Our wedding is June '20 and ever since we got engaged in Sept '18 my sister has done everything she can to try to derail things. This even includes storming off and not speaking to me for 3 days when we gotengaged as my fiance proposed on the beach we used to visit for family holidays when I was small and where we scattered my Dad's ashes (my favourite place in the entire world but my sister says this was a disgusting thing to do and is smearing my Dad's memory). She has threatened all along not to come to the wedding and has thrown a strop at every step/ meeting/ appointment, the latest of which has culminated in her not speaking to me for nearly 3 weeks now. I have had enough and have made it clear that she has till Friday to tell me whether she is coming or not (if she says nothing I will take it that she's made up her mind not to come). I guess I just need some reassurance that I'm not being unreasonable- my Mum has been so excited about the wedding even though she is in poor health and my sister has even started lashing out at her to the point she has phoned me in floods. I feel devastated by the whole thing as I always thought my sister and I were close till now.
If your sister can't be happy for you then just forget about her! This is your special day and you don't need the extra stress on top of planning your wedding! She will the one that regrets not being there.. you go and have a lovely wedding and celebrate with your families! ️
Your sister sounds so jealous ..
I think leave her out of your wedding. Got a feeling she’ll ruin that too. Wouldn’t risk it if I were you
Tell her due to her behaviour shebis no longer welcome at your wedding. She is clearly very jealous and being spiteful.
Say "what a shame, we'll miss you" then change the subject. Don't bother with her if she's going to behave like this
I think the way your finace proposed is a beautiful way to pop the question its a place where u cherish and also thinking about your dad seen as he not around to ask him. Beautiful sentiment. I think you need to focus on your self and your future husband to be. If your sister carnt be happy for you then leave her be. I know it will be hard but its your special day. Alot of people focus on making other people happy and in the end your not the ones that enjoy the day!! Go and enjoy your wedding and have the most magical day. Xxx
She's being a spoilt bitch about it all and clearly jealous. Don't bother including her in your day, you don't need that drama and negativity in your life. Keep your mum involved with the planning to keep her mind off your sister. The day is about you, not her and she's lashing out because of that
To me she sounds jealous and needs to grow up maybe go to her house and have a talk on a calm level and see what is affecting her so much if she is rude in any way you know you have tried and let her have the guilt this is your day you and your hubby to be have worked hard on don’t let her get her get to you x
Your sister sounds like a dick
it seems to me a little like jealousy!
I think it was lovely that our partner thought to include your dad on your engagement!
Tell her, that’s she’s not longer invited because of her behaviour
Focus on what you and your fiancé want The proposal sounds so wonderful and meaningful for you, and she just sounds like a jealous child throwing her toys out of her pram! This is your day, so don't let her pettiness take away the magic
Honey my sister has acted in a similar way and so have 2 close friends it’s not a nice feeling but unfortunately when you get engaged and married jealousy and true colours come out and you find out who’s who my sister and I are now no longer in each other’s lives and she won’t be at my wedding I feel for you babe but you’re better off with people like that not around you. We are both June 20 brides congratulations on your wedding and I wish you love xx
Jesus she sounds like a jealous brat. Tell her she's not welcome if she's going to act like that. It's not acceptable to be disrespectful to your mum and cause her distress (especially if she's ill) because she's spitting her dummy out. Fuck her off.
Jealousy prure & simple. Ignore her reassure your mum and make it a wonderful day for you & your HTB. Leave her to stew in her own juice
I would ask her what her problem is!
Is your sister in a relationship or married? Sounds like severe case of jealousy unfortunately. I don’t think you are being unreasonable at all!! Congrats on your engagement and lots of luck and happiness for your special day xx
I am so so sorry that you have had to go through this.
To be honest, it sounds like she is very jealous
It is your wedding and you have to do what you and your other half think is best for your especial day.
If she does not want to talk to you and tells you that she is not coming, then (even though it might be hard) it is her decision.
She should not be putting you in this position. It is going to be one of the most important days of your life and nobody has the right to spoil it for you
It's your day so do what you want with who you want don't be held to ransom x
Is she married? Could she be jealous of you getting married first, or being in a good relationship? Does she have history with your fiancé?
Sounds like she’s being very childish. Just stick with your mum. Sounds like your mum is very excited & supportive & bring her into the real depths of helping with the organisation of the wedding & ignite your sister. Be there for each other.
