UK
UKbride Member Request 29 Mar 2019

Advice please

I have just found out that a family member that I haven’t seen since I was 8. I’m now 28. has been invited to my wedding without my say so. All arrangements have been done by this family member for him to come. I barely know him and from what I’ve heard about him he isn’t nice and hasn’t done nice things. My partner and son have never met him. I’m fuming that this has been done behind my back. Am I wrong for saying no he can’t come and how do I go about uninviting him

61 Comments
Hayley Marden
Hayley Marden 29 Mar 2019

It is your day after all and if you think with him being there it will wreck it then tell them that you are sorry but as you barely know him that he is not invited. If you don't think it will cause a problem then have him.

It's you choice at the end of the day as you are the one paying for it.

Chloe Catling
Chloe Catling 29 Mar 2019

I'd being saying no. Who ever it was that invited him behind your back can uninvite him. X

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 29 Mar 2019

Sod that,you tell the person who invited him to uninvite him because it's your wedding and nobody bothered to ask you about it first. People can't just invite others to someone else's wedding my god xx

Rebecca Bailey
Rebecca Bailey 29 Mar 2019

Say no! My future mil is trying to invite my partners grandparents' sisters! They live in Australia and have seen my partner May be once in his life! They are NOT coming!

Kayleigh E Alman
Kayleigh E Alman 29 Mar 2019

Definitely un-invite him!! Definitely if you have a bad feeling and even more so if you don’t want him there. It’s your day, whoever did it should have asked you first!

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 29 Mar 2019

The interfering family who invited him can bloody well uninvite him. How rude!

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 29 Mar 2019

I would go out of my way yo ensure he knew he wasn't invited and say sorry he was lied to by whoever. Its a matter of principle at this point

Janine Graham
Janine Graham 29 Mar 2019

Bloody cheek !!!

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 29 Mar 2019

Get a signing in sheet and a burly guest to refuse entrance

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 29 Mar 2019

Tell the person who invited them that they can inform them that they are not invited. I would also be having words with them and asking what makes them think it is acceptable to invite someone to your wedding without your say so.

Emma Carr
Emma Carr 29 Mar 2019

Not at all, I’d be fuming. It’s YOUR wedding, it’s up to you who comes

Carolina Fletcher
Carolina Fletcher 29 Mar 2019

Who ever invited him should uninvite him

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 29 Mar 2019

Hard as it may be it’s best to deal with it head on. Tell the family who invited him that you’ve booked your wedding and sorted your numbers and that there just isn’t room, be firm and polite. They maybe upset but in time will hopefully see why.

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 29 Mar 2019

Wow I’d be furious as well, you need to firstly tell the person that invited them that it’s not their place to do so... & tell them they have to do the uninviting x

Sarah Green
Sarah Green 29 Mar 2019

It goes like this.... Dear "insert name of stranger here" sorry but you're not actually invited to our wedding irrespective of what "insert name of disrespectful family member here" told you.

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 29 Mar 2019

You dont have to do anything, the person who invited him can uninvite him, it's your wedding and you and your partner decide, no one else.
regardless of him being a relative if you dont have a relationship with him then why should he share in your special day?

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 29 Mar 2019

Who ever has done it you need to tell them to back off !! And that if he turns up on the day he'll be refused entry simple as

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 29 Mar 2019

I'd get them to univite him and then I'd uninvite them too. Bloody people

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 29 Mar 2019

Id uninvited the family member who invite them. Absolute Cheek of it!! Definitely get the person who invited them to say they are not welcome! How. rude.

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 29 Mar 2019

No your not it’s your day and tell him straight id be livid xx tell your family to get a better knife cause they can’t
Stab you in the back that easy xx

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 29 Mar 2019

How rude! I’d be beyond angry if I was you. Just tell it straight, don’t worry about the feelings of someone who obviously hasn’t given a damn about yours!

Laura Stewart
Laura Stewart 29 Mar 2019

A polite conversation with the person that invited him so you can find out why it was done

If you are still not happy, it’s down to that person to explain to the uninvited cousin that he can’t come

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 29 Mar 2019

????? Why are you not inviting your own guests??? It's your day?? Xxxx

Chelsea-Anne Horrocks
Chelsea-Anne Horrocks 29 Mar 2019

You havent invited him and if anyone mentions him being invited then thats all you have to say. X

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 29 Mar 2019

It really depends, my mother in law wanted a few of her friends I had never met to come as they knew the husband when he was little. It didn’t bother me and she paid for those particular meals so everyone was happy.

