I am due to get married October but with everything being so uncertain still its really getting me down (the not knowing if we have to postpone etc) the excitement has gone. To top it off my bridesmaid seems to be blanking me. I thought the role of a bridesmaid was to keep morale up. I am really starting to question my choice. I am always the one to message 1st to see how she is but I don't get much of a reply. We haven't been so close since January now. I have no idea whats happened. She knows how I'm feeling in regards to the wedding but she's still not here for me. I also think her partner isn't very keen on my partner and i for some reason. She has also gone quiet with organising the hen do and shows no interest in getting her dress altered etc. Can anyone offer any advice, can you un-bridesmaid someone, I just don't know what to do.
I postponed from May to this August. Registrar offices have opened last week for wedding notices. She said its just a wait on the Justice office for an opening date and it was rapidly being talked about in the Justice department. Dont let it get you down and remember its about the two of you making a commitment to each other. Friends come and go over time but you will be together til the end.
Try reaching out about something other than the wedding, she might be missing her friend rather than always getting her bride 😊
Maybe just check in with her and say that she's gone quiet and your concerned.... if she blanks that then dump her arse 😅
Oh this sounds awful. It’s bad enough having the worry of the wedding, we’ve postponed ours from May to October and now wondering the same. As for your bridesmaid she should really be more supportive, things will still go ahead even if not at the original time you’ve planned. I think I’d have to talk to her and ask what her issues are, I’d say you’ve felt like you’ve drifted a part since January and that you really need her support at the moment. I’d also say if she doesn’t feel like it’s something she is able to do then maybe she should consider not being bridesmaid. That way you will have laid your cards on the table by telling her how you feel, what you need from her and you’re asking her if she is capable of it. That way you’ll have your answer and not feel completely like the bad guy, even though you shouldn’t at all. Friendship is a 2 way street and you have to be able to talk about stuff. Good luck!! 💕
To be honest I think you should give the bridesmaid a bit of a break. There’s a pandemic happening and people are worried about family, jobs and managing day to day.
She might be struggling mentally right now. I agree with talking to her about her or other topics and make sure she's OK
We have postponed from August till May 2021 having similar problems with one of my bridesmaids
Ours was Dec we’ve postponed felt exactly the same can’t get excited if don’t know if going on & hen etc can’t plan same reason. Reschedule wedding would be my advice to get excitement again and if you decided different guests etc so be it xx ps I also think everyone’s so bogged down with virus no one wants to discuss a wedding.
Maybe with everything going on in the world she has her own stuff to deal with 🤷♀️ have u asked how she is or how shes dealing with the current situation? How is she ment to arrange a hen do or start preparing when there is no idea when things are re opening.... maybe she would like her friend to talk about something other than the wedding
You've gotta speak to them! Communication is key in any relationship.
Try reaching out and if things don't change then tell her she's no longer bridesmaid. Life is too short to worry about others crap. Do what makes you happy
No offence but we are in a middle of a pandemic... her priority may not be your wedding at the moment
It’s horrible. My wedding was meant to be April 4th in Jamaica, obviously it got cancelled. We originally rescheduled for next year but I couldn’t cope with the not knowing and if it would’ve been cancelled again I don’t know what I’d do. You can’t get excited with all this going on so we decided to wait. Good luck xx
I was meant to be married this October and I have postponed until June 2021. Best decision I have made.
We originally postponed from July to September, but the excitement just wasn’t there, We didn’t want to do it in the end. It was joyful at all it was just anxiety of will it or won’t it happen. So we bit the bullet and postponed until April, and I’m actually excited to plan the finer details and enjoy the build up again c
If you no longer want her to be a bridesmaid then you can 'unbridesmaid' her as you put it. I'm personally of the belief that life is too short to put up with people that just dont really care that much. Just be sure that she's not struggling herself with things before you jump to the conclusion that she's being a bad bridesmaid/ friend x
We were due to marry on 29th October and have moved to the same date next year. The uncertainty was becoming too stressfull and as for you, the joy and looking forward to our wedding had been lost. With regards to the bridesmaid issue, I started with 4 and am down to 3. Do not allow anyone in your life who isnt happy for you or there for you, life is too short and you only want people around you who add positivity and not negativity or bitterness. Get rid! You will feel all the happier for it. Write a pros and cons list about postponing - our only con was some added costs, but being stress free was worth more to us than the cost.
