Wanted people’s opinions on whether I’m being unreasonable as this...

Weddings seem to bring out the worst in families; I'm sorry you have such a stressful situation to deal with. I think you are perfectly entitled to stick to your planned guest list and calmly reiterate your rules. If random lady doesn't want to come alone then she doesn't come! You are not being unreasonable at all! We are only allowing two family children to attend rather than allow all friends and family's children (30 toddlers) and have to pay for a registered childminder for heath and safety as there's a lake. We stood firm despite people threatening not to come if they couldn't bring their children. Stay firm and good luck x

If you are only allowing it due to the offer of a money contribution then if it was me I would say thank you but no thank you then stick to your plans for the guest list.

I would say no... It's unreasonable to expect you to have someone there you have never met or heard of. If it because they have given you the money then say no thank you. It's not fair to not invite plus ones to your friends who I'm assuming you know and have people there you don't know x

I would tell her to poke her money and only invite people I know and love to my wedding. If she is controlling everything now, how controlling is she going to be with the rest of your relationship. This is causing arguments between you before you are even married, it needs to be stopped now or there may be no point in getting married xx

I don't think you're being unreasonable! I'd be exactly the same! I'd put my foot down with it because 7 guests is a lot of additional guests! Can they not just attend in the evening? Why the whole day?

Stick to your plan hun. Its your wedding day. I understand that it's putting a strain between your h2b and mil but she needs to stop being childish and remember it's your day.as for your h2b, he needs to realise that his mum can't have everything her way. To me it's sounds more like Monster in Law rather than mother in law. Stand your ground hun.xx

Your being pretty lenient inviting her friends in the first place. Definitely no totheir friends!

I'm sorry but your partner needs to man up a bit. If your MIL stops her relationship with her son for the sake of HER friend then she doesn't truely love her son the way a mother should!! She shouldn't expect to have who she likes there, it isn't her day just remind her of that. Give her the money back and tell her none of her friends are invited. If she decides to not speak to you or her son again it's her loss not yours!! At the end of the day you don't want random people at your wedding it cost enough to have the people there that you do know.

Have the people YOU want at your wedding, those that are going to make your day special by them sharing it with you. Don't feel pressured into inviting people you don't really know to please other people, they will get over it but this is one day where it's all about you and your hubby to be. I personally think it's unfair that your MIL has offered to pay/contribute as it puts you in a difficult position where you feel like you can't say no and that's selfish of the other person. I hope you work it out x

Id say no x

This is a tricky situation as obviously your h2b wants to keep his mum happy. She is being extremely childish and selfish and he shouldn't want that in his life but if its what he wants then I'm afraid you may need to concede.
Is there any way that these randoms can just be invited to the evening? Maybe your h2b could get her to compromise on that?
I let my mum invite people my partner has never met and I hardly know as my parents put a lot towards the wedding - they were only there at night and tbh they made zero difference to mine and my hubby's evening.

No you are not being unreasonable. The woman will have to get over it and come on her own, how could she even expect you to accommodate her and her plus one!!!

It's your wedding not hers. Invite people u and ur htb know and want to be there. She's not much of a mother if she's holding her son to ransom. And he needs to man up and politely tell her that it's ur wedding!

I wouldn't even of invited her friends! It's your day not hers! Stand ur ground u shouldn't feel pressured into doing something you don't want to do just to please ur mil! We had some of my parents friends to the evening but again only people we knew and no one we didn't no! x

Tell her where to go. Does she think its her day or something? I wouldnt be inviting any of her friends. Your wedding its about you and your husband to be. What a selfish thing to do and say. Id be un inviting her too if she keeps going.

Obviously it's your choice if it was me and my budget allowed me to do so I would say the more the merrier there's no harm in making new friends

Tell her to shove her money and uninvite anybody you don't know/want at your wedding. Your h2b needs to man up and support you when it comes to making a stand with his mum. How many other areas of your life is she going to try and control? If she wants to invite her friends suggest she organises her own "afternoon tea" or something and butts out of your plans
I really can't understand why so many families fall out over weddings. It's supposed to be a happy occasion centred around the love and happiness of the bride and groom.

