Hi all, my partner and I are getting married abroad this year which we are...

I haven't been in exactly this situation but I know how stressful it is trying to match your image and style to that of your bridesmaids ( going through this atm) all I can say is that it's your day, you and your husband to be. You aren't purposely choosing the dress to make anyone uncomfortable, and yes it may be a lot of money for them but they also said yes to being a bridesmaid and to paying the money to go to your wedding. I say go with your gut and what you envision, you'll only regret it if you don't xx

I'm my opinion it your day, your choice of dresses! Yes it's really nice to give them some flexibility. I think you need to tell them how much it is stressing you out and what you want for your day. X

Ask for opinions and ideas but at the end of the day the decisions are yours...it's you getting married not them!! If they're good enough friends to be your bridesmaids then they should go along with your decisions. xx

Its your day so your way or the highway.

Are they only going because they're bridesmaids?! If they weren't bridesmaids, and they'd go anyway, they'd have the price of their dresses on top too! Remind them it's one day, your wedding day, if they don't want to wear the dress you buy, they can just be guests and buy their own dress.

I chose the colour and let them pick their dresses, I only had two but I know I wouldn't want to wear a dress I hated. you could give them choice of 3 or 4 c

My friend had 6 bridesmaids . 3 wore dark purple 3 wore Lilac I wouldn't wear lilac nor would a few others so we split the colours everyone was happy the dress suited all our body shapes !!

I opted for the wrap dresses in the end after issues. I found a uk supplier and everyone was eventually happy! These can be wrapped in all different designs to suit different body shapes. Have you considered them? I'll happily give you the supplier I went to, who also accepts returns!

Although it's our days as a bride, I know as a bridesmaid previously I'd have hated to be uncomfortable in a dress all day. So I had that in my mind. It's all about compromises from everyone.

Can't u do something like this?

Why don't you tell them what colour dresses are required, whether it needs to be long or short, and send the 4 of them off on their own to find a choice of 2 different dresses they would all be happy with? Then you are leaving all the hard work up to them, they get to choose the style of dress between them that they are all happy with, and then you can have the final say between the 2 option styles they give you? Not ideal if you have a particular type of dress in mind, but probably the best way to keep the peace and minimal stress for you! If they don't pull their fingers out and get it sorted by a certain time, then you have every right to tell them what dresses they will be wearing! X

I had a similar issue, but luckily other than a pre teen issue, its gone smoothly, all my bridesmaids say its your day i will wear whatever you want. I have two pieces of advice...
Option A- embrace the inner bridezilla and tell them if they dont like it dont be bridesmaid
Option B- ask them why they dont like the dress? Maybe they are self conscious and its either too clingey or cleavage is too much?
Option C, find the same shades in two different styles and have it mix n match

All my 5 bridesmaids have different style dresses. 2 of them are very self conscious teenagers! They are different colours too but different shades of pink. It really doesn't matter too much that everyone matches for photographs. I just want people to be comfortable in what they are wearing on the day. Do try to compromise or you might end up falling out and nobody needs that extra stress. I would go dress shopping with them and let them decide amongst themselves what they all like. It's difficult to throw out suggestions before trying anything on. However, don't let them make you feel bad about the cost of being a part of your wedding. That's not on!

If you are paying for the dresses then your maids must compromise & wear what you choose, but if they are paying then you need to back down. Maybe tell them you want them all in a certain colour & length then they can choose a style that suits them.

I had this where my bm couldn't agree on dresses and didn't like what I picked. In the end I let them pick their own dresses and colours and they looked amazing. I told them to choose something and I got final approval xx

I would be upset by this behaviour if it's people you feel close enough to ask to be your bridesmaids but I also understand that outfits can be a very contentious issue due to body issues etc.! Why not let them go on their shopping trip and see what sort of dresses they like/want? If they are all agreeing on one dress in particular then you can then try and source that style in the colour you want. Compromise by allowing them to choose the style and you choose the colour - that way no-one has backed down but no-one will feel disgruntled either? Remember that it is your day though and if they are really upsetting you then don't suffer in silence - I'm sure they'd be mortified if they knew how much upset they were causing! Good luck :-)

Go on the shopping trip and see what they come up with?! It might not be all that bad. At least then you'll know what they like and maybe you can compromise?

