UKbride Member Request 6 Jul 2018

I have a dilemma thats driving me crazy and stressing me out, I'm getting...

I have a dilemma thats driving me crazy and stressing me out, I'm getting married in 10 weeks and I'm terrified my H2Bs best man is going to ruin the wedding as he can't handle his drink and acts like an idiot only last week he decided to karate kick my H2B in the pub and nearly smashed his beer glass out his hand , ( not as though he's a youngster he's a 50 yr old guy he's also put through a window with his stupid antics and my wedding venue has a complete glass frontage. Even time I tell any one who the best man is they say "Good luck with that " because they have known him years It's causing arguments now as my H2B says he's sure he won't misbehave on the day , but what if he does ? and ruins our day , I just don't want him to be best man I'm getting more stressed every time I think of it but how do I say anything with yet more arguments??

Lucy Lewis
Lucy Lewis 6 Jul 2018

Hi You won't win if you demand your H2b changes hid best man he might turn around and give you an ultimatum it's either he's best man or no Wedding. :)

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 6 Jul 2018

Have you got any friends you can trust to keep track of him? Explain you're stressed etc. I'm sure he won't drink much before the ceremony and meal (it's customary to have a few drinks before, right?) so just get them to keep an eye on him after and if he starts anything get them to calm him down a bit or take him outside for 5MINS. Maybe give him a glass of water before his next pint. Xxx

Emma Harvey
Emma Harvey 6 Jul 2018

I wouldn’t worry - he knows his best man best and actually if he does that then it proves what an idiot he is but it really won’t ruin your day. Maybe jokingly mention you’re worried and he best behave himself and not show you up on your big day when you’re next all together - people behave very differently at weddings than they do at their local or on a night out. Maybe tell him to go easy on the booze in light of all the windows about - he might get the hint! Stop stressing 🙂 xx

Michelle Rew
Michelle Rew 6 Jul 2018

He sounds a joy. Personally if your h2b wants him as best man I'd leave them to it and just inform them any damages is on their heads. I'd have a chat with him too and stress the importance of the day and then just stress about things you can control x

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 6 Jul 2018

My best man is my twin. I love him dearly but he can act daft. I asked my best friend to keep a track of him and warn me if he starts drinking too much. I no if I confront him if it happens he will at least slow down. Not great but best I can do x

Sammy Eldridge
Sammy Eldridge 6 Jul 2018

He’s more likely to behave as the best man than he is as a normal guest. Just get someone to keep an eye on him

Grace Dyett
Grace Dyett 6 Jul 2018

Maybe you could discreetly voice your concerns with the best man?

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 6 Jul 2018

He won't ruin your day. You'll be too busy enjoying the day and spending time with those you want to to even notice what he's getting up to!

Sharon  Fowles
Sharon Fowles 6 Jul 2018

Can you give him lots of jobs & keep him so busy that he has less time to drink.

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 6 Jul 2018

Even if he’s not best man he’d surely still be there and then still have the potential to cause trouble if he’s going to?! Try not to worry too much about it. What will be will be. Hopefully he has some other friends who can keep him in check.

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 6 Jul 2018

Get someone to keep an eye on him and give your venue the heads up. Then they too can keep an eye. You can forget about it (its the rules, as you've passed your concerns onto others, it's now their problem) and if he does do any damage he gets the bill xx

Beth Randall
Beth Randall 6 Jul 2018

Perhaps have a discreet word with the venue and ask them to stop serving him alcohol at the bar when you give the nod?

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 6 Jul 2018

I'm sure you'd be angry if your h2b told you who you could and couldn't have as bridesmaids, so really as frustrating as it may be this decision isn't up to you. The men get so little say in their wedding so I can understand why your h2b is getting defensive. Things like this is what your wedding party is for, to make sure if anything does go wrong you don't see it. Maybe just have a word with your bridesmaids or other groomsmen to keep an eye out and have a quiet word if need be, but I'm sure it won't be needed. If your h2b and his best man are close I'm sure he wouldn't want to ruin the day. Hope all goes well and congrats in advance x

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 6 Jul 2018

unfortunately it's out of your control. All you can do is speak to your venue and have them speak to the bar staff about not serving him if he appears drunk. You could also ask your h2b to have 2 people ready to escorts the best man back to his room (assuming he has on) if he starts getting rowdy. I do find however, that people are generally better behaved at weddings than usual.

Gwyneth Bland
Gwyneth Bland 6 Jul 2018

Get someone to get him plenty of coffee ,and take him outside, our even get him a taxi home if he is the worse for wear.

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 6 Jul 2018

1, have a chat beforehand
2, keep him busy
3, make sure he eats
4, don’t have a free bar
5, get his partner to keep an eye on him
6, make him sit next to one of your mothers
7, tell him if he does a good job he can be god father to your first child
8, tell him a story about your naughty uncle who gets drunk and might ruin things, hint, hint
9, have a quiet place he can go too
10, buy his beer, non alcoholic

Amy Carr
Amy Carr 6 Jul 2018

Have alcohol free drinks but don't tell anyone... 😂😂 That's what I was going to do because the mother in law... 😂😂

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 7 Jul 2018

Offer to cook him a meal the night before and slip him some dodgy prawns so he's throwing up all day (obviously a joke)

Miriam Nicholas
Miriam Nicholas 7 Jul 2018

Ask H2B to nominate an usher to keep an eye on him. We have a guest who tends to be unruly and we have a spotter to make sure nothing gets out of hand!
It's just someone to be there as the angel on the shoulder to balance any devil that might pop up

Heather Perry
Heather Perry 7 Jul 2018

It is out of your control, but you shouldnt feel the need to baby sit him either, if he gets too much, ask him to leave

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 7 Jul 2018

Get someone to keep an eye on him. If people know what he is like they will know what to expect. Maybe get someone to have a quiet word with him, drop it into the conversation and make light of it, say hope you behave yourself etc

Suzanne Hunton
Suzanne Hunton 8 Jul 2018

Listen to your concerns. Also listen to the fact your H2B would rather put up with a proven drunken arse on your wedding day than 'make waves' by dealing with it in any kind of effective manner (Or just not chosen him in the first place). Not good.

This shouldn't be your emotional labour to deal with.

Becky Mitchinson
Becky Mitchinson 20 Jul 2018

will he still be a guest if not best man? at the end of the day he if is there it will always be a what if situation the only way you can be 100% sure he wont do anything stupid is if hes not there and that's not fair if your husband wants him to be there x


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