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UKbride Member Request 3 Apr 2019

I have 6 children 5 from previous and 1 to my soon to be hubby. His sister...

I have 6 children 5 from previous and 1 to my soon to be hubby. His sister is also getting married a few months after us but has said my children can attend the ceremony and night do but will need to leave during the meal (70 guests at meal). It's around 40 minutes drive from our home so we would just have to hang around somewhere. I assumed been that these are his step-children and he is very actively taking on the role, that we would be invited as a family. I now feel like his family don't view us as part of his family. What are your views on this situation?

74 Comments
Hayley Marden
Hayley Marden 4 Apr 2019

Are other children going to be around? Maybe as alot of other people are doing it now not inviting children.

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 4 Apr 2019

If other children aren't invited then me and hubby would just go to the evening. If other kids are invited, me and hubby wouldn't be going at all lol.

Sammy Eldridge
Sammy Eldridge 4 Apr 2019

Is it all 6 kids that aren’t invited to the meal? If so I’d say it’s just cost cutting, as they usually charge per head it can be expensive and a waste to feed kids who may not like the food or eat much.
If it’s just your kids from the previous relationship that are excluded then I’d tell her to shove the whole wedding

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 4 Apr 2019

If your joint child is staying for meal and others are not then I wouldn’t be going to the do myself.all go or none..if no kids are going to stay for meal then just bring them for night do,makes life easier.xx

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 4 Apr 2019

It's the Bride's day so her choice. :-)

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 4 Apr 2019

Sounds like 'their child' is invited but hers are not. Rather than upset the children, could you get them all looked after, have a night just the two of you.

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 4 Apr 2019

Assuming none of the kids are invited to the day? I totally understand that as we're saying no to kids as it almost doubles the numbers. I wouldn't don't the ceremony in that case, I'd just go in the evening.

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 4 Apr 2019

If you can get the kids minded I would just not take them

Charlotte Stück
Charlotte Stück 4 Apr 2019

Small wedding and your party would make a total of 8 people?! Maybe they simply can’t afford it. Lots of places charge £70-100 a head and that is a lot of places and money. It may honestly not be personal. Also, are other children going? I had 0 children at my wedding, no exceptions (I don’t like adults drinking around children) xx

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 4 Apr 2019

I wouldn't go at all,family first and if she doesn't want your kids at the meal then,her almost nieces and nephews then tell her no. I can't believe she would say that,has she even said why they can't be at the meal?

Lauren Whymark
Lauren Whymark 4 Apr 2019

If it’s down to money then maybe offer to pay? Some people are on a tight budget so it can be difficult ? X

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 4 Apr 2019

I'd be fuming, having kids is always hard when it comes to split families. We say we are one family, invite them all or invite none... but being in the position of having eight of us, I would ask if it's financial and offer to pay a bit x

Sammy Eldridge
Sammy Eldridge 4 Apr 2019

Now I’ve reread it definitely sounds like just your 5 kids are excluded. I have the same family make up as you, only 1 child is current partners.
If his family invited only some of us to an event then none of us would be going. I’m fuming for you 😤

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 4 Apr 2019

Personally I wouldn't go I'd say sorry there's no one to look after my children so the husband will just be attending...unless you can get a sitter for ALL the children and just call it a date with your husband

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 4 Apr 2019

Sorry I just want to make sure I'm picking this up right so your children have to leave during the meal but your child with her brother is invited? If that's the case I think that's horrible and can completely understand you being upset by it. I would be livid as well such a message to send to the children that they aren't as important as their sibling. Blood doesn't make family love and commitment does they are all your children /h2b step kids I think I would be tempted to tell her where to shove it tbh should all be invited or none at all. However if I am reading it wrong and no children invited then maybe it is simply that they cannot afford to cater for them all most hotels charge per head and 8 people is a lot. If this is the case then maybe u could get a sitter to mind the kids for the dinner? Lots of hotels have kids clubs/sitters ect or ask a trusted friend to help. X

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 4 Apr 2019

There is 8 of you! Some meals are nearly £100 a head and it is her day its about the couple not your kids! Just take them to a local park

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 4 Apr 2019

Imagine having to leave for dinner . Where do you go to eat. Mcds? BK? Or do you stand at the window and look in? Like Oliver. I get that they make up 8 people and it’s a cost thing but seriously. I wouldn’t go. The kids are part of the brothers family now so tough

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 4 Apr 2019

Is the child you share with your partner invited to the sit down meal? How old are your other children? If your youngest has been included and not the other 5 then I’d not go altogether.

