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UKbride Member Request 12 Jun 2018

I am getting married in August and I have invited one of my best friends...

I am getting married in August and I have invited one of my best friends but not her partner. Unfortunately my fiance and her partner had a fight last year and have not spoken since - they were never really friends anyway. The issue now is that my friend won’t come to my wedding because her partner is not invited. It’s a difficult situation and I totally get it, and I tried to convince her to come by writing her a special note with her wedding invite but it has not changed her mind, and it breaks my heart that she won’t be there when I say I do. She is my friend and has been for almost 10 years... Is there anything I could do to try and convince her to come? Thank you

51 Comments
UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 12 Jun 2018

All you can do is tell her how much you'll miss her. Unless you want to change your mind re her partner.

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 12 Jun 2018

Maybe it’s not her decision not to attend your wedding but her partners. She is obviously between a rock and a hard place and put in a difficult situation and I can imagine her partner is making it difficult for her attend. Maybe try and speak to both her and her partner and explain your decision to them both at the same time x

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 12 Jun 2018

Swallow your pride and invite her partner again. I get that it's your day but if she's that important to you, you'll see how important it is to her that her partner is there with her.

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 12 Jun 2018

If she is not going to put her friendship with you first on one of the most important days of your life then thats her problem.
I would try once more then thats it. Unless there is suspicion of controlling behaviour from the partner then you might not be able to have her there but never give up on her

Sammy Eldridge
Sammy Eldridge 12 Jun 2018

Things like this are so tricky.
Maybe she sees it as a betrayal to her partner if she attends an event he’s been excluded from.
I’m not saying you’re wrong for not inviting him, your h2b has every right not to want him there but she’s in a difficult position.
I think you just need to accept she won’t be there x

Belinda Ann Welbourne
Belinda Anne Bingley 12 Jun 2018

I'm sorry but I'd not have her partner there either because surely the atmosphere will make everyone uncomfortable and as it's also your H2Bs day then you have to put his feelings first , last thing you'd want on your big day is for it all to kick off again , if she's a true friend she would be there on your day and remind her partner why he's not invited
Hope you sort and have a magical day x

Heather Perry
Heather Perry 12 Jun 2018

I probably wouldnt invite the partner because its also your partners day. Its not fair on him to tolerate someone he doesnt get on with. I get your friend is in a rock and a hard place but if she wanted to come she would.

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 12 Jun 2018

Why would you invite someone to your wedding who the bride or groom do not like? Surely your friend can understand that? It’s yours and your partners day and you aren’t going to spend out money on paying to have someone at the wedding who you don’t get on with! Speak to your friend again and explain this to her, surely she wouldn’t invite people to her own wedding who she doesn’t like
Good luck with it all xx

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 12 Jun 2018

I'm reminded of something my h2b said to me. Its our day and we have more people there who love us and support us. Talk to you friend explain things but if she really feels that he has to come then he must know that if he is gonna say anything or do anything there are more people out the bride and groom side who will step in before the groom has to say or do anything x

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 12 Jun 2018

Man to actually act as men and er man up?

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 12 Jun 2018

if she is your friend of 10 years then she should be going regardless of whether her partner is invited or not! if the partner and the groom dont get on then why would he even want to go and the friend of 10 years shouldnt really be expecting that her partner would be invited!

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 12 Jun 2018

If the situation was reversed and it was your friend getting married and your partner hadn't been invited would you still attend there wedding? Even if she doesn't come to yours it doesn't mean end of friendship

Paige Hepburn
Paige Hepburn 12 Jun 2018

August is still a little while away u could always try to invite them both out for a meal or something with u and ur h2b and see if her partner and ur h2b can get on or at least be civil prior to ur wedding and go from there. It's worth a shot.

Jayne Young
Jayne Young 12 Jun 2018

I would not be paying for anyone to come to our wedding that one of us didn't like, they're difficult enough to organise anyway! If he is telling her she can't go, then she wants to end it anyway so it must be her decision not to come. If she is one of your best friends then why is she trying to spoil this for you, I certainly wouldn't be begging her to come! You've made your decision, stick to it and you have to put your future husband first now. Good luck x

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 12 Jun 2018

Honestly if I was your friend I would be putting you first and not make a fuss I would go and my partner would miss out. it’s your day and I’m sure she can cope for a day without her partner it’s not about her

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 12 Jun 2018

I disagree with alot of these comments. Personally hef saying she isnt going is her being loyal to her partner. I wouldnt go to a wedding without my husband nomatter how long i had been friends with the person. In my eyes friendship and family life then family life comes first. And as her friend you should accept her descision not to come and leave it be.

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 12 Jun 2018

If you died tomorrow, was it worth remaining angry today? A bit of remedial counselling between your fiance and friends partner is required. Sad if your fiance can't manage that for you. Good luck x

Katie Hewitt
Katie Hewitt 12 Jun 2018

I'm sorry but that is incredibly selfish on her part. Is it really worth her missing your wedding if she cared about you that much? You could try getting your partners together and "working it out" if you liked, but the fact is - they don't like eachother. Why would he want to go and why would your friend want to take someone to your wedding that your partner doesn't get on with and potentially cause a scene? Her not coming is her decision, not yours.

