What do I do about my partners family? I don't get on with his parents at...

Elope!

Does he get on with his parents is the main question? If so you have to deal with it, in laws is all part of the package, it's unfortunate that you don't get on with them and i understand not wanting any trouble caused, that would be awful and such a mood killer. Speak to your partner about it, ask him to speak to them and explain that if they cause any trouble they will be told to leave, it's supposed to be a joyous day filled with love, if they can't behave for one day then they shouldn't be involved, especially if they're all adults who should know better. If he's close with them all you can do is warn them and hope for the best. But whatever happens don't let it ruin your day! Good luck x

They're his parents. If he wants them there then it may be something that both families will have to put behind them for the day. Explain to everyone that anybody not playing ball will be asked to leave.

He does get on with them,he's only just started speaking to them again though after almost 2 years... and a falling out that they caused.

I don't want them to not be there because it's his day too... But they're awful people.

My partner and I had a baby in 2014 who was stillborn... his parents decided it would be a good idea to rub this in my face - that's why they fell out. I don't really see that I can accept having people like that at my wedding.

As for the eloping idea... we have actually thought about it, that's how bad it is, but we want photos and memoirs for our children (if we decide to have any more) and grandchildren.

If he wants his parents there then you really don't have a choice. Don't have them sat together. If you are worried about the top table then don't have any of them on it, that way you can't seem to be favouring one or the other. You could have just the 2 of you on a table or have you 2 and your maid of honour and best man with you. Unfortunately not everyone gets on in life, and sadly for you it's the people you need to. If alcohol could make the situation worse then don't have alcohol for the wedding breakfast, just have one glass for toasting. I am sure you already have, but speak to your family and explain your worries and ask them not to retaliate to anything that is said. I really hope this works out for you xx

I mentioned my son... at his funeral my mother and his father had an argument... we hoped they would be more respectful that day and that didn't happen... we were thinking of banning alcohol, but I think that's the point of a wedding, everyone needs to have a drink, maybe ban it until about 7 or 8 when the kids go home? I'm really struggling with this, I want it to work for both of us, I'm just not sure I can face his parents being there :(

You could just not have an evening reception. Have your ceremony, get some photos taken then go for dinner somewhere with a few close friends and family and then home or wherever. Would save you a load of money and you wouldn't need to worry about his family getting abusive.

Stephanie, we have also debated that. We just feel it's a day that we want to spend with our families... I wan my siblings to be there for the full day, ages 8,9, and 13 at the minute so they will need supervision on the day, so my parents have to be there too, obviously it's not fair sending his parents home as it's his day too, I'm just really worried what to do with it all... I suffer with panic attacks and they're not something you want to deal with on your wedding day... or an day. I'd love to have everyone their for both our sakes, I just can't cope with the emotional side of it all, his parents don't show, I ruin his day - his parents do show, they've ruined my day... it's so difficult.

If he wants his parents there and you don't I think you're being quite selfish. It's his day too!
I'm in a very similar situation, I really don't get on with my partners family but I would never say to him I don't want them there.

Linda, I know it's being a bit selfish, but he's asked my honest opinion on the people who laughed in my face about my son being stillborn being at my wedding... I don't want them there, they have no right to be in my life at the minute. I want to be able to compromise but my mental health issues are making this really difficult for me.

How can your partner want them there if they have mistreated you so bad

I don't know if I could ever be forgiving but I know everyone is different.

You aren't being selfish

If they had apologised and have made an effort to be civil and have promised they won't cause any trouble then maybe

I suggest your other half finds out their intentions for the day and asks they respect you and if they can't then it's best to not attend

Get married abroad on your own

Have a small intimate wedding, less of the trouble causers and maybe have it far enough away that the horrible members of the family won't bother coming. X

I just feel so awful, they are his parents after all and he need them in his life, I understand that, I just really don't want anything to do with them; I don't want to exclude his parents from his wedding, but I want to exclude them from mine... obviously his wedding, IS my wedding so I have to find a way around that...

