Two of my very close friends, one of whom is a part of my bridal party, have just had a baby. By the time of the wedding, the baby will be 3 months old. The parents have assumed she's invited, and we're happy for her to be there, but we don't want the stress of having a crying infant during our wedding vows. Potentially this could lead to a distracted member of our wedding party and one of our good friends not being able to witness the ceremony if they have to duck outside. They'd also potentially be sat away from friends at the back to make a quick exit if they needed to. At the wedding there will be friends who won't have seen her yet and we're concerned that they will make the day all about them. We don't want to rupture any friendships and really just want everyone to have a nice day. Is it unreasonable to request that they don't bring the baby to the ceremony and have a grandparent (both sets are nearby) drop them off later? We'd be happy to pay for the grandparents to enter the venue separately so they're nearby.
Loads of people say to people their kids aren't invited full stop, you're meeting them in the middle and tbh they might be thankful of the break!
I think if you approach it right and say you’d prefer no children at the ceremony due to the possibility of distraction during the service and you maybe wanting to capture it on film? But explain they are welcome to get them brought to them like you said to the reception or even just after the ceremony and pictures. I won’t be having anyone but family children during the ceremony but all other children are welcome to after x
I doubt they will be able to leave a 3 month old so a grandparent or carer at the venue may be a good idea. I really did not want screaming children during my ceremony so I offered to hire a babysitter for the 30 mins the ceremony was going on so that all the little ones could have a play in a room next door and it saves fussing and crying. In the end our guests either had a child free day or chose to sit with them which was up to them. Stealing the focus of the day will not be a problem cos its your wedding and you won't have time to worry about who is paying attention to who
Claire Humphreys this is what that cow Kirsty Hatherly did to you .
Can you seriously believe some brides!
Can't let a 12-week old baby spoil your magical sparkly-princess-unicorn day, of course 🙄
Personally having had a baby 11 days before my wedding - I fed her before the ceremony and grandma held her and she was fine! Boob/milk, a sling, and cuddles from someone maybe dad should be fine if you’re inviting her partner too!
Childcare for ceremony then let baby come to evening do
I think you are being very reasonable about it and if you approach your friends the same way then I don’t see an issue! Just explain that you’re worried about it during the vows but will be delighted for baby to be at the reception!
I'm not having any kids at my wedding - all of my guests who have babies or children are fine with it.
3 months is very young to expect a parent to leave her child, unless it’s something you know they have done before. Personally I would have been declining being a bridesmaid to look after my baby. We had lots of children at our wedding of all ages and I can honestly say I don’t remember any of them making noise (I’m sure they did) but I was far too caught up in the moment to notice anything going on in the congregation!
This was fairly reasonable until I read the bit about ‘we are concerned that they will make the day about them’
I only originally had children that were part of the wedding party at the ceremony with other children invited in the evening but a close friend had a baby 10 days before the wedding so she brought him with her with my agreement as there is no way a 10 day old baby could be left.
It will depend on how the baby is being fed etc as well as if they are exclusively breastfed then it’s not an option to just leave the baby somewhere as he/she will need to be close to mum if they need feeding and at 12 weeks most breastfed babies won’t of been given expressed milk from a bottle either.
In all honesty your being pretty selfish, no one is going to pay more attention to the baby during your ceremony than they are you, babies cry - and the parent who is looking after the baby (or invite a grandparent to the wedding to help!) will take the baby outside or calm them and that is only if the baby isn’t full up of milk and fast asleep for the whole thing. Personally I wouldn’t of left my kids with anyone at 12 weeks old to attend a wedding I would just of rsvpd not attending.
I don't think it's unreasonable... even the princess comment.... actually it is your day to feel like a princess after all the planning, costs etc and the one day you'll get married why would you want a baby potentially screaming the place down during your moment of sharing vows x
Had my daughter a year old at my wedding and she was fine. Went a wedding when she was a month old she didn't even stir throughout the ceremony she was asleep the whole time
Having two kids, I know I wouldn't have been able to leave either of my two at 3 months old at home with someone looking after them...especially since they were breastfed, which might mean mum needs to feed the baby hourly. It would be fine, if it was okay with the baby's mum to say that you could have somewhere for the baby be nearby with the grandparents, as long as mum could leave and go see baby whenever she liked...I think I'd be more distracted knowing my baby was somewhere and I wasn't sure if they were okay!
You are completely entitled to have your day just as you want it . It is one day and one day only that you get.
We are having no children at our wedding. People have generally been fine about it. Xxx
You might be lucky and the baby might sleep through the service.
When my friend got married i was meant to be due my little one the week after her wedding. But he came 3 weeks early and was only 11 days old. But i never took the lime light off her. As it was her day but she loved having my little one there. He never made a noise through the service. But we sat out the back just incase we needed out
Wow, this post, really!! Your big day is about sharing it with your loved ones, friends and family... surely their babies are part of that. I can't imagine having a wedding and not inviting my friends children, obviously unless their teens upwards and didn't want to come then fair enough but they'd still be invited.
I wouldn’t leave my 3 month old baby to be a bridesmaid. If baby wasn’t invited unfortunately I wouldn’t be a bridesmaid and wouldn’t come to the ceremony
this is just awful. sorry :( xx
My daughter, also my maid of honour will have a 3 month old when I get married. If the baby cries, so be it. That's what babies do
I think you really need to think about how hurt your friend would be if she read this. And ask yourself... how good a friend am I being?
I’m not about to beat up on you. I understand the stress of wanting a perfect day... but here’s the thing... it won’t be! Something ALWAYS goes wrong. What depends on how perfect your day is one thing... the grace and good humour with which you deal with it.
Are you willing to hurt and alienate a friend for something that “might” happen. When it’s the things you can’t prepare for that are likely to happen.
Be happy, be blessed and include EVERYONE you love... you will only regret it later. No one will remember a baby crying, but they will remember a rift between friends.
