UK
UKbride Member Request 9 Apr 2019

Struggling to get motivated

I'm getting married in less than 6 months, and I'm finding it increasingly difficult to get motivated to do any more planning. I'd very much like to go a day not getting asked about wedding stuff, people just seem to be repeating themselves and I'm just tired of it all. I am someone with a history of anxiety and depression, and all this is making me want to lock myself away and hide until it's all over. I love my fiancé without a doubt, I just want to get married and start my life with him without all the incessant questions. "What about these shoes? Do you think this colour will go with that colour? You can't have that, it doesn't fit in with your theme. Have you sorted a cake? Who's doing the music? You need to play this cos people will love it." I already said what type of shoes, I already said what colour, I don't have a stupid theme so I'm having it because I like it, I already said I want chocolate cake, I already said I can't afford a live band so I have to have a DJ and they're not gonna play that stuff cos I don't like it!!! Argh!!!!! Is this normal? Do any other brides want the wedding to just go away and be married already?

52 Comments
UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 9 Apr 2019

I'm glad someone else is feeling like this
I get married in 6 months x

Tracey Beet
Tracey Beet 9 Apr 2019

No,I'm finding the planning the best part however I would love for my family/friends to be more involved,I don't get asked any of these questions so we have pretty much just got on with it.I don't see a harm in people wanting to talk about it & be involved,I think it shows they care

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 9 Apr 2019

I felt like this when I was planning my wedding.
But I miss it now it's all over xx

Kelsie Oldroyd
Kelsie Oldroyd 9 Apr 2019

My wedding isn't until summer next year, I've planned non of it, not even picked a date properly yet. And I'm literally planning the smallest most intimate registry office day ever. I dont think I'm even going to have a "night do" maybe just go for some food to somewhere nice. I'm not a drinker so I dont mind about a party afterwards!

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 9 Apr 2019

It gets a bit like it huh? I feel for you. It’s actually far more stressful than I imagined! (Considering it’s my second marriage...although first marriage was a shotgun wedding...which occasionally seems like a great idea !)
The only advice I have is (if you have them) ask bridesmaids to help. I really couldn’t have planned my wedding without them. And although they haven’t done any “big things” the little bits would’ve fallen by the wayside without them. Good luck. And congratulations! Xxx

Maria  Bywater
Maria Bywater 9 Apr 2019

i am getting married next weekend and I understand the feeling, i just want it to be done with (as much as i want the day and look forward to it) i am now like i cant wait for it to be done. I think just be happy people want to help out, or maybe make a list and allocate people parts they can help with then they dont all ask the same things. or just say not thinking yet have ages, speak to me in 3 months. - remember its YOUR day, (yours and your partners) so just stay true to what you want. or just say yeah love it you pay for that bit then if you like that and let family do that and then it takes some of the stress off because they have done it for you.

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 9 Apr 2019

Tell people quite honestly you need a few weeks break from planning and all the questions. People mostly have good intentions but its fine to take a step back and breathe!

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 9 Apr 2019

I'm exactly the same. I just want a small wedding with very close friends and family there, without the hassle of entertaining everyone and having all those eyes on us. However, my other half has decided he wants to 'do it properly' and have a proper church wedding with a venue that holds 80 through the day and 100 at night (I'm hoping we don't make anywhere near those figures but I have a feeling we will)

Luckily I have another year to get my head round it. I've just left all the planning to him as when I started looking for things I kept being told by people that they didn't like it and that my ideas were stupid (my children as my bridesmaids, colour schemes etc) I just gave up in the end and I just see it now as a waste of time, effort and money for a piece of paper that we can get without all of the stress and worrying

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 9 Apr 2019

You sound like a miserable cow tbh. People are interested in your life and your future

Hayley Muir
Hayley Muir 9 Apr 2019

Maybe just politely say you have sorted what you can for now and you need a bit of a breather?

I know how it feels to plan a wedding with anxiety and depression and it’s really hard x

Ashleigh Hendry
Ashleigh Hendry 9 Apr 2019

This is me, I want to get married to the love of my life and thats it. I don't care about all the fluffy stuff. Don't get me wrong I am so in love with my venue but I don't care who comes and what favours we have. People will always be unhappy whatever we all do!

