UKbride Member Request 28 Feb 2019


I asked one of my oldest friends to be my bridesmaid a year ago, however July last year i suffered a devastating miscarriage. I felt she wasn’t really there for me, she hasn’t asked anything wedding related and the last time I saw her was my sons birthday party in October. My question is can and how do I unask her I don’t want to fall out with her I just don’t feel like she’s interested in my life or wedding anymore.

Laura Roby
Laura Roby 28 Feb 2019

Unfortunately I had the same experience with not just 1 but 2 of my bridesmaids. I think weddings really show peoples true friends. X

Khadie Patel
Khadie Patel 28 Feb 2019

I have the same kinda problem with mine!!! Three of my ‘best friends’ really haven’t been here for me for the past few months - when I’ve needed them the most!! I have no idea what to do🙈 x

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 28 Feb 2019

Good luck with everything ,I have personally gone through the same loss and it showed the true colours of people
That is why I've decided to just have our two niece's as flower girl and junior bridesmaid xx

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 28 Feb 2019

Have you spoken to her about it? Maybe she doesn't know what to say to you without upsetting you? Talk with her first.

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 28 Feb 2019

if she's not interested in you, is she a friend? its yours and your partners day... you decide what happens, dont worry about others feelings!

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 28 Feb 2019

Know the feeling. I didn’t do anything about it because I was so stressed with the wedding the thought of having the added stress of an argument just didn’t seem worth it. It’s ultimately up to you how you deal with it but as much as I wish I’d changed things I know having friends angry at me would have made the whole process 10x worse

Bethany-Rose Hughes
Bethany-Rose Hughes 28 Feb 2019

Do what YOU need to do to make yourself feel better. The biggest regret I have from my wedding day is trying to keep everyone else around me happy (I was too worried about looking the bad guy) but it’s only you who will be upset by it. Do as you want and don’t let anyone tell you it’s wrong, you’ll only get married once you have it the way you want it! ❤️

Sarah Lockey
Sarah Lockey 28 Feb 2019

Maybe talk to her first about things as there might be a lot going on in her life. Or if not just say to get that your scaling the wedding down a bit and are having a smaller bridal party.

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 28 Feb 2019

Tread carefully. You don't want to lose a friend through a wedding. I understand your hurted about the fact you felt she wasn't there for your miscarriage. Sometimes people don't know how to react to a situation like that,ive been there myself. My best mate has got a job kids and family of her own. We see each other about 5x a year and nothing changes. Just be honest of your feelings. If she's a true friend she'll get it, but she could be going through something she feels she can't talk to u about it because it's all about the wedding and happy times and she doesn't want to burden you x

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 28 Feb 2019

Talk to her, tell her that u feel she is uninterested and your quite upset by this then gently say to her if she's not in terms Ted in being part of ur wedding party then u will ask someone else x

Cat Cubitt
Cat Cubitt 28 Feb 2019

My longest friend, my maid of honour, just stopped talking to me 6m before my wedding, then one day I get blocked, along with my bridesmaids. Never spoken to her since. No reason left.
Just shows peoples true colours! People are bazaar! Good luck! I wouldn’t worry too much. Do what you need to do! It’s your wedding!

Keisha Hull
Keisha Hull 28 Feb 2019

Ask her, if she's a true friend she'll understand and try her best to make it better. If not then you truly know where you stand. Either way youll at least know what is actually going on.

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 28 Feb 2019

Talk, she may ask to step down if you bring it up or you may get to the bottom of what’s going on.

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 28 Feb 2019

Maybe she doesn't know how to support you, miscarriage can be a very taboo subject, lots of people find it hard to know what to say or how they can help.
Talk to her x

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 28 Feb 2019

Maybe she doesn't want to bring it up incase it upsets you. I had one last month and asked everybody not to mention it when I saw them but, I was absolutely terrified incase they said anything I avoided people. She could be letting you grieve. X

Laura Mellor
Laura Mellor 28 Feb 2019

I had a similar problem with my maid of honour not being interested, i eventually asked her if she still wanted to be part of my wedding party or if she felt it was to much and didn’t want to be so involved. By giving her a get out clause if she wanted made the conversation a lot easier. She did then make more of an effort to be involved. Talk to her is probably best.

