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UKbride Member Request 5 Jun 2018

I am currently having issues with my guest list. I thought I had it all...

I am currently having issues with my guest list. I thought I had it all sorted, but I found out that my cousin who gets married this year isn't inviting me to her wedding as she is keeping it small because of the cost so cousins as a rule aren't invited, which yes I understand completely as I am student planning my own wedding. It made me start thinking should I invite them surely they should understand if I don't, my sister and mum say I shouldn't as I wasn't invited to theirs. I feel like if I am inviting all my cousins I shouldn't exclude them just because I wasn't invited to theirs. Would just like some other opinions on this as I don't know if it would be petty to not invite them cause I wasn't invited to theirs. Many thanks in advanced.

43 Comments
UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 5 Jun 2018

So she's explained the decision is ALL cousins not invited for money reasons which is fair so if you can afford to invite them I would. You don't (or shouldn't) give to receive. It may be that they don't attend simply due to not being able to afford it but at least you won't appear petty in snubbing her x

Lauren Butfoot-Glover
Lauren Butfoot-Glover 5 Jun 2018

If you are inviting your other cousins & you want them there then yes invite them but if you aren’t inviting cousins due to numbers that’s fine too.

Lucy Glew
Lucy Glew 5 Jun 2018

You can’t invited all your other cousins and just not invite them cuz your not invited to theirs. I think it sounds a bit petty but that’s my opinion. End of the days it’s your wedding so only you can make that call and cope with the effects xx

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 5 Jun 2018

It would be petty in my opinion. This whole crap of “well you were invited to theirs” is why weddings cost so much in the first place. Seems to me that they have a valid reason for not sending out the invitation. You either want them there, or you don’t.
Might seem blunt, and I am sorry for that, but people turn weddings into a massive political nightmare when actually, it doesn’t need to be.

Cathy McBrearty
Cathy McBrearty 5 Jun 2018

If you were intending on inviting them prior to finding out that you are not invited to theirs, then I would still invite them. Their wedding is "their" wedding, their choices, their budget, yours is your wedding and most likely very different. We were invited to weddings of peole we have not invited to ours and also invited people to ours, who did not invite us to theirs. It shouldn't be about only inviting them if they invite you, it's about who you want to invite (budget permitting) xx

Kayleigh Cunningham
Kayleigh Cunningham 5 Jun 2018

I would either invite all cousins or no cousins at all. It shouldn't be about who's wedding have and haven't been to xx

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 5 Jun 2018

I don't think you can exclude them just cos they can't afford to have you at theirs...as your planning a wedding, you know how expensive they are and people can only do what is within their means...if it's a struggle for you then don't so cousins to the day but I honestly don't think you can just say no to 1 family cos you weren't invited x

Siobhan Knight-Potgieter
Siobhan Knight-Potgieter 5 Jun 2018

It’s dependent on how close you are to your cousins and how many you have.

Some people have dozens and some have a few, id have to say I’d be upset not to be invited to theirs.

You could always do cousins to the evening event to save some money ? X

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 5 Jun 2018

If you are inviting other cousins then i think its really unfair. You wouldnt be doing it to keep your numbers down would just be because you are a bit miffed. When i did my list there were a few cousins who are married. I didnt get invited to their weddings but i want all my family there. We were also only inviting other halves if we knew them. Then realised even though we were doing it to cut back that it would mean some cousins had their other halves while others wouldnt have. And the same with friends. After a few days getting angry with the guest list we just decided to embrace having a big wedding. X

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 5 Jun 2018

To me if I was to invite my cousins I’d invite them all I wouldn’t not invite one cos I wasn’t invited to theirs. But it’s ur choice and if if your close to your cousins then it should be an easy choice. I won’t be inviting a few of my cousins because I haven’t seen them in years even I’ve been told you can’t not invite them. x

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 5 Jun 2018

You either invite all or none. It’s not fair just to invite some. But if you invite none make sure one doesn’t decide to turn up anyway because that happens.

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 5 Jun 2018

Do what you want and what you can afford, not what you think you *should* be doing - simple.

There's always the option of them just coming in the evening if you feel you HAVE to invite some family members.

Chelsea-Anne Horrocks
Chelsea-Anne Horrocks 5 Jun 2018

Why wouldn’t you invite them? They haven’t chose to exclude you to be rude so I’d let them have their day the way they want and do yours the way you want xx

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 5 Jun 2018

I can't really understand why this is a question. You understand their financial reasons to invite no cousins and you have already made the decision to invite all cousins. There's no need to uninvite them unless it's out of spite

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 5 Jun 2018

It's not tit for tat, that's petty. You can't invite all your cousins except her. Nobody is owed an invitation to a wedding anyway. Think long and hard before you start something that could cause a family feud

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 5 Jun 2018

For me I only have two cousins so they will be invited however second and third cousins will not I don’t see them or speak to them so 🤷‍️ these also other members of my ‘family’ I won’t be inviting they only pretend to be close when something happens then shout off on Facebook slagging me instead of talking to me and they are old (enough, they have like 20 years on me) to know better

Amy Eager
Amy Eager 5 Jun 2018

Cousins are tricky. We are inviting all. But only those we are closest too/live far away for the day. And the others for the evening. At £100 a head. We have to be brutal!
But we aren't not inviting of them. And not all of them are coming to the day so it's not just one person being left out

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 5 Jun 2018

Don't invite anyone out of obligation, just invite who you want to!

