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UKbride Member Request 5 Jan 2020

Venue - change of mind!!

Hi Ladies, So I booked and paid the deposit for my venue a few months back (wedding is in July 2021) and was really happy with my choice. As the months have gone on and I’ve thought about the wedding more and more, I’ve realised that deep down I’m not sure I want the big white wedding with 150+ guests. I now feel really anxious and just try to block out thinking about the wedding, as I’m not sure I’ve made the right choice. Being centre of attention really is my worst nightmare and I would love something simple and low key (I have considered going abroad but we have quite a few friends so feel like a lot of people would be offended if they couldn’t come!) I also really want my dad to be able to walk me down the aisle And I do want to wear the nice dress! Does anyone have any suggestions/ideas? Thank you ????

34 Comments
UKbride Member 8 Jan 2020

Sorry to read this. It’s your wedding not your friends. Don’t please other people. Do what makes you happy... it’s your special day ... you can always throw a party when you are back home if they get offended then maybe they are not real friends xx

UKbride Member 8 Jan 2020

Could you have a small family do where you have booked witb more ppl at night?x

UKbride Member 8 Jan 2020

Have a smaller venure. Or do just small intamate wedding then a big party for the evening xx

UKbride Member 8 Jan 2020

Focus on the bits of the day you will enjoy, if you dont want 150 guests, start cutting down you list, you dont need to invite people yet, so hang fire and make sure that you only invite people you and your groom really want there, it is after all about the pair of you, people shouldnt be offended if theyre not invited x

UKbride Member 8 Jan 2020

Honestly I hate being center of attention, didn't want the big do so had 70 guests and rushed the whole ceremony, now looking back I wished I took my time, best day ever.. Have a small do x

UKbride Member 8 Jan 2020

Have your wedding the way you want it. We are having 60 guests to the day and an evtra 40 are coming to the evening. Be brutal, you have to its your day and we based on the day invites around the people who we know care about us. Not inviting people for the sake of it when we probably won't see them again. It's hard. But you won't regret it. If in doubt invite them to the evening reception

UKbride Member 8 Jan 2020

Have a small ceremony for a handful of close family and friends and have a big party for all on the evening

UKbride Member 8 Jan 2020

Discuss it with h2b. Express your concerns, look around, your venue may be able to offer you a smaller, more intimate option. Always here if you need to message me, I had my wedding in september 2019, so if you have anything you want to chat about feel free to private message me xx

UKbride Member 8 Jan 2020

Those who care about you will not be offended whatever your choice. Too many people have a day to please others when the only people that matter are you and your HTB. You want to get married on a beach? Get married on a beach. People who care about you will respect whatever you choose.

UKbride Member 8 Jan 2020

We have quite a big venue but we're not upping the number of guests to fill it because both of us are the same, neither really like being the centre of attention and tbh we don't like that many people 😂. If you love you're venue, stick with it. Please. Yourselves, not others x

UKbride Member 8 Jan 2020

We went abroad, the people who want to be there will be there, it's your day so do what you want to do. Obviously people will pressure you to do hat they want you to do. At the end of the day for the guests it's just a party for you and your partner it's a day your going to remember so do it how you want to do it. My son walked me down the aisle as my dad didn't want to come.

UKbride Member 8 Jan 2020

I had a traditional wedding booked. Unfortunately last year I was in a car accident and am suffering PTSD. The thought of a big wedding was really bothering me. We cancelled and forfeited our deposit so we can just go abroad later this year and get married there. I am so excited now. Yes some people have commented on how they cant afford to come but we have just said we dont expect people to come. It is your wedding, do what feels right

UKbride Member 8 Jan 2020

Our list started at 125. But by wedding day we actually only had 90 for evening and a lovely 50 for day. It was best day ever. Only people we really cared about were there xx

UKbride Member 8 Jan 2020

My friend recently went off to Gretna green with only her very close family. Then they had a party/reception with all friends and family back here. Like you she doesn’t really revel in being centre of attention too much. It truly was the best evening. The pictures of them at Gretna green were also beautiful and everything was perfect for them. It’s your day everything about it should be exactly what you want. You have carte Blanche to be as selfish as you want. Make it all about you xx

UKbride Member 8 Jan 2020

We’re having 12 guests (including us!) for the ceremony then just having a big party/reception afterwards for all our family and close friends. The venue can accommodate any size so we’re having the ceremony in a lovely smaller reception room rather than the big main area. Parents tried to persuade us to have a big ceremony but we put our foot down!