I have allowed my mum and MIL (to be) to invite a few friends to the evening reception of our wedding, which our mums have offered to pay per head for the buffet.. i suppose people feel different about this kind of situation but im quite happy to have extra people there at night time, will make a better party is the way i look at it xxx

I'd bugger off abroad lol

Although folks are saying it's your wedding and not hers - it is also your h2bs and it sounds like he is happy to go with it so his thoughts need to be taken in to account here as well, and compromise needs to be made. Personally, if it were me, I would suggest that these people come to the evening and say that some of your friends can't have plus ones so you can't justify these people coming, or say no full stop as you were being politely lenient before and now she's over stepped a little bit. Alternatively you could go with it providing she pays for the guests attending, but I personally wouldn't want randoms there and I understand why you wouldn't either. x

Been there done that still pissed. You are screwed whatever you do trust me xx

I always say this to anyone getting married same goes for mine which is why my guest list will be very very small "it's you're wedding, nobody else's"

Sounds like his mum is a control freak too me. I'd tell her to stand down or none of her friends will be invited at all.

If it were just the case of her friends being invited I'd say just do it - but you're not being unreasonable in not wanted a complete stranger there. Doesn't even sound like his mum knows this other lady's 'friend' very well either.
Your husband to be needs to stand up to his mother, and also needs to realise if she is willing tho throw her relationship with him away because she couldn't get her own way then he is waaaay better off without her. (I couldn't ever imagine throwing my relationship with my son away for the sake of a 'friend'). She should be supporting him. Can he not ask his dad to talk to his mum if he doesn't want to confront her?
Her friend is a fully grown woman and I'm sure she can cope for a day without a friend holding her hand - what's more, your husband to be's mum is her friend - so I'd be offering his mum a seat next to her friend (not on the top table) if it really means so much to her.
Offer to invite whoever she'd like to the evening - but it is your guys wedding. Not hers.

Hope you can find some middle ground with your h2b. Xx

Youre not being unreasonable at all. This is ridiculous I can't believe someone would be so cheeky. However, if it's causing so much trouble I would just invite the plus one and get his mam to pay. Just enjoy your day with your H2B. Life's too short x

What is it with some peoples mothers having to stick their big noses in other peoples business, it gets on my nerves. You do whats best for you hun and stick to your guns

Tell her you don't want the money and invite who YOU and THE GROOM want. After all it's both of yours Day no one else.
I don't understand why people don't just tell them
Like it is. I'm inviting people I want not anyone else.
Thankfully I don't have a mother in law in my life

Stand your ground by the sounds of it you have made enough of a compromise for her already, I wouldn't be agreeing for people I didn't know to come to the ceremony, the reception maybe... The day is about you and your partner and the people that love you both, not a show for people you've never met or hardly know. X

Stand your ground! Why would you invite someone you don't know from Adam!

Tell them to keep the money and Uninvite all the friends she wants there. She doesn't get to emotionally blackmail you! If she can't be reasonable with one guest neither of you know, then she shouldn't get to invite anyone she wants! Bloody cheek of it! Your fiancé needs to strap on a pair from the sounds of it too...

Weddings show people's true colours I think no matter how close they're meant to be to you. Personally I wouldn't invite ANYONE to suit other people, it was the advice we were given n we stuck to it. It did mean it caused arguments but it's your day so you share it with people you know and love. If his mum is going to fall out with him then she is a fool. Why is having friends invited more important than what her son wants on his wedding day xx

You are being perfectly reasonable and if his mum is going to react like that it's her loss not yours sorry to be blunt

Whose wedding is it...yours or his mum's 🤔 why the hell would she feel the need to invite ANY friends that aren't close family friends...a free piss up? Ridiculous!

If she's paying let her go ahead. On the day you won't care and it's not worth the arguments.

Your htb should not b laying all this at ur door. Its obviously easier to make u feel bad than stand up to his mum.
His mums friends have been agreed so stick with that. But a plus one to the day... would get a no from me.

Slightly disturbing that your MIL is willing to jack in her relationship with her son over some friend of a friend?? Weird if you ask me.. It is a wedding, something that is private and special for the couple not a poxy petting zoo for all and his next door neighbour to come to.. Stand your ground this is not acceptable, tell them plus ones for evening only

How will the lady know no one-she knows his mum! She's using it as an excuse to see her friends, not on IMO. Your fiancé needs to be with you in this one, he's chosen you as his wife, he needs to support you.