He used to be really close with his mum, he can't really stand his dad either but to have a relationship with his mum, he has to have one with his dad (he's very controlling) so I understand why he wants them there, I just find it difficult to even think about never mind do.

Honestly think we're going to have to scrap all our dreams and have a small wedding with just a couple of witnesses... I still get the man of my dreams after all, that's all I want out of the day really, just wish I could have my childhood-dream wedding.

After reading further in to how you have been treated, I would say take a group of friends and elope sweety. I know that doesn't solve your problem because both sides of the family would take it badly, but I just feel so sorry for you. Xxx

Kc, it's not great, I do think we'd be better off with no family, but I'm close to my parents but I can't have my parents without his :( Think we might HAVE to elope, I don't really see any other way :(

Elope 🤗

Elope 😂

Emma, if you read through my further comments and my explanations, you will see that I believe that too, I don't want to take away from his day, it's OUR day and we BOTH deserve to be happy... please see ALL comments before adding your own, I asked for advice, not to be told I'm an awful person.

I agree, it's very unreasonable to not want his parents there but his. Frankly, if you aren't able to sort out your families' issues, how are you going to live forever? A relationship is about love but also about respect, mutual compromises and about finding a common ground.

Are you really expecting to exclude his family from his own wedding while yours will be there?

They sound vile and the way they've treated you is disgraceful. I think you're being very reasonable by wanting them there for your fiances sake, perhaps have a full discussion with him about your concerns and find out whether he truly wants them there...by the sounds of it he might now want them there in which case just don't invite them, after the way they've treated you and two years of not speaking it doesn't sound like you'd be losing much even if they never spoke to you again. You say you're close to your parents, I imagine then that it would break both yours and their hearts if they weren't able to be there to see you get married, I know that's how I'd feel, so although your considering eloping just be wary of how it may make you and your parents feel...is that really what you want? I think the simple answer is his parents shouldn't be invited after the way they treated you and the very real threat of them causing a scene; if they couldn't behave at their grandsons funeral there's not much hope on your wedding day either. I hope you can sort things out I really feel for you xx

Lina, that's exactly why I don't know what to do... we planned on getting married when he wasn't speaking to them so I didn't think this would be an issue I would have to think about... but now it is :( I'm hoping I can put my feelings aside for his sake, but if it gets to the day and I can't shake that, can I really go through my own wedding day knowing it's killing me inside having those people be a part of one of the biggest days of my life? (my son was obviously very special and I hope any future children are just as special)

Natasha, thanks for the support. It's awful feeling like I'm taking away from his day, I just feel like it doesn't matter what happens, we'll both suffer. If I don't allow his parents, I'll feel awful and he'll be upset over it, but if they do come along, I'll feel like crap the whole day and he'll feel bad for it... I think I'd have a major fall out with my family if we get married without them - I tell them everything, it would be so difficult keeping it from them AND actually going through with it :( xx

Beginning to feel like cancelling the whole thing as we simply can't find a way round it :(

Elope....

I'm with you on this one - I don't get on that well with my partners family but not to the point where I wouldn't invite them to our wedding. My father in law however is a different kettle of fish entirely - he's treated me and my partner appallingly and I will not have him at the wedding regardless of what anyone else thinks. I would never relax with him there x

Quick update. Thank you all for the advice - those that read properly that is. I've decided it won't be the day I've dreamed of - I always wanted a full family affair. But that's not how it will be. I'm changing it to a minimal wedding just at our town hall, around the time of his birthday. His birthday is awful at the minute because our son was stillborn the day after, so to give him something to look forward to I'm planning a secret wedding, for January 2018 instead, I think he'll be happy with that, and as long as he's happy, so am I :) he will find out about Christmas time, his Christmas present will be an invite to his own wedding :D

Two small seperate Weddings same day different times, maybe!!