It's a worrying time for all of us brides. Planning a wedding when there isn't a pandemic is stressful enough, and now with the world the way it is at the moment it's even worse. At one point, my partner and I were so stressed about how we were actually going to pay for the wedding (due to COVID issues), we basically just said we won't talk about the wedding as it's too stressful. Thankfully we are in a better position now. You must be close to your friend if you've chosen her to be a bridesmaid. She may be worrying about money for the wedding and the hen do. If money is an issue, then trying to plan the best hen do for you, knowing she can't really afford to attend it may be an issue for her, obviously I don't know this is the issue, just putting it out there. Maybe take the pressure off and say why don't we do something after the wedding when its safer to do so and we can really enjoy it. That's what we have done with the stag. Not spoken about the hen do yet. Just try to talk to her and listen if she has any concerns. I hope you get everything sorted xx
Yes you can! I was due too get married in April. And because I wouldn’t cancel it in March and I wanted too wait until the government said we had to cancel my future sister in law started causing trouble. I have “un-bridesmaid” her and my fiancé uninvited her because she didn’t support our decisions and became very nasty x
This happened to me. I was due to get married in the May, and from the November we didn't see each other. I found out I was pregnant In the December. And arranged to meet her, and she completely forgot. By the February, we still hadn't spoke to each other. So I wrote a massive letter, explaining everything, with the intention of going for a coffee with her to talk it all through, and she cancelled cause she had a cold. So I messaged her, we got in an argument, and she was more bothered about getting the money back for her dress rather then our friendship. On my wedding day, i had honestly completely forgotten about her, and it was a guessed who asked about her that reminded me she was going to be a bridesmaid. :) Best thing I ever did.
She may have stuff going on in her own world. Unfortunately you may have to rearrange. Don’t be disappointed just look to the future.
You can, of course but you would never be able to take it back. We've postponed our wedding which was originally next June until 2022. I am on the shielding list in Scotland and I wasn't sure what the situation would be and how we'd be placed financially so we made a tough decision.
I must say the venue was great and I have peace of mind now to be able to look forward to it.
As for your friend, she may be going through something but so are you. I would be tempted to just ask straight out of there if an issue or if something is bothering her. She may be waiting for someone to ask or she may brush you off but at least you'd know.
I know it's your special day But that's it it is your day. The bridesmaids are important but I think the bride should be the one who sorts out dress fittings/alterations. She probably hasn't done anything regarding hen party as there is not much that can be sorted with the PANDEMIC that has taken over the world at the moment. It's a hard time for everyone, money may be tighter than you realise for your bridesmaid so she maybe trying to focus on her own life at the moment and putting food on the table. We don't know everyone's personal situations behind closed doors. Maybe give her a call see how she is and drop it in that you don't know what's going on and talk to her about ideas if things are to still go ahead.
I swear I could have wrote this. Exactly the same for me. I never once messaged my friend after Christmas about my wedding. I only messaged to see how she was. 3 weeks before the wedding she still hadnt taken her dress in to be altered even though I paid for it all and tried numerous occasions to meet with her to go with her. She didnt come to either of my hen dos and then told me that she couldnt get the night off for the wedding (she delivers pizzas for a takeaway). This was 2 weeks before the wedding. She would have to leave at 4pm which was half way through the meal! If I was asked to be bridesmaid I would be so honoured and ecstatic that I'd want to help and attend. In the end i told her not to come. That was March. Not spoke since. It's a shame but at the same time I now she she wasnt actually a friend. X
We postponed our July wedding to October... our original date was 18th July, one month from now 😔 our new date is 31st Oct but thankfully our venue has been so amazing they allowed us to have another backup date for 6th March as no one knows anything about later this year. I personally cant see our wedding happening in Oct due to social distancing. I wont be uninviting any guests so for me Im thinking more for march. As for the bridesmaid, that seems a bit strange. I see a few comments here stating 'there's a pandemic, your wedding is not her priority' blah blah, blah but a simple text message to show they care goes a long way. We all have our different worries atm but I completely understand youre disappointed in terms of being in limbo about the wedding...because I am too. There must be something happening with her.. i would ask her what the craic is, if there are any issues and just talk it out and how you are feeling and if you dont get an answer or you get a vague reply, you should think to 'unbridesmaid' her and just move on.
