Husband Of the wife to be
Husband Of the wife to be 12 Jul 2020

Help!! Man in need of advice

hello, so I'm sorry if I'm in the wrong place, I've scrambled the Internet for answers, but only found 6 million questions to ask a venue before booking! I would like any type of suggestion or direction to the right place please..... my fiancé lost her mum a few years ago and I've recently realised that wedding dress shopping with your mum is a big thing! (Apologies if this seems obvious to you all, but I'm just a bloke with no feelings) I was wondering if anyone has any suggestions of a nice gesture I could make for her on the day of her wedding dress fitting. Something about her mum, either a nice present or something that could represent her being there on the day. Is this a normal thing is there anything I can do to make it less upsetting that she doesn't have her mum there on this special day?

57 Comments
UKbride Member 13 Jul 2020

Does she have a piece of her mums jewelry? Both my granda and papa had passed when I got married. I had both their wedding rings sewn into the lining of my dress. I used them as my something old xx

UKbride Member 13 Jul 2020

What a nice Man U are , I was given a charm that had my wedding date and a picture of my nan who died wen I was younger in it I had this wrapped round my bouquet so she was with me as I walked down the aisle , you could do something similar. Also my mum renewed her vows and had a table with picture of the people In our family that have passed and a quote saying that they will be with us . I know you said dress fitting but Thought id give a few wee other ideas

UKbride Member 13 Jul 2020

This is really thoughtful - give yourself some credit mate, you’re a bloke with feelings that’s realised how important it is for a girl getting married. I think it might be nice if you can do maybe some of her mums fave flowers, a picture of her mum in a locket that she can wear and if she does have her mums ashes, you can have a look at a piece of jewellery from ashes to glass for her. Good luck in finding something suitable. xx

UKbride Member 13 Jul 2020

Has she got anything like a handwritten note with her mums writing? You can now get engraved jewellery with a loved ones writing on, see if you can find an old birthday card or note from her mum, you could get her a locket with some wording and her mums photo inside. https://www.inscripture.com/filter/handwriting-jewellery/

UKbride Member 13 Jul 2020

Wow, what a loving and thoughtful thing to do. What about a nice photo in a frame of your fiancée’s mum at the dress shop and have her mum’s favourite flowers sent there before she gets there?

UKbride Member 13 Jul 2020

I lost my mum in 2016 so can relate. I took my dad which was the next best thing.Maybe a picture memory book.Or if you have access to your fiancé mum’s clothing maybe get a piece of material from her mums favourite item of clothing, that could then be sown in to her wedding gown. That way she will have a little bit of her mum with her on her special day. Nothing will take that feeling away that her mum is not there but the fact you have tried to make it more special for her will make it more bearable.Good luck 💕

UKbride Member 13 Jul 2020

a locket with her mums picture close 2 her heart x

UKbride Member 13 Jul 2020

I lost my mum too. I decided to get a bouquet charm of a nice picture of us, so she will be with me on my big day x

UKbride Member 13 Jul 2020

I didn’t have my mum there because she’s passed away and tbh nothing could replace that for me. Maybe she has another relative that has stepped up to be a mother figure ? X

UKbride Member 13 Jul 2020

I went dress shopping on my own, as I didn't want anyone influencing my decision and I wanted it to be a surprise for everyone. Dress shopping by yourself is less stressful! You could give her a locket with a photo of her mum in or a photo of them both and a little saying, or get a piece of jewlery made with some of her mum's ashes if you can. My dog was supposed to be ring bearer at my wedding in April, but she died in Feb (And then we couldn't get married anyway due to covid) but I got 3 necklaces made with some of her ashes and fur for me, my mum and my sister from Cumbria life casting. If she still has any of her mum's clothing she could get a bit stitched into her dress for the wedding day itself. Good luck and by the sounds of things you are a very thoughtful guy

UKbride Member 13 Jul 2020

Maybe a picture of her mum on her wedding day in a locket, maybe get it engraved with either something special her mum used to say to her or something more general like 'always in my heart'

UKbride Member 13 Jul 2020

I wore my mums wedding ring tied into my dress so it rested on my heart and they put a bunch of flowers in her place on an empty chair, there are some great ideas on here 😢

UKbride Member 13 Jul 2020

You cutie 🥰 companies make charms for your wedding bouquets maybe take one to the shop with a card and ask the consultant to present it too her on the day 💕 xxx

UKbride Member 13 Jul 2020

I had little charms made with pictures of my mum and dad they clipped on to the back of my wedding shoes so it was like they were walking me down the isle. I also had another one made with their pictures that went around my bouquet.

