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UKbride Member Request 19 Jul 2018

#Memberrequest. Hi all, I have recently just become engaged and was talking...

#Memberrequest. Hi all, I have recently just become engaged and was talking to my mum and sister about ideas I had. My mum asked who I was thinking of being my bridesmaid and I said 2 of my friends as I'm not really a girly girl and I don't really speak that much or have anything in common with my sister's. My sister then became upset and said she was going to be a bridesmaid, which I didn't mind but then I said I didn't want my other sister as a bridesmaid as I don't get on with her and we haven't had the best history. My mum and sister then stated that I have to have her as a bridesmaid... now I have 4 and my mum says that I have to have my sister as my made of honour. I feel like it's not really my choice any more. My mum is also turning down every idea I have such as colour theme, venue, flowers and who's attending. I'm not sure what to do, I've asked her and my sister to come dress shopping with me but I'm worried that they'll just shoot down everything I like.

49 Comments
Lucy Lewis
Lucy Lewis 20 Jul 2018

Hi who's wedding is it yours. your Mother's or your Sister's. It is your choice not theirs if they can't respect your choices then don't include them in any decision making :)

Becky Mitchinson
Becky Mitchinson 20 Jul 2018

congratulations on your engagement but you need to tell your mother its your wedding and your choices ive bumped heads a few times with my dad over wedding plans and it really upset me ive just decided to keep certain decisions quiet unless it involves the things he is helping with money wise x its yours and your husbands day your decisions and feelings need to be final xx good luck

Roxie Houghton
Roxie Houghton 20 Jul 2018

It's your wedding. You only get to do it once! Do what you want, not what your mum wants. Some parents think a wedding is an excuse to get the family to get along, but it's your day and you're paying for it. If she's not being supportive then don't involve her! Good luck! Xx

Pam Ryan
Pam Ryan 20 Jul 2018

Sorry who’s wedding is it?! Do what you want, have who and what YOU and YOUR HUSBAND want. It’s only you two that matter

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 20 Jul 2018

It's your wedding. If you want your sister, have her. If not, tell her you're only having your friends. Be firm, both with her and your mum. Otherwise, you will look back and regret a lot of the decisions you made for YOUR day. As the comments below say, you will only do this once and it's about YOU and your other half.

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 20 Jul 2018

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 20 Jul 2018

IT'S YOUR WEDDING!!!!!
YOUR CHOICE!!!!!!

sarah carwshaw
sarah carwshaw 20 Jul 2018

Your wedding not hers and you'll regret letting them take over do what you want too it's your day not hers x

Charlie Cullis
Charlie Cullis 20 Jul 2018

Your wedding, your way!! (And your partners obviously) I would sit your mum down and calmly explain that its your day and you will be going with yiur ideas as they are what you want and that although you value her opinion only constructive suggestions will be considered. Start it now so you can enjoy your planning and be excited without stessing about them for it all. Perhaps involve them less if they dont take on board what you say and involve your 2 friends more instead! Good Luck x

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 20 Jul 2018

It’s yours and your h2b day. You two make the plans with your supportive friends. And just send them an invite. Don’t let others make your plans for you, because you won’t enjoy the day. I had lots of plans for how I want things and I’m now realising I may have chose the wrong people to include in my wedding plans. People telling me they haven’t time to do things to help me. Me and my partner have made every plan our selfs and only this year have my mum and Dad become involved and helped us finalise details. Lots of the family or friends have told me what they are doing ignoring my set out plan for the day. People have argued my hair options because it’s too simple (I don’t have the money to pay for everyone to get their hair done). People changed my plans between them to suit them instead of me. Don’t let it happen don’t include any one who doesn’t support you

Stephanie Wood
Stephanie Wood 20 Jul 2018

I would say to have your sisters as your bridesmaid with your friends to keep the peace but then have a friend as maid of honour as it’s your wedding. As for your colour scheme, you need to remind your mum that it’s your wedding so you will be having the colour that you want.

Ainslie Greer
Ainslie Greer 20 Jul 2018

It’s your wedding. You have who you want in your bridal party. You have what colour, flowers etc that you want ! Don’t try and please your mum or sisters. You are the one getting married. Not them :)

Scarlett Everall
Scarlett E 20 Jul 2018

Simple - Stop asking for her opinion.
If you ask someone for their opinion you cant get upset if they dont agree with it/like it etc.
Its your wedding so just plan it with your HTB and send her the invite when its time.