Yes it's unreasonable, I wouldn't come if my 3 month old couldn't as he was breastfed and needed to be with me! Obviously it would depend on if the parents were comfortable leaving the lo yet but believe me I would have been more distracted by him being elsewhere. 🤷
My sister in law had a 2 month old at our wedding and firstly I would never have dreamed of saying no but it all went fine and it was great to have him there x the photographer took some beautiful pictures of them too x
I went to a wedding once and someone was holding a baby in the seat in front of me, I was making him smile and was taking pictures I didn't take pictures of the bride and groom but I took photos of a baby 🤣
When I got married one of my bridal party had had her baby 15 days before and it was wonderful having one of my closest friends there with her baby! I don’t think any new mother would make it ‘about them’ on your wedding day. This sounds really petty and if I were your friend I think I’d be picking spending my day with my baby over being in the bridal party if it was the ultimatum you’ve described. That’s just me though and it’s your day so ultimately you do what makes you happy but just consider that this may upset your friend. Plus she may be breastfeeding so may not be able to leave a 3 month old baby!
I couldn’t have left any of mine at 3 months old even for a close friend’s wedding. You just need to be really careful how you mention it to the parents as you risk ruining a friendship!
A family member has just told us they are exepecting and I automatically said oh baby will need a cute outfit for he wedding ! He or she will only be a month old and I have absolutely no issue with the baby being there ! It'll be the first time more then likely most family meet the baby with it being a big family party and I think I'd be unreasonable to expect them to leave the baby at home ! If I were your bridesmaid I'd be saying no thanks I'll miss the wedding! I can't wait to get to show the baby off and if he or she cries during the ceremony so be it that's what babies do !
Personally i wouldnt worry about a baby crying or stealing your thunder. Yes people will want a hold but they would if you only invite to the reception too. We had nieces and nephews running around the church at ours nobody cared and it didnt distract from the wedding. We also had one of my very drunk cousins decide he didnt want to stay in church any longer so walked to the front to tell us and fell into us. My mum swiftly grabbed him and got him under control but again i was annoyed with him but it was a magical day regardless. We had issues with the music in church too. And yes i had scrutinized for months over that music but on the day none of it really matters. Xx
I had children of all ages at my wedding including babies, there was no fuss from them but even if there was it doesn’t do anything to damage the day. Yes people paid attention to them after the ceremony, I think me more than anyone else because they were just the perfect addition to the day. I really think you need to think more about this. It’s your day yes and you can ask what you want but don’t be surprised if a three month old baby is put first, especially if they’re breastfeeding.
If you are having no children at all at ceremony fair enough if not I’m sorry but if u were my friend and i read this post about me I would be so upset xxx
I don't think your being unreasonable, but maybe word it slightly different so you don't come across like you think her baby is going to ruin your day! If it's her first baby she might be a little protective at the idea of leaving them with anyone at that age, I would just try to work round it, have the baby at the ceremony but fed and ready to sleep if it's possible, and have the grandparents there so if at all possible they can take baby out if he / she startsaid crying. But remember, although not for you, baby is the most important thing to a new mum so don't make her feel it is in the way. I hope you manage to sort it.xx
I was a bridesmaid for a very good friend of mine when my exclusively breastfed baby was just 3 months old too, if she had of said we couldn't bring her, I wouldn't have been there to see her get married. Simple.
As it goes, my little one fed just before the ceremony and slept in her pram at the back with daddy while I took my place as pride bridesmaid next to my best friend, people did coo over my baby after the ceremony while the bride and groom were having their photos taken - their limelight was certainly never taken from them at any point.
I think if you want to say no children/babies then you have to expect that this friend will be A. hurt and B. may not attend your day - it's not always so cut and dry as to say oh the grandparents can drop the baby off later - especially if they are breastfeeding or if baby hasn't been left before then.
We agreed at the pre-planning stage that we were not inviting any children to our wedding day. We have nieces, nephews and Godchildren whom we love very much, but we want our guests to relax and enjoy the day without having to worry about entertaining their children, keeping them quiet during during the ceremony and speeches and then leaving early to get the kids home. Not a single guest has had a problem with this - in fact most are delighted at the thought of a grown-up day to let their hair down!!
At 12 weeks old mum leaving her baby may be an issue, I hadn't left my baby at that age and wouldn't...also if the baby is breastfed you can't really expect mum to leave her, unless she is happily expressing by that point. You may end up losing an important person from your wedding party and/or the wedding all together. Nothing against no childrennat weddings, but that's a very young baby to expect to leave.
Very unreasonable,I wouldn't leave my 3 month old baby so I wouldn't go. If you want to risk her not coming by all means suggest she leaves her newborn at home but it won't go down well!
i understand wedding planning can be hard and stressful .. we planned and married in one year ! but please remember its just 1 day. and in the morning you might have ruined a life long friendship or lost a really good friend. you wont hear anything when you are doing your vows because hopefully you will be focused on what you are doing! i barely noticed anybody tbh until we turned to walk out! adrenaline kicked in. dont ruin your life over something so silly.. the baby coos im sure she would take them out the room or calm them quickly , xx
I wouldn't have been able to leave my baby that young as he was breastfed.
Think if you dont want the baby there, you dont want the baby there. Youre the one paying out thousands of pounds, and the day should be about you and the groom only. Fully understand and think that the partner of the bridesmaid can have the baby for a few hours and attend later. My baby will be 6 weeks old at the wedding, and yes, theyll be there because its my baby, but think youre not over reacting to the fact that people will be distracted by the baby x
My daughter was a month old at my sister's wedding and she slept for almost all of it, even with all the loud music. People obviously hadnt seen her yet but the day certainly wasn't about her. If you have like 50 guests you probably wont notice as you will be busy with photos etc. If my daughter had cried i would have had a grandparent take her out (i was bridesmaid so couldn't myself).
On the other hand i wad bridesmaid for a friend and didnt take my daughter (she was then 5). I completely understood that and to be honest was good to have a night away!
That being said, its your day, your choice. I'd personally just ask politely about the ceremony part if you're worried about the distraction.
My daughter broke her flower wand during our ceremony and was stood in the middle of us trying to give it to me to fix ... Then when I took it and passed it back to my dad she stood on my veil nearly pulling it out of my hair 🤣🤣 it's the best bit about our ceremony to be honest, can't even remember the rest lol and really helped settle the nerves aswell x
I think it's reasonable enough to ask them to sit at*the back. Baby should only be the buggie anyway. I also think u cab ask ur friend if they could leave baby out. Just because it is your wedding and there is no harm in asking!! See what they say and discuss a plan with them. Getting them involve the decision is better than ruling one out without their say. Hope this advice helps x
This is very sad!