Kayleigh E Alman
Kayleigh E Alman 9 Apr 2019

Just tell people it’s your day and you can do it however you want, at the speed you want and do it with the people you want.. Infact you can get married on your own, with 1 or 2 witnesses 🙂 it doesn’t matter if people don’t like it or as it’s YOUR day, don’t listen to people and enjoy it 🙂 what they don’t understand is they would hate it if people did that to them so remind them who’s day it is.. hope your okay!

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 9 Apr 2019

I definatly understand how you feel I get married in 3 weeks time however my anxiety comes from weather my future terminally ill mother in law is going to make it..bittersweet to say the least..I should be happy and excited but instead I feel sad and not really bothered although I really want to get married to my sole mate and o know it's what his mum wants..chin up hun take some time for yourself and just relax. Xx

Nikki Gallagher
Nikki Gallagher 9 Apr 2019

I’m the same too... I don’t want to talk about it I’m actually nervous about the whole thing cos I’m a really shy person so I’m trying very hard to avoid the subject!! Just get it over with is my plan ha ha xx

Sarah Le feuvre
Sarah Le feuvre 9 Apr 2019

I was the same and I did shut myself away and got on with it quietly - not always possible I know. Just try to let it all go over your head and focus on YOUR day, coz it’s not anyone else’s. Good luck xx

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 9 Apr 2019

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 9 Apr 2019

Have cards printed up with all the answers, as soon as someone asks a question, just pass them the card. To the comment - you can't have that! - simply say, it's my wedding, I can have what I want

Stacey Gill
Stacey Gill 9 Apr 2019

I also suffer with anxiety and depression, I decidedly to do a mainly diy wedding when it comes to decorations.
This had been great for my anxiety and depression because when people start asking me question I just say, "No nothings anywhere near to being finished." To which they always reply don't worry everything will be fine on the day.
If they carry on asking questions, I just start getting agitated and spewing a list of things that need doing. To which they usually back away hands in the air saying it'll all be fine in the end.
Deep down I've been very relaxed about the wedding I've been planning it for 2 years now and I'm getting married in 4 weeks everything that needed doing asap had been done the few things that need doing we still have plenty of time to sort out.
My issue now is that I do feel sick thinking how close the wedding is with the amount of stuff left to do, even though I know I'll get it all done it time because I always do lol. But I am very excited for my wedding day especially after we recently had our trial photo shoot which was really fun.

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 9 Apr 2019

Well the last comment was plain rude. You are not a miserable cow. And I totally understand the whole wedding thing can be exhausting. I'm in the thick of planning and boy I didn't realized how many small jobs and details I need to think about. I'm with you on the theme thing, I like it all to be just thrown together, don't like matchy matchy things. My biggest worry is having to host and cater for my family staying at my house in the run up to the wedding as they all come from abroad. There will be little room, most likely some kind of fall out and I won't get a minute to myself to enjoy my big day with my husband

jennifer davies
jennifer davies 9 Apr 2019

This is me all over! Totally understand. Try to enjoy it. Apparently you miss it when it's over Haha! C

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 9 Apr 2019

God yes I felt like this until the day! Plan the day for you and your partner. Do not be afraid to put your foot down and say "actually no, this is how we want it so this is how we're having it." I too suffer with anxiety and depression but in the end has to just not give a damn about upsetting other people and get on with it - because it's us paying for it and if we don't enjoy it then it's pointless. Hope this helps x

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 9 Apr 2019

I’m still 2 years away (been engaged a year and a half) and people ask everyday I’m like nope, it’s still too early. I just keep saying it’s too soon and I’ll let them know when I’ve sorted it (although the more I plan the more freaked out I get about the ever-increasing wedding budget 🤦‍️)

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 9 Apr 2019

I didn’t like it either! Whatever you decide people have an opinion and disagree! In the end I stopped sharing info 🤣 My husband and I planned it and chose the things we liked and wanted. When people asked I would say ‘it’s all a suprise, we want it to be new to everyone when they arrive for the day’! Most people accepted that, and some would push for answers, but I just smiled and blew it off. It’s stressful enough actually bloody deciding upon what you want out of the zillion options there are for every little detail, without people sharing their opinions etc!! Do you! Do some meditation! Practice some yoga! Get your zen on and try and remember not to take anything personally Life is too short and this is meant to be a day about your love together. I regret taking the prep too seriously now... hindsight eh? X x x

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 9 Apr 2019

Think this is maybe a bit of an exaggeration. Instead of being frustrated maybe be grateful people care about you enough to want to talk about it. One poor girl had nobody at all to talk to and while all the attention may be frustrating I think you should consider yourself lucky!