UKbride Member 8 Jan 2020

Hi, after 17 years of engagement we got married in a tiny (very pretty) registry office in Brighton, just us and the kids. Made a weekend of it in a nice hotel. Had a party for family and friends when we got back. Spent all the money on food and drink and me and my friends made the hall look nice!
I didn’t want to be the centre of attention, one of my best mates died suddenly end of 2017 and had always nagged to be my bridesmaid. Mum has dementia so wouldn’t have a clue what was happening. Dad just wanted us to be married and not waste loads of money (and just brought mum to the party early for food and did a little speech then went home before ‘it got loud’)
It was just what we wanted! Do what you want, it’s your wedding not your friends! Xx

UKbride Member 8 Jan 2020

A couple of hypnotherapy sessions will help you relax and help with the stage / performance anxiety 😀😀😀

UKbride Member 8 Jan 2020

You could do the ceremony in a registry office, which is smaller so less people looking at you!, then travel to the venue for everything else where you can invite more people. You don’t have to have a formal meal, top table or speeches if you don’t want to. I don’t want to be announced into the room, ie. ‘please stand for the new Mr and Mrs ....’ so I told our wedding planner. She thought it was unusual but who cares?!

UKbride Member 8 Jan 2020

I felt a bit like this after sorting the guest list and being ruthless but still ended up with 115 day plus 50 night guests. I felt I wanted just immediate family and friends but I careded on and you know what, I wouldn’t have changed it for the world! I loved every minute and having everyone there to share the day felt amazing! Congratulations and good luck xx

UKbride Member 8 Jan 2020

We didn't want the big traditional church wedding. So we are going abroad, have 30 attending. Then a party for all the people we could not invite 2 weeks after we get back. If you dont like being centre of attention then cut the guest list down and add them to your evening guests. X

UKbride Member 8 Jan 2020

I totally get this. This is my second marriage, as I did the big white wedding years ago 😅. My other half wanted a ‘proper’ wedding, so we have booked a Manor House for 50 day guests and 80 evening. We’re not traditional, so the theme is black and red (we love gothic stuff). I’m having the dress made for me in black, it’s a traditional style just in black fabrics.

Have a chat to your other half, see what he wants, it’s his day too.

Everything is on one place for us, the ceremony, and reception evening do. I have a room if I need to chill out for a while, I have really bad anxiety. You don’t even have to follow the rules, with speeches etc, you can do what you want when you want to. I’m decorating myself with the help of the hotel wedding planner, and I’m even doing my own make up as I hate being fussed over haha.

It’s hard, but do what you want at the end of the day, the less stress on you the better 😁

UKbride Member 8 Jan 2020

I was happy about having a smallish wedding, I wasn't bothered about it being traditional but my other half did, he wanted it to be traditional and lovely. It was honestly the best day of my life. I'm not a fan of being the centre of attention but all you need to do and remember is:
-Everyone there you know, they love you and you love them that's why they're there.
- if you get nervous just look at your groom. I couldn't take my eyes off mine no matter what I was so in love at that moment even my veil blowing in my face didn't dampen the mood. (In fact I took it off my head in the most graceful one movement I've ever done in my entire life) we all had a little chuckle about it and it's one of a few silly little things that made the day perfect.
- no decent wedding has ever not had a mistake. Something always happens, whether it's a big thing or a small thing, these things are sent to test us. But they make the day the most memorable thing it can be.
- as soon as you hear him (or her) say those two words, you'll feel shivers run down your spine. (In a good way) it's the best feeling in this world

UKbride Member 8 Jan 2020

Does the venue have smaller options? Maybe you can have a nicer small wedding so they dont.lose money?