My cousins fiancée is due their baby on our wedding day even if she has had the baby they are all invited!
Completely unreasonable, especially if baby is breastfed, no way would they be able to be away from mum for so long, and your friend is likely to be anxious and distracted away from such a young baby. Honestly? If I was asked that then id make the choice not to attend so you definitely need to bare in mind that risk
Rachel Sian Knowles... this though!? I hope our less than 1 month old wont steal your thunder!!
Wow. Not so much of a good friend if you're concerned that they will make the day about them. Seriously. You should be more encouraging towards your friend in regards to their baby. Good friendships work both ways!
Honestly I think it's unreasonable to expect your friend to leave such a young baby with grandparents especially if she is breastfeeding! I know what my answer would be. I took my daughter to my cousin's wedding when she was 3 weeks old and it was fine. Ultimately it's your day but I wouldn't ruin a friendship over something that MIGHT happen.
Honestly I didn’t have a problem our wedding. I wanted my friend to be a part of my day and it was important to me to have them as a family. He was very well behaved, I was so proud of him.
It will be a perfect day and wish you lots of happiness.
How amazing! Having a 3 month old at your day!
I don't really like the wording of "assumed" of course the baby is going to be there, if your friend is breastfeeding how the hell else is she going to feed the baby?! Sure she could express and leave the milk and baby at home, but that wouldn't exactly be comfortable for her!
I can appreciate that you don't want a screaming baby during the ceremony and vows, but I'm sure the parents will be conscientious enough to take the baby out if it starts to fuss. What does it matter if they are sat at the back, as long as they're there. sure it will be a shame if they miss some of the ceremony or speeches, but that's life with a baby.
to answer your question, yes it's completely unreasonable to expect the baby not to be there Connor particularly at such a young age. If the mum is breastfeeding (which hopefully she will be) it is an unrealistic option to expect had to be away from the baby karma just to please you. Honestly you're sounding a little bit selfish and like bridezilla.
If I wear your friend and asked not to take my 3 month old baby, particularly as a mother that's breastfeeding, I would tell you where to stick your wedding invitation, sorry if that's a bit blunt but that's my opinion.
My sister had her 8 month old baby and my other sister had her 2 month old baby there. Neither of them ruined my wedding or made the day about them. Not to be harsh or mean but you need to wise up. By all means if your friend is ok with it crack on but it's not a big deal having babies at the ceremony it's all part of life!
I had two 3 week old babies at my wedding....which I totally forgot about until I read this stupid post...how the hell can a baby upstage you on your wedding day??? surely you will be too busy getting married to even notice people looking at a baby. unless 200 guests form a line behind the mother in order to take turns holding the baby, or a very bright star appears over its head while 3 wise men arrive on camels to adorn the child with gifts, I'm sure you'll be fine!
When my best friend got married I was meant to be a bridesmaid but I went into early labour at 29 weeks and the baby was born 8 days before the wedding. We still went (which was no small feat believe me!) But of course baby was in the nicu. My friend's reaction to it was wonderful; she was supportive of whatever we needed, made me still feel part of the bridal party but without any obligations to fulfil any duties, and even made a mention of our baby in the speach. It was a testiment to what a good friend and person she is that she didnt feel that her limelight was being stolen. I can only say that, as a friend, knowing you have the love and support of your friend is a very valuable thing and it would likely mean a lot to her if you could see her perspective on this as a stressed new mum.
Crikey Bridezilla springs to mind Get over yourself “The day all about them” 🤦️
At our wedding 2 of our 9 niece's and nephews were 7 and 8 months old.
During the ceremony and you can hear them gurgling and laughing as well as some of the others singing songs from school. To a point where one of the mums even apologised! (Not at all needed) they are kids and babies. They get bored, plus it was in the middle of the heat wave last year!
Watching the wedding video back its one of my favourite parts.
They are my family and I absolutely wouldn't change them for the world nor was it ever a question of if they were invited or not. More they were coming whether they liked it or not!!
Its always going to be one of those things that your annoying aunts will bring up in many years to come "when i got married you sang/laughed/gurgled throughout the ceremony.
You are potentially asking them to leave behind their newborns (albeit with other members of their family) what if they are breast feeding? Or just genuinely not ready to leave the baby that soon?!
My wedding would not be the same without kids and babies there. It’s all about family and friends being there to celebrate with you. I just don’t understand how anyone can be so selfish in thinking a baby would steal the limelight! 😳
As a mother theres no way in he'll I would of left my child at 3 months! We got invited to a reception when my little girl was around 6 months and they were happy for her to come along. But if you want a "child free" wedding thats totally your choice but be prepared for people not to turn up even if they are close friends
A lot of very judgy, mean comments. It's your day, do what you want as long as you are kind and understanding about it. We had no kids under 12 at ours, not even at the reception, and all our friends, even the ones who had newborns, all complied happily.
Personally I wouldn’t leave my baby at 12 weeks. If this request was made of me I would be understanding but would also be inclined to step down as a bridesmaid.. the baby comes first.
Ok. Look at it this way. The majority of brides get stressed leading up to their weddings and can over worry and preempt situations...it’s human nature. From experience my daughter was 6 mths old at my cousins wedding in a church where it echos and sounds worse than it is. My daughter as predicted starting crying at the worse time and I instantly took her outside. My other cousin with a 6mth old didn’t and her baby screamed though the whole of the vows and it was the focus of attention. The mother wasn’t fazed in the slightest and I felt this was wrong as it all everyone talked about!
If your friends are bridesmaid and want their babies with them during the service then out of respect and cringing for them then they can either take the baby outside or have someone on standby. It’s all very well people saying they wouldn’t mind but believe me they would.
I really hope you enjoy your day ️
If you think a crying baby will distract from your vows, your not focussed enough on the ceremony. I didn’t notice anything apart from me and my husband all through the day.
It's you and your husbands day. If you don't want children/babies during the ceremony then that's up to yourselves! If they are a good friend they will understand where you are coming from with this. As you said, your happy for them to be there later, so even if baby is being breastfed, most ceremonies don't last more than 2 hours( and that's for a religious ceremony) Last wedding I attended the ceremony lasted around half an hour and then the smaller kids came along. Get the ceremony and main photos out of the way and then get everyone there and relax! People will fuss over baby, it's natural, but at least your ceremony will be focused on you and your other half! I never wanted children at my wedding, but having our own kinda had to change that plan! Do what you want, your paying for it!