If you think it will cause falling outs and family strife if you uninvited him, reserve the right to say leave if he causes a nuisance, if he behaves, then great you’ve reconnected after so long.

Definitely speak to the person that invited him though, maybe it’s a misunderstanding and they thought you wouldn’t mind as it’s family. Let them know how rude it is to do something like that without asking.

Hope you have an amazing day whatever you decide

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 29 Mar 2019

The only people that should invite guests to your wedding is you and your other half. Be firm and tell whoever's invited him that they now have to tell him he can't come. It's very very rude to invite people to someone else's wedding, especially if they aren't paying xx

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 29 Mar 2019

Tell him his invite was sent in error

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 29 Mar 2019

Whoever invited him tell them they rescind it or they are uninvited too!

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 29 Mar 2019

Tell the person who invited them that this person can't come and they have to tell them. If they refuse tell them you will do it then. Explain firmly to them that this is not acceptable behaviour as it isn't their wedding. If they kick up more tell them "if you've such a problem with it then don't bother coming either". Sounds harsh but it's really not okay to invite people to someone else's wedding without their prior consent

Karolina Kozak
Karolina Kozak 29 Mar 2019

Wow I would be fuming.

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 29 Mar 2019

It’s not your responsibility to uninvite him, that is the job of the moron who thought they could invite someone without asking you first! Just explain your reasons and tell the person they need to uninvite him!

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 29 Mar 2019

I'd not only uninvite him, I'd uninvite the person who invited him

Sabrina Brien
Sabrina Brien 29 Mar 2019

I've had nightmares about this. There's a certain person in my family that I would never want at our wedding. I told the htb that if he spots her before I walk down the aisle to politely tell her and whoever brought her to leave. Alternatively I will stop mid walking down the aisle and tell her to get the fuck out. It's your and you htb day don't let inconsiderate people ruin it. You deserve more respect than that, make that clear to whoever invited him.

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 29 Mar 2019

It's your wedding so no your not in the wrong and I would be saying to whoever invited him, they find a way to uninvite them

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 29 Mar 2019

That's not quite right Rebecca my dad only has 2 sisters and they both live in Essex and have seen Lewis many times

Debbie Osborne
Debbie Osborne 29 Mar 2019

How has he been invited if you didn't invite him? Surely you have done the invites to your wedding???

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 29 Mar 2019

Surely you do the invites?

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 29 Mar 2019

Up to the person who invited them without your blessing to uninvite them. Dont need to do it yourself. Tell them to wind their neck in whilst your at it and uninvite them if they do anything again in regards to your wedding without your permission!

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 29 Mar 2019

I'd uninvite him and the people who invited him, your weddinh, what's the point in invitations if people can invite who they want?x

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 29 Mar 2019

Uninvite the both of them. How dare your family member take YOUR day into THEIR own hands. Also have a guest list and a burly guest as a bouncer just in case they turn up (as people like this might tend to). You want your day to be special for you and your partner. Don't allow anyone to stop that.

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 29 Mar 2019

Traditionally the brides parents did the choosing and inviting as they were paying but these days I think the bridal couple do the choosing, as so they should !!

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 29 Mar 2019

Wow. No words. Get the other person to uninvite.

Stacey Gill
Stacey Gill 29 Mar 2019

Well if you've put plus one then they're within their rights to invite him. If you absolutely don't want him their then you need to explain that to the person who invited him. Then give them the choice of either explain it to him or you'll do it if they don't want to. Just explain to the person that there isn't enough seats and the person who invited them didn't know but unfortunately it's within the venues rules and regulations and they can't budge on it.
Fingers crossed you get it sorted x

Siobhan Sutton
Siobhan Sutton 30 Mar 2019

If this happens to me at my wedding, both the person who isn't invited and the person who invited them will no longer be invited. I'm stressed enough as it is, cannot be doing with any added drama

Kelly McKee
Kelly McKee 30 Mar 2019

Send the person who invited them an invoice for the extra food and drink!

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 30 Mar 2019

Eeeeee so so cheeky!! I’d be uninviting the both of them! Just tell them he’s not coming and if they aren’t happy then they can’t come either!!!

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 30 Mar 2019

Definitely not wrong, what gives them the right to invite him!?