UKbride Member 8 Jan 2020

I get this. This is how I felt too. When it came to the church just before we walked in I had a swig of whisky out of my dads hipflask (that was in his sporran) and then once we turned down the aisle I fixed my eyes on my husband and just kept them there. I didn't notice anyone else. Once we were at the steps I had my back to everyone so I forgot about them. If you're worried about at the reception maybe have a round top table so you're not facing everyone xx

UKbride Member 8 Jan 2020

I had a small wedding 50 in the day plus another 50 at night very informal it was fantastic xxx make it what u want x

UKbride Member 8 Jan 2020

Gretna green , anvil hall is gorgeous I had 11 guests with family and friends and it was perfect ♥️😁

UKbride Member 8 Jan 2020

I done the exact same thing booked our venue which was 40 minutes plus drive from home started stressing how everyone was going to get there ect was starting to feel like oh god do I really want this I fessed up and told my partner that I didn’t want it with 13 weeks to go I changed it all we are now getting married in a little chapel I’ve always loved and reception in a local rugby club I am now excited and counting down the days to our big days xx

UKbride Member 8 Jan 2020

We only wanted a small wedding but ended up having a bigger ordeal. Do you know what.. you dont notice people looking at you, you're too busy to care and it's actually quite nice to have people doing everything on the day to help you out. We had a fabulous day, everyone had a lovely day and I'd do it all again tomorrow however.. planning it.. make sure you have the right people helping, suggesting, supporting and dont let people guilt you into having what you dont want.

UKbride Member 8 Jan 2020

The most important part of our day will be the ceremony, only closest guest to be there and then we are having a meal with our same guest, that is jyst perfect for us, we don't see the sense in paying all that money for everyone else to have a good time at our expense. We would rather spend our money on a perfect honeymoon

UKbride Member 8 Jan 2020

Its your day and if they are offended then tough. You can still have something abroad and your dad can walk you down the aisle there. You do what you want to do. Perhaps you could have something abroad and then an evening reception at a later date at home.

UKbride Member 8 Jan 2020

I got married abroad 40 of our nearest and dearest came and my dad was still able to walk me down the aisle had reception over there , hotel where amazing x

UKbride Member 8 Jan 2020

I really wanted to get married abroad, but my other half put his foot down and said it had to be England so that my family would all be there, as well as his own, as he thought I'd regret it on the day. Now whilst I don't know what I would have been like if I had got married abroad, I honestly think he made the right call. Was so lovely having all of our friends & family there with us and am sure you will feel the same. I never thought I'd say my OH was right & I was wrong, on day 1 of being married!, though 😂 there will always be people who can't make it anyway, so you probably won't have the full 150 people either too x

UKbride Member 8 Jan 2020

I feel your pain! I am very much looking forward to having the wedding of my dreams - after falling in love with my Fiancé, some months later finding an amazing dress and ordering it I then had sleepless nights thinking I’ve made a mistake and what will people think of me wearing it - then I had a reality check! I decided I am not inviting people to my wedding that I think will judge me or pass negative comments - if they do that they are not friends! So we will be limiting our invite list to the people that my fiancé and I care about and do not judge us but accept us for who we are - they are the kind of people I want to be surrounded by on our wedding. That way we...I don’t have to stress thinking about what others are thinking, I know the attendees will be happy for us 🙂

UKbride Member 9 Jan 2020

I was same and spent many months wondering what the hell i was doing more of a jeans and t shirt girl than a big white dress but i can honestly say both my husband and i dont regret it at all we both had a fantastic hectic day lol we had a small reception for just close family after the wedding then opened the doors to all our friends and extended family at 7pm 60 guest during the day and 200 on the evening we only had two speeches and let the party begin i only saw my new husband for 10 mins lmao he was off socialising 🤣🤣🤣

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