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 12 Jun 2018

I think you need to let it go. She’s in a horrible position and putting pressure on her isn’t going to help the situation. She’s also going to be feeling terrible that she won’t be there, but not everything works out the way you want it to.
Unfortunately not everyone you want to share your special day with will be able to make it. Doesn’t make them any less of a friend, it just means they’re not there on that occasion. Friendships are bigger than one day. I hope you both get through it with your friendship in tact. X

Siobhan Brasier
Siobhan Brasier 12 Jun 2018

If the shoe was on the other foot would you go? Or would you expect her to invite your partner?

You need to ask yourself if your friendship is worth fighting for and how much!

We had people at our wedding that I didn’t really know because they were my wife’s cousin’s partners - a couple it was the first time meeting them - but they came because I wanted her cousins there! We also had the partner of our BM there who actually we have a difficult relationship with, but we wanted her there as our BM and just sucked it up!

I’ve put it on a few posts but I think it’s stands massively, I lost my mum very unexpectedly the DAY BEFORE our wedding! These little things are nothing believe me. We were worried about all these small things but I married my soul mate that day and she’s helped me after loosing my mum who was my best day everyday since. That’s what weddings are about.

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 12 Jun 2018

I wasn't invited to a wedding my partner was the best man at. I don't like them, they don't like me. No hard feelings about it. But I made sure my partner went. I can't see why she can't go alone

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 12 Jun 2018

Sometimes,you have to suck these things up and be the bigger person.You wouldn't be happy if your man was left out of an invite,so she has every right to feel that way too.Invite the fella,because chances are he'll turn it down anyway.Win-win,she can't force him to attend.You're putting her in an awkward position,making her choose.This has nothing to do with how she feels about you,I'm sure she's upset but you're the one asking her to choose between the 2 people she cares most about. I don't particularly like my best friend's husband but I have to love her more than I dislike him,so he'll still get an invite because I couldn't do that to her

Amy Eager
Amy Eager 12 Jun 2018

I've just lost a bridesmaid because she wasn't there for me when I needed her (not wedding related) and I said to her how she'd upset me. 4 hours later a get a text telling me good luck with the future and my entire family was blocked and deleted from Facebook etc.
But I feel so much better. Despite this being my best friend of 7 years.

.Melanie Brice
.Melanie Brice 12 Jun 2018

Then that's her choice let her get on with it. Enjoy your wedding it's her loss if she can't be mature enough to be there for her bestie and she chooses to miss out. I'd uninvited her and just concentrate on you and your partner's day.

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 12 Jun 2018

Here is the thing. We don't always like our friends partners and we don't have to but we do have to respect them.

I say speak to your partner and say your friend is important to you. You don't care about her partner but if he doesn't come she won't so you need to bite the bullet and extend the invitation. Tell him you stand by why he doesn't like the guy but you love your friend of 10 years and sometimes we have to grin and bear having people in our lives we don't really like x

Rachel Rackley
Rachel Rackley 12 Jun 2018

I'm in exactly the same boat my best friend of 10years plus isn't coming to my wedding now. I've tried and tried my hardest but there's only so much you can do!

Lisa Clark
Lisa Clark 12 Jun 2018

It’s your choice at the end of the day and your friend should be happy for you regardless and would want to join in your celebrations, I would say get the men to talk it through and put the past behind them and move on, you don’t know if you try

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 12 Jun 2018

Depending on what the fight was about, could you not arrange a dinner date with your friend, her partner & your h2b? To maybe break the ice and turn things around? Obviously if it was serious and you feel it would just cause another row then understandably don’t. But if you feel they can move forward (regardless of weather they were friends before the row) then leave out the who was rights etc but just start again. They don’t have to be in each other’s pockets after that point but at least it wouldn’t be awkward on the wedding day. If you suggested this to her I could see her maybe considering given you’ve offered to make the effort to build bridges with the men. On the other hand, I don’t see why she has said she won’t attend. Friendship is much more important but that’s why I say perhaps try to build some bridges for the sake of your friendship and having her their on your big day xx

Abbey Lawson
Abbey Lawson 12 Jun 2018

If you really want her there be the bigger person and invite her partner but make it clear it's not because she's made a hissy fit but because you want her there and if that means inviting him then so be it. You're all grown ups.. your H2B doesn't have to talk to him. X

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 12 Jun 2018

At the end of the day, she needs to appreciate that it's your partners wedding as much as it is yours, and it's important he is happy and comfortable with who is there. She needs to respect the decision.
That being said, my best friend got married had a tiny wedding a million miles away and didn't invite my partner. I was really upset, as i had to travel all that way alone and it would have made a huge difference to me with my anxiety having my OH there. But still, I respected that it was his day and his choice.

It's a difficult one, I hope it's all sorted.