I wouldn’t involve her in anymore of the planning and don discuss it with her but hold a seat for her in case she realises she’s being silly and jealous
Ur day ur way like it or lump it don't let anyone try to take that away from u an ur partner u hav enough stress with the wedding and everything else let her deal with wat ever it is she's jealous about an go enjoy ur day it's special an just for u an ur partner
If this is so out of character, she may be jealous yes, but is probably grieving for your dad, so is confused with her feelings and being a dick as Hannah said 🤣🤣. You love her, so ask her! Good luck with everything
I think you have been more than reasonable..she seems to have had many chances and much time to get on board..I agree with previous comments, she sounds very jealous. I would absolutely put a stop to it now.
It sounds like jealousy to me. If its making you that upset tell her she's not invited?
I would simply say... we would love for your to attend our day and celebrate with us as my sister, however if you do not feel that you can do this or do not support our decisions then please excuse yourself from OUR day! ( but worded a bit nicer 🤣)
Don't let her see it's getting to you . Put the other face on . She'll come round , if she doesn't then it's her loss . I see it has you wanting to include your father
❌ it’s a no from me ❌ don’t let her ruin your day, if there’s even any doubt she will then she doesn’t deserve to be there. 🤷♀️ harsh reality. I am getting married Sept 20 and have already uninvited a family member for this very reason.
Your sister sounds like a bitch. But... Is this out of character, could she have something going on that she's scared to tell you? Has she recently had a big event in her life, like her own engagement, job promotion etc and she feels over shadowed? None of these are an excuse for her behaviour but it may explain it. Give her til Friday to get in touch if she doesn't try confronting her ask if something else is going on, if not then tell her she's not going to the wedding as she's been a colossal pain in the ass and is upsetting everyone including your mum which is not fair!! Xxx
Never like my brother, that decided to be involve in a fight and got home arrested and asked me to cancel my wedding and wait 9 years until he is free,loosing like that over 2000 pounds already payed for the cerimony and deposit payed🤦🏼♀️ and if I dont do it I'm a shit sister. Btw me and him we never go on well,we didnt even spoke for years and years
Sounds like she's bitter and jealous xxx you're day will be better without her xx
Screw her. It's your big day,don't let her spoil it for you. Congratulations and good luck x
Maybe shes scared shes losing you. Sit and have a chat reassure her youll be sisters fir ever.
Tell ur sister to piss off and grow up. Ur day not hers xx
If she is going to be like that then she doesn’t deserve to go! I’m glad your mum is super excited though. Your sister sounds super jealous, don’t let her ruin it have it with people who will enjoy it and make it even more special xx
It sounds like she is jealous. If you have found memories of that beach and your partner thought it would be a wonderful gesture to propose there, it has absolutely nothing to do with her; and she doesn't like that.
You need to carry on with your chin up and try to reassure your mum that you all need to be strong. She's trying to make your day about her. Have a chat and tell her you would like her to be there, but if she decides not to come, it's her prerogative. After that do not remotely make a fuss about her being a part of the day. If she wants to be a dick, leave her to it.
I don't think your being unreasonable hun, enjoy your day and don't worry about her.
I say if your Mum is happy then that is what matters. Your sister is clearly jealous and I think it is a wonderful new memory for you to have of a place that holds special meaning for you, and I am sure it would have felt like your dad was there with you when you got engaged. Tell her again you would like her there but only if she can be happy for you or she isn't welcome.
Sounds like your sister is either attention seeking or feels like she's going to be left alone so is purposely pushing you all away. She's losing your mum to ill health, she's losing you to the man you love and she lost her dad.
You're not being unreasonable but she does need someone to talk to.
I hope you guys resolve things and if not you both have to live with the outcome.
If she says she would like to go then you need to sit her down ave talk to her explain how you feel and really listen to how she feels too.
Sending hugs your way, it's not easy but you're family I hope you make it work
She is clearly jealous let her get on with it dont let it ruin your day
You sister seems like the Incredible sulk. Sod her off and have your mum there, that's all that matters ❤️
Firstly my opinion on your partner's proposal is that it was beautiful. Not only is it a place you love but it's a place you will feel close to your dad - a way for him to be involved as such....truly touching and thoughtful.
Secondly, I've cut family off so know it's not easy but you'll feel better once you tell your sister to do one. No matter about jealousy of what she may or may not be feeling, it is no excuse to sh*t all over your wedding and to lay into your mum as well! I hope you find the strength to tell her that she isn't welcome if she doesn't support you xx
How lovely to be in the place your dad is to propose it's almost as if he asked your dad's permission thats a lovely thing to do. Definately not disrespectful.
