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UKbride Member Request 28 Nov 2019

I am getting married next year and our intentions was to have a small...

I am getting married next year and our intentions was to have a small wedding with close family and friends. We both have 25 people each for the day, however the evening reception I am inviting maybe another 6 people, my H2B wants to invite most of his family (baring in mind he has a huge family whom all have their own little families and in the 10 years we have been together I haven't met hardly any of them and they have no part in our lives). It has become the only thing we bicker about. He wants to invite another 50+ people in the evening. We are on a budget and only have a small venue. I don't want to look around the room and not know anyone. Any advice would be appreciated.

31 Comments
UKbride Member 28 Nov 2019

I would just say to him listen these people you want to invite dont bother with us so why would you want them there

UKbride Member 28 Nov 2019

I had a similar situation, we were only allowed 40 guests at the ceremony but my husband insisted that we invite his huge family, and like you I'd never met most of them in 15 years of us being together ( a lot live in Ireland) it caused a lot of stress, in the end we only invited those, that we see often, to the ceremony and the others came to the reception. It all worked out in the end

UKbride Member 28 Nov 2019

It's his day too. If he wants to invite them make him work for the extra budget needing to invite them. End of the day just cause they don't try with you doesn't mean he doesn't speak to them

UKbride Member 28 Nov 2019

You have to be ruthless. We are saying no kids on our day and also inviting people with no plus 1. Tell people you are restricted with space. You don’t have to explain yourself to people. It’s your day.
It’s not worth falling out over though so perhaps you can both come to a compromise x

UKbride Member 28 Nov 2019

maybe the reception will be a good chance for you to meet them its your wedding day and why shouldnt your husband have all his family there to show off his wife too i 6think its bad telling him he cant invite them its his wedding day as well as yours

UKbride Member 28 Nov 2019

and how are you going to get to know them if you dont involve them its noy fare to invitehalf the family anf leave others out

UKbride Member 28 Nov 2019

Its hard because it is both of yours wedding. My H2B is inviting more people than me, and the only thing that stopped us going abroad to do it is the fact he still has all his grandparents and wants them at the wedding. I can't begrudge him that. On our wedding day, all that matters to me is that when I look around the room I see my H2B. There will be people there that I don't know, but I know we will both be happy. 😊

UKbride Member 28 Nov 2019

I would definitely try to compromise. It’s his day too. Xx

UKbride Member 28 Nov 2019

We bickered a lot about the same thing . We invited all at the end . Not even half came .
So I think it’s better to let him invite whoever he pleases , the people that will come to ur wedding is the ones that r making an effort to get to know you as well ..
We also had a small wedding , and even though we paid the hotel for some family members that they were travelling and said they will come , they didn’t . But thats a lesson that you need to learn yourself.. my husband also learned the lesson now 👌
Good luck and hope you have a wonderful day !

UKbride Member 28 Nov 2019

I'm having the same issue, I would like to only invite family and friends that we see and speak to but not my H2B he wants to invite every member of his family and all his friends even those who don't bother with us x

UKbride Member 28 Nov 2019

We had a small wedding of people we wanted but the evening was a bit more freer... to be honest I don't really remember who came and hardly spoke to anyone specific as you are caught up in the middle of it all X

UKbride Member 28 Nov 2019

My husband didnt know some of the people i wanted and vice versa but we didnt mind as it was nice to meet friends etc. For example Ian didnt know some of my uni friends and he was excited to meet them. Perhaps you can come to a compromise?

UKbride Member 28 Nov 2019

Thought that when 2 people got married they compromised with things like this.....

UKbride Member 28 Nov 2019

Honest half the people you invite to the evening won't actually come. X

UKbride Member 28 Nov 2019

We had a wedding in 2015 and played on food for evening guests and wasnt eaten. How about meal before wedding

UKbride Member 28 Nov 2019

Just explain that you don’t want to be the outsider at your own wedding

UKbride Member 28 Nov 2019

Just as much his day share it with as many as you can

UKbride Member 28 Nov 2019

God my hubby invited loadsa people to our wedding I never met and I invited loads too he never met goodness we even had people at our ceremony we both never met . Which was a bit like who’s that ? turns out we had an absolute blast .

UKbride Member 28 Nov 2019

If it's that important to him why not, it is his wedding too. You may not know them but he does. Is it worth falling out over, that's the question you should be asking yourself. Xx

UKbride Member 28 Nov 2019

I'm getting married next year too and my side of the family outweighs my fiance's because he's the only child but I come from a family of ten plus we have so many kid's in my side of the family. I gave notice to all my family and friend's that it's 50 people max so don't take offence when they don't get an invite it's just how it is. At the end of the day it's our day so we will invite who we know will show up just like you should it's your day too so don't have anyone dictate who you should invite. It's all about how you both want your day so you should sit down and discuss it with no interruptions. We are inviting everyone to the reception though just not the wedding itself.