I can understand their point of view tbh. I would hate to wear a dress I feel self conscious in.

I know you have a vision in mind but I think you need to be more flexible. A day out altogether seems reasonable. How about you show them pics what scheme you're going for (classic, hippie, vintage etc) and then allow them to pick a dress they feel comfortable in?

Think it's so rude when people do this, they've been asked to by your side on the biggest day of your life then moan about a dress that's (I'm assuming) is being paid for! I'm sure they're not hideous, don't know why people can't just suck it up! Tell them if they can either lump it or like it! Sounds to me like they're guilt tripping you into getting what they want, not nice! X

It's your day, if you chose to make them wear bright metallic lime green mini dresses, they would have a right to say no way, but they're supposed to support you on YOUR day, tell them they can like it or lump it, or not bother to be bridesmaids. They didn't have to pay to come to your wedding but they did, they know what bridesmaid duties are, if they don't want to listen to you, drop them xxx

You don't need this stress. Your Bridesmaids are there to make this process a joy for you, people who take some of the wedding planning stress away, not be the cause of it. I'd be questioning if I'd made the right choice in the 4 people I'd picked if they were been this difficult. You need to sit all 4 of them down together and gently but forcefully remind them that it's your wedding and it's not to much to ask of them to let it be your way. It's not like your deliberately trying to make them look stupid. They need to learn to work together with you on something you are all happy with. Good Luck!

I think you should all go and have a girly fun day out "shopping" for bm dresses. It will be a good opportunity to "bond" and have some fun.....just make it clear that at the end of the day YOU will make the final decision.
You may have a vision in your head of the perfect dress that suits them all, but I thought that about my wedding dress and have ended up purchasing a dress I never dreamt I would

Wow I was a bridesmaid and I wore what the bride wanted down to shoes, jewellery and hair and make up it was never a question in my head to say no to whatever my friend wanted. I am now getting married in August and have four bridesmaids and we're getting married abroad so it's expensive and the girls have been fantastic they all have their dresses and they are ones I picked. I just don't understand why they have the right to guilt trip you into a dress if you have an idea what you want x stay strong do it how you want it and if they have a problem then show them the door

Who is paying for the dress? I'd wear something I didn't like as long as it suited my body. If I was paying I'd want it to suit me and be able to wear it again if needed.

It's nice to consult with them about dresses and having them try styles is a good idea. Remind them u have the final decision so they can like it or lump it or jog on so to speak, it's ur wedding at the end of the day. Do what makes u happy

I had an idea in my head what I wanted my two bridesmaids to wear (I'm paying for them) but in the end I decided that due to 20 year's difference in ages, heights, styles and colouring that as long as they wore the same colour, what style they chose was down to them. They need to be comfortable and confident in what they wear and look like. Last thing I'd want is to worrying about them all day

Your wedding, your day, they wear what you want them to wear! They could always get changed after the ceremony and pictures have been taken x

I'm in the same situation and told her where to go after constant digs. She's not coming anymore and I'm so much happier. Remember the days for you and not them! We've had to keep telling ourselves this. Its worrying as they haven't even seen or tried any on ... if they're real friends/family they'll be happy to be there and do it how you like just as I'm sure you would do for them x good luck x

Why don't you have a girly shopping day , make it fun and try loads of dresses within your budget and maybe they will all choose something that you all like x

Get the dress you want in the right sizes, they can like it or lump it, after all they only have to wear it for the ceremony, they can get changed after

It's your day and if you're paying for the dress, then they wear what you say! It doesn't matter how much they're paying to get there - you asked them, and they could have said no if they wanted. You could try compromising by suggesting they can buy their own shoes and accessories, that way they can still have some individuality. But don't budge on the dresses - it's your decision and you don't need the extra stress of catering to their demands! Good luck xx

I have 5 bridesmaid and am also getting married abroad this year. I do understand how you are feeling in regards to bridesmaid dresses as I also have bridesmaids different shapes and sizes. We have decided to go on a shopping day to look at different ideas for dresses as there are so many choose from. I have a very good idea what I will go for but I am to go window shopping with my BM as it will be a fun day non the less. You have to remember that it is your wedding and you have the final say on everything as your special day. I am sure your friends have or will feel/or felt the same on their wedding days. If your friends can't support you (I'm lucky mine do) then they obviously are not very nice friends and shouldn't be your bridesmaids. If you are having issues maybe sit down and talk to them, I'm sure they won't be as bad as you think they will :) good luck xx