As for your sister get carry on with your wedding and leave her to it. If she doesn't come it's her loss. Your marrying your best friend your sister should support you but if she don't then I'd say just do it all yourself without her. If she turns up all the better if she don't her loss.
That sounds like pure jealousy. Seriously, don't waste another minute worrying. Crack on with your day, firmly without her! Let your mum enjoy her daughter getting married, leave sister alone. By the way, your proposal sounds amazing, I can't see anything to fault there, it's just another beautiful memory to add to the place!
Tell her she is a spoilt brat & she is uninvited!! She will
definitely ruin your day!! X
I think that’s sweet he made it an event more special place now.
As for your sister, I wouldn’t bother. Leave it till Friday like you have said. True colours really show at these moments.
Your engagement embraced the memory of your father and involved him sensitively..... Your wedding is special and I would hate to think you didn't enjoy it as you anticipate your sister spoiling it. Simply don't have her there xx
Tell her to grow up and let her know if that is how she is going to behave you don't want her to attend anyway. Its your day not hers.
I think that sounds like a beautiful proposal in such a special location! With regards to your sister, it does sound like she is very jealous and bitter. This is one of the most special days of your life and you deserve to be able to enjoy every stage of planning and every moment of the big day and your sister is the last person that should be preventing your happiness! I would ask to meet her in a neutral location and try to get to the bottom of what's really bothering her.
Ah I'm so sorry that your sister isn't being supportive of you and this special time in your life esp since ye are usually close. Tbh it sounds like a case of the green eyed monster to me, talk to her ask her what's going on if she is still being awkward then go on without her share this time with your mum and the other special people in your life. Best of luck hope u work it out with your sister x
I would have a good honest chat with her and tell her that the wedding will be going ahead whether she is there or not. It's basically a decision for her on whether she wants to be seen by the rest of the family as a good supportive sister or a bitter and twisted hag 🤷 I wouldn't want my sister (if I had one) at my wedding if she just wanted to make it all about her!
Cut the apron straps... she doesn't deserve to be in your special day. Your h2b had an amazing gesture to propose to you in a special place for you, basically what he did was to claim back the good memories of that place for you. Has to be more bitter than sweet after you spread your dad's ashes there, and now the good memories are back... if your sister can't see that, then she's the one with the problem... her attitude says more about her than about you. As I see it, she has 2 choices: get on board and be supportive or get out of the way... you are planning the day that'll most likely start the rest of your life, and if she can't be there for you, that what good is she for?
I didn't have my sister at my wedding. Or my youngest brothers. Two of them werr excluded for similar reasons to the OP, my youngest brother wasn't included as he's got severe autism and simply wouldn't have enjoyed the day. I don't regret not having the other 2 attending at all, having them there would have been very bad for my mental health. Same reason my stepfather was left out.
My partner proposed to me in a similar way, it doesn’t smear anyone’s memory it’s just means your Dad was with you when it happened and makes it all that more special. It sounds like a case of jealousy lovely and it’s coming out from her in the worst way. Honestly I know it’s hard but the last thing you want is her acting like this on your special day. Realistically it’s you that shouldn’t be speaking to her after treating you this way and your poor Mum. Let her come to you and if she doesn’t then more fool her, don’t stress yourself chasing it’s clearly what she wants. Sounds like you’ve been beyond reasonable you just enjoy your day ❤️❤️❤️
She sounds jealous, at this point if she adds nothing to your big then, then let her do what she wants, it's meant to be happy and peaceful so why should she come?
She sounds undoubtedly jealous and that’s going to result in her missing out. She sounds like one of those women who has to be centre of attention at all times or it’s not good enough for her. If I was in your shoes, I would give her till Friday but if nothing then ‘see ya’. Wedding planning is stressful and time consuming as it is, you don’t need someone interfering and creating more stress for you. I would stand firm on my answer too, no going back if she suddenly decides to start trying to be nice in a few months. People can’t have everything on their terms when it comes to YOUR wedding! Enjoy and ignore the negative!
Let her get on with it attitude gets you know where ,That's family for you can't please everyone .It's you and fiance special day so let no one spoil it for you and make some wonderful memories take care x
I think that was a beautiful thing your fiance done,making your dad part of a special day even though he is sadly no longer here . Sounds like your sister is jealous x
I'm going to go on a different tangent here. Is your Sister single or in a relationship? Also Your Mothers health not being good maybe She's worried that she's going to loose you as you're getting married and making a new life for yourself which may or may not include her and your Mum which will leave her on her own. Much as it may seem like Jealousy you should maybe consider this point of view.
