UKbride Member Request 14 Mar 2019

Family fall out

Has anyone chosen to get married abroad at the expense of having your friends and family there with you? What would you do??..... Myself and my husband-to-be have been pricing up weddings in the UK and they’re well out of our price range. We have looked into going to Cyprus for 2 weeks on a combined wedding/honeymoon package and we’ve got so excited over the prospect. It’s a beautiful venue, they do all the organising, we just turn up (stress free), we’re guaranteed good weather and it’s something a bit different. We only want a few close family members there with us for the big day. We’ve had a discussion with all family members and explained the costs, the 0% payment options available, etc etc and everyone was happy with the plans. We would like to get married in 2020 as it’ll be our 10yr anniversary, I’ll have just graduated and I’ve been surprised by my partner who’s informed me he’s been offered a job overseas for 2 months which will pay for the entire do in full. The problem is..... none of our family get on AT ALL and we’ve individually fallen out with all of my partners side.... My mum - is agoraphobic. Hates leaving the house, has only flown once and had an awful experience. Has told us to just go on holiday and get it over with. Is making out she’s not bothered one way or another. My dad and his new wife - are xenophobic. We’ve been estranged for years, only just got back in contact when I fell pregnant as decided to wipe the slate clean and move on. The relationship is strained (we’ve never been father & daughter), but we’re trying. Seeing the 2 of them together upsets my mum and reminds her of what she’s lost, and their racist, xenophobic views have upset my brother (his partner is of dual nationality) and they’ve cut each other out their lives/hate each other. My dad and his wife were really excited to be asked and, as far as I’m aware, are looking forward to going. My brother and his partner - my brother has been the father figure in my life and I was going to ask him to walk me down the “isle”. He’s in a very high pressure job though, in charge of multi billion pound contracts which are struggling because of Brexit and they’re in huge financial difficulty due to renovating their family home. He’s stressed and struggling for money. I don’t know if I should put more pressure on him asking him to go and him feeling obligated, plus him and my dad are VERY volatile together. My partners mum - my partners dad was killed 3yrs ago and since, his mum has changed, expecting my partner to be “man of the house” jumping at her demands whenever she clicks her fingers, regardless of our plans. We live only 40 minutes away from her, but I’m a full time student working full time hours - study and placement, so am living at mums for childcare purposes. I only see my partner on a Saturday, with the only car we have, and she fell out with us because he hadn’t taken our son over to see her for a few weeks while I was working (with said car). His sisters ganged up on him, putting pressure on him to do more (they know we’re struggling with our current situation and only have one vehicle). It all got very nasty and he ignored them. It came to a big head and they attacked me instead to get at him. We all had a big fall out and he’s moved on to keep the peace with them, but I’m not so forgiving. I’ll be honest, I can’t stand his mum, neither can my mum, but he’s said he has to invite her to save problems in the future (plus, she is his mum). His 2 sisters - if I invite my brother, he says he needs to invite his 2 sisters. Their ganging up on him didn’t work, so they attacked me on my Facebook wall. It’s all very petty and silly, but they got really personal and upset me a lot. I deleted them from FB and I’ve not spoken to them since. One of their husbands sent private messages to my partner, continuing to goad him and told him he was a crap son to his mum and they don’t consider him part of the family. Again, it all got very personal and my partner continually says if he ever saw him, he’d knock him on his ass. Obviously if his sister goes, so will her husband. And that’s the measly lot ????????. Literally nobody gets on and I can’t stand his side of the family due to hurt they’ve caused us both. It’s not fair to ask him to get married without his family there though (I appreciate it’s his wedding too). I couldn’t imagine it without my family there, but my mums not bothered and I think secretly, would rather not go and my brother is so stressed with work commitments and financial problems. If we only invite the mums, we have the problem of what they will do for a week or 2 alone (my mum struggles to go to her local town alone and they’re too different in personality to do anything together). Reading this, I know the answer would be to just go alone, but it would break my heart to not have my loved ones there to see it. Surely seeing your daughter get married is a moment in life that people look forward to witnessing? Please help with any suggestions. We can’t think of any resolution which is making this whole thing so stressful. I don’t want to not get married because of all this.... Sorry it’s so long! Thank you for reading xx



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