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UKbride Member Request 2 Jul 2018

Right now I'm conflicted, and would like some advice. My maid of honour, I...

Right now I'm conflicted, and would like some advice. My maid of honour, I feel, isn't stepping up and I need to find a way to tell her to step up or step back but I'm struggling. I understand she has work and a family, but when I was hers I would ask how I could help and be over when she was having a crisis. She only bothers when it suits her, and often gets funny if I'm not available. Her kids (my god kids) are also involved but I am not stopping them from joining in (unless she makes that choice). Am I being too demanding or does she need to be given a bit of a boot or loose out?? Any information is grateful as I'm in a rut!!

24 Comments
Millie Purvis
Millie Purvis 2 Jul 2018

You are definitely not being demanding, it’s your special day and if she wants to be a big part of it she needs to step up! Try and sit her down and tell her how you feel.. I’m sure things will work out 😊

Lucy Lewis
Lucy Lewis 2 Jul 2018

Hi I had to tell 2 of my bridesmaids that they could not continue as things were one of them didn't even bother to get measured so I am down to one :)

Amy Rolfe
Amy Rolfe 2 Jul 2018

I have planned my wedding with no bridesmaids or maid of honour... I don’t really get what they are even for other than wearing matching dresses so your pictures look nice 🤷🏻‍♀️

Carley Elliott
Carley Elliott 2 Jul 2018

It depends what you expect of them? Mine helped with choosing the dress they are organising the hen and helping me on the day get dressed etc.... help with making decisions on choices etc..... but mostly organising is being done my me and h2b afterall its our wedding xx hope you get it sorted x

Belinda Ann Welbourne
Belinda Anne Bingley 2 Jul 2018

I'm sorry but I think your being too demanding , as you said she has a family and works and we all know how hard that in it's self is , I have a MOH but I've asked because I just want her beside me on my special day not to be unpaid help with my wedding plans I'm doing it all myself with H2B x

Chelsea Featherstone
Chelsea Featherstone 2 Jul 2018

I had this all the way through. It was really hard and upsetting and made me feel bad. Confronting her can cause 2 things to happen. She'll say sorry And sort it or you'll have the biggest arguements ever. In my case I left her too it. I asked my sister and enjoyed the rest of the process.

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 2 Jul 2018

I have to say when I got married I didn't care if I got help from the bridesmaids, I never stated what my expectations were and as long as they planned my hen and turned up for dress shopping and fittings I didn't care. I have a child also now and tell you my time with him is precious and I wouldn't be wanting to be expected to drop everything to help plan someone else's wedding. Would be happy to help if given plenty of notice. Ask her to help with something specific and state categorically that you know she is busy and wants to be with the kids and you would love to sort some stuff out and let the kids get involved by giving their opinions as you can always trust little ones to be honest

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 2 Jul 2018

As a mum and a working full time it's hard to fit normal day to day stuff. It just probably doesn't cross her mind not that she isn't interested or want to help sometimes we get so caught up with work and home life we forget about the people around us. My MOH runs a care home and has 2 children she can't fit in a lot of planning with me but I wouldn't cast her out of my wedding because of it.

Cheryl Jackson
Cheryl Jackson 2 Jul 2018

Personally ive asked my bridesmaids and MOH as i want them by my side i don’t expect them to do anything, my MOH is my big sis and is getting married a few months b4 me and im her MOH so we both have our own wedding stuff to do, my 2 bridesmaids are organising my hen but that’s because there my party girls and my sis isnt into partying so it made sense other than that the only things I require from them is some input on any decisions im making and all of that is via a WhatsApp group. But from the flip side i was a bridesmaid for a friend and she didnt want any help n i felt left out of the process untill the big day but that was what she wanted so i rolled with it x

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 2 Jul 2018

I haven’t asked my m.o.h/bridesmaid for any help, I’ve organised the wedding myself, but it’s my day so I was more than happy to do it. my m.o.h planned my hen do (which was amazing) as long as she’s there on the day helping me go for a wee ands beside me on pics I’m more than happy. Not too sure what they’re suppose to help with anyway xx

Danika O'Connor
Danika O'Connor 2 Jul 2018

I’m sorry but you’re being demanding. It’s basically a party, how much help could you possibly need?

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 2 Jul 2018

Why do you expect them to do stuff!!I never expected mine to do anything! I think it's wrong to assume they should do stuff for You! I organised my own hen and everything.