Treat them all the same or none at all.

Michelle Memerton
Michelle Memerton 4 Apr 2019

It’s a tough one because as other people have mentioned, price per head can be costly however I would whole heartedly classify any family, step or not as priority. We’re in a similar position with my brother-in-law as me, my fiancé and my youngest (who is my fiancé’s daughter) are invited to their wedding but my other 3 children aren’t. So guess I won’t be going to that wedding then. 😏

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 4 Apr 2019

If it’s all kids then I’d just go with it as it’s their choice. but if it was your children not with him not invited then I wouldn’t go myself tbh. X

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 4 Apr 2019

Can we find out whether it's all the children or just your 5 ????

Chelsea-Anne Horrocks
Chelsea-Anne Horrocks 4 Apr 2019

I would just leave after the ceremony 2bh and when she asks why just say you are a family and come as a package. I could maybe understand a child free ceremony but not the meal tbh 🤷‍♀️ Who wouldnt want their neices/nephews to be apart of their big day?

Caroline Larner
Caroline Larner 4 Apr 2019

There could be several things going on here. Do they have a no children rule at their wedding but are making the exception for your children to attend the ceremony/party? Could it perhaps be an numbers/expense issue? If it is could you offer to pay for your children's meals? Or are they are simply excluding your children but allowing others? I think you need to ask more questions and find out what's going on before taking it personally? Good luck.

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 4 Apr 2019

Ìt sounds like all the children aren't invited, personally I would find a babysitter for after the ceremony so at least they are in photos and then you and your husband can enjoy a quiet meal and a bit of a party, personally.

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 4 Apr 2019

I wouldn't be going to any of the wedding, my partner would be free to attend but me and my kids would be off somewhere where we are all wanted.

Antonia Langaschek
Antonia Langaschek 4 Apr 2019

Costs per head are expensive which is exactly why you invite FAMILY FIRST and then pick and choose with everyone else. Sounds like your future SIL needs to get her head out of her orifice :)

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 4 Apr 2019

You are a family , all or nothing

Laurie Horsfall
Laurie Horsfall 4 Apr 2019

Ask if it’s possible to include them or ask if you could pay some towards their meals. It may be a cost thing with them so maybe your offer could get them in! X x

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 4 Apr 2019

So you're all invited to the day, and you're all invited to the night, but the kids arent invited to eat? Or do you mean that you're invited to the ceremony but then kids have to leave before the meal and there's no kids at the night time?

.Melanie Brice
.Melanie Brice 4 Apr 2019

If its financial I'd pay for me and my lot to go. There's 7 of us as a step family and we always go as a family or not at all.

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 4 Apr 2019

I think it’s the cost of paying for the kids or seating issues rather than you not being accepted as a whole - You should ask, maybe if it’s cost you could offer to chip in towards the kids dinners? Xxx

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 4 Apr 2019

I think that you cannot expect his family to accept them and 6 heads that have nothing to do with her at probably £30 a head is quite a bit of money. The fact she has said the ceremony and night do means she doesnt mind having them there. Would you pay the price per head to have them attend? Maybe offer to pay for them it may be a lot less than £30 each...? Is she having other children there? Might be worth hiring a mobile nanny for the day who deal with weddings just for a couple of hours? Sorry you are faced with this but its the way things are going now with people. I wouldnt invite anyone without their kids if they are at a young age!

