UK
UKbride Member Request 7 Dec 2020

I'm regretting asking someone to be my bridesmaid. She has been really...

I'm regretting asking someone to be my bridesmaid. She has been really distant lately and hasn't checked up to see how I have been. Is there anyway I can un- bridesmaid her? Has anyone else been in this situation and what did you do?

35 Comments
UKbride Member 7 Dec 2020

Yes. I just said i didnt want her as braidmaid and said my reason. Simple as that, it doesnt need a specific or special way or a reason. Its your day. X

UKbride Member 7 Dec 2020

Maybe check in to see why she's being distant? She also maybe doesn't realise you need her? I would try to find out if there's an issue on her side before doing anything drastic xx goodluck

UKbride Member 7 Dec 2020

I would definitely check theres no reason for her distance and not checking. But then agreed. Just tell her she's no longer a part of the team xx

UKbride Member 7 Dec 2020

Maybe check she's not going through her own shit before jumping to conclusions. This is a hard time for everyone at the moment x

UKbride Member 7 Dec 2020

Have you checked on her? Just because she’s your bridesmaid doesn’t mean she has to keep checking up on you! You obviously asked her to be your bridesmaid for a reason, and a friendship works both ways.

If you’ve tried then just tell her she isn’t your bridesmaid anymore.

UKbride Member 7 Dec 2020

Maybe she has issues going on with herself and ddoesnt want to mention anything because your concentrating on your wedding? Maybe message her and ask her, tell her she seems distant atm? X

UKbride Member 7 Dec 2020

I would check on her first to see if she's ok

UKbride Member 7 Dec 2020

Communication works two ways, if there’s distance between you , you are also part of that problem. As others have said, she could be going through her own stuff. Before you decide to just cut her off as a bridesmaid, perhaps reach out and talk to her. If it’s an issue after that and you just don’t want her as one, just tell her the truth

UKbride Member 7 Dec 2020

This is too complex a question without context.

Are you going through something specifically (and she knows about) which means she should check in with you?
Are you sure she isn’t feeling awkward about how to approach it? Or is she going through some stuff herself which has made her distant?

It’s a tough time for everyone lately and if I’m honest I’ve probably been a bit more distant than usual as work is super busy because of Covid and what with kids to run round after and family stuff I haven’t got the capacity or capability to remember to check in with others too.

So I’d give some careful consideration before notifying her that you no longer want her as your bridesmaid.
But if after all you just don’t want her anymore then yes it can be done. Being honest and truthful is the only way.

UKbride Member 7 Dec 2020

Instead of how you have been check how she has been. Communication works two ways!

UKbride Member 7 Dec 2020

If this friend has been a good enough friend for you to ask her in the first place my guess would be keep her as your bm.
Do the above and check on her and make the effort, it works both ways.
If you tell her you no longer want her to be bm then that likely will cause a fall out or hard feelings and may ruin what you had, unless you say its down to numbers or similar.

UKbride Member 7 Dec 2020

Check in on her 🤷🏻‍♀️ she could be going through her own stuff

UKbride Member 7 Dec 2020

Yes I unasked my sister in law and it was the best decision I made

UKbride Member 7 Dec 2020

It works both ways. Maybe you should check up on her? Pretty selfish thinking in my opinion.

UKbride Member 7 Dec 2020

How about you check to see if she’s ok???it’s been a hard year, she may be having some problems 🤷🏻‍♀️

UKbride Member 7 Dec 2020

Have u checked on her? Being a bride doesn’t mean u get the monopoly on friendship. If u need her maybe reach out?

UKbride Member 7 Dec 2020

We did this to one of ours, because she had also become distant and letting us down but we checked with her that she was ok an no other reason for it other than didnt think rehersal important so we discussed and decided it was best for her to be guest only, you need people to rely on, its your wedding.

UKbride Member 7 Dec 2020

I've been in this situation, friendships work both ways I found that soon as I announced I was engaged people came out the wood works it's seemed right to have said person as a bridesmaid and then after the excitement worn off it was just a pain to deal with said person .

End of the day it's YOUR wedding . that person will be in all your wedding photos . It's YOUR money that's being spent.

Just be open and honest about it. If they no longer want to be friends then they weren't meant to be a friend.

UKbride Member 7 Dec 2020

Have you checked in on her? It’s not all about wedding planning.

UKbride Member 7 Dec 2020

This happened to me. Unfortunately, I told the former bridesmaid how it was and said she could still come to the evening reception. She took it terribly and we didn't speak for a couple of years, but I think that's a lot more to do with the situation she was in personally, than what I'd said. Hope you get it sorted. x

UKbride Member 7 Dec 2020

Have an honest conversation with her. She maybe feeling that she doesn't want to be bridesmaid but doesn't know how to say it as she doesn't want to hurt your feelings 🤔 good luck!

