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UKbride Member Request 26 Mar 2019

Family drama - invite dad or no?

So, I need some advice on what to do. My Dad left when I was a toddler, I didn't have him in my life until i was 18. Since then it's been sporadic but I've been trying to build a relationship with him. Now, I'm going to be getting married and I want him to be there but if he comes my brother won't, family aren't too keen to have him round, and I honestly think he'll have issue with my step-dad walking me down the aisle. If I invite him to the wedding, I can see it causing all sorts of issues, if I don't invite him, I can see any form of relationship I've tried building will be out of the window. I'm really stuck with what to do...

34 Comments
Hayley Marden
Hayley Marden 27 Mar 2019

Maybe invite to evening and explain to your dad the reason for this. Otherwise explain to your family he is still your dad and he will be sitting at the back away from everyone so please accept hi coming as you need them all to support you on your day.

Do you want him there or not yourself? It's your day and your family have to respect your choice

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 27 Mar 2019

Your family have to accept your decision here, it's your day.

Amy Vigor-Green
Amy Vigor-Green 27 Mar 2019

If it's important to you to have him there then invite him. Explain to him that he is only a guest tho and not part of the wedding party and tell the rest of your family it is important to you but understand if they don't wish to talk to him. At the end of the day it is your special day and they should respect your wishes.

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 27 Mar 2019

"And I want him to be there"

Its your special day and your wedding. Everyone is adults and if people can't be civil for one day and put your feelings first for you then that is a real shame.

I would sit down with your family and explain how you feel and hope that they will accept your decision. Good luck xx

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 27 Mar 2019

I would invite but explain that he has to understand why the family may not be too happy and that he has to accept your decisions x

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 27 Mar 2019

If you want him there I would invite him but make it clear your step dad will be walking you down the isle and that if he has issue with that to keep it to himself, I'm sure your brother will understand and be civil as it's your day

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 27 Mar 2019

This is YOUR weddong. Your brother should be there for YOU and thats it. You need to explain to people that the day is about you and they shouldn't make you feel like you have to decide who to invite. If you want to invite your dad, invite him.

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 27 Mar 2019

Have a chat with your Dad and explain this and see what he says, he may not want to be there if it's super awkward any how. If he does great. Then he a chat with your family and again tell them how you feel, I'm sure they could all be civil for one day especially as it's your wedding day

Sophie Nash-Burton
Sophie Nash-Burton 27 Mar 2019

If there is an issue with your step dad walking you down the aisle, have a sibling. I am having my brother walk me down. X

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 27 Mar 2019

I had this exact situation at my wedding last year I had only been talking to my dad about 6 month prior to me getting married and I hadn't spoken to him in about 6/7 years and I wanted him at my wedding it caused so much up raw but I put it straight to my family that it was my day not theirs and it was 1 day in my life I wanted all my family with me so either they lumped it and came or just didn't bother coming, it's your day love and if your family can't put their differences aside for one day for your happines then it's their loss.

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 27 Mar 2019

Weddings are ceremonies celebrating the uniting of 2 families - he's part of your family so should be there. Your family should recognise and accept this. It's a time to put issues aside, it's only one day - sure they can all be civil in respect of your wishes. Invite them all - if some choose not to come because of others it shows who really cares (and who's grown up!)

Natalie Lloyd
Natalie Lloyd 27 Mar 2019

Depending on your relationship with him atm, do you want him there because you think he should be and want to build on the relationship or do you want him there because you actually want him there? If its the first, id say evening only and ask him to respect your family by keeping his distance but if its the latter then id say to your family, how important it is to you for him to be there to share your day with you and ask them to respect that. Most families may grumble about it but will do it as its your day. If they say im not coming if he is, call their bluff! Thats usually all it is, having a strop til they get their way and you end up with regrets.
I hope you get the outcome you want, best of luck x

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 27 Mar 2019

Maybe be honest with him? There's no shame in that and surely he would understand...

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 27 Mar 2019

I'm in the same boat at the moment. Due to the arguing I have said my son's are walking me down the aisle. My wedding my rules if they don't like it don't come. Simple. I want all my family there they have been told best behaviour or they will be asked to leave

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 27 Mar 2019

At the the end of the day you’ve got to do whatever will make you the happiest. Firstly, you need to make it clear to your dad and anybody else who needs to hear it that they’re adults and you don’t want any trouble at your wedding, they’re grown adults and they can put their differences aside for one day (if you choose to Invite your dad) and also tell your dad your stepdad is walking you down the aisle, that way he knows and you can make it clear to him if he has an issue with it then it’s best he doesn’t come.
You shouldn’t have to worry that people will act up at your wedding.
In regards to your brother, that’s his decision and you shouldn’t feel guilt tripped into not inviting your dad if that’s what you want to do.