Bethany Hardcastle
Bethany Hardcastle 4 Apr 2019

It sounds like that 1 child is aloud and the other 5 arnt if I was you I just wouldn't go and when she asked why I would tell her it's all or none I know its her day but you have to think how this will impact your other children and how they will feel I would also let h2b no how you feel about it aswel is just wrong excluding the rest of your children just because there not biological his the sister needs to realise you all come as a package

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 4 Apr 2019

I'd go to the ceremony with the kids and hubby and then I'd just go home, I wouldn't return to the evening reception.

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 4 Apr 2019

Have you tried asking her why not the meal? If it's down to just cost then perhaps offer to pay for your children to attend the meal too? Weddings are expensive & many struggle to be able to afford to do it how they want. I myself have 5 kids so I understand that's a lot when paying per head so most would invite to the church service & evening reception but not the meal. It may be that there'll be no kids at the meal. Communication, understanding & working things out so everyone is happy or can afford is all this needs

Amy Vigor-Green
Amy Vigor-Green 4 Apr 2019

It can get quite costly for the meal. I personally would find a sitter for the whole day and just bring the to the evening and enjoy a bit of adult time.
I am assuming you meant all your children were not invited to the meal tho!

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 4 Apr 2019

It is difficult and I completely feel for you. 6 children is a lot to cater for. We’re going to Cyprus for our wedding but on the return celebration there will only be certain children there because of numbers. I don’t think she’s objecting to you guys being there but it does make it difficult if you have to hang around while people eat. You could ask about paying towards it yourself so your children can be there, or maybe take them somewhere for lunch in between as something special. It probably is just down to cost as meals are upwards of £40 so 5 children is another £200 when they perhaps have a tight budget. Get your hubby to be to speak to her xx

Debbie Osborne
Debbie Osborne 4 Apr 2019

We are allowing children to our wedding...but only the ones we KNOW can behave sensibly...we have been totally honest with our family and friends tht we dont want kids running around screaming during the service or the meal so some are only bringin them to the evening....as we were honest they are all fine as they know their own kids and how they will cope with sitting quietly in a church for an hour then sitting for a meal...if they cant behave they cant come...simple...we have 6 coming that range from 4 to 9 but we know they are good kids

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 4 Apr 2019

Don't go to any of it cheeky cow!! If your kids are a 'problem' then so is their wedding day!!! No family of mine would ever exclude my step son in anything that involves all the family, they treat him exactly the same as any other child family member xx

Jan Haslam
Jan Haslam 4 Apr 2019

If he's marrying you and he has a large role in the wedding they should all be at the meal. They are all his and your children.
If all 6 aren't allowed at the meal then maybe it is cost. But if the youngest is invited but the other 5 no I'd be really upset and angry. Could you offer to pay for the children's meal? If that's in your budget xjx

Laura Simmons
Laura Simmons 4 Apr 2019

I suspect its down to cost. So understand her predicament really. 8 is a lot

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 4 Apr 2019

Leave all kids at home with a sitter or grandparents etc enjoy a date day with ur hubby don’t take it personally as can be so expensive but imo it’d be no kids, not one out of 6, or all 6.

Paula McBride
Paula M 4 Apr 2019

Hi guys, it's just the 5 children from previous relationship that are not invited, their age currently range from 6 to 18. She has basically said why can't they go to their Dads. Her reasons are she's only having 70 people daytime and she has already had to leave friends off the list, it's £65 per head over the 70. There will be other family members children at the meal.

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 4 Apr 2019

Gosh I certainly didn't do this to a family, seems a bit off. I do get that weddings are expensive but as your soon to be close family
I would just go to the evening as some others have said. How does your soon to be husband feel about this?

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 4 Apr 2019

You have several options here. Firstly you’ve not stipulated whether or not she’s asked ALL your children not be there or just YOURS. Is the joint child a baby/toddler? Therefore is the wedding party restriction on just kids or just your own kids, not her biological niece/nephew excluded? It could be that 7 or 8 guests for her is out of her budget, and she’s had to invite other couples (when you work it out it’s only 17 couples per bride/groom including parents and siblings, so perhaps she wanted to invite close friends, not the kids of her brother’s girlfriend).
Personally if it’s an issue I’d decline the meal and evening do and let my partner enjoy his sister’s wedding, alternatively get a babysitter (or 2!) or one of your family to take your kids out for the afternoon and just enjoy the adult company, I wouldn’t make it an issue as it’s the brides decision like it will be yours on your own day. Remember how you behave at this wedding will set a precedent to how they behave at yours!!

