have so many demands on what we should and shouldn't choose with our own money. But that's not all! My MIL and I spoke about what dress she could buy and I told her not to go for gold because I wanted my mother in that colour, so my MIL asked her mother to wear gold. I also suggested no pink because I don't want her to look silly next to the bridesmaids so my MIL purchased a dress with pink as the main focal colour. My FIL has so many opinions on what is right and what isn't and every time we visit he pesters about who my Fiancé is having as his best man and if it will be his older brother, keep in mind that I spoke to him and told him to not say anything but that he wanted his younger brother (who is 19, so not that young!) I just don't understand why both parents keep pressurising my Fiancé into choosing his older brother as his best man and yet my fiancé actually wants his younger brother. It's my Fiancés choice at the end of the day and not his family's. It's stressing him out to the point that he never wants to go around and visit them. My fiancé won't talk to me about the situation because when there's a problem he just wants to pretend that everything's okay. I don't feel comfortable talking to either one of his parents to try and solve the issue because I just feel like when ever I say anything they deliberately try to upset me. I would love your ideas on how I could fix it and also if you could ask your other halfs, I would love a male view on the situation. I'm at my whits end and I'm getting to the point where I just want them to back off and leave us alone, so many petty things have just built up and I can't take anymore. Ps. They also had strong opinions on the guest list (which ended up doubling our numbers).
Hi Claire my future MIL tried the same thing with us but my Fiance told his Mother it wasn't her choice. She only met my Mother for fifteen minutes decided she didn't like her she has made up stories about my Mother, so she has started to be funny with me :)
If you don't feel like you can talk to them could you write a letter explaining how you both feel? It's your wedding not theirs and if you go along with everything they want it will become all about them instead. Wishing you the best of luck x
You need to remember that it's your day, not theirs. It's nice to listen to other people's input but now you've let them take over what you're doing, they just think it's acceptable. You just have to straight up say no, it's only one day, do it how you want to do it. I've had a similar experience and I'm only at the beginning of my planning but you and your fiancé need to stick by each other and support each other, including standing up for one another.
You need to remember it's your day and no one else's nobody has influenced our decisions at all we have everyone involved but no one has told us what to do
I know it's hard as obviously it's our inlaws but your not going to enjoy your day the way u want it run away and do it abroad 😂
Your H2B really needs to put his foot down with his family with you supporting him in those decisions, it really is his duty to keep his family in line, if he doesn't now this same situation is just going to continue happening even after the wedding! You need to express to your H2B that you cannot continue like this as they are adding more stress than it already is when it comes to planning a wedding. I agree that certain things like letting your sister in law be a bridesmaid is good to involve the grooms family and keep the piece. However they should not be dictating where you have your wedding, or in fact anything! If they were paying for anything I would find it understandable that they could have opinion about what their money is paying for, however they are not. My friend had a similar problem in that she wanted her wedding at a country club but her in-laws wanted it in a hotel so guests can stay. She and her now husband put there foot down and said no, they are having the wedding where they want. His parents did lash out and said they will still attend the wedding but want nothing to with the planning and wont be paying for anything. My friend said 'OK' and done everything her way. The parents still attended and my friend was so happy she stuck to her guns! Don't be bullied!
i know it is difficult but stick to your guns, and do everything to make you and your fiance have the perfect day... if the in-laws can't accept that it is YOUR day then so be it, they'll get over it in time!!! They should just want you both happy, the memories of your wedding day will last a lifetime so do it the way you are happy with for the best day you can hope for. Include your grandad in the suits if you want him to, have the bridesmaids that you want and just don't make all the decisions to make other people happy
Join UKbride for FREE today to submit your questions to hundreds of thousands of UKbride Members.