UKbride Member 7 Dec 2020

Just a question? When did u last check on her? Is she just being distant or is she dealing with something and genuinely hasn’t had time to check in? Maybe drop her a message to see how she is and take it from there

UKbride Member 7 Dec 2020

I reduced my bridesmaids from 7 to 5 and just had family. My 2 friends were very understanding as for financial reasons I cant afford 7 bridesmaids.
Their still coming to the wedding tho x

UKbride Member 7 Dec 2020

This is precisely why I don't have bridesmaids or a maid of honour. Too much politics and stressing about other people's feelings on your day. Put yourself first. You are the bride, what you say goes

UKbride Member 7 Dec 2020

I fired all my bridesmaids because they were selfish and entitled and only cared about what I was going to pay for..hotel stays..nails and waxes!! Way beyond what is appropriate. I’m not having any now..I don’t want to look back on my wedding pics and think..oh there is that butch who hasn’t spoke to me since..😂😂

UKbride Member 7 Dec 2020

I got rid of one of my bridesmaids! Don’t feel bad! It’s your day, if people cannot be bothered to be there for you before the wedding then how do you expect to get anywhere with them when it comes to planning??! Go with your gut and do what you think is right but remember it’s fine for you to be selfish! It’s your big day!

UKbride Member 7 Dec 2020

Talk to her. X

UKbride Member 8 Dec 2020

Not had this happen. We had a bridesmaid turn us down though lol. We had three bridesmaids, the grooms sister, my best friend, and a mutual best friend who is also the partner of the beat man, and speaking as the bride, I wouldn't have done it had she and the other two not been there. As some has said, it is hard to answer your question without context. Also ask yourself why you asked her in the first place, maybe she wasn't that close to be one from the start if you are now considering dumping her because she's been distant. However, I totally understand that someone being distant for no known reason can put strain on friendships. It is happening to my husband and I now. Someone he has benn friends with for a long time, back in the 80's, has all of a sudden become distant, from sending constant texts all day, to nothing for weeks, then acts like nothing has happened. It is hard. I don't know if this has been helpful, chin up chic and enjoy the planning xx

UKbride Member 8 Dec 2020

Same as above. I don’t check in with my bridesmaids all the time and certainly don’t expect them to check in on me....we are all adults after all.

If there is something specific then that might be different but best thing to do is talk to her see that she’s ok. It’s a two way street

UKbride Member 8 Dec 2020

To see how YOU have been. Ur getting married , not attending the funeral of a loved one. Maybe she has been distant .....BECAUSE OF LOCK DOWNS etc. Maybe your not the only one going through stuff ......wanting to discuss Party favours🤣🤣🤣. Have u actually spoken to/asked this poor girl before discussing her with everyone else on social media?

UKbride Member 8 Dec 2020

You sound really selfish. Why should she check up on you? You're planning a wedding, not a funeral. Why don't you check up on her? People are having a tough time at the moment, so have some empathy.

UKbride Member 8 Dec 2020

The entitlement and callousness of some women these days is disgusting. Yes un-bridesmaid her, youd be doing her a favour, she deserves a better friend than you.

UKbride Member 10 Dec 2020

Maybe if she’s being distant you could check on her? She may have stuff going on herself other than your wedding

UKbride Member 13 Dec 2020

When you say distant, what do you mean? Do they talk to you but every time you bring up the wedding they stop responding to messages? Or are they just not speaking to you full stop? Have you asked her to help you with something wedding related and got no response? I can understand that you may be hurt that they haven't checked up on you, but you can't be offended if you haven't checked up on her either - it does work both ways. This year has been so crazy, has it affected her more than she wants to let on? I've been in situations where I've been skint and not wanted to admit to people. Maybe its a financial worry.
People don't generally have just random people as bridesmaids, they pick the people they want by their side. You thought that when you asked her, so you need to check on her and make sure she's OK.
As a bride who's had to postpone and rearrange due to covid its been incredibly stressful. Have people checked up on us to see how we are? Not many, no, but at the end of the day it's our problem, not the problem of everyone else, who are also probably dealing with their own stress.
I hope you get it sorted. It seems very sad to potentially lose a bridesmaid when all it could take is a quick phone call xx

Nicole Shields-Probett
Nicole Shields-Probett 19 Dec 2020

I feel like that, I still have 2 of my bridesmaids that are yet to collect there gifts from me.

Comment

Before we add your comment, please: log in to an existing UKbride account or join UKbride
Why Join?