Hi can you ask a question anonymously for me thanks.. I am getting married...

No you're not being cold hearted, you're protecting your assets for yourself and your child. That's the most sensible thing you can do. With regards to the name change I can totally see why you want to keep yours and if he is a reasonable man he will too. :)

I understand you have your guard up because of your past but if you love someone so much you want to marry them you need to learn to trust them. Me personally what ever mine is his and even if my mum n dad help a lot with stuff it's still ours. As for the name I think you should use both names if you feel really strong about both keeping your names xx

All sounds quite reasonable but you sound very stressed! So try to relax :-) there is nothing wrong with asking for a prenuptial agreement, but just go careful, it may test your relationship!! Just try not to let your previous relationships and hurt affect your future! I moved into my partners house and once we are married i will legally own half, but he isnt asking me to sign any documents...
You need to have a rational sit down with your fiancé and discuss this and your fears!

Just remember you are getting married to the man you love and future stepdad of your son! This is supposed to be an exciting occasion to make your relationship stronger!!

Do comment if you have any questions

Xx

If your house is in your name it won't change just because your married and you can make a will to include your son as the sole inheritor should the worse happen and you not want it to automatically go to your husband

It's perfectly reasonable to want to protect what is yours. As much as you are in love now it's impossible to predict what is going to happen in the future. Get some legal advice if you can. On the name changes, it's completely up to you what you feel is right. But future children may be an issue to think about too.

I get where ure coming from, I don't own my house but as I lived here and it was my home that my first husband moved into the court didn't allow him anything from it, u would need to see a solicitor regarding ures as I know of 2 friends who had to buy their husband out of half the value even tho it was the girls house in both cases, maybe a pre nup if u can't get round it but def see a solicitor. My son's dad hasn't seen him since he was 2 and refused permission to change his surname to my maiden name so my son did it himself last yr when he turned 16, I marry this yr and was concerned about the name due to my son so I was going to double barrel it or merge the 2 n make a completely new name but my son said he isn't bothered and my h2b says he doesnt mind but would like me to take his name as it's tradition so I'm taking his but if my son had been younger or hadn't wanted me to change it I wouldn't have until he was an adult, good luck x

Im quite lucky that my 11 yr old from a previous relationship wants to change his surname to my h2bs once we are married or i wouldnt be changing mine either. Would that be an option for you maybe?

It won't matter that the house is in your name! Once your married the house is half his! (Unless you get a prenup!) If you end up getting divorced years down the line he will be entitled to half of the house even if his name isn't on the deeds or mortgage!

If he won't change his name why should you? We're double barrelling.

It's hard when you've been hurt by a previous relationship but you can't punish your new man for that. Why not take your fiances name and have your little boys double barrelled with yours and his step dads name? Also house won't matter as when you get divorced it's 50% of all assets. But you can't get married wondering about things that'll happen if you separate, you need to stay positive that that won't happen xx

Put the house in your sons name
Explain to your fiancé
If he loves you it won't effect him
It wasn't his anyways
Or a prenup

Anything bought together from engagement onwards is split in the future should it ever come to it. I'm sure it won't!

It doesn't mean you don't love your fiancé

Why don't u double barrel your name? When we eventually get married (we have postponed the wedding twice due to having our children) I will be double barrelling my name as I have a son from a previous relationship and don't want him to feel left out. My son is the last male Rowling in the family so wants to keep his name to keep the family name going. As I will be double barrelling my name when we do get married my other half and I have chosen to double barrel our daughter and son's names.

I totally understand where u r coming from. U need to protect urself. 3rd of marriages end in divorce. Yes i said it - but i am sorry, i am sure a number of those people who divorced never thought it would happen!
I have kept my name for work and double barrelled personal. My hubby was not happy. He wants me to have his name. But its my choice at end of the day. I also have a large family business so we signed a prenup. I need to protect my family too. Again, wasnt too happy but he does understand y.
It is ur choice. Everyone will have an opinion on it - stick to what os right for u and ur son.