Georgie Lansdowne
Georgie Lansdowne 4 Apr 2019

My advice is get a baby sitter for the whole event and treat yourself to a night of dancing and drinking. I understand some people get quite offended by people not inviting children but at the end of the day, we all know how expensive a Wedding is, and having been a guest at a wedding minus children it sure is ALOT more fun! Let your hair down with your new husband.

Claire Newstead
Claire Newstead 4 Apr 2019

Wow... That's so incredibly rude. If you're his family then you should all be invited for the dinner. That and it forces you to leave to so you're not part of it. I'd be livid, I get it's her day but come on.. Ask her straight up, why she thinks it's an acceptable move to make you leave.. Or if your hubby2b has a backbone tell him to pull her up on it.

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 4 Apr 2019

I'd be getting a sitter all day and enjoying adult company personally 🤷‍️

Natasha Finn
Natasha Finn 4 Apr 2019

No chance I’m getting married next year and family married or not are bringing their children friends we have had to limit but family definitely not in question I do feel
For you xx

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 4 Apr 2019

I’d say go. Ur going to be married into this family so grit ur teeth but that means u ur partner and all 6 kids go somewhere else for dinner. Ur family stays together making it very clear that the little one is no different to the others but it doesn’t become a big drama ur witnessing the wedding and party (buffet I assume too) go to the harvester or local pub and find a park or play centre or cinema for a few hrs. It really isn’t worth a big bust up but def all stay together xx

Leanne Young
Leanne Young 4 Apr 2019

I would be absolutely devastated if my soon to be husbands family didn't involve my 2 children from my previous relationship but invited our son we have together. I also know my partner would also be devastated and angry that she would segregate our family, he treats all 3 of the children as his own and would never allow any one of his family members to treat them as they weren't his, which in effect is what your SIL is doing! I wouldn't attend the wedding at all if it was me. I appreciate weddings are expensive (I'm getting married in July) but if you're inviting some children you should invite all of them, that's my personal view xx

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 4 Apr 2019

Nope. I wouldn’t go, and nor would they be invited to my wedding. You don’t invite the one child who is a blood relative and leave out the others. This isn’t a ‘it’s her day, she can do what she wants’ scenario, it’s her being a prized bell end.

Kerry Bowers
Kerry Bowers 4 Apr 2019

That would really upset me and I would say thanks for the invite but no thanks we come as a package,that's a really sad situation xx

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 4 Apr 2019

I’m sorry but no that’s out of order, you go as a family or not at all. I would be really offended. She sounds like a stuck up cow.

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 4 Apr 2019

You are supposed to go to the ceremony? Possibly a distance from where you live, in your new clothes, with a present...all good so far..then you have to buggar off while everyone eats? Huh. Then you can tootle back for the evening do? Yes it could be a cost cutting decision but I think it should be either the ceremony/night do or both. I think it's unacceptable to expect you to disappear halfway through the day. What does your husband say? Blooming families eh?

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 4 Apr 2019

Knock her off your guest list or meal as your following her example and isn't that novel 🤔🤔🤔 see how it affects her. All my nephews and nieces, step ones included are attending our wedding. All equally family and important xxx

Hayley Muir
Hayley Muir 4 Apr 2019

That’s disgusting. I wouldn’t go. Or just go to the evening. Can’t expect you to turn up for I do and then leave until the evening!

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 4 Apr 2019

I wouldn't go if my kids were left out but that's just me xx

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 4 Apr 2019

I have three step-children and one daughter of my own. My brother got married earlier this year Having got married a year earlier we firstly asked whether all the children were invited, with my husband reassuring my brother he wouldn’t be offended if not. When they told us all the children were invited we offered to pay for the children’s meals because we appreciate that being 6 of us it adds a massive cost to the day. They declined but it wouldn’t have offended us to pay.