Your sister is a selfish and jealous individual and if I were you I’d have cut her out of the wedding plans the first time she stopped speaking to me. Planning is half the fun and she’s ruined that. Don’t let her ruin your day as well.
Personally I’d make it clear to your sister that there will be a place for her at the wedding if she is on board and supportive but if she doesn’t feel she can support then she is free to not attend. I’d put the responsibility on to her then she can never say you cut her out or didn’t consider her.
An awful situation to be in, I’m so sorry you have this to deal with. Remember it is your day and only those who support you are welcome x
At the end of the day, this is your special day. Maybe she is jealous of what you have. Don't be offended by the proposal, she just doesn't see the significance of doing it in a place that includes your late dad.
She is your sister and should be happy for you regardless. It may hurt but enjoy and bask in your special day.
I agree with so many comments that your sister is jealous. Your H2B choice of proposal site is beautiful and shows his thought and love for you. It's terribly sad your sister can't see it that way. There is time to heal the rift, but if she can't support you it might be best to leave her off the guest list. You don't want any upset and drama on your special day. I wish you luck x
Just as well YOUR wedding doesn't revolve around her.... I would write her a letter....
dear .... sister ( insert any describing word.
Since I got engaged I have this over riding feeling you aren't happy about things, this could be for various reasons ..
1, everything isn't centred around you
2, you fancy my fiancé & now know you have no chance with him
3,you realise I'm going to look fabulous
Or anyone of a hundred ridiculous reasons that you have convinced yourself are right.
Now as much as you have upset me with your nastiness worse than that is the upset you are continuing to cause mum .
You are my sister and I always dreamt of planning my wedding with you by my side but enough is enough, if you choose to continue down this road I will have no option to remove you from even attending the wedding.
If you want to contact me I am more than happy to chat to you and work things out BUT I will not be making any more moves...if I hear nothing from you 8 will work on the assumption that you don't want to be involved .
Get you attitude out of your backside & stop being an attention seeking, self serving not that good at it diva.
Please make your self a picnic to sit & eat on your own as you will be the only company you have on the day of MY wedding
Such polite comments tell her to go forth...u know the rest. My sil wanted to bring her married bf to our wedding...my hubby her brother said no way....so she didn't come n tells everybody she didn't get n invite . This is YOUR day don't let anybody spoil it xxx
if shes acting like that do you even want her at your wedding day, its a spoilt little brats attitude and to punish your mother aswell is beyond unreasable i would bite back and say sorry your no longer invited as i dont allow children at my wedding and have done with it. why would you want the happiest day of your life masked by such a horrid posionious attitude. I didnt care less who in my family came and didnt, my husband soon realised by how many family members couldnt be bothered to come to our wedding because it was on a sunday not a saturday that there are more important things to worry about.
There's two sides to every story. Clearly there is something that's got to your sister. She appears to have had issues before your engagement. May be its not about the actual wedding, but about you. Is it loosing you that has upset her,.
I truly hope this gets sorted for you, as you deserve to enjoy every moment of your happiness
Tell her to sod off and stay there.
Well if shes being like this on the run up to your wedding then what is she gonna be like on day! She obviously doesn't care and is spoiling it for you so why would you want her at your wedding just un-invite her
Not worth worrying about carry on without her
If you’ve always been close until now then this suggests your sister is really struggling, either with jealousy (is she single or unhappily coupled up? Waiting for her own proposal?) or with feeling she’s losing all the people around her in various ways (father died, mother ill, you getting married and moving on) or some other random issue of her own. You have every right to be frustrated and upset by her behaviour but if you could find it in yourself to dig deep, could it be worth reaching out with a nice card or something and writing (only if sincere) all the things you love about her as a sister and how much it would mean to have her there. But end it by saying that you understand if it is all to difficult for her and if she decides not to come, you won’t mention it again. Then leave the ball in her court and focus on enjoying your day. Sounds like you’ve found a lovely hubby to be. Hope you have a lovely day. Families aren’t always easy and sometimes we have to make tough decisions to protect our own mental health and well-being. X
It’s just pure jealousy that’s all ( is she married ? Boyfriend ?) it’s lovely idea perfect to propose where you have childhood memories he’s trying to fit in with all your fsmily knows you have memories there I would of loved it don’t threaten her just stay your distance if she comes she comes of she doesn’t her loss tell her you wanted her to be chief bridesmaid choose colours you both love of that doesn’t work then leave her to it xxx
Such a shame that this has happened and I feel so bad for you. There's clearly something more going on here but that is your sister's issue and not yours. If she really can't find it in herself to be supportive then you are probably better off not having her there on the day. Try not to let it ruin your plans - this day is about you and your lovely husband to be and a is a celebration of your love. This should be a happy time for you so please don't let someone else spoil it for you, your fiance and your Mum.