I don’t think it’s unacceptable at all it’s your day and if you don’t want kids or babies there then you should say. It’s not about being self centred it’s about wanting your day how you want it, people shouldn’t judge, it’s not selfish or stuck up it’s what you want!!
If one parent is part of the bridal party and the other one isn’t then surly the other parent can sit near the back, so they can dash out if necessary, plus surly the parent that’s part of the bridal party has already put all this into consideration so I really wouldn’t worry about it!
On my wedding I thought about what everyone else wanted not what I wanted, as long as everyone was happy being there I was happy, kids too no matter how old they were
Wow ! if my freind who just had her baby now could have been there with hers then awesome ️
This is ridiculous. You've known about the baby for 9 months and now you're deciding this? The baby will be 3 months old, your bridesmaid may want to be with her newborn baby all day. What if she's breastfeeding? She can't drop that kind of thing just for your big day. You're asking a lot and chances are, the baby won't be awake during the service.
What if mum is breastfeeding? ... I wouldn't have been able to have left either of my two at that age. I think you need to wait until baby is born to figure out the logistics of it, baby will come first to mum above and beyond your wedding so you have to expect her not to be there if baby is not allowed to come.
My matron of honour had a 2 week old baby at our wedding and I could not have been happier to see him. I was more concerned as to whether or not my best friend would be able to come (and fit in her dress!). We had roughly 20 children at our wedding from 2 weeks to 12 and they were all incredibly well behaved. I had more grief from relatives than them... I think you need to have a proper think about this.
Wow bet your mate feels blessed having you as a friend
My best friend is getting married in May. I am bridesmaid. I fell pregnant after I agreed and will also have a 3 month old. They have one request only that when they are taking their vows they don’t want a baby who cry’s. This is completely understandable and so my other half is going to sit with him in the bar while they are making their vows as there is nothing worse than a crying baby. However I don’t agree with the upstaging of them. The baby is 3 months old and will be there to be fed and if they are anything like me the thought of my baby being passed around everyone after trying to get a routine is my worse nightmare. Speak to them about it as they might get a different view than the preconceived one you currently have!
A baby is innocent older children are the ones that run riot screaming. So respect your friend and her baby.
Let the babies come. They are too young to be away. Just ask that the other half quietly takes them out of the room if they start crying during the ceremony.
People may gush over the babies for a while but that will only be initially. Peoples focus will soon return to the wedding. I wouldnt worry about it.
Weddings are about family, families include babies.
you're potentially alienating your friend over a situation that might not even happen. If she understands that if the baby starts fussing and she'll need to exit, surely that's her choice.
"We're concerned that they will make the day all about them", wow, that's shallow if you are horrified over the idea of not being the centre of attention 100% of the time and also that you think so little of your friend that she'll deliberately try to make the day all about her.....
Totally unreasonable. If someone asked me to leave my 3 momth old baby with someone else for their wedding, then I'd rather not join in their day. And the way you think the miracle of new life is going to take the limelight fron you, is quite selfish.
My son was 4 weeks old when he attended his first wedding, I was bridesmaid too so my hubby took care of my son while I was with the bride in the morning and for the ceremony. My son was also asleep through the whole thing. No problem! If their baby will be three months old by your wedding, it’ll be fine, your friends will probably get the baby to sleep just before the ceremony so to sleep through. It’ll be fine and you won’t even notice if the baby cries as you’ll be so focused on your new hubby and your vows. And no, they won’t make their day about you as by then they’ll likely have already shown off the baby to all your mutual friends.
You are entitled to have your wedding the way you want it, personally I find it a bit mean how so many people have judged you for asking the question, many people don’t want babies at the wedding at all and you are being really nice about it.
Do what makes you and your partner happy, it doesn’t mean you love your friend any less and it doesn’t mean you won’t love the baby, it just means you want the ceremony to be about the pair of you, and I think that’s reasonable 🙂
My daughter was 12 weeks when I was bridesmaid at my sisters wedding, I did say to my sister that if she cry’s I’ll get my partner to take her out and she said no way, my baby and partner are family and they are to stay, fortunately baby didn’t make a sound. My sister made sure baby was in wedding photos too. I know it’s different as it’s family but I’m getting married next year and if anyone has a baby before then then I’ll just adjust the guest list to add them too. Xx
Is this a joke? I don't think you've been to many weddings, as most people switch off during the ceremony. It's quite boring for most people to be fair. And regarding the baby, I assume you don't have children? No it wouldn't be reasonable to leave a 12 week old baby.
If I were your friend I'd rather not go to be honest! Would you pass your three month old baby off for someone else's wedding? I bloody wouldn't her baby comes first not you! Yes it's your day but have a heart
Wow!!!!! My nephew was a week old at my wedding and he didn't make a sound during the ceremony (or at least not what I heard!) I don't think anyone should be asking anyone (never mind a close friend) to not take there 3month old child to a wedding! What if they are breastfeeding?? My children refused a bottle so there was no chance of expressing for some one else to feed them!
If you say to your friends that the babies aren't invited, expect them not to be your "friends" anymoreA
3 months is not too young to leave a baby with someone that they will have been around almost everyday like their grandparents. If you aren’t having children at the wedding then that includes babies.
I didn’t have children at mine and wouldn’t change it. My friend had a baby and he was only 4 weeks so he was an exception but 3 months is not too soon. In my opinion.
I think you’ll come across as being a bit of a twat sorry... as a new mum, leaving your baby at home is most likely not an option, and if she’s breastfeeding it’s not gunna happen. She’s not going to make the day about her - if anything she will probably shy away from the attention and be grateful that it’s your day... you’re not going to have everyone’s eyes on you for the whole day, it’s not like a baby is going to steal the show! At 3 months old odds are baby will just be feeding and sleeping, and any new parent is always prepared to get up and exit quickly if needs be. I think you’re being a bit ridiculous. My sister got married in a very small, echoey church, and I had my 3 month old with me. I was a bridesmaid at the front of the church, did a reading, and juggled the baby without any issue at all. Not once was the day about me, and to be honest, I was so relaxed and enjoyed her day because I wasn’t worrying about my baby
Very unreasonable they baby is only 3 months! May not even be out of the 4th trimester and if they are breastfeeding even less reasonable. If my 3m old wasn’t invited i wouldn’t be going either
If I was the friend in question I wouldn’t be going to your wedding with that attitude. You do realise nobody cares about your wedding except you?