Blended families are complicated. Its very expensive to accommodate everyone when families expand. As much as they may have wanted to invite you all, 70 guests isn’t a lot and whittling the guests down is hard when they have other people that they really want there too.

I personally wouldn’t have taken offence as she has said cost is a factor (£325) then if you want them to go I don’t think it’s unreasonable to offer to pay for them. If she still says no then I think you have more reason to be offended.

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 4 Apr 2019

your hubby should step up and say something to her about it

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 4 Apr 2019

I most certainly wouldn’t be going tell them to do one x

Olivia Brown
Olivia Brown 4 Apr 2019

As far as I believed, if you’re invited to the ceremony, the. Etiquette dictates you’re invited to the main reception and should expect to be fed. I understand costs and everything but sounds plain rude to me!

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 4 Apr 2019

Does she actually know your children? Some of your kids are adults right? Weddings are expensive. She’s probably not trying to be hurtful.

Paula McBride
Paula M 4 Apr 2019

It's all very weird because initially she asked if we would be bringing them and my partner said he would speak to me, but when he said we would be, she said there's no space and it's expensive to add extra people. My partner explained she can't expect us to wait whilst people eat but it hasn't changed anything.
Yes she has met my children more than her own nephew.

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 4 Apr 2019

Meh. It's one day. That she is paying for. Let her have her perfect day. It's about them, not anyone else

Bethonie Lewis
Bethonie Lewis 4 Apr 2019

It’s difficult as that is an awkward scenario but at the same time unfortunately weddings aren’t cheap! I know some of my family members have asked to bring partners who I haven’t even met and it’s hard to say no but adding people on is £60pp which soon adds up!
It’s just unfortunate that it’s been made to feel like it’s totally separating the family. I have 3 step children and they are just as much a part of my family as any biological children would be!!

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 5 Apr 2019

Maybe tell the sister how you feel . Maybe children are not invited. Just enjoy your own wedding x

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 5 Apr 2019

I would boycott the ceremony and the meal (with hubby and 1 child) but just go to the nite doo.

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 5 Apr 2019

All or none your a family don’t let them divide u x

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 5 Apr 2019

I think it’s disgusting I would have to say something

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 5 Apr 2019

So she won't have the 5 from your previous relationship but will have the one from your current relationship? Wow...I imagine this will hurt your children's feelings quite a bit, at least the ones who are old enough to understand. I would speak to your fiancé about this because sounds like his sister is either being quite unfair or doesn't understand how it looks. If she excluded all 6 because of cost I would understand, but not this picking 1 and not the others.
Edit: also I would be thinking about whether or not you and your fiancé should be going to this wedding. It's quite a harsh decision she's made which may cause your kids a lot of upset.

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 5 Apr 2019

The wedding meal is very expensive so I can see why she doesn’t want to pay for 5 more meals, however only inviting his child and not your 5 is a pure rudeness. Just boycott the wedding and don’t go at all. Make she you un-invite her from your wedding. You need this witch in your life.

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 6 Apr 2019

Not sure if this has been mentioned, but if it's only a 40minute drive, can your 5 spend the day with their dad and then he brings them for the evening?
It's not great to split the 6 up as it shows preference but 5 extra is a lot when you are working with limited space. My sister has 4 kids and our best man 3, at £140 per head for all but 1 of them due to age it feels extortionate but we have to invite them!

Tiffany Carlile
Tiffany Carlile 6 Apr 2019

It’s hard with who you’re inviting. I’d invite my brother step kids (if he had any) as they’re part of the family now, but some people don’t see it like this.
It is expensive to add people on, and me and my fella have had to cut down the list SO much. There are so many people I want there that I just can’t afford to invite 😞
But here’s to hoping 🤞🏽 some cannot make it and I can go to my backup list 😂

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