Sarah Sharpe
Sarah Sharpe 9 Apr 2019

Totally understand, I moved mine forward because I couldn't take it anymore. My mental health was taking a kicking, best thing I ever did xx

Rachel Vinnyey
Rachel Vinnyey 9 Apr 2019

Yes 100%. I’ve honestly asked my other half if we could just have a registry office just the two of us because I can’t face planning anything. I don’t care about a wedding I just want the marriage 💗

Josie Harrison-Marks
Josie Harrison-Marks 9 Apr 2019

I've got 9 weeks to go and on complete shut down, so much to do so just panicking, not doing anything and hoping it will all go away or sort it's self out all by it's own!

Laura Roby
Laura Roby 9 Apr 2019

I have anxiety too and mine is 4 months away and the closer it’s getting the more pressure I am putting on myself. Try and enjoy it as much as you can for the build up it’s natural to get stressed x

Victoria Jones
Victoria Jones 9 Apr 2019

I know this feeling all too well. Just remember it’s your day not there’s, have what you want and remember it’s all about marrying your fiancé. People will ask questions because they’re excited about your wedding. I just try and steer the conversation away from wedding chat if it’s starting to annoy me or I go somewhere quiet and meditate x

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 9 Apr 2019

If it's less than 6 months, I'm sure the vast majority of stuff (apart from final payments possibly) is done, so don't stress about that
People mean well by asking, they're happy for you, a lot of people enjoy the wedding planning, hence why people ask :)
It can't be easy if this has triggered some anxiety and depression, turn if your fiancé, friends and family for support if you need it.
Unfortunately the questions from people are all part and parcel of planning a wedding (only way to avoid it would probably be to go to Gretna Green!) Try to look at the positive of this: people care, and are expressing an interest :)
People will give opinions, for the most part, they mean well. Some people don't sadly. Either way: ignore them! It's your day, so you can do it how you want!
Oh, and personally, I really dont like weddings with a band, people want to dance and have a good time, to music they know, and perhaps even request songs they like. I remember at one wedding with a band, no one got up to dance becuase of the music the band played, the bridesmaids tried their hardest to force people up to dance: not cool. Everyone loves a DJ :)

Heather Durrant
Heather Durrant 9 Apr 2019

I suffer with anxiety and I have ignored everyone’s comments and done what my partner and I want. He has supported me when people have questioned things. It’s hard but just say it’s your wedding x

Clarissa Betson
Clarissa Betson 9 Apr 2019

Heres some helpful advice, I'm getting married in 3 months... I've had no stress! Keep things simple! - guests will remember good music and food... don't worry about all the little details! I've gone really simple and rustic, booked a marquee, cash bar, bbq. Local businesses have made things so easy and reasonable too. Or... hire a wedding planner to do it all for you! Xx

Chelsea-Anne Horrocks
Chelsea-Anne Horrocks 9 Apr 2019

In our house we both agreed to have wedding free days where we dont mention it, because we didn't want it to consume everything. That way we can for example just enjoy date nights and each others company without worrying about wedding stuff 😂
We cant wait to get married and are happy to talk about it with other people (not that many ask) but sometimes its nice to go home and know that you dont have to talk about wedding or wedding things 😂 We made it clear that our wedding would be OUR wedding and that although we respected people's help and opinions we roughly knew what we wanted. Thankfully our loved ones are happy to get involved when we ask. A lot of the time people ask the same questions as they arent sure what to ask but want to look interested, maybe just say that you havent chose the finer details yet but you'll let them know when you have x

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 9 Apr 2019

It does become a stressful time for sure (mines next month) but I think people are just trying to be happy for you! Not trying to annoy you. X

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 9 Apr 2019

This is so me!!!

Natalie Barton
Natalie Barton 9 Apr 2019

I’ve been planning for almost 2 years and we’re 5 months out and some days I just wish it was over! Ignore what other people say, keep focusing on WHY you’re getting married, all the little details won’t matter in the end, as long as you and your fiancé enjoy yourselves on the day, that’s all that matters!