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 20 Jul 2018

It's not their day. It's urs and u need to point that out to them. Every Tom, Dick and Harry likes to shove their noses in when a wedding is being planned. Hav who u want and if they don't like it, screw them

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 20 Jul 2018

You need to put your foot down and make it clear that this is YOUR wedding.
I spent MONTHS listening to all these “why are you doing that? You should do this? Why haven’t you asked so-and-so...” until eventually I just blew up at my mum on the phone one day i think she must have told everybody because nobody dared make any suggestions after that

Selina Gaines
Selina Gaines 20 Jul 2018

It's ur day and it decisions if u feel u don't want certain things u need to stand ur ground. I don't have a sister but wouldn't automatically have as a maid of honour if she's not ur choice.

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 20 Jul 2018

Sorry hun. You need to stop asking your mum for permission. It's your wedding so you should have what you want. You don't have to have anyone as your bridesmaid or MOH...it's entirely your choice.

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 20 Jul 2018

Tell them to sod off its your day you do it your way they dont have a say and if they take the hump then tough titties. Im not inviting my sister to mine as we dont get on and im not inviting my dads woman because I hate her. Yes it will cause upset in the family but its an important day and the bride and groom that matter and they need to respect that.
Just threaten to elope just you and your partner unless they back off.

Michelle Ashbrook
Michelle Ashbrook 20 Jul 2018

It is your wedding you chose whomever you want and what ever colours you want don't feel pressured in to do long anything you don't want to or it will become a chore xx

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 20 Jul 2018

Stop listening it's your wedding you don't have to have either of your sisters if you don't want it's not up to them or your mum

Emily Dawe
Emily Dawe 20 Jul 2018

Your wedding. Not hers. If she wants to plan one for herself fine but you get one day. Trust your friends. They will help more than hindrr

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 20 Jul 2018

Who is paying for the wedding? If you and your fiance are then politely tell your mum to back off as it's your wedding. Or just stop asking her opinions and have whoever you want as bridesmaid!

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 20 Jul 2018

Personally it sounds like your mother didn't have the wedding she wanted so is trying to use yours as compo. Its your wedding not theirs so they need to back off. It's guna get a whole lot more stressful for you when you come to planning it. All my decisions have been from me and my fiance.

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 20 Jul 2018

I didn't invite one of my sisters full stop. Trust me, you should only have who you want. Don't let anyone put pressure on you to make decisions that would only benefit them. Just ask your partner for help, backup and advice! At the end of the day you're the hosts of the party and you're paying for it so it's your decision.

Sarah Solway
Sarah Solway 20 Jul 2018

Urgh. Say no thank you. Have just got friends and whatever bloody colour you want. It’s your day not theirs

Siobhan Knight-Potgieter
Siobhan Knight-Potgieter 20 Jul 2018

Don’t involve your mother if she cannot be supportive.

It’s yours and your other half’s day not your mothers.

Have who you want as bridesmaid otherwise you may regret it later

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 20 Jul 2018

I personally wouldn't ask her about decisions if she's making it hard and your losing control. I would keep it between you and h2b for the big decisions especially if your paying for it.

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 20 Jul 2018

I’m sorry who’s wedding is it? Don’t mean to sound harsh but if my mum did that I’d tell her straight you don’t like it that’s your problem. You have who you want in your wedding party and don’t give yourself time to feel bad about your decisions. People get over stuff (unless they live to hold a grudge) but you will always hold a bit of regret it if your day isn’t YOUR perfect day.

Abbey Lawson
Abbey Lawson 20 Jul 2018

It's nothing to so with them. It's your choice.. I'm not having my sister.. she wasn't happy but we aren't that close so I didn't want her as my bridesmaid.. and I've no maid of honour lol just my brothers fiance :)

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 20 Jul 2018

It's your day! If you don't want something then don't have it

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 20 Jul 2018

It's got nothing to do with her to be quite honest! Please don't feel pressured by her, ask who you want and do what you want! If she truly loves you she'll be there regardless of how tough she's being right now, it's yours and fiancées day, not hers!

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 20 Jul 2018

Do everything your way and don’t tell them anything

Catriona Rollason
Catriona Rollason 20 Jul 2018

My friend had a similar issue, it’s very tough to negotiate! Ultimately it comes down to a) it is YOUR wedding, not theirs but also b) who is paying for it. Definitely if it you and your fiancé then it is down to you, do not let other people dictate or guilt you into anything!! As far as the maid of honour goes who would you rather help you both do the bulk of the planning and organise your hen party - if the answer is not your sister don’t choose her - you are storing up problems for later.