UKbride Member 28 Nov 2019

My wedding was way bigger than I ever wanted it to be (I just wanted a tiny private ceremony). My husband wanted a big one. I could have argued but in the end I thought oh well I don’t care enough to argue. I’ll let him have his way and then I’ll argue over stuff that I really want (and then I can say we did the wedding the way you wanted it so now it’s your turn to compromise). Win win situation. We ended up having a big wedding and we both loved it.

UKbride Member 28 Nov 2019

You are totally justified in saying that and your H2B needs to respect that! He can’t expect you to have to introduce yourself to people on YOUR wedding day! If people haven’t made the effort then why should you have to fork out money for them to enjoy themselves at your expense! Most people will only accept the invite to be nosey and get free drinks anyways so there’s no point. People will understand if you explain it’s a small intimate wedding with close family and friends!

UKbride Member 28 Nov 2019

I have a much smaller family than my fiance so am in a very similar situation in terms of numbers. I have accepted this because it's his day as well as mine and I'm taking it as an opportunity to meet the new additions to my family

UKbride Member 29 Nov 2019

I think there’s probably a compromise to be had here. Having been married before and my husband invited all and sundry it’s now my idea of hell being in a room to celebrate my own special day with strangers who all too easily fall by the wayside anyway and are unlikely to feature large in your married life.
This time around me and H2B are keeping it small and having just 35 to our day do, which is made up of close family and friends, some without plus ones - every one of which we both know well. The evening do has maybe 20-30 more people, mostly his extended family but he knows he’ll be putting the money in the pot to cover the cost.
To some extent your venue may dictate numbers, so why not sit down, map out who he would like to invite then agree a budget you’re both happy with and pair it back so that so you don’t feel overrun.
Ps there will always be people who have opinions about your choices, and what is fair/right, but ultimately it’s yours and your H2B’s day so just make yourselves happy. Good luck xx

UKbride Member 29 Nov 2019

I know people don’t see they family all the time and friends but it would be nice to have them around u even if u don’t talk to them all the time for your perfect wedding day and me and my wife to be Fiona Elizabeth Kelly and we need to keep budget too a minimum and I have the perfect family now x

UKbride Member 29 Nov 2019

Maybe offer everyone a couple of drinks and then the rest they pay for. Offer a buffet of finger food and canapés then once it's gone that's it 🙂

UKbride Member 29 Nov 2019

I have a similar issue and agreed on a basic rule, he can invite them on one condition: I have met them at some point before the day, that way you dont have a load of strangers standing around and if I havent met them they cant come

UKbride Member 29 Nov 2019

My husband has a bigger family than me,on the day we kept it to close family & friends but on the night we had all his family come & work friends including partners & kids.I had never met most of his work friends & partners or half of his family but they all came & it was a really good night.I didn't care that I had a room full of people that I had never met because they know my husband & had made the effort to come

UKbride Member 29 Nov 2019

I must have had an extra 60-70 people at our evening reception, my hubby had maybe 10 and he didn't know any of mine, I don't think it matters if its the party? Plus it gives you the opportunity to meet them. If he wants them to share in his wedding party with him should you not respect that? He's not inviting them to the costly part. If you're worried about the price of an evening buffet just ask close family to make a loaf of sandwiches each, or get the local chippy 😂 doesn't have to be fancy, most important that you both have those you want there to celebrate with you both.

UKbride Member 29 Nov 2019

You’re getting married, families coming together. He had a life before you met, and if he wants to share the evening reception with them, let him. It’s about him AND you .. you will be so busy talking to people and dancing etc that you won’t have to worry and to be fair you should make an effort to get to know these folk you haven’t bothered with in the last 10 years just as much as they might not have bothered with you.

Weddings are a celebration. Enjoy it. Some of these folk you don’t want there might just make your night. Seeing your husband happy .. having had the service and meal as you wanted.

UKbride Member 5 Dec 2019

We are having a similar problem. We originally agreed to have just select family to keep within our budget but my mum got upset and threatened to not come and her mum wouldn't come if her sisters weren't invited and we said they only way we could include them was if she paid, so she agreed. Now we are in an awkward position cos i have a lot more family than him and his mum insists we invite more of his family but she won't pay for them.

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