Oh god this brought back some feels. I've had this problem before (luckily not as many invitees as you but still stressful). Put your foot down. Either she comes alone or doesn't come at all. It's not fair on you to have people there you don't know if it'll make you feel uncomfortable. A wedding is an intimate occasion and you shouldn't feel uncomfortable on your own special day. I would be obliged to say "thank you for wanting to contribute but if it means having to compromise on things I'm not comfortable with I'd rather not take it." Personally, id rather get out a loan and be in debt than let someone take over my wedding just because they're helping to pay. Make sure you explain to her that you are compromising on your own guest list too. And make sure h2b is being assertive when he's talking to her and not just trying to keep her sweet. It can be difficult for the men to please both women It worked out for me in the end and only one of the people she wanted to invite was actually invited which also worked out well as she was technically MiL plus one. Good luck! X

I don't think you are being unreasonable at all and hubby to be should be more supportive of the stressful situation you are in! I would say yes to inviting them to the evening but the ceremony/day is an intimate celebration of you and h2b promising yourselves to one another. I certainly wouldn't feel comfortable sharing that moment with people neither of us know. Good luck x

Id just give her the money back to be honest.it's partly why we have refused any offers of financial help

Robyn Kimberly Massey the first one I've seen! Xxx

I would hand the money back to her and tell her that while you appreciate the thought, you have decided not to have these people at the wedding and therefore they can have money back xx

It's sounds like it's going to be a nightmare .. if she dosnt get what she wants she will ruin your buzz of the wedding as I'm sure she will make it known that she is not happy.
Go and see her together and be firm and tell her that she is causing problems.. if she continues to be selfish and unreasonable then I would seriously think about excluding her too. Harsh I suppose but she isn't really considering how you both feel.
Best wishes with everything and I really hope it all works out in the end x

I know it's probably not as cut & dry as my solution would suggest, but here's my opinion.
If you aren't giving plus ones to your friends because you don't know their plus ones, then some random friend of the mother of the groom shouldn't get one either. The money they've offered, is bribery to get their way. I think you've been overly generous in allowing those 7 people to come, if I'm honest. They most definitely wouldn't have made my cut unless my oh wanted them there, not to please his mum, but if he himself wanted them as guests from the outset. I would hand the money back along with the option to invite the 7 & just stick to those you know & love! I hope you get it resolved, good luck! X

My sister got married last year and her mum and her dad wanted thier friends to be there so they (the parents)paid the extras for them to be there.

I've had a similar issue with my mum. I want my mum to have fun there too. If your H2B is happy, I would give her a table that she pays for (in addition to any presents she's given) and let her invite whoever she wants.

No you're not being unreasonable at all, you've been flexible by inviting her 7 friends as a goodwill gesture after they contributed, personally I think the fact she even produced a list in the first place is an absolute joke but there we go! You're being perfectly reasonable in saying you don't want some randomer coming to your wedding, if this woman doesn't want to come alone then she shouldn't come, you shouldn't have to have random strangers watching you get married, it's a very personal and special day and should be reserved for people that you care about and want there. I wouldn't have invited any of her list of friends if it was me so I think you've been more than reasonable. However, if it's going to make things with your fiance a misery and if you're going to keep having nasty arguments perhaps you should just let this one slide, it's only one extra person...just make sure your fiance and his mum are aware that this is the only exception you're prepared to make otherwise she'll try and control everything!

I understand where your coming from in not wanting people there that you don't know but honestly the day goes by so fast you barely even notice who turned up and who didn't so just depends if you can be bothered with the argument or not really x

Tell fiancé to google narcissistic personality disorder. She is more bothered by showing off in front of her friends so their needs trump yours. She shouldn't have an entitlement to more than a plus one herself.

Jesus your other half needs to grow a pair. What's worse pissing your wife to be off or your mother answer = wife to be as she's the one who will remember it for the rest of his life !

Tell your other half to stand up to his mum, and tell her she can have a plus one and that's it, none of her friends .. none of their partners. Trust me you do not want to have random people you don't really know at your wedding.

If she pays for them invite them. If she doesn't then no- ultimately it's your wedding day, not hers. Don't be scared to say no.

It's up to your h2b really as it's his family.

MIL sounds like an unreasonable *ahem* woman.... It'd be a no from me - you've already accommodated her friends as virtual strangers... It's not her day. x

I would not invite the list of people she has given to you no way!!! Let alone give them a plus one. I think it's rude she's even said this to you. Making a wedding list is so stressful anyway. It's you and your partners wedding day not your mother in laws I would politely say this to her. If your partners mum would let this ruin their relationship then it doesn't say a lot about her.

If extending an invitation to one more person means it keeps the peace between you and you partner and him and his mum does that not sound like the most reasonable idea. I wouldn't be getting so stressed out over one person x

what does it matter if there is one person there that you don't know? Is it really worth arguing and stressing about? If she's paying for her let her come, like you said, it's one extra person. If your tight for numbers or money than fair enough but if your not what does it actually matter?