Jodie Cleeves
Jodie Cleeves 5 Jun 2018

If you are the first lot of cousins to get married in this generation in your family I would use it as a bench mark. Other cousins will thank you later when the decision is already set for their own weddings as I. Sure they will be thinking exactly the same as you ' do I, do t I, can I afford it, can they afford it' sadly (and luckily) there is no right answer xx

Claire Shelley
Claire Shelley 5 Jun 2018

Just invite who you want to have at YOUR wedding and what you can afford. Don’t worry about if you were invited to theirs or not x

Sarah Baker
Sarah Baker 5 Jun 2018

Guest lists are a pain in the ass lol i cant decide whos in or out either trying not to offend people

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 5 Jun 2018

It is difficult keeping people happy and not offending people. I have a feeling a few people are upset with our choices. If I don't invite someone then I won't be upset if I'm not invited to theirs. Other option you can always invite them to the evening only. As a rule at ours no cousins in the day but they are all invited in the evening.

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 5 Jun 2018

We are inviting people to ours who aren’t inviting us to theirs because they are having a small wedding and can’t stretch the invite to us, to me it makes no difference as I am not inviting people just to get something in return!

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 5 Jun 2018

If you’re inviting all cousins then invite them- if not don’t. A wedding is about who you want there but equally can’t not invite them because you’re not going to theirs xx

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 5 Jun 2018

It depends on what kind of wedding your having. If your cuz is having a small wedding it's reasonable to only invite immediate family and close friends. If your having a big wedding with a huge guest list then invite them in my opinion. If your having a small wedding on a budget then I would consider how much money you want to allocate to feeding your guests as it can spiral if you invite people out of obligation.xx

Natalie Lloyd
Natalie Lloyd 5 Jun 2018

Dont be childish and not invite because you wasnt invited to theirs. If you want them there then invite them. Some of my cousins got married and i wasnt invited but i dont see them or speak to them due to distance and life etc so i understood also i wont be inviting them to mine as i barely know them. The cousins i do know and see will be invited regardless of whether ive been invited to their occasions previously

Leanne State
Leanne State 5 Jun 2018

I feel like I could have wrote this myself, I’m in the same predicament 😕

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 5 Jun 2018

Invite them to the evening reception x

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 5 Jun 2018

No, I would have them if you had already planned to. I've got people at my evening that I was day guests at theirs or not even invited to their wedding. I don't take offence for lack of invite nor do I hope they take offence for only being invited to the evening or even not at all! You have their who you want and can afford but def not because you weren't invited to theirs, especially if you're inviting all the other cousins x

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 5 Jun 2018

I would invite all cousins or none at all... I'm not inviting any of mine purely because there are so many it will cost to much. It isn't fair to invite some and not others, regardless of whether you have been invited to theirs x

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 5 Jun 2018

I didn’t invite any as there were 11 at my wedding very close it was tricky having a certain number

.Melanie Brice
.Melanie Brice 5 Jun 2018

I would still invite them because everyone has the right to have their day the way they wish..... surely.
If still invite them. But that's me.

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 5 Jun 2018

Use this #lovetosparkleuk

A member uploaded image

Laura-Jane Thurlow
Laura-Jane Thurlow 5 Jun 2018

My rule is if we havent spoken in over 6 months they arent invited x

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 5 Jun 2018

We didn't invite cousins on either side as we've a lot each and it was a number and financial constraint x

Georgina Hall
Georgina Hall 5 Jun 2018

I have invited most of my cousins, the ones who make the effort to see me! I have loads btw!

Sammy Eldridge
Sammy Eldridge 5 Jun 2018

Petty or not I would save yourself money and not invite them. You’re obviously not close if they didn’t invite you to theirs. They should understand about cost cutting for a wedding as they’ve done it.

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 5 Jun 2018

I was invited to all my cousins weddings over the years but due to budget we simply can't afford to have them at our day do so they've been invited to our evening do, they've all accepted and my closest cousin has even said money is always an issue for these things and everyone just has to do what they need to/suits them!

Hazel Evans
Hazel Evans 6 Jun 2018

It's your wedding do as you wish. People get so caught up in pleasing other people and inviting people for no reason. I'm only have 1 of my cousins at my wedding as I speak to them. There is no set rules for weddings now!

Rhian Priest-Dibben
Rhian Priest-Dibben 6 Jun 2018

I am only inviting one cousin (who has a sibling not invited) because she is under 10 years old, and I have all Uncles/Auntie's attending. All older cousins will be invited to the evening only. Especially as i'm not close to any of them.

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 6 Jun 2018

Rule of thumb, if you haven't spoken to them in 2 years then don't invite them, including friends, cousin's, aunts, uncles,
.. even parents. If they or yourselves can't pick up the phone, or type, to talk to eachother why invite them at all!?!? "Because they're family""!?!?! What a load of outdated, waste of money, phewee.

Selina Gaines
Selina Gaines 7 Jun 2018

None of my cousins are to b invited family thing none to theirs so easy choice
But my h2b is very close to 2 of his. So we're inviting them not his others depends how u want it? X

Catriona Rollason
Catriona Rollason 25 Jun 2018

I would say if you are inviting some cousins you cannot leave just one set out. If you were planning on inviting them before why change that?

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