If you see it causing issues you can either not invite him at all, invite him to just the evening or tell everyone to get a grip for one day. Sending love to you, I know it isn’t easy xxx

Rachel Rogers
Rachel Rogers 27 Mar 2019

Im sure your family can suck it and and play nice for one day, your day, we have the same issue, and have said anyone who loves us will be there, regardless of other guests xx your dad should understand why your step dad is walking you down the aisle and he should be privileged that you are still wanting him as part of your life and there on your day

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 27 Mar 2019

Do what makes you happy, my dad left 10 years before my wedding, I didn't invite him as he upped and left without a backwards glance, I invited two of my sisters that I hadn't been talking, which made the one I did talk to not come 🤷‍️ you have to live with the decisions you make, so do what's best for you not anyone else xx

Celine Harland
Celine Harland 27 Mar 2019

Talk to him, tell him exactly what you have just said above. If he truly cares , loves you and wants a relationship with you he will tell you to have your day and that he will celebrate with you later. He may even be happy just to come and see you in your dress on the morning of the wedding

Celine Harland
Celine Harland 27 Mar 2019

Talk to him, tell him exactly what you have just said above. If he truly cares , loves you and wants a relationship with you he will tell you to have your day and that he will celebrate with you later. He may even be happy just to come and see you in your dress on the morning of the wedding

Tiffany Carlile
Tiffany Carlile 27 Mar 2019

I’d sit the family down and explain to them .... nicely if you want .... that it is YOUR wedding! They just have to deal with it. If they can’t be in the same room as him for you for one day then they obviously sober care about you, your happiness or the wedding/marriage.
As I said, you can say it nicer to them if you want lol

And just make sure your dad knows your stepdad is walking you down just because he was there. Or, what about both walking you down?

Katie Farrell
Katie Farrell 27 Mar 2019

Personally I think on your wedding day you should recognise where the support all your life has come from- I'm in a similar (ish) situation where ive had no contact with biological dad since I was a baby. If you dad still doesn't make that much effort, and the rest of your family such as your step dad and brother have, then I would suggest you don't invite your dad as he made that decision to leave (I presume) and that decision has consequences

Dani Smith
Dani Smith 27 Mar 2019

Your family should respect what you want to do....even if it means someone coming who they don't like. They need to suck it up and realise who's wedding it is. I would invite him. If your brother truly cared, he would come no matter what. Have a word with your family and tell them how stressful this is for you.

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 27 Mar 2019

Talk to him.. talk to your family. Not enough people talk about their feelings about their day and just do things to please others. It's YOUR day. Express your feelings xx

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 27 Mar 2019

Have your dad walk you down the aisle! If your brother wants to cause drama on your wedding day then he shouldn't be there. Its your day not theirs xxx

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 27 Mar 2019

Hi, firstly, congratulations in my opinion for your brother to give you that kind of ultimatum on your big special day is extremely disrespectful and doesn't actually deserve an invitation themselves.
A family wedding/funeral
/birth are the few occasions where drama just needs to take a back seat and give priority to the subject that matters.
It's your wedding day, you shouldn't have to be worrying about these sad drama family disputes, invite anyone and everyone who makes you happy. Just make it clear if they have a problem then they shouldn't come.
Honestly, it's that simple.
You'll soon learn who's there for you and who isn't.

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 27 Mar 2019

It’s not down to you to build a relationship with your Father! It’s down to him. If your father can’t see why this is a sensitive time and chooses to not have a relationship with you after this then he honestly isn’t worth your time.
The important people are the ones who are with you through every walk of life and the ones who have always been there, without you doing all the running. Xx

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 27 Mar 2019

It's your day, u do as you please. I had the awkward conversation with my dad that he wouldn't be walking me down the aisle as when we originally got engaged and started planning we weren't talking. I think I broke his heart a bit but I don't care. He doesn't get to do the role just because we are now speaking. He hasn't been in my whole life so he can't choose when he is x

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 27 Mar 2019

Invite him to the evening

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 27 Mar 2019

I think you just need to have open and honest conversations with all the family. You don’t say when you are getting wed and how long you have been back in touch with your dad. I hope it all works out xx

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 28 Mar 2019

Sometimes those in the wrong are the ones who shout the loudest, so its hard to see what the right way is. But if you do what you believe is right then that's all that matters, you'll have no regrets then. it's your day. No-one (except your fiancé) has any right to demand who goes or what role they play. If they truly love and respect you they will set aside their own ego's, not interfere and support you up to and on the day. It's a tough one but its worth standing for what's right!

Emily Dalton
Emily Dalton 28 Mar 2019

It is YOUR wedding. No one else's. I'm in a similar situation coz I'm pretty sure half my guests hate eachother and if they go withing 100ft of eachother there will be carnage. BUT make it very clear it's your day and if your guests won't be civil to one another for the benefit of your wedding then tell them not to come and you won't have hard feelings. People can't expect you to cater YOUR day around them. And with the dad thing why don't one give you away and 1 have a first dance with? X

Amy Brown
Amy Brown 28 Mar 2019

Your wedding, your dad. People will overcome what ever drama they had in the past or they should do for your day

Celina Doull
Celina Doull 28 Mar 2019

Thank you all for your responses. I do need to have a chat with my family. It's such a hard situation and I'm going to need to find the courage to just state it as it is. I know I don't want my dad giving me away, that is my stepdad's job because he's supported me through everything and has been much more of a dad to me. I'll speak to my dad first and explain. He may choose not to come after that to which any issues would be null and void

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 28 Mar 2019

I'd put the feelings of those members of your family way ahead of your biological dad. This happens a lot and the mostly absent parent wants all the rewards without doing any of the work. Don't buy into his selfishness, remind yourself who did support you during your childhood and who will be there for you no matter what in the future. If he wants to cut you out of his life again over something like this, let him, it's probably just the excuse he's been waiting for.

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