I was concerned about taking my little ones to my best friends wedding, they were 1 and 1/2, and 2 months old at the time. I did consider babysitter but it was far away and I couldn't leave mine for that long, my friend was shocked I'd even considered a sitter, and even paid for our hotel room for the night so that we wouldn't be doing too much in one day! I'm sorry, but I wouldn't call you a friend.
I had a baby crying at my wedding during the ceremony. Do you know when I noticed?
A month later when I watched the video.
Don’t stress. Speak to your friend about your fears and come up with a plan together. If she is truly a friend - and you are truly hers - she will not make the day about her. No one will. You two will be the centre of attention. Honestly, you can’t be with everyone for the whole day anyway.
I honestly think a crying baby will not spoil your day, my daughter cried at my wedding and I wouldn’t change it for the world. I think children make a wedding these days.
If she's breastfeeding, get her a breastfeeding friendly dress, a baby sling and let her enjoy her friend's wedding. Enjoy their company, cuddles with a baby and general happiness and bubbly feelings that arise normally on your wedding day. You won't remember the tiny details anyway. I can recommend a ring sling in a colour that matches the dress and every thing will be fine!
I feel sad that you're worried a baby will upstage you on your wedding day.. It actually sounds pretty childish to be honest. A baby of that she will more than likely be asleep for most of the day anyway.. I highly doubt you'll even know they're there. Our youngest was 7 weeks at my sisters wedding and he was as good as gold. No screaming or crying. If he did, then I'd have asked someone else to take him for a walk in the pram. When I got married, my nephew was pretty loud and it didn't bother me at all.. They're children, they do make noise. If someone asked me to leave my 3 month old at home as they weren't invited, I wouldn't go, simple as that. It's a babe in arms and I don't of many mothers that would feel comfortable leaving their baby
Charley Victoria Kat Rose Lisa Ellen
No it's not unreasonable, we are in a similar position. We have a lot of friends with children and while we want to see them, we don't want them crying during the ceremony or speeches. The children will find it so boring anyway! We have booked the Wedding Crecherz and asked parents to book their children in for the ceremony and speeches as a minimum. It's an amazing themed play creche with qualified nannies and appropriate ratios for the ages, they take babies from birth. The parents can also choose to book their children in for longer or if they want an evening baby sitting service so they can relax a bit themselves! We will of course be understanding if our friends really think their baby needs to remain with them, for whatever reason, but the creche is onsite so they are only 50 metres away if they need to go to them! Most of the feedback our friends have given us is that it is an amazing idea!
I honestly don’t think you’d care on the day, it’s out of your control so don’t stress. All that matters is that you marry the person you love
Ok... so o don’t normally comment on things like this... but this has ruffled a few feathers for me... this is a message for the poster... not for anyone else... and I mean no disrespect to anyone...
but this poor lady has just simply asked for advice.... and advice only.... I totally get people have their own opinion which not everyone will agree with... but this is your day sweetie..... hits and your husband to be...
I think you both need to talk and decide what is it that you both want... not what anyone else wants...
whatever you decide I hope you have a splendid day.... and whatever you decide it’s who you both want to share your day with or not with.
Have the day however you want. But don't expect your friends to be their without their young babies, especially if they're breastfeeding. It's your choice....friends and their new babies or no friends
We aren't having kids apart from our own at the wedding until night time. Just cannot afford it plus adults relax more without kids. My best mate has a girl the same age as mine who will be three at the time. She is fine with her not being there as she would like to enjot the day with me. And her mum is more than happy to bring them later. 12 weeks old is a bit unfair to say they can't go, as most babies that age only cry when they are wet or hungry both can be fixed and settled back down in under five mins. Give your friend the option of having her child there. And for the comment it'll be all about them (baby) get a grip, it's a childish comment x
I got married 3 weeks ago and had 3 babies under the age of 1 there (one was not even 2 weeks old) I don’t remember them during the ceremony, all I was focused on was my now husband and saying my vows. I had several cuddles with the babies during the day and at no point did I feel the cute babies were distracting from us as bride and groom. On the day all you are thinking about is getting married and how much you love your future husband.
I think the post has come across the wrong way. I think she is worried as she said that as others haven’t seen the baby then of course they are going to want to meet the child cuddle and ask about it. I don’t think she ment it to come across as petty.
My daughter was 5 days old when we took her to a wedding the day wasn't all about her at all
Can't believe how harsh some of these comments are. It seems you have given a lot of thought as to how to keep everyone happy. I have seen a lot of weddings disrupted by screaming children whose parents don't think it's more important for the bride and groom to be able to savour the special moment than their own right to view the occasion . It's the one day in your life you can have things go as you wish. I'm sure you're ur bridesmaid will be more understanding than some of the other comments suggest. Good luck with your day, whatever your u choose
How about you get over yourself,and realise friendships are more important than ONE day. A wedding does not a MARRIAGE make, so dont lose friends over it.You may have children one day, and what comes around, goes around.
Some people can be so one sided, not everyone likes babies and children. Me for one. And my family and friends know this about me, and know my wedding day is no children, if I’m having a wedding with my fiancé we can invite and NOT invite who we want. If people can’t understand we are not all the same and need different things to enjoy a day we will put a ton of effort and hard earned money to then leave your comments to yourselves and try to be more understanding not everyone follows what you believe to be right. We all are aloud to be ourselves and not robots or sheep.
I would just explain your worries to your friend. Is her husband coming too? Surely if baby starts to cry he can take them out. Or invite the grandparents to the ceremony and they can take baby out. Then baby is still near mum and if they do cry then they can take them out 🤷️
To be honest having grandparents look after them for like an hour is not unreasonable in my opinion. If you can’t be separated from your baby for an hour then you have issues 🤣 I took my friends 6 week old breastfed baby out on my own for 9 hours to give her a break (with no clue what I was doing haha).
I don’t think you’re unreasonable to ask how she feels about not bringing a young child to the ceremony as she is part of your bridal party. If you discuss it, you can come to a compromise.