UKbride Member 13 Jul 2020

First of all, give yourself some credit for thinking about this, it shows how thoughtful you are and how much she means to you.

For the day she goes wedding dress shopping I think a piece of jewellery that links her to her mum would be perfect. Whether that’s a locket with her photo in or something that you have her mums writing engraved into.

Expect her to be emotional on the day and around that time. I found looking at venues got me very emotional, imagining the things my dad would’ve said had he been there with us.

But thankfully, like your fiancée, I have a thoughtful partner who is aware that as much as planning the big day is exciting, it can bring up times of sadness. X

UKbride Member 13 Jul 2020

Does she have a piece of her mums clothing that could be sown into the inside of her gown?
My sister had an absence candle that had my mums name on it that was lit throughout the ceremony and night. I also had our mums picture on a locket that was tied around her bouquet x

UKbride Member 13 Jul 2020

Hi, what a lovely thoughtful husband to be you are! I married last year and unfortunately lost my mum in 2017, when it came to making decisions about my wedding and especially the dress itself I wanted nothing more than to have my mum there but because I couldn’t, I had my mums best friend, her forever friend who knew my mum inside out, and there was no one more perfect for the job! Maybe this is a possibility for your partner? Deb Williams x

UKbride Member 13 Jul 2020

I have seen a lot of people use a photo of a passed loved one in a locket to wear on the wedding day or even as a charm stitched into the inside of her dress to be close to her heart. I have also seen charms on the wedding bouquet x https://www.etsy.com/uk/listing/606962112/photo-bouquet-charm-walk-with-me-dad

UKbride Member 13 Jul 2020

My mum's passed and I want to include her, she kept her veil so I'm wearing that as a gesture and Incorporating a yellow rose which were her fave flower into each bouquet and table decoration in her honour.

UKbride Member 13 Jul 2020

Aw that's such a lovely thing to do. Do you know her mums favourite flowers? Could you maybe get those in a boquet to give her on the day of dress fitting? Last thing she's gonna want are puffy eyes when trying dress on for fitting x

UKbride Member 13 Jul 2020

Maybe a locket with her mums photo in it?xx very thoughtful of you x

UKbride Member 13 Jul 2020

She’ll totally feel her mum there ,her mum will make sure 💖

UKbride Member 13 Jul 2020

That is lovely thought. I lost my dad few weeks before I got married and had pictures of him in a locket attached to my shoes so he could still walk me down the aisle. Other suggestions for the day could be to have something similar attached to her bouquet 💐 or a floating charms necklace or bracelet? There are ideas on Pinterest that might help as u know her better than anyone you might see something that would fit.

UKbride Member 13 Jul 2020

I have a bouquet charm of a map where we got engaged but you can also get charms with photos. You could have one made with a picture of her mum. I got mine from thetokenhunter.co.uk if you like the idea. Lovely quality charm

UKbride Member 13 Jul 2020

We were meant to travel back to my husband's home to have a ceremony with his grandma who he was very close with but unfortunately, she passed away beforehand and we ended up using our flight money to pay for her funeral and chose to have a small ceremony in the UK instead. I bought my husband an antique style pocket watch (because his dad owns a few) and has his grandmother's name engraved on the back, this was for him to wear with his suit on the day. We also have a photographic candle holder with a picture of his grandmother on which we lit at the wedding. It said "some people's light is so bright that it still shines after they're gone".