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 12 Jun 2018

I invited my best friend and her partner and I really do not like her partner!!! I have not spoken to him in over a year! Sometimes people just need to suck it up!! I knew she wouldn't come without him so who's the bigger person.. M

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 12 Jun 2018

If she was a real friend she'd go to your wedding and respect the reasons her partner can't go. Time to move on I reckon!

Leah Mouatt
Leah Mouatt 12 Jun 2018

Can't you invite him and just keep them out of each others paths?

Natalie Robinson
Natalie Robinson 12 Jun 2018

If she won't go is she really your friend? Regardless of the situation she should be there she can't expect you to invite someone who has fallen out with your h2b

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 12 Jun 2018

I had the same situation with my brother two years ago my fiancé now wasn’t invited because we had just got together. I didn’t actually go to the wedding and wish I had. Try and convince her to come, if not see if your partner and her partner can put there differences beside them. It is the biggest day of your life and you want the most important people there!

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 12 Jun 2018

Personally i think you are right not inviting him. At the end of the day I wouldnt be having anyone I didnt like at my wedding. Her partner is as much at fault as yours is. If i were her id simply come without him. My partner would expect me to go to my friends wedding without him, if him and the groom didnt get on.

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 12 Jun 2018

Partners should always be invited 🤷‍️

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 13 Jun 2018

Being invited to someone’s wedding is an honour, if someone needs ‘convincing’ they don’t deserve to be there.

It’s not about your friend or her partner - it’s your wedding!

X

Georgina Crook
Georgina Crook 13 Jun 2018

I think if she was a good best friend she would come and i think you should accept her no as the answer and have a perfect wedding without her xx I think you should allow her to choose who goes to your wedding as it is your wedding and that isnt what a good best friend would do! x

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 13 Jun 2018

make amends with her partner at the end of the day if she has a partner they come as a package i think if put her in an awkard situation just inviting her as now she feels stuck in the middle with you and her partner make it up with her partner at the end of the day lifes too short for fall outs and enemies make amends be gratefull for life today as tomorrow is never promised and you will be happier having your friend there with her partner rather than not have her there at all come on make up dont hold grudges you will feel alot better afterwards

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 13 Jun 2018

Invite them both life is too short your husband to be doesnt have to talk to your friends partner. Enjoy the day and feel blessed that your friend will be there.

Victoria Keyte
Victoria Keyte 13 Jun 2018

My h2b's bestmans partner and i don't get on but I've invited her as the best man is important to both of us. Out of respect for him his partner got an invite. I don't have to talk to her on my day but at least he has her support and company throughout the day. Sometimes you just need to be the bigger person. I would hate to go to a wedding without my partner and probably wouldn't go if I'm honest as we come as a package.

Michelle Rew
Michelle Rew 14 Jun 2018

I'd give your friend a break. She's in a difficult position. Personally I'd come along on my own however everyone deals with their own relationships differently. I read above that someone wouldn't go to any wedding without her partner, I'm more than happy to do things both with and without mine. Each to their own. Value the friendship and tell her you'd love for her to be there but totally understand and maybe you could have a day out together afterwards. You're not going to get to spend all day with any one person so she'd potentially have a long time to spend on her own. It's one day. A big day granted but not the be all and end all and you will have many other people there too. Best of luck but please don't lose a good friend over what boils down to a few hours x

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 14 Jun 2018

It’s your wedding, your choice. They are one of the most special days of your life, if you’re getting grief, then she’s probs not a real friend x

Michaela Sharp
Michaela Sharp 15 Jun 2018

Just tell her you will miss her and hope she changes her mind and can come alone but still best friends and no hard feelings if not. I certainly wouldn't invite her partner. You want your wedding to go perfect and without stress.

Laura Hall
Laura Hall 16 Jun 2018

Personally I think she's being a tit. After 10 years she should understand why it's just her invited as its your other half's special day as much as it is yours!
I would cut the niceties and be like.... What the hell! You seriously nit coming! Ect ect
I think she's cutting her nose of to spite her face or what ever people say 😂

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 16 Jun 2018

Hard position but she should respect your wishes and if she doesn't want to go then it's her loss. End of day you still see her partner whether u like or not. How about inviting both in the evening reception??

Jennifer McCaul
Jennifer McCaul 16 Jun 2018

If she’s a true friend she wouldn’t miss your wedding!

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 16 Jun 2018

I think it depends on how much you want her to come. I understand why you don’t want her partner there, but I also understand her loyalty to him. Are you going to miss her there? I think if it was me I’d just suck it up and have him there, aslong as you can trust him and your h2b to be civil. I’d rather that situation than one of my best friends not being there all together. Xx

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 16 Jun 2018

Would she have to travel for the wedding? If so I think it’s unfair not to invite her partner. Will there be people there she knows? But if she decides not to go I think you should respect her decision, Think how you would feel if the shoe was on the other foot.

Donz Wink
Donz Wink 17 Jun 2018

always ask your husband to be to see if her fella could come for one day darling then you have your happy day and so does he darling that's all i can say

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