Your feelings are valid. Things change and people grow apart you've both got alot on so maybe give some breathing room and then have an honest discussion about how you are both feeling x
I had the same thing, I went from 6 bridesmaids to 2 and I was due to get married in May this year but have moved it to next year xxx
I unbridesmaided one of my bridesmaids decided to have just my imeddiate family instead so walked down as a unit. Well that was the plan but ours was cancelled luckily as he left 3 weeks later so wasn't meant to be. But my bridesmaid understood we wasn't as close as we were so was fine. No falling out over it x it's your day do what feels right
October wedding here also... I lost interest with everything that's been happening!!! however it's now full steam ahead, I'm pretty positive things will be alot better come October we are now in phase 2... give your bridesmaid alittle more time to adjust to easing out of lockdown.. then maybe meet up and speak some things through. x
I was supposed to get married in April and have postponed till August now I have to consider postponing again as I stay in Scotland and my venue may still not be able to open for it, I’m gutted too but just have to take it 1 day at a time
My bridesmaids were rubbish so I sacked them both. I could have asked someone else but I didn’t want the same scenario again, couldn’t be bothered with the drama of it all. I’m not having any now when I get married in sept next year and really happy with my choice..I don’t want anyone in my wedding pics that I’m not sure I’ll be talking to in a few years! In terms of your wedding if I were you I would postpone to next year so you can get excited again. My friend was getting married in October and honestly she was so stressed not even knowing how many guests she could have! In the end she postponed till next year and feels so much better about it.
We've moved ours from end of September 2020 to September 2021. A number of our guests wouldn't have been able to come due to health problems, so we decided to move it much further ahead to when there's likely a vaccine, and to be a bit safer.
As for the friend, I would send her a message just asking her if she's okay, be understanding that she may be going through some stuff because of the pandemic, but that you're there for her. If she isn't interested then pie her off 😉
I suspect that its just the current situation that is causing her to be distant.
I was due to be bridesmaid to my cousin in April, her wedding has been postponed until October at present. Her hen do has been cancelled as Butlins arent putting on their music weekends- we havent made any further plans as currently we arent allowed gatherings so dont want to disappoint her or others for a 3rd time.
I have a 1 year old, am trying to work with her around and a husband who works in the NHS frontline, so as much as I adore my cousin, her wedding unfortunately isnt my priority at the moment. Noone brings up the wedding when we speak as we just dont know what to say to her, we dont have the answers that she wants to hear and I guess most of us are quite anxious at having to expose ourself to the world again. Not having a go as if my wedding had been postponed or altered I would be devastated so completely feel for you as its just pretty poo tbh, just wanted to provide another perspective of it all. Good luck xx
Personally I think you need to lay off a bit and be considerate. The world is literally in crisis and every single human is dealing with these changes in their own personal way. You shouldn't be offended or bothered that your wedding isn't on her mind. As for a hen party? What hen party, 2 meters apart, pub n bars closed, loss of morale, money & jobs. Relationships are all under stress through quarantine.
To put it bluntly, in the bigger picture of it all, a wedding really does not matter right now.
Is she your only bridesmaid?
How close are you?
If you value your friendship, then best get it all out,
You need to meet her and ask why she is being so evasive, apart from her behaviour being off and having no interest, she might have some personal stuff going on in her life she doesn't want to weigh you down with.... As you are getting married.
Have you been so distracted (as we all are) you haven't picked up on the fact she needs someone to talk to?
Best thing to do is talk to her, if she is just not up to the job and flakey?
Find someone reliable.
My wedding was due to be bank holiday weekend in august but we have had to postpone unti next year...would rather wait another year than have to limit our guests and consider social distancing measures...
With regards to "un-bridesmaid'ing" someone..you can. I did exactly this. Do what you feel is right for you..yeah it's sad that she will no longer be a part of my day but the people that matter will be there xx
I'd be inclined to relieve her of her duties. We get it, there's lots of other things going on at the moment, but if she's not filling you with confidence or positivity (whether the wedding is this year or next), then it's time to acknowledge she's not what you need. Life's too short to stress. Do what gives you peace of mind.
This was like reading my experience.. I un-bridesmaided mine. Best decision I made. One less thing i had to stress about once I done it! It's your day, you dont want to have to worry about pandering to her the full day when it's meant to be all about you!
Yes, there's a pandemic, and yes, there may be far more serious things on her mind, or she just may be depressed and has shut down.
But if you do nothing, you'll be beside yourself and things won't get done, and what if she's a no-show?
1) Do you have a mutual friend who could break the ice and tell her you're concerned?
2) Unless you're too stressed and angry to speak calmly to her, may be a good idea to see how she's doing, tell her you're concerned about her, then send your way into speaking about her bridesmaid duties and ask her to please tell you honestly if she's up to it, and that you'd understand if she wanted to bow out.