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 9 Apr 2019

In a word, Yes! Try and look at it positively if you can that it’s really lovely that people care but also be firm about your choices. It is your wedding and just say that you appreciate people’s views and advice but that you’re having what you want (in a nice way)
I’m 6 and a half weeks away from my wedding now and I can’t wait to have a day where I don’t think about wedding planning. I’ve loved planning it and I’m sure I’ll miss it at some point when I’m married but it’s so completely consuming at the same time and my friends who have been married recently have said they felt the exact same way. Try and give yourself a weekend off if you can. Maybe tell people around you in a jokey way that you’re having a ban on all wedding talk for a week! Hope you feel better about it soon because it’s a really fun time too! Xx

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 9 Apr 2019

Im hoping to get married September next year. I havent done anything yet.

Jodie Fletcher
Jodie Fletcher 10 Apr 2019

Elope!

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 10 Apr 2019

Both me and my husband said the same until about a week before the wedding. We had the same issues. People don’t get to be part of the planning but they want to because they are excited and it’s not part of their everyday life so when you’re around they do tend to make you crazy.

Best advice I can offer is just to say “it’s all sorted” and then they have nothing else to say. That way you can do other things and talk about other things without feeling like screaming.

I didn’t tell people much about what I was choosing because I didn’t need 25 opinions on my choices.

I shared stuff with mum dad n sisters but that was all really x

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 10 Apr 2019

Anxiety and depression is horrible to suffer with at the best of times and planning a wedding will always set u off go and have a nice relaxing experience at a spa and it's hard but try and forget what others are saying/asking its ur day have it as u please

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 10 Apr 2019

Just ignore them or change the subject without answering the questions. They'll soon get the hint x

Tamara Pankhurst
Tamara Pankhurst 10 Apr 2019

I am in exactly the same boat as you! I suffer from anxiety and depression too and I am finding it increasingly hard to stay excited about it. Me and my fiancé even got to the point where we nearly just ran away to get married alone and come back and just have a party for everyone back home.

Rachael Watkinson
Rachael Watkinson 10 Apr 2019

I have just over a year to my wedding and at times i feel this usually after speaking to my mother other times i'm in a happy planning bubble and driving my fiance crazy. Maybe take a few days out. Ban wedding talk and chill out for a bit. Then when you feel better you can get back into it.

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 10 Apr 2019

I think you are being a bit over sensitive about it! People who care are excited for you - why is that a bad thing? If your wedding planning is making you anxious and depressed, maybe you should consider eloping? Why not get them involved? So if they have a suggestion you don’t like, why not say ‘well actually I don’t really like that however I’d prefer this so why don’t you find me some examples like it?’ Or ‘I don’t really have a theme however I’d really like this so could you find me something similar?’ Say to them, why don’t we catch up in a week/fortnight and you can show me what you found? That way you’ll get what you want and they won’t nip your head!

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 10 Apr 2019

What you having for dinner lol

Beckie McDermott
Beckie McDermott 10 Apr 2019

Annie Elizabeth Stephanie Shannon I will NEVER feel like this, just so ya know

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 10 Apr 2019

Ah bless you, in future if anyone wants to ‘input’ , be calm and just say, thankyou but everything’s sorted now, all there is to do now is wait for the dayx

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 10 Apr 2019

I’m the exact same as u I get it all the time me and my partner want to get married in 2021 so we can save my family keep going on and on and on at me saying getting married this year come on they even tell me where to get married what I should wear and what they should wear I also have depression and anxiety and I have panic attacks too it’s stressful just ignore them and I do what u want to do it’s your wedding

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 10 Apr 2019

Opinions are like aresholes, everyone has one. Be as firm as you can, these are your decisions and they have been made x

Anne-marie Scarbrough
Anne-marie Scarbrough 11 Apr 2019

I am still in the early stages of planning my wedding and very excited but with a lot of already planned and done I know I wont want to be mithered or told to change things once it is done...my suggestion to those that put their unwanted opinions, when they ask a question reply with 'you will see it all on the day '😁 firmly stated that will end people questioning and giving feedback. 🤞 I hope you enjoy your day and remember it's you and your partner's day everyone else is there to share it not to tell you how to enjoy it 💖 do it your way xxx

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 11 Apr 2019

It's your wedding and also have some you time take a rest don't let family try to take over x

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