Tell them when they get married they can choose their dresses, it's your wedding, you are paying & you are choosing. You've said you are going for dresses & colours that suit all. Failing that Debenhams do really nice multiway dresses, you can pick them up at £50 each in the sales, they can then change the neck line to suit them, but only if that's what you want. Xx

Are you buying their dresses? If so tell them to like it or lump it! Mine didn't get a choice! It's your wedding not theirs, they're supposed to be there to help and support u not stress u out.

It is your wedding. It is your day. They should wear what you pick and they should be honoured to be asked to be bridesmaids and that they get to attend your wedding abroad. Don't let them make you feel guilty about them paying to come to your wedding, for a start that is a low thing to say to a bride. You sound like a reasonable person but don't be a pushover. Tell them if they continue to take over and throw strops that your wedding will contain one less bridesmaid at a time! Good luck!

I've had this & to give me less stress I've told them the colour & a set amount I'm paying towards them & they can choose their own... after 3 shopping days I gave up... I'm far happier now.... 🤗 x

As it's your wedding NOT theirs it's really your choice of dress it needs to be what u want to match your idea and your theme/colour scheme. As you are paying for the dresses it should be up to you. (I presume you are paying?) As for the moaning that they are paying to get there! Really the wedding is one day I'm sure they will make a holiday our of it and not fly out for the day then home again. If the cost of the hol is too much they can always say no to being Bridesmaids and celebrate with you on your return... stick to your guns you don't need all the stress. It's your and your H2B day. Good luck.

It's your day. I had to wear a hideous dress when I was a bridesmaid (years ago!), but it's what the bride wanted on her day!

What the fudge? I can't believe some people. Do you know what? I have been bridesmaid before and will be again next year and the bride can put me in whatever the hell she wants me in. It's her day, not mine! As long as it looks how she wants it to look who the hell cares! Some people are so selfish.

Although that said - my bridesmaids are going to choose their dresses as I want them all different.

Im getting married abroad I let my bridesmaids pick what dress they wanted, just ordered them in my colour choice as everybody suits different styles, and this worked the best way

If half like one colour and half like the other,just have them in both. They'll still blend and look good. Try a multiway dress and let them wear it how they feel comfortable

They may have paid a lot to come to your wedding but that was their choice so they can't hold that against you!! Just reply saying "it's my wedding and I know what I want for my day so these are the dresses you will be wearing on my wedding day" x

I brought my bridesmaids dresses all on my own & not 1 single bridesmaid was with me !!
I am now realising that not asking their opinion was wise as deleted a lot of stress ... The only thing I asked them was do you want your dress to your knee or ankle & went with that ...& mostly every dress is different as I didn't wish them to look too samey ....

Seb Farr, ignore the abroad bit, but read this post and the comments..

They decided they wanted to go, A bridesmaid is a title. Not a fashion show. Let them buy and wear what they want. Who cares , it's urs and hub day , you are going to be the star. Not them

Well for one, they can't be that good friends, because if they were they wouldn't make your life so stressful!! And two, if you just want peace, then let them wear different dresses but in the colour you choose. Bridesmaids don't all have to have exactly the same dress!

I am sure you picked these girls as they are your closest friends. I am sure they would feel terrible if they knew how you were feeling, maybe explain that this aspect is really stressing you out and it needs sorting. I have tried to be as laid back as possible with my bridesmaids. Yes it is our wedding day not theirs but it is so important to me that they are by my side and are comfortable and confident in the dress too. I have wondered how it would work with them all having very differnt shape of body and differnt dresses but we are all going shopping tomorrow- just ONE trip to get it sorted. There are lots of shops which offer differnt styles of dresses in the same shade of colour. That way they will all match but could chose the dress they love. Everyone is differnt but for me you need to tell them this is really worrying you. Book a shopping trip and explain with timescales they must finish the day all agreeing on the dress. I am sure you will be fine. This for me has been one of the most stressful things because you want to do right by your girls but keep the peace and also get the image you envisioned. Good luck x