Sonia Overfield
Sonia Overfield 2 Jul 2018

Going through this as well

Siobhan Brasier
Siobhan Brasier 2 Jul 2018

I think you’re being a bit unfair, she should be your MOH because you want her there on your special day not because you want her to do everything! You’ve said it yourself, she’s busy....
Unless she’s not helping at all - like not going to fittings etc for her dress and stuff then I think you need to realise and understand that although your wedding it everything to you, it’s not to her, and why would it be! But if you think it’s worth potentially ruining a friendship over then you have your answer! x

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 2 Jul 2018

Apart from dress measurements I haven't asked my bridesmaids to do anything, they are my 2 best friends. I don't feel it is their place to do everything I want them too. It's our wedding, it's not for them to be doing everything especially when one has a child and works and the other lives in France!
They are both organising my suprise Hen Do and that's more than I could of asked of them! Xx

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 2 Jul 2018

If this person is your MOH then they obviously hold a special place in your heart. Instead of thinking what they haven't done for u in a short space of time remember all the things they have done for you over the years. Whether its a shoulder to cry on, giving advice and helping you out in any other aspect of your life this should be focussed on and just have them next to your to enjoy your day and add to your memories together!... Don't ruin a lifetime friendship over one day you'll regret it more x

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 2 Jul 2018

Did you have a family when you were hers? Do you know whats going on in her life? I know this is your big day, but its a day, and she has a whole life. If you are best friends, perhaps asking her what she needs if its too much, perhaps ask her? What help do you need her to do? If its a ear and shes not there, I understand that's tough, but if you want her to organise your wedding, you probably shouldn't have asked someone with other commitments.

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 3 Jul 2018

You are absolutely right to feel like the centre of the world! Though she has other obligations. Since it is your day sort out all the things you have to do by yourself or ask for help from other people you love. Dont waste your time by worrying just enjoy your journey!

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 3 Jul 2018

I think every bride expects so much of their maids and to an extent that’s understandable but people also have their own lives, tell her what you need/want her to do and if she doesn’t then go from there, but although still important your wedding isn’t her priority her family is x

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 3 Jul 2018

The whole point of a MOH is to support you with plans and make sure you have an epic hen party. Planning and organising a wedding is so stressful and the MOH and bridesmaids are there's to help when the bride has a crisis. It's all part of the fun getting the girls involved in helping you with your special day. These girls are your nearest and dearest that you hold a special place in your heart for so of course you want to have them help and be involved. When I got married my MOH was exactly like this. She did nothing to help, I even planned my own hen do. Whenever I asked her to help she'd make promises that she would and then there would be a last minute reason why she couldn't come and helo me. The only person that helped was my Mother and by the time I got married I didn't even want to be there I was that stressed. Then when my MOH started planning her wedding she asked me to be her MOH. She turned into a right bridezilla, expected me to literally plan her entire wedding, I made all of her invites, all of her favours, was told if I didn't plan her an amazing hen do she'd never forgive me. She upset me so much as she'd not offered one bit of help with mine but expected me to do everything for her and got nasty. I then spilt with my ex husband and because he was the best friend of her husband to be she left me a voicemail telling me I was no longer allowed to come to the wedding and then never heard from her again. I think it's very easy under the pressure to become demanding like she was but also very easy to let the stress eat you up by not asking for some help. Maybe you could explain you could really do with her help and ask her to come and do a specific task with you that can be special for just the two of you or sit down and plan your hen party together. It's easy to get lost on all the stress of planning a wedding so make time with your girls to relax together and maybe get them all to help with bits when they are there. Hope you have a lovely wedding day

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 3 Jul 2018

So you get funny with her when she's not available and you also get funny with her when she's available and you aren't 🤦🤦 give up

Alys Brierley
Alys Brierley 3 Jul 2018

Mine haven’t done anything nor would I expect them to other than turn up to fittings

Kate Rebecca
Kate Rebecca 3 Jul 2018

What exactly are you expecting her to do? My MOH is my number one sounding board. She's a new mum and my goodness, that baby comes well before me and my wedding. She is invited to everything to do with the wedding and if she can come, great, if she can't, that's what cameras and WhatsApp are for. If your expectations of your MOH are causing an issue to your relationship, I would suggest you re-evaluate what you want from her.

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 4 Jul 2018

You acknowledge that she has a family & work ... Hun they are her priorities, not amazingly your wedding.

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