So we got engaged around Christmas 2017 and right off the bat my sisters and best friend of the time made me feel like I had to ask them to be bridesmaids (I gave into the pressure and asked just to get them to stop guilting me), they then all followed up by squabling about who was my MOH! I was very clear that I didn't want a MOH but I'm not sure it really sunk in...anyway, fast forward 1.5 years later and we've just set a date for 7 months time. I've actually realised that I really don't want bridesmaids as they'll be more hassle than most of the rest of the wedding planning combined and I felt forced into asking all that time ago due to social equiette. I know I'm going be informed in no uncertain terms that I've hurt and upset them, but I also know that just leaving them that way will be awful as they'll all have 'ideas' about what to wear and I'm afraid I'll get guilt tripped into letting them pick things that I hate despite paying for it myself. (I'd never pick anything they were uncomfortable in but if its not the cut or the fit of the dress thats an issue, it'll be the colour or the shade!). It is supposed to be my day with my OH but I'm 100% convinced they'll take over the whole day themselves as is my sisters way. My Best friend of the time and I haven't spoken in more than 6 months so I'm not nearly as worried about telling her I've decided to scrap the bridal party. How do I let the others down gently?!
Tell the truth, they'll be upset but at least you haven't lied to them. Tell them you felt pressured and you didnt want bridesmaids, but felt obligated to ask you both anyway. Hoping that you'll understand that it's a personal preference not to have them
You tell them that you have decided to scale down due to cost and you won’t be having bridesmaids now. You love them and can’t wait to share your day with them but as things are progressing the cost is getting too much
I’m sure they will understand... they might feel a bit down as they are obviously excited for your big day, but just make sure they know it’s not working out how you thought x
Just explain to them both that you felt pressured too say yes and you weren’t planning on bridesmaids as you want to keep expenses down and stress to a limit. It’s yours and your OH day not theirs.
Say with your budget, you cant really afford to pay for their dresses and all the other expenses that come with them, and you dont think it's fair that they have to pay for something they will never wear again... that you have decided to have no bridal party at all to save money.
If they say they will buy their own bridesmaid dresses, say it's not fair for them to spend money on something they may not have chosen themselves and you just want a simple ceremony.
I'm only having one bridesmaid and flower girl to save money and hassle x
You have whoever you have for your bridesmaids. I'm not having a moh eithwe
Sorry we are having a reorganisation of the day, I'm not wanting such a fuss now, so no bridesmaids, or the other half isn't having loads of men so we don't want bridesmaids, or quite simply back off it's my day, I've had enough? 🤷️
Tell the truth . It’s a lot easier. Just be really honest and explain you still want them at your wedding and involved in your day just not As braidsmaids
Maybe you could just have your sister as your moh, I'm sure ul find her a help on the day. I had my sisters and my husbands. We chose and bought the dresses in the colour and style we wanted they got their shoes. You just have to have a no nonsense approach n be that bridezilla if they start. Good luck x
Just tell them you’ve changed your mind. It’s your day and I’m sorry but if they don’t like it it’s tough x
I decided to have family only as bridesmaids to save any awkwardness with friends. I genuinely don’t think people realise when they are picking out expensive dresses and shoes that you’re paying for more than one of each as well as the rest of the wedding so just gently remind them that it all adds up and you have a budget that you need to stick to. In hindsight I should have shared my budget with my bridesmaids before we started shopping. My bridesmaids are all different shapes and sizes and have different styles so I’ve tried to be flexible and let everyone have different styles so that they are all comfortable in what they are wearing. It can be so difficult trying to keep everyone happy and not trying to upset anyone so maybe no bridesmaids is the best way good luck!
Just say you can't afford I asked my sister to be moh but I couldn't afford so I explained and she was fine with it I didn't have bridesmaids either I was waight off my shoulder as didn't need to worry about there dress and hair and makeup and stuff x
I've decided on no bridesmaids just a ring bearer and flower girl . Had a few comments telling me it was tradition to have them stood my ground and told them it was my day and my decision
I wish I had family and friends demanding to be at my side - my sister didn't want to be. You could still have them, for photo purposes. If not, then you have to learn to be firm. I had to stop having page boys because their suits were only £10 less than a grown adult! It was too much money, but I had to be bold and say I couldn't have them anymore (I still got them gifts to make a fuss of them though) - we all have grandiose ideas when we first get engaged, but when it comes to the crunch and reality kicks in on money and other stuff, things do and have to change. Put your foot down, firmly, and gently and stand your ground. People get over it.