My friend got married years ago and they each kept their own names. When they had children they agreed that a girl could have his name but a boy would have her name, as there are no boys in her family to keep the name going. As for the house, if it's mortgaged then it'll be your name on the deed unless you add him to it, and you have have it put in your will that the house passes to your son, care of (your husband, your mum, whoever) until your son is 18. Or get the house written into a prenuptial. And it's not cold hearted, it's just practical x

If you're worried about the house you can do a trust deed - conveyancing solicitors can do this on your behalf and it's a good way of protecting the money in your house x

I'm in a similar situation, my daughter has her dad's surname, and there is no chance of him ever agreeing to change it, my daughter and me would like to double barrell it to include my fiances surname once we are married. (It will make it so much easier when going on hols - I already have to take her birth certificate and I'll have to take my marriage certificate as well!) In terms of your house - I totally get it. I have my own house, with a small mortgage, currently my will states that my house/money goes to my daughter and baby son 50:50, with my fiance having life rent (until my son is 25 and then it can be sold) - unless my fiance meets someone else. I will update my will again as soon as I am married as this "will" will be null and void and everything will go to my husband. I love him and trust him but my daughter's dad taught be how bad things can end up with money following a break up. I will add him to the mortgage at some point and I will have a solicitor draw up an agreement stating that x amount is mine if we were to split and he is only entitled to what to half of what we have paid off and and half of any increase in value. So until you're married or you put him on the mortgage he isn't entitled to anything, but have a plan in place either in the form of a pre nup or just afterwards.

My mum changed mu name back to her maiden name and I cried for years and years and still now that I couldn't have my step dad's name. My mum and step dad aren't married. My step dad is my dad my only dad. I'm gutted I never got to have his name.

Why not add his surname as a middle name to you?
I think your right about the house but you will need to go to a solicitor and get it all legal for the house HOWEVER you will need to recompense him if you guys split in 5 years for half of the money he puts into the house from him moving in otherwise it's not fair

I haven't changed my last name for personal reasons that I won't go into, I double barrel it on Facebook but officially I'm still Bullivant I just put Mrs instead of Miss..

Its sounds like you need to have a big talk with him, and let him know how you are feeling, about the financial bits I mean. But on the other matter, a rose by any name would still smell as sweet! X

Please do not question or worry about your thoughts. Get the solicitor to draw up a contract to protect all issues. You don't need to take someone else's name to say you love them but children need to have a visible connection, while they are growing. This minor problem could be addressed later in life if it needs to be. When all parties are adults. I know I've been there. It works. Good luck. X

I hadn't given this a second thought until I read this post.. We are hoping to get married in 2018, & I will be taking H2b's name.. It won't matter to my 2 boys 21 & 7 as they both have their dad's surnames not same as mine anyway.. (When I divorced my eldest sons father, he was 7 & I changed my surname back to my maiden name, to cut ties with his dad.. (whom was a controlling abusive man..) youngest son has grown up with different surname to his brother & myself, it does get a little confusing but we get by.. How about your h2b adopting your son then you could all have same name?

It's soooo easy to say LOVE & TRUST, but things DO happen sometimes (usually when you least expect). You are being sensible. Please get legal advice and that doesn't mean you trust your partner any less or love him any less. If he is the right man, your safe-guard will never be needed and you'll have your happy ever after. It doesn't mean you are less romantic either, it just means that you live in the real world and cannot afford to lose your assets. I hope you have a wonderful life x

You have to protect yourself and your son, you never know what will happen in the future. Hope for the best but plan for the worst. I went through a very messy divorce with my first marriage and lost so much financially and emotionally. Good luck x

I think that it is totally understandable and am in the same position myself, any man who loves you will surely understand. We will be getting a new agreement drawn up as the one we have now for cohabiting will need updating.

We are having discussions about names too as got divorced and double-barrelled mine and my mum's maiden names (so have got both days of grandparents family names). My fiance considered taking my name but changed his mind and wants us to double barrel my maiden name and his name, but it will be 4th time I have changed my last name and I am reluctant

We don't have a child involved but we've both just kept our own surnames

Planning ahead is right, especially when the children are concerned. The solicitor would be the right person to get advise from. Money for deposit from parents is a privilege. It is yours rightfully and your son's too. Changing name to your maiden name is a personal choice. Your Son has right to choose his name. Wishing you the very best!

There is nothing wrong with wanting to protect your assets for your son.
As for the name thing, there are plenty of women who keep there own name. It's such a strange thing that women are expected to change their name. I am not changing mine and my fiancé is fine with that. Our children have both our names, so if you have more children you can also do that. It's more important that you relax about the whole thing, feel comfortable about getting married and trusting this man that you are hopefully going to live happy ever after with. I can understand you wanting to protect the house for your son.... but I think you need to have a real big think about how much you trust your future husband or is it too soon to be getting married? I would not get married if I didn't trust my fiancé 110% and didn't think we were going to be together forever. xxx