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 28 Feb 2019

I'm sorry to hear about your miscarriage, I would definitely talk to her, could it be that she is jealous or something that's triggered it. She might be upset that she hasn't be as supportive as you've wanted her to be. But if she really doesn't seem interested then maybe say to her that you've had time to think, you've gone through a lot and you want this day as special as it could be... Maybe then suggest something else she could do. So instead of being a bridesmaid, could she seat people or hand out something as people come in. And maybe she'll be perfect for another job instead.

Cheryl Holten
Cheryl Holten 28 Feb 2019

Ask yourself how good a friend they are and how much you would care if she never spoke to you again. If the answer is not much just crack on and give her the reason you feel the way you do xx

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 28 Feb 2019

Def talk to her she may be scared how to approach you after your loss. I've had miscarriages into double figures and I still don't know how to talk to people about it when it happens to them. It's a really sensitive subject. If after you still feel the same then rethink but would be a shame to upset a friend and yourself over a misunderstanding

Leanne Rodgers
Leanne Rodgers 28 Feb 2019

I think you need to talk to her. Yes you have had a rough time, but it works both ways. She may feel you already have things to do and enough on your plate. Friendship works both ways and she may be needing you but not want to burden you 🤷🏻‍♀️

Ami Dixon-Smith
Ami Dixon-Smith 28 Feb 2019

She probably is interested but is confused or concerned. Peoples lives are complicated and so busy, probably best just to ask her to go for a coffee with you. That way you can talk things through x

Rachel Doxey
Rachel Doxey 1 Mar 2019

I would talk to her about it . If she’s being unsupported I would probably tell her what you want need from her she might not realise she’s doing it . If that doesn’t work tell her that your picking another maid of honour

Emma Marsh
Emma Marsh 1 Mar 2019

This is the reason Im not having any bridesmaids or maid of honour etc. My fiancee was really ill 12m ago and the person I was going to ask one day just didn't make any effort. So instead Im having a boys squad with all my nephews and my uncle haha x

Louise Newson
Louise Newson 1 Mar 2019

I really don't mean this to come across badly, but you haven't spoken to her since October, have you tried to contact her, she hasn't asked about your wedding or been there for you, do you know what's going on in her life? I'm not saying this is the case but it's very easy when your planning a wedding to get completely absorbed in it and forget that your friends/ bridesmaids might have stuff going on too. She came to your son's birthday in October, when was the last time you saw her when it was an event of hers, when was the last time you called her for a chat that wasn't wedding related?

Emily Mash
Emily Mash 3 Mar 2019

Sorry for your loss. Hope you’re ok. Have a fabulous day as you deserve. I’d say if you were close enough to ask her to be your bridesmaid then you still will probably be close enough. Maybe she doesn’t know what to say as she doesn’t want to pry or upset you. I’d suggest popping out for a cuppa and saying you’d love to spend more time together like you used to and get her opinion and help with some bridesmaids duties if she’s still up for it and see where the conversation takes you. Good luck x

Demi McGarry
Demi McGarry 10 Mar 2019

I was on the same boat too. My best maid turned out to be very immature and didn't ask anything about my wedding. We no longer speak. I never unasked her. She just kinda got the silent treatment and tbh I'm happyto no longer have a best maid

Kimberley Joyce
Kimberley Joyce 13 Mar 2019

I'd try and rekindle the friendship. If things still don't improve then send her a message or letter and explain to her that you feel like you're both drifting apart. Tell her that you still love her and consider her a dear friend however you need somone who can be there, with you, glued to you in a way to help you through your wedding process. Say to her that you don't blame her for the way things are between you both (even if you do) lol. Just reassure her. And ask again to meet for coffee again soon or something... x


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