I would just tell them that to save all the hassle you arent having anyone.
Wow and these are your friends? I feel for you sister. So if I was in your shoes i would tell the truth, how they have made you feel. First of, there will be no bridesmaids or maid of honour because you are on a budget and don't want them. They have guilt tripped you into making them bridesmaids - it's not on. It made you feel pressured into doing something you don't want to do. It's your day, your decisions. I'm not even sure I would invite your 'best' friend as you haven't even spoken for so long. I don't think she's interested in your wedding. If you get any back chat, just simply say, I'm doing things that are making me happy. And that's what a wedding should represent. End of. I'm not having any bridesmaids and I told my friends this right from the start. Precisely to avoid situations like yours
Tell them for financial reasons u wont be having any bridesmaids or a moh
Tell them you've changed your mind, but have a think about how they could still be involved - doing a reading, acting as your witness to sign the marriage certificate etc etc. You don't have to be a bridesmaid to take part!
Tell them that with your current financial situation, you can’t afford to have bridesmaids anymore.. All of our bridal party paid for their own kits (I obv sourced them and bought them gifts). If they really want to be your bridesmaids, their priority should be to ease your burdens.. And if they argue against scrapping them, give them an ultimatum: scrap the bridesmaids or pay for your own kit. Mine and my husband’s motto when we were planning our wedding was: if you’re not contributing money, you don’t get a say. That’s how you need to be
Say it’s financial. It’s all costing more than you thought so cutting back blah blah blah
Tell them your hubby doesn’t want a best man or ushers so unfortunately you have decided to go without bridesmaids. Then say , so they don’t go back to him, that you really talked through the idea and it will be a lot cheaper and easier since you don’t really have a big budget or a lot of time left to go. Get your fiancés buy in in advance though.
Sit them down and give then a straight talk. You love them but this is your day and you will do it your way. So they have a choice. To accept that you don't want a bridal party because its too much of an expense, but still support and love you through the process and on the day. Or they can come as normal guests because it YOUR day. YOU are paying. And it will be about you and your partner not their squabbles.
I’d recommend just saying that you can’t afford to have bridesmaids - if being your bridesmaid is that important to them then they’ll offer to pay for everything which if that’s the case - quids in! But from your description of them I’d say they probably won’t.
Your situation would be far trickier if you wanted to ditch them for other bridesmaids.
I was pretty straight up from the start that our budget was really low. My bridesmaids all chose and paid for their own dresses, i just let them know i wanted them shorter than is traditional and let them know the colour. It was amazing when it all came together. The dresses were from asos/pretty little thing/debenhams etc not too pricey, all under 40pound as far as I know. One of my bridesmaids is a hairdresser and she did all of our hair on the day which was an amazing gift. Everyone looked awesome! The support from having bridesmaids is incredible, my sister was my maid of honour which made it so special. Just be sure in your decision, i dont know what I would have done without my bridesmaids, especially with the bridezilla breakdown the morning of the wedding! Xx Emily Louise Scannell 🤣
That's not very fair of them. I personally wouldn't unask them but I would find an opportunity to say that it's your wedding and your having it your way and they have to deal with that and really put your foot down. Its your and your husband to be day and weddings are bloody expensive, make sure you have it the way you would like. Good luck
It seems to me that no matter what you say, they will react badly as they’ve made it so difficult for you to begin with. You just have to be honest. I love you. I want you to share in my day. But I never wanted a large bridal party. If they react badly and decide not to come etc then it says more about them than you. Be sure that you don’t want them in that role before you say anything, but this is your day, when you look back at your photos do you want to see your friends standing with you? X
I'd tell them to bugger off. It took me a year to get my sister to realise she wasn't a bridesmaid at my wedding. She assumed that because I was hers, she'd be mine never asked. I never wanted her involved because she is very controlling and she was already trying to take over from day 1, moaning and trying to get me to change everything.. decos, dresses, shoes, theme, colours... Even venue! I had to outright tell her to F**K OFF before she got it. I'm very timid like you sound too but sometimes you've got to be mean. I'm having a bridesmaid and bridesman that's it. No kids involved because I can't be bothered with family squabbles either. My fella is having a best man and that's what we're happy with :)
Sounds like the ugly sisters...
Tell them at first you wanted bridesmaids, but as time gone on you change your mine,As you dont want all the un necessary bits
Blame money and remember you will only have this day once! Be selfish and true to you and hubby. Xxxx