I’d very much suggest not stating she gets a grandparent to watch the child, if it’s not something she’s already brought up. It may be that you reach an agreement that she attends but as a guest instead of as part of the bridal party but don’t automatically dismiss her wanting to bring her young child with her, especially if it is her first baby. It’s your day but it’s ONLY one day, no matter how magical and I’m sure you value your friendship, so don’t assume that you are going to get the response you want or that is easiest but be willing to hear her out.
I hope you have a wonderful day regardless when it comes around.
Personally I’m getting married in April my sister in law to be and friend is due 1 week before wedding she is also a bridesmaid and I couldnt be happier. She is welcome to come get ready with us with baby or if she’s still pregnant and we’ll work around whatever is easiest for her. Some friends have young babies and were given the option to take them or leave them with family I don’t mind either way. For us weddings are about family, and babies are a part of that. Their mums are more likely to relax doing whatever is easiest for them. As long as they’re happy I’m happy. As far as I’m concerned it’s our day and can’t wait for everyone to be included.
Not unreasonable whatsoever. This is your day. You can invite whoever you want.
I am personally only inviting 3 children, two of whom are my siblings, who are all involved in the ceremony. I won’t be allowing any other children and my guests are fine with that. Absolutely reasonable to have who you want at your wedding, it’s your special day!
We've also invited a couple to our wedding day, they've recently had a little baby and the baby will be around the same age as mentioned. I'm actually not that bothered about the baby crying (my niece of 1 year old will also be there) I'm actually really excited to meet their child and I am fully happy with the child crying. I'll happily listen to the baby cry as long as my friends are happy and can share in our day.
Yes it's unreasonable for you to ask the new parents not to bring a 3 month old babe in arms.
A friend of mine had a friend at her wedding that a baby attended, the baby did start to kick up a little fuss but the father stepped out instead of the mother as the mother was friends with the bride and the father only knew the couple due to his missus. So she still got to witness the event without the baby "spoiling" anything. I was sat next to the baby and it didn't bother me as I know it's a natural thing and can't be helped
Get over yourself! It's a baby ppl are going to want to see hold and give baby attention, but I'm sure during your ceremony the attention will all be on You.
At my wedding ceremony will be 3 young babies and two toddlers, 10 children under 10 altogether. I don't mind if they cry or giggles or say something during the ceremony. I'm sure if one baby is crying to much parents will happily take baby out. I just want my family and friends there and enjoy themselves in a relaxed environment. Weddings have little hiccups but always end up being perfect and special. Don't worry about the possibility of a baby crying it won't stop you getting marrying or taking 'your' limelight.
One of my bridesmaids had her 5 day old baby with her. We didn't hear a peep from him throughout the day and the day was definitely about me and my husband!
One of best parts of my wedding day was the amazing cuddles I had with my matron of honor new baby.... the only stress linked with it was making sure my matron of honor dress was ready in time as the baby was due 3 weeks before the wedding.... babies make the day even more magical 😊
Having experienced getting married 17 mths ago and having a baby myself 8 mths ago I would say yes, it is a little unreasonable. On one hand - yes it is your day and you can do things your way so if you don't want kids there then so be it. On the other hand- the baby is your friend's responsiblity and it will be up to her/partner to whisk baby out if need be. It shouldn't be something you have to worry about. We had 12 kids under 11 and their parents were brilliant with them on the day. Be aware though that if you say the baby can't come you may be backing your friend into a corner meaning she can't come. You are asking a lot having grandparents look after the baby and putting pressure and stress on your friend by suggesting it. Do you know if she is even comfortable leaving the baby? Can the grandparents cope with the child? Will baby settle for them? Do the grandparents want to be at beck and call during the day? Are they even willing to do it? Trust me, your friend will miss much more of the wedding if she has to deal with phone calls from granny and then go off to deal with the baby. As for your guests making it all about the baby.... That'll be pretty much impossible plus your guests will be glad of the distraction of cooing over a baby while you are off getting your photos taken! Fast forward a year and it could be you with the baby your friend doesn't want at a wedding. I would be compassionate about the situation as you never know if you will need the same consideration one day
Yeah ask them to look after the baby. It’s your special day you’ve been dreaming of for ages. If they’re not happy with it they’ll let you know. I think you’re entitled to be worried about that, I would be too. Just talk to them about it and see what they say. Good luck. It’s all about you and your husband to be and you deserve to have a fab day x
Charlotte Mann thank god you wasn’t like this with 12 day old Jessica poor 12 week old baby causing chos lol
My sister will have just had her baby at my wedding and we’re not worried about them spoiling the day! I couldn’t be happier having my little niece/nephew there. You should trust them that they know what they’re doing. But If it is stressing you out a lot then do what you feel is best but personally I can’t wait for my niece/nephew to be a part of our special day 🥰
My best friend is getting married and my baby isn't invited. I'm OK with that however do be prepared for if your friend doesn't want to leave the baby for any reason. It may seem like half an hour for you but for them Thier new baby is a big deal. And people are going to be talking about the baby whether its there or not so I'd prepare yourself for that too tbh
Yes. I think it’s unreasonable; especially if the woman is breastfeeding. There’s no way in hell I’d have left my baby behind when he was 3 months old - they’re still tiny then, and if they need their Mum/Dad, that’s what they should have. Me and my son come as a package deal now whenever he needs me; if my friends don’t want us both during those times, they’re not having either.
Just to remind people. Babies and children are people. Just smaller and they deserve treating as such. If you are so wrapped up in your own day that you think your request is even remotely reasonable then please take my grip. You need it more than I do.
If you had a 3 month old baby at the time of your wedding would you not allow that baby there?
Wow a very close friend who is part of ur bridal party n u are worried about her new child getting more attention .i think u need to look up definition of friend if that was me I’d be wanting her and her new baby cry’s or not ,
I don’t think you’re being selfish at all and have a very reasonable compromise! Talk to your friend that you’re worried about the ceremony being disturbed, I’m sure she’ll be understanding
I went to a wedding with me 2/3 months old baby and I had alot of family there who hadn't yet met her she didn't upstage the bride she did get some attention but when the bride wasn't there obviously @
Also if someone told me to not bring my baby I wouldn't go best friend or not
I wouldn’t leave my 3 month old baby for a wedding. If it’s so important that they’re there, could you not invite one of the grandparents to come then if baby doesn’t settle they could look after baby outside so your friend could witness your ceremony? Child free weddings are great but you have to accept that some may choose to stay away.