We've stuck to the rule of, if we both don't know them, they're not invited. Regardless of who parents want to invite and who's paying for it.
It's nice for parents to offer some money, but I don't think they then should be dictating who they can and can't invite. At the end of the day; they've had their wedding and the chance to invite all these random people.
I reckon if she's giving you money with strings. Politely give it back and say you're inviting who you want to invite.
You and your h2b should stand firm together and not give in to the politics that go with the money offers etc!
Good luck! Families are difficult!

I don't get why the plus one would want to come to a couples wedding who she doesn't know either of them anyway?!?! Your MIL is being completely unreasonable and I can't believe she's pushing it so much when she can see it's causing issues between you two. I think you've done a nice thing by inviting the other friends as she is contributing to the wedding when you certainly didn't have to! But I'd stand my ground with saying no to plus ones especially as you've had to be picky in who you're inviting to your wedding in the first place. Hope it all works out X

I think if I was paying towards the wedding its not to much to ask - its not as if she's asking for all her friends to have a plus1. Is it really that big a deal to do something that makes your MIL happy?? Also it would get hubby to be out of being piggy in the middle trying to keep the 2 most important women in his life happy!
Some things are not worth fighting over & its always good to have MIL on side - sometimes compromise is a good thing & showing his mum that her feelings are important is worthwhile- its not a battle! X

Sounds like your problem isn't your MIL but it is in fact your H2B. If you are massively arguing and not able to come to an agreement I'd say who is coming to your wedding is the least of your problems.

Think of your husband to be in all this & remember its not a battle. You & his mum are the 2 most important women in his life & he wants to keep you both happy - is it really that important? ?

no you not being unreasonable its 100% your day not your MIL. if it was me i would suggest not having a generous offer of money toward the wedding and insist its our day and stick to my plans of a wedding with YOUR family and YOUR friends. i hope you get a result you want good luck x

You will not notice or even care... if she is paying for them just let it go... trust me your overriding memory of your wedding day will not be about your mil's mate .. its not worth the upset on principles ... ot ruining your relationship with your mil for ...

If u cave in now you will be forever xxx

Remember this is you and your partners wedding... this is your special day. Don't let anybody else make the decisions for you.

I would say to her that thank u ever so much for the money but ur afraid u will have to give it back as you wouldn't want it to take away what you and oh want and taking the money would make u feel obliged to compromise what you both want, explain the ur friends arnt being given a plus one either so it would be unfair to give her friend one, however if she really wants her friend to come suggest she only comes to night doo with her friend so that she doesn't feel awkward during day
Don't let it Cause argument with ur and ur partner remember what the day is about xxx

If you are in a position to turn down the money, turn it down and tell her to do one. Utterly unreasonable and she doesn't sound like someone I'd want in my life anyway! My in-laws are also kindly giving us a contribution to the wedding and MIL has some friends she'd like to invite...but accepts the decision is entirely ours and wouldn't hold it against us if we refused to invite them

It is quite usual for family and friends of both sides of the family to be invited to weddings. It is as much your htb's wedding as yours and clearly he wants to allow his mother to share in the happiness and joy of seeing her son get married. It is obviously important for your MIL to invite this friend and there may be a reason that she would be unable to come on her own. Can't you be a little kinder and allow her this relatively small request? Is it worth all this angst and upset to have such a rigid approach as it seems to be making you all unhappy. Your MIL will be in your life for a very long time and it would be pretty sad to spoil the relationship over something which a little compromise would solve. She has also been very kind in offering to help out with your costs. I would suggest you comply with good grace and all look forward to a wonderful day. Life is too short. Enjoy your wedding.

Why would you want a stranger witnessing such a personal thing! I would be acting the same and also wouldn't even be agreeing to 7 friends in the 1st place, my parents are divorced and they each asked for just one friend and both of them contributed financially... I think 7 is a big ask anyway without random extras x

Definitely not being unreasonable. I wouldn't even be inviting her friends, especially when you don't know them. Your guest list should be full of your friends & family, not hers. Give her the money back and tell her straight it's your wedding and not hers. If she's this controlling now before your married think what else she'll try to control in the future.

Is it your wedding... or hers?

She should be respecting your wishes on your day, not acting like a brat, I'd be telling her that she either accepts the plans or every one of her friends can consider themselves uninvited