Chelsea-Anne Horrocks
Chelsea-Anne Horrocks 21 Jul 2018

Personally I think you need to grow some balls and tell them that you only want to bridesmaids your friends and that’s what your having. And that if they want to get involved in planning then they need to keep their mouths shut if they don’t have anything nice to say or they can leave you to your planning and just be there on your day celebrate with you. If you don’t start standing your ground now they will just take the piss and you’ll end up hating planning your wedding as it will be everything that they want and not your wedding any more. It won’t be easy but stick with what you want and maybe involve them less x

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 21 Jul 2018

You should be making these decisions with you h2b

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 21 Jul 2018

Perhaps offer your sister(s) different roles? I had my 3 best friends as bridesmaids (no MoH) and my sister was my witness - really important job! But at the end of the day, it has to be your decision and not that of your family.

Kim Domican
Kim Domican 21 Jul 2018

If you feel it's difficult to put your foot down and revert to your own choices at this point, why not consider going abroad with a small hand picked party instead. Then stop asking for your mother's opinion !

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 21 Jul 2018

Have who you want to be bridesmaid, if that means 2 friends then so be it. Your sister you get on with could be a witness to give her a role in the wedding, that way the other sister won't get he nose out of joint by not being a bridesmaid x

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 21 Jul 2018

This is your wedding it’s up to you whos your bridesmaids as your paying for there dresses ect and it your day they don’t like it they can lump it

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 21 Jul 2018

It's your wedding and your husand to be ,i had the same thing happened to me landed up calling wedding off ,it's your day don't let anyone tell you what you got to have ,even if its your mum ,it's your day

Charlotte Ward
Charlotte Ward 21 Jul 2018

Who is paying? If your mum is making a substantial donation then she should prob at least be kept in the loop.. if you are paying for it yourself stop involving her so much.. it's your wedding.. if you really want to do something you need to stand up for yourself and just do it

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 21 Jul 2018

I’ve just booked my reception. Having no bridesmaids. Myself and my partner are funding the whole thing to stop our parents thinking they can have a say. My mum has been allowed to do her bit doing whatever she wants with the cake

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 21 Jul 2018

Adam Uglow read the comments

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 21 Jul 2018

Your wedding, your choice - go to a dress shop without them. Make 2/3 choices of bridesmaid dress & then take them & say it’s one of these

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 22 Jul 2018

No. No. NO. STOP. BREATH. RELAX. Who's wedding is this? Time for boundaries my lovely. It's your wedding. You choose everything. Don't want the sister as a bridesmaid, don't have the sister as bridesmaid, you want bright orange and purple go ahead... it's your wedding... when I picked a dress, my sister said, 'that's definitely you' none of my three sisters would of picked it for them, probably not even for me, but they know I'm me, and their opinion didn't really matter. You get one day where it is about you. Put your foot down from the start. Say you either back me or you can just arrive at the day and time with no involvement in between. Sometimes it needs tough love. This is now. My sister was my maid of honour, she took offence at some people I invited, so said she was refusing to come to the evening due... it sucked like hell thinking she would see me alone on my top table on a day that was my day. I told her not to come at all, and she didn't. Didn't affect my day at all, it goes way too quick, stick to your guns x

Nicola Beckley
Nicola Beckley 22 Jul 2018

Hi, I am just going to repeat what all the other b2b's on here have said, do what you and your h2b wants not your mum and sister. It's your wedding day and not theirs. I wouldn't share anymore of the details with them until everything is finalised. Good luck x

Caroline Larner
Caroline Larner 26 Jul 2018

It;s yours and your partner's day so do what you want and don't pander to other people. You don't to look back and wish you'd made different choices. Stick to your guns and if people don't like it tough luck - it's your wedding after all!

Michelle Manuel
Michelle Manuel 1 Aug 2018

I have the same problem I also told them it's me is getting married and it's my choice who I have as my bridesmaids I have 1 sister as my bridesmaid and my best friend is my chief bridesmaid it's all about you and who you choose hun don't be put off it's your day

Jessica Bateman
Jessica Bateman 2 Aug 2018

remember it’s your wedding so you keep to your guns and have what YOU won’t not them!

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