Yes! Completely unreasonable!!!!! I’m unfollowing this page as I can not get over just how selfish people can be!!!
Sorry but if she’s your friend you should have some more empathy towards her because I 100% know that no women wants to be upfront in a fitted dress 12 weeks post birth! And secondly if you expect her to leave her new born baby with someone in case that miracle upstages you then your a shitty friend!
I think you have every right to feel the way you do, but I think the best person to talk to is the woman in question and discuss it all with her, I know some people who won't let their babies out of their sight for at least 6 months, I know with my 2 I was iffy about them going out alone with their dad for a long time or other relatives except my mum, however, They were both in full time nursery from being 6 weeks old as I was at uni, it was difficult but I was distracted. Harder with my first, much easier with my second. So until you know her feelings about it, I don't think any of us have a right to say anything 😊 I hope you get your perfect day x
I wouldn’t leave my 3 month old and it’s definitely unreasonable to ask and if the baby if breastfed you stand no chance , stop being so bridezilla it’s a wedding a time to celebrate love not about how perfect a wedding is ...
My best friend brought her baby over they live so far away it was amazing having her there, these posts make me so mad! Don’t be a bridezilla
I get this. We had a new born at our wedding, she was the baby of a bridesmaid. One of the other bridesmaids moms who was at the wedding took the baby, and if she woke up she was going to nip out.
Not just for us but for everyone else who doesn’t want a crying baby.
And the day won’t be about them. Babies get attention no matter where they are. But it won’t distract from your day. You won’t even really notice there will be so many people to talk too
We had no children at our wedding apart. From our page boy. But my. Friend had only had her baby 6 weeks earlier and she messaged. Me. Saying she understood if we. Didn't want him there!! We didn't want running toddlers as we said our vows (if we allowed family kids it would of been 18 kids between 4-10) but a baby is different, as a new mum. She didn't need the stress to worry about upsetting me, and it's isolating enough being a new mum, of course he was alloud to be there, and he was good as gold all day, we didn't even know he was there and he was the cutest guest. I understand where your coming from on wanting a child free wedding as that was our preference, purely for the big numbers and not wanting to leave anyone out so it was all or nothing, but new born babies are different and will probs be asleep anywah. Don't let this stress you out, as someone who had the same worries... Its totally not even worth stressing or falling our with your close friends about! X
I'm getting married 1 month after my brothers baby will be born and the baby will be coming along if the baby cries then it cries no harm done all babies cry I'm.sure your parents would have taken you to places when you was a baby and you cried
My daughter is 4 months old and no way in hell would i leave her to attend a wedding. If i was asked to leave my daughter at home i would be stepping down from the wedding party and not attending. My daughter comes first. You have known she is having a baby long enough, if it was going to be an issue then you should have mentioned straight away.
Ok.. I have been a wedding planner for over 20 years and I see this problem often.. your wedding day is your choice.. your paying for it .. BUT the fall out from a badly handled decision can have lasting affects for years after the big day.. my advice would be to have a blanket adults only rule for the service.. to include ALL the guests not just parents of babies...send special child invites to the kids for the evening/afternoon celebrations and include maybe a baby grow saying first official engagement or bride or groom in training etc for the new arrival so your guest feels included.. have kid friendly table at the celebration with pencils and paper and games etc.. that way you have a quiet ceremony and a family celebration.. and hopefully a happy family/friend balance ... Congrats and good luck xx
Wow! Some “friend” you are. I’d tell you to shove your wedding up your #rse!
Why don't u ask them to just give the baby away altogether? That way they can wholeheartedly be fully focused on ur wedding!
If they're good friends they'll do this no questions asked. Like ur a good friend to them and would never put them in a difficult situation. What is a whole lifetime for their flesh and blood in comparison to 1 day for their friends nuptials anyway?! 🤷️
I mean, who would want an adorable little 12 week old baby stealing the limelight?! She'll probably wear white if she was allowed to be present!
Someday u and ur husband may be blessed with little babies, ur very own flesh and blood, and someone will ask u to pass them off for their wedding and u'll see that the world is a crazy, crazy place full of selfish people.
Disclosure: This comment was loaded with sarcasm.
Except the last line, I meant that.
I was told my 1st born less than a yr old wasn't aloud at my brother in laws 1st wedding yet other child was ok to be there I was also supposed to be birds made but was dropped because I was apparently to fat (I went straight bk to size 10 I was lucky) my stand in was a small girl in hight and u could easily have fitted 4 of me in her clothes for what ever reason I was reinstated they didn't know my in laws was turning up with the baby and even made sure they was still at the very front of the church
My personal opinion u are bring very unreasonable this is a new mother and you want her to leave her baby behind if I was her id agree to ur demands and do as I did with my brother in law or agree and not turn up and never speak to u again u can't not expect her to choose between u and her new born child
I hope if have children no matter the age that they won't be at ur wedding and u don't have any children then seriously don't have any if a baby can rain on ur parade for day then really think about ur life
You’re paying, you should have it exactly as you want. And personally I think it’s awful that people are trying to shame you on here for wanting to have the day about you.
Holy shit, Bridezilla much?. If I were this womans friend i'd literally tell her to shove the wedding up her ass and sever the friendship from that point. A wedding is supposed to be a joyous occasion celebrating love & togetherness. Not an excuse to be rude and entitled.
Get over yourselves!! If you make their 12 week old baby unwelcome you may find thet dont come at all... as long as someone is in charge of them in the ceremony and willing to take them out for a walk round if they start fussing (are the dads coming?) All will be fine.. just relax... youll still be married and its the whole day thats important, not just the ceremony..
As someone who was bridesmaid whilst having my 3 month old with me I have always said after I would of been more than happy to have been 'child free' it was mpre stressful and I cpuldnt fully enjoy the day as I wanted to (I also have a toddler) this is a tricky subject but I also left my baby when she was 3 weeks old to go to another wedding which was no kids we just stayed for the ceremony and food which worked for all of us
So would you not get on a plane in case there are crying children that may spoil the journey?
