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UKbride Member Request 4 May 2018

Hi brides, can anyone offer some advice? I am three weeks away from my...

Hi brides, can anyone offer some advice? I am three weeks away from my wedding and I just want to call the whole thing off. Not because I am having doubts (I still definitely want to marry my fiance) but because our guests (especially families) have ruined the whole experience and made us dread the day. The final straw came today when I woke up to a message from my FMIL telling me she wanted to change the whole seating plan (that we both agreed on two weeks ago) the day before it needs to be sent off for printing. On top of that, I have not heard from one of my bridesmaids in over a month, the groomsmen are ignoring our requests to get measured for their suits, and we still have guests who have not bothered to reply to their invites. If all our guests were local, I would already have cancelled, but because many are coming from far away and staying over I feel that it's now too late. What should I do? And if I cannot cancel, how do I stop dreading the day and resenting all of our guests who have caused such problems? Thank you x

26 Comments
UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 8 May 2018

Put your foot down! It’s yours and your fiancés day, not your mils! Tell her the seating plan is done and can’t be changed! Tell your bridesmaids and groomsmen if they don’t step up then they’ll have to step down! I think you’re gonna have to be tough on them all! Just remember that your day will be worth the stress and hassle!

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 8 May 2018

1 tell your fmil that it's your wedding not hers and you're happy with table plan 2 if groomsmen haven't been measured for suits 3 weeks before the wedding then just simply don't have them as groomsmen. This is yours and your h2b day so take back the control.

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 8 May 2018

It’s your wedding send off your seating plan as you want, cancel the grooms men and message who hasn’t replied as we haven’t received your rsvp we take it you are not coming so please don’t , and enjoy your day it’s about you two not family who can’t be bothered and enjoy it with the people who do x

Michelle Williams
Michelle Williams 8 May 2018

It’s your day !!!! I made the mistake of letting this happen in my first marriage and I had no happy memories of the day because it was all about what everybody else wanted. Put your foot down xxx

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 8 May 2018

For one it’s your day do not let anyone spoil it an get in touch with the bridesmaids you have waited long enough see if they still want to be part of your day an for the groomsmen if there ignoring you an your hubby to be then that just shows how much your day is important to them tell hubby maybe pick someone else who wants to be apart of your day but don’t cancel it’s about you & your hubby to be don’t let anyone spoil it good luck hope everything works out xx

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 8 May 2018

I would keep the seating plan as it is as you have set it like that... as for the bridesmaids and groomsmen I would personally send one last message with a request for them to turn up for measure if they don’t then relieve them of their duties as they clearer don’t care enough to leave it this long. I really hope you get the day you deserve. Good luck x

Chelsea-Anne Horrocks
Chelsea-Anne Horrocks 8 May 2018

I agree I would remind her that it’s your wedding and that as much as your grateful for her input you and your FH have final day. Then I’d contact all the bridesmaids and groomsmen and give them a deadline to be measured etc and tell them if they can’t meet it then then not part of the wedding party. Don’t let people ruin this experience x

Bonnie Ramsey
Bonnie Ramsey 8 May 2018

First take a big deep breath. It’s going to be ok 👍. Tell your FMIL it’s too late to change the plan you sent it off early to be organised.
Next ring your bridesmaid and offer her to come around for a cuppa tea and cake, she may not mean to be distant but may have something else going on in her life and not want to bother you about it so close to the wedding, but she’s your friend and remind her your there for each other to help.
Take advantage of the weather and get your partner to invite the groomsman out to the pub for drinks via the suit shop first 