Sounds to me like she hasn't got over losing your dad and she's afraid of losing you. She may not realise this , however her behaviour is wrong and she needs to change it. Be prepared to have to stand your ground.
Finally I thought it was lovely that your proposal was on that beach it was the next best thing to asking for your dad's blessing. Be happy and confident in your self x
Jealous just enjoy your special day. It’s your life not hers x
I would enjoy my day without her
Might be worth trying to have a chat with her sister to sister and see what her underlying issue is and asking her to even put her jealousy aside for the sake of your mum. If she can’t be happy for you getting married then I wouldn’t keep trying. As sad is it would be for you not to have her there it’s not worth ruining the best day of your life. It’s not unreasonable to give her a deadline at all, every other guest is asked to confirm by a certain date xx
Personally, if that was my sister I wouldn’t invite her at all after all that you said, because for all you know she’ll be spiteful and ruin the wedding day, not worth the risk
Try to ignore but send her an invite she cann. Then take it or leave it then leave her to decide don’t try to involve her in planning just go. And enjoy by the sounds of it hopefully without her
what a wonderful thing to do to propse where your dads ashes are your fiance put alot of thought into that and makes it feels like your dads had some involvement even though hes not alive his presence was there through the proposal which is lovely as for your sister she sounds very jelous and making everyone upset including her mother is disgusting im 37 and wouldnt dare lash out to my mother if i did she would give me what for she dosnt deserve to be at the wedding shes acting like a bratt shes stopped talking to u for 3weeks tell her cus of her behaviour she aint coming. show her how it feels to be hurt and upset just like shes done to you and your mum maybe then she will realise how bad shes upset people if this was my sister she wouldnt be getting an invite if she can act like this now imagine the wedding day
She should only be there if she can be happy for you. You dont need to be worried about whether or not shes going to kick off and spoil your day. Also I think its lovely that he proposed on that beach. It includes your dad and the fond memories of him and the lovely times you had in the next step in your lives together. It also show that your fiance knows what's important to you (keeper)
You’d just be on edge on tour wedding day that she is going to ruin it, tell her to do one! Have the best day ever!! Xxx
I’m sorry if I sound harsh but she sounds like a horrible person. I obviously never knew your father but I’m sure he would’ve have loved the idea of getting proposed on that beach because it’ll give you so many reasons to treasure that place. I think you’re just right to put your foot down with her but personally...I would have kicked her out of the wedding long before now! I think the tormenting your mother who’s not well would have been the last straw for me. I hope your mum starts feeling better soon xx
Sorry, that’s tough for you! You’re not being unreasonable, it’s your special time. Have a quiet word with her and see how it goes. Good luck. Have the best day regardless 😊
Just tell her to take a long walk off a short pier!
Did you have a decent relationship with your sister before the engagement? If so, I would try talking to her and not give up until you get to the bottom of it because it sounds like she is just having a strop and blaming things that don't seem to be the issue. Buuuuut, if you didn't have a great relationship with her before, then this is likely just who she is and you need to leave her to it and tell her she can have her little hissy fits at you all she wants but don't bring your mum into it.
I guess there are deep lying reasons for your sisters jealousy, she is more to be pitied than anything else, when someone who cannot be happy for one of the closest people to them, and then involves your mother in her one sided feud they have serious problems. If it were me i think i would probably seek one more meeting with her, and explain to her without rancour, that if she wishes to share one of the most precious days of your life she is more than welcome and you would love to have her there, however if she would only be coming to be hurtful and mean to you and your mother and make a fool of herself in front of all assembled then it would probably be better for HER if she didn’t come. I wish you a wonderful and peaceful wedding and hope that your sister sees sense before your big day
Your not over reacting she is at the end of the day I think it was a nice idea to get engaged on the beach as it sort of involved your dad as he sadly wont of been there to ask his permission I would tell her you either be happy for me or dont bother coming she doesnt have to agree with you but at the end of the day she should still be happy for and be there to plan as any sister usually would at the end of the day it will be her loss not yours xx