UKbride Member 13 Jul 2020

I lost my mum when I was very small and found the first time trying on dresses really emotional. I took my mother in law, sister in law and maid of honour with me x

UKbride Member 13 Jul 2020

How about getting a locket with a picture of her mum inside it, that way her mum is always with her xx

UKbride Member 13 Jul 2020

How thoughtful are you?
I lost my mum last year, I have a vintage locket with her photo in. When we can eventually get married I'm having it in my boquet.
Have a wonderful wedding x

UKbride Member 13 Jul 2020

I’ve seen where You can get a picture of her mum engraved into like a locket type pendant and then she can tie it to her bouquet or into her dress so that her mum would be with her throughout the whole day. Also some people have put their family who couldn’t attend into a frame and put on the top table or near the cake stand xx

UKbride Member 13 Jul 2020

I lost my mum in 1996 and got married again last year having being widowed myself. Found it hard as my mum was a dress maker and made my original dress. I took my fiancee with me to try dresses on as I valued his opinion more than anyone elses. But he didn't get to see the final dress I chose until the day. I wore one of my mum's 21st birthday presents on the day.

UKbride Member 13 Jul 2020

I'm having a charm sewn onto my dress with my dad in so he can walk down the slide with me. My mum is also giving me her wedding ring to be married with as my dad bought it x

UKbride Member 13 Jul 2020

How about a Lockett necklace with a photo of her mum in it so that’s it’s close to her heart and she’ll feel her mum is with her when she finds the dress? x

UKbride Member 13 Jul 2020

Would her dad still have her mums wedding dress? And veil? Maybe get her to take the veil with her as if it's the right style she may want to wear that??

UKbride Member 13 Jul 2020

For the wedding u can get bouquet charms with photos on etc. But for the day of her dress fitting... was her mum married if so does she have anything from her mums wedding such as a veil dress etc? You could ask the shop to sew a piece underneath x

UKbride Member 13 Jul 2020

I lost my mom 3 years ago so when I went I took my auntie my moms sister of course no one can replace her mom at all but to me she knew my mom inside out what she would approve of etc xx

UKbride Member 13 Jul 2020

You can get Jewellery made with the photos of the person engraved into now or a locket is always a beautiful thing!Mums favourite flowers maybe too your clearly not a man with no feelings as this is a lovely thing x

UKbride Member 13 Jul 2020

Our bridal store sews butterflies in the dress to represent a lost loved one I thought that's beautiful

UKbride Member 13 Jul 2020

My mum died 9 days before wedding my wedding dress shop put a locket sewn inside my dress with pic of my mum xx

UKbride Member 13 Jul 2020

It might be strange but if the family has her mums wedding dress then you could talk about ways to incorporate some of the material or she could wear her veil etc.

UKbride Member 13 Jul 2020

That is so lovely of you. Looks like you have loads of suggestions. Even the fact that you’ve thought of how she might be feeling about it all is a gift in itself. Congrats and all the best for your wedding 💕

UKbride Member 13 Jul 2020

Not sure on how to help other than being supportive but would just like to say you are clearly a lovely guy and the fact that you even considered this will mean the world to you fiance 😍

UKbride Member 13 Jul 2020

A jewellery piece of her mums for the big day ...for something borrowed xx

UKbride Member 13 Jul 2020

Just that you want to do something for her on this day would mean a lot already. If you really want to get her something, I would suggest something like a locket necklace or bracelet, something that would remind her of her mum and that she could also wear on the day of the wedding. Small pieces of jewellery can also be sown into whatever dress she ends up getting. I lost my mum in 2016 and my dad in 2018, so neither one of my parents were around for the preparations or will be around for the wedding now next year (had to postpone due to Covid-19). I have a small locket with some of my mum's ashes and will get something to hold some of my dad's ashes as well and will carry it with me on the day.

UKbride Member 13 Jul 2020

The fact you’re even thinking about this will mean a lot to your fiancé!!
My dad passed a while before I got married but me and my now husband had several discussions about how to make sure he was remembered and a part out our special day, my hubby was brilliant, we came up with all sorts of ideas (some quite daft) but in the end we decided on a few simple things but it meant so much to know my hubby wanted my dad remembering as much as I did (and he never got to meet him).
Maybe just ask her what she would like and come up with some silly suggestions, together you will laugh and cry about it and in the end you will make it as close to perfect as you can without her actually being there.