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 30 Mar 2019

Your wedding, your guests. Just tell the person that has invited him (without, I presume, your “official” wedding invitations) to ask him not to come, that you’re not prepared to cover the cost of a stranger that your husband and child have never met. It would no doubt cause tension and stress on your happy day. Be firm. Even if it means also uninviting the person who has asked him. Say you have a reserve list as you’re restricted on numbers and hope they understand.

Claire Newstead
Claire Newstead 30 Mar 2019

I'd straight up uninvite him. He's a stranger basically! Then I'd lose my sh*t at the person who did. It is not their call to invite anyone to the wedding. I got so much crap from my parents because I said I wasn't inviting all my aunts, uncles, cousins AND their kids. I have 11 A Us on my mum's side alone, another 6 on my dad's side. Not including partners. I speak to.. 3 Aunts every so often why would I invite almost 150 other people (partners, cousins, cousin's kids ) I don't know or care about to my wedding? Get lost. Then there my fella's family and his is huge too. We'd be paying for 250 people before even looking at friends! We couldn't afford that, not along with how many would be pushing for their kids to be involved... It's too much hassle and fuss. We've cut the list to 60 people, whom are majority friends. It's your day, don't let anyone push you around.

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 30 Mar 2019

It’s your day u have to say something it’s your choice on who u have there u only get married once

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 30 Mar 2019

Or who ever invited him tell them that can’t come as well as that’s upset u

Cat Cubitt
Cat Cubitt 30 Mar 2019

You can’t uninvite someone you never invited. You shouldn’t need to tell him. Whoever invited him can undo their mess.

Lindsay Kelly
Lindsay Kelly 30 Mar 2019

Just say he may be family but you don't know him and haven't seen him in 20years so he will not be getting into the wedding. Don't sacrifice your feelings about this person to please others; it is YOUR wedding not theirs so you have a budget and numbers to stick to and this guy doesn't make the cut.

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 30 Mar 2019

You are absolutely not wrong. It is your wedding not whoever this family member is! No one should be inviting extra people without your say so!

I would speak firstly to whoever invited this person and explain that you are inviting people who have been a part of your life, who you can’t imagine your day without, and that your guest list is not open to addition by other guests.

I would then make contact with this person who was invited behind your back directly and apologise for any miscommunication but you were not consulted with their invitation and don’t have the space for additional guests.

Absolutely understand where you are coming from here! Some family members I haven’t seen really since I was a young child were put out that I didn’t invite them to my wedding but they didn’t bother with me at all for over 20 years so why they felt entitled to be invited I don’t know! Be strong lovey .. don’t let this one go because others will want to add to your list too and that’s a battle you don’t need!!

Xx

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 30 Mar 2019

It's your wedding you chose who you want there.. The person who invited him had no right to invite him.. I would tell the person that invited him to uninvite him

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 30 Mar 2019

My nan told me that my aunt had invited her granddaughter (my cousins daughter?) to my wedding. I didn't know the girl, but politely said to my aunt "if you want her there, that's fine, but you'll have to give up your place. I have a limited number of seats and they're all full."
Worked a treat!

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 30 Mar 2019

Whoever invited that person is a cheeky so and so! What would make them think they had any say over who is invited?! They should be the one to uninvite that guest now! Just politely say that if you had wanted them there you would have invited them yourself and you are choosing close family and friends only. If they have an issue with this that is up to them and you shouldn’t feel badly about it. If they want a catch up over a glass of wine with that family member then perhaps they should go and visit and not use your wedding as a social gathering Wish you well with it all! ️ Weddings can be such a drain on the emotions in some cases... such a shame, as it shouldn’t be so! X x

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 30 Mar 2019

Are you paying for your wedding? X

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 1 Apr 2019

It's your wedding surely you're in control . Just uninviite him

Caroline Larner
Caroline Larner 2 Apr 2019

You're not wrong at all - - it's your day so if you don't want him there then say so. I wouldn't want anyone I didn't know at my wedding day.

If you want to be diplomatic then say numbers are limited/food already ordered and cannot be changed etc. but to be honest no-one but you and your husband should be inviting people to your wedding! If people take offence then that's too bad as they shouldn't have been arranging things without your consent in the first place and it's their job to uninvite this person, not yours.

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 3 Apr 2019

I have made it very clear that no one is to invite anyone without my partner and my approval for our wedding. We have only invited people that we want to be there as it is your day

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