Again, not trying to have a personal dog but you don’t want your friend to miss your special day in case she has to leave the ceremony, but you may end up with no choice that she misses out on your special day because she has to stay at home with her child? What if she can’t get a baby sitter?
We had a week old baby at ours and I don’t even notice she was there! We had a 1yr old who was a superstar and didn’t make a single noice during the ceremony I’m sure your good friends have already been working out a way to keep the baby chilled during the ceremony. I get where your coming from but your friend could be just as worried about it. Your wedding day is supper important and you want it to go smoothly but if you are going to speak to this friend and ask her not to bring her baby be prepared for a fallout cause it will suck for her hearing that. I really hope you can work it out x
It's when Mum's cry that you have a problem xx
I took my 8 week old baby to a wedding for the day...not a peep out of her all day! As a parent you are conscious about your child crying so go everywhere prepared for every eventuality. Providing your friends aren’t single, I’m sure their partners can look after the baby whilst mum does bridesmaid duties ect!
Theres no harm in them popping out of the exit for 5 minutes to settle a child, you will still have your day regardless!
We went to 2 weddings this summer with our 2 month old .. we sat at the front at both . Don't know why we would have needed to be banished to the back if our baby did start to make noise we would have dealt with it without having to be dramatic and left the room . But he slept through both ceremonies. As small babys that's all they mainly do .. and I'm sure if you asked the bride and groom at both weddings . Although one was the first time alot of family met him. The day was lost certainly not made about us .. the only way I could see this would be ok is if no children at all would be abloud to the wedding . But trust me a toddler or even older would be much more of a distraction to anyone than a tiny baby
Whether you agree or disagree with the poster I think the key thing is she is asking for advice from people who have been in similar situations. If you disagree then just move along and don't comment if it's not adding value! If you agree then it would be helpful to support with advice and tips.
If I were in your position I would speak to the bridesmaid/guest and tell her you are concerned she will have to duck out and miss the ceremony and you want to give her a chance to enjoy every part of the day without worrying about anything. I am sure if she is a friend she will happily talk it through with you. We aren't having children at our wedding as it's not a child friendly venue and they would just be incredibly bored! I hope that helps xx
I got married last week and we had a 4 month old, 2 year old plus several other children from 6-10 years (plus our 7 month old puppy) there and not one of them made a peep in a 40 minute church ceremony! I don’t think I’d of noticed if they had, I was so elated and focused on me and my husband during it all. They were also all very well behaved and content at the reception. It’s your wedding, do what will make you as a couple happy but I really don’t think it’s something you need to worry about
I think it's reasonable, you spend thousands of pounds on your wedding day of course you want it to be about you and your htb just like you'd be pissed if someone else turned up in a white dress! (If you are not fussed then well done you but we each have our opinions)
Get a grip??
Why would someone want to leave their new born for a whole day? Is the baby being breast fed? Baby and mother are a package.
I understand the day is about you and your partner but it's a bit unfair to ask this of someone you call a close friend
I think that's perfectly reasonable and if I were your friend I would completely understand. Asking the baby not to be there for the ceremony, the most important part of the day, is a small ask in my opinion. Good luck!
I totally understand worrying that your wedding day will only ever be talked about because of a new baby. My sister gets married next year and I’m having a baby this year. My baby will be 1 at her wedding and I’m worried that everyone there will be all about the baby not my sister. My sister is excited to have my baby there but I am a bridesmaid.. and my husband will absolutely be at the back ready to nip out incase baby is fussy or noisy etc. I’d ask her to have someone with baby and on standby at the back to take baby out if they cry. I’ve been to weddings with upset babies .. yes it disrupted the ceremony but .. it wasn’t the only thing people talked about. The bride and groom were the focal point of that day and that’s the main thing. People understand that your wedding day is about you two, not another guests baby.
Please try not to stress, and please ignore the rude comments.. I hope you have a fab day!
What an utter cunt
Wouldn't want a little 3 month old baby to steal your thunder now, tsk tsk selfish baby, yeah why don't you uninvite everyone...I mean someone may cough during your ceremony and take the attention off you...the whole day would be ruined!
My parents were invited to a wedding and refused to go as no children allowed. I had over 12 children to my wedding and loved it a favourite photo was of me with them all.
Having already been married since 2017. I would say the wedding apart from marrying your best friend etc, it’s about having all your family and friends together to share the love of you and your husband. We had a 4week old baby at ours and the mother left her 4yr old with her mum (her choice), as she asked if it was okay for the baby to come. We also had hubby boss with new born. It never crossed our minds to not include a little baby. I would say let your friend bring her baby as she is your bridesmaid and best friend that includes her baby. She will feel hurt etc but if she didn’t kick a fuss will prob quietly be hurt. There will come a time when the tables may be reversed. The day regardless is about you two and it’ll be fine with the baby. Don’t loose a friend over this x
My son was 6 weeks old at my mum's wedding. We times his feed so he slept through ceremony, and if he did make a ruckus we would have slipped out. First time pretty much everyone met him. And if anything it made the day more special as much carried him around showing him off to people
If l was your supposed to be freind l wouldn't even turn up and would feel insulted
I've heard of wedding nannies. That might solve your problem.
I never comment on these things because Internet, but had to add something here as I've seen two good friends in this situation. I can see it from both sides.
One friend of mine had a similar situation in that her sister in law had given birth a couple of months prior to the wedding. Inevitably the baby cried during the ceremony and had to be taken out of the room. It was a distraction for the guests and the bride and groom that they could've done without but she felt she had little choice but to go with it as it was family. Another friend had her sister in law as a bridesmaid, who announced pretty much exactly nine months before the wedding that she was expecting. This friend took a different view and said absolutely no children (she's never been a kid person and everyone who knows her knows this). Ultimately it led to a rift and although the baby was invited to the evening, it caused huge tension.
I'm of the opinion that a wedding is about the bride and groom. If you want a baby free ceremony, that's a reasonable request, especially when you've spent months planning and spending to have the day you want; but you'll need to be prepared for your friend to take this badly when her baby is so young...
I’d say that’s fine to request that 🤷️
I agree with my sister Sheila, Margaret
With that kind of attitude I'm surprised your friends want to come to your wedding. I suppose they were a bit selfish having a baby so close to your big day though! 🤔