UKbride Member 13 Jul 2020

Have a pocket sewn into the inside skirt of her dress so that a photo of her mum can be placed in it, that way her mum walks down the aisle with her x

UKbride Member 13 Jul 2020

Hi, I'm sorry to hear about your partner's mum but give yourself some credit becasue most guys wouldn't think of something like this. I lost my mum 4 years ago and I went to pick a dress in January. I initially went on my own but I took a picture of my mum on her wedding day which was nice. I'm also taking a piece of my mum's wedding dress and having it added to my dress so I have something to tie me to my mum. Has your partner got her mum's dress or maybe veil that she could do the same if she wanted to? Good luck with planning xx

UKbride Member 13 Jul 2020

i lost my mum the year before i got married. she didn't come to my dress fitting (i did that on impulse and she lived in a different part of the country). on my wedding day i wore her old perfume and held a toast to her.

UKbride Member 13 Jul 2020

I would get a picture of her mum in her wedding dress maybe put into a locket she can wear with the dress. If she has any jewellery from her mum maybe repurpose it for her . Maybe pick her mind favourite flowers and ask the shop to put them in the dressing room as a reminder her mum is still with her

UKbride Member 13 Jul 2020

You could get her a memories charm with her mom picture in they keyring ones and fit on flower bouquet too that way she can have her mom with her every step of the way. We'll done for being a bloke that thinks of his w2b feelings.

UKbride Member 13 Jul 2020

You could organise for it to be extra special (bubbly or drink of choice) speak to the shop she’s planning to go to and have them make it a private appointment no rushing etc if she has other relatives or maybe her dad she’d like there with her make sure they are there.

Also on the wedding day you could get photo charms of her mum for her bouquet xx

UKbride Member 13 Jul 2020

You’re going to make a caring and thoughtful husband💓 I think her knowing how sweet this gesture is will be enough to make her feel loved and have a special day🥰

UKbride Member 13 Jul 2020

You could have a piece of her mums clothing sewn into the inside of her dress. If she still has something xx

UKbride Member 13 Jul 2020

It’s so lovely you’re thinking of this, it’s so thoughtful! I am so lucky to have chosen my dress with my mum and couldn’t have imagined it without her! Sending lots of love to her! I’m sure it’s been suggested earlier on but maybe a little piece of jewellery or something tiny that reminds her of her mum or something that she left to her can be sewn into the lining of her dress and you could pop it in a little cute box to give her on her shopping day to remind her that she’s always with her! Good luck, it’ll be amazing whatever you choose to do! ❤️ xxx

UKbride Member 13 Jul 2020

So thoughtful! Perhaps a locket with her picture? Or I know you can get pendants with pictures of loved ones, a friend had one of her mum made to put in her bouquet

UKbride Member 14 Jul 2020

She can get a trinket sewn into the dress she chooses or hang one from her bouquet

UKbride Member 14 Jul 2020

Ask dad if he still has mum's wedding dress, or maybe a piece of jewellery that can be sown into the new dress. I used to watch a lot of: say yes to the dress, and they used to sow things on the back part of the dress, kind of like: she'll always have your back and will watch over you kind of thing. But it's an amazing thing what you're doing. In my case, it was my dad the one that was missing, so my husband wore on his kilt a knife that my dad made me

UKbride Member 15 Jul 2020

Aren't you the sweetest! it's hard for girl if they don't have their mum but one suggestion is someone that knew her well.... Her sister or best friend. That person could say oh your mum would love you in that dress! Also sent you seem like a nice bloke on earth, if that's not available a little pamper party with a girlfriend would be great! if you want to arrange something like that find someone that she likes that does a girls night out thing and they could get their nails done and have prosecco and go on a limo off to go dress shopping! if you have that secret relative there to speak for mum maybe she's waiting at the dress shop. I'm sure it will be a lovely day for her.

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