UKbride Member Request 1 Mar 2019

Hello! I'm getting married this September and I am having difficulty with a...

Hello! I'm getting married this September and I am having difficulty with a bridesmaid. I'm not having the wedding locally, she has said she will book accommodation for past 2 months yet nothing has been done. I'm started to fret she wont do it in time and won't be able to come. I've tried speaking to her, and her partner and they say "we will look later." It's frustrating as I need to know who's coming. She wont even tell me her food options. I've spent £100 on her bridesmaid dress too. I will be furious if she tells me a week before she can't come. What do I do?

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 1 Mar 2019

book somewhere for her to stay but select “pay upon arrival” then they can pay when they check in

Sarah Sharpe
Sarah Sharpe 1 Mar 2019

Perhaps she cant afford it and is embarrassed to tell you?!

Avy Rayet
Avy Rayet 1 Mar 2019

Bridesmaids are meant to be supportive. My maid of honour is my second in command..its meant to be a joyous time. Ask her to be upfront with you, you don't need that stress

laura barker
laura barker 1 Mar 2019

It sounds like she might be struggling to afford it and is trying to wait til she has the money to book things? If you can afford to book maybe you could suggesting booking things now and make some excuse and then she can pay you back?

Kayleigh E Alman
Kayleigh E Alman 1 Mar 2019

We had this problem with my husband mum and step dad.. they kept saying they weren’t sure if they were coming (yes my in laws) so we uninvited them! That was our only option x

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 1 Mar 2019

I would just be honest honest with her and ask if it's the cost of the hotel? Maybe suggest to her you book it and pay half the cost for her.

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 1 Mar 2019

Could you say shall I book it now incase they get busy and we sort it later (if she is struggling she may be relieved ) but really if she’s my freind enough to be my bridesmaid I wouldn’t care as long as she’s there at my wedding

Tiffany Carlile
Tiffany Carlile 1 Mar 2019

Why haven’t they given you the food options if you need them?
I will be giving ALL guests a set date to RSVP and if they don’t get back to me by that date, they’re not coming. Bridesmaid, best man, mother of the groom - idc. You don’t reply, you’re not coming. I have a back up list of who to invite if people from first can’t and I have plenty of people who will jump in the place.
You need to be firm with her - book in the next two weeks, send my the options or you’re not coming. Then ask someone else to be a bridesmaid if you cannot return the dress

Olivia Brown
Olivia Brown 1 Mar 2019

She might not be able to afford it at the minute. Or maybe her workplace aren’t getting back to her about the time off and she’s worried about letting you down. Perhaps you could offer the deposit?

Michelle Sherratt
Michelle Sherratt 1 Mar 2019

My parents did this, no flights, no rooms, no interest...they aren't coming now.

Teresa King
Teresa King 1 Mar 2019

How long has she known she was going to be a bridesmaid? If it's all been planned quickly then I agree it could be a money problem, but if she's known for over 6 months then surely she could have saved a little each month to pay for it by now! Being bridesmaid ment she probably knew the situation before most others too. I'd ask her if she even wants to do it anymore and try replace if not x

Stacey Gill
Stacey Gill 1 Mar 2019

I can only imagine what you're going through as I haven't had this problem. I have had a friend or two that have and the beast thing to do is sit down and talk one on one about it all her out right and don't let her brush you off. She has to understand its stressful enough planning a wedding but when your bridesmaid isn't cooperating then I can only imagine. Good luck x

Kim Sanderson
Kim Sanderson 1 Mar 2019

Maybe they can’t afford it and are scared to tell you, maybe have a kind conversation with her and see what’s going on.

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 1 Mar 2019

Maybe offer to do it for her and pay for it and for her to pay you back later?

Laurisa Kerr
Laurisa Kerr 1 Mar 2019

I have a similar problem but it's his parents are coming from another country and have been saying since November that they will put in for there visas every month till now they have put visa but they don't no if they can come And now my partners is telling me we might need to foot the bill for acommadation we are doing the wedding our self and dont have the money to pay for them

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 1 Mar 2019

Maybe they can't afford accommodation and feel embarrassed saying so

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 1 Mar 2019

Emma Cradock Is this you? 🤦‍️

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 1 Mar 2019

She must be close to
You to be a bridesmaid so talk to her away from everyone have a heart to heart

Charlotte Ward
Charlotte Ward 1 Mar 2019

Do you have another friend that is the same size?

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 1 Mar 2019

Some people expect it all to be paid for .. maybe that's what's she's hoping that if you want her there you'll pay personally I'd tell her where to stick it!

Charlotte Brown
Charlotte Brown 1 Mar 2019

Talk to her, if you feel she isn’t approachable or closed of, maybe write a letter. Hand written she can see you have taken the time to see if she’s ok and can afford to be such a big part of your day?

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 1 Mar 2019

Kirsty Jones

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 1 Mar 2019

Kirsty Jones

Chelsea-Anne Horrocks
Chelsea-Anne Horrocks 1 Mar 2019

I would ait her down and ask whats going on, tell her you want her to be apart of your special day thats why you asked her to be your bridesmaid but that your getting that feeling that she now doesnt want to go to your wedding because of x, y and z . Then see what she has to say, if it comes to it maybe give her the option of just being a guest. If you dont get thr answers that you need then give her a deadline and tell her that if you've not good what you need/asked for by then that she's univited as she clearly doesnt want to be there and you can give her seat to someone who does want to be there.x

Emily Mash
Emily Mash 2 Mar 2019

Maybe a little white lie like ‘catering has said they need to know by 3pm today! Just waiting to hear from you so if you don’t let me know in time you won’t be fed! Let me know asap’
If she responds, great.
Good luck! Have a fab day

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 2 Mar 2019

None of my bridesmaids seem bothered my cousin not cuming hen do 2of them put weight on so dress don't fit at moment.i give up as long as my h2b there nothing else matters.enjoy Ur day girls x

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 2 Mar 2019

This is why I’m not having bridesmaids

Cat Cubitt
Cat Cubitt 3 Mar 2019

Had this exact same scenario! Didn’t end well for me 😂 never spoke again.

If it’s local why does she need accommodation?

I’d just tell her if she doesnt tell you her food she’s getting whatever you pick her. I’m sure it will work out fine. Just be honest.

Sharon Hackett
Sharon Hackett 11 Mar 2019

I too had similar issues with my bridesmaid & matron of honour, unfortunately when i was more forceful with them i have now lost their friendship & im now having just two witnesses on my wedding day..Its been cancelled twice & i managed my deposits back but have lost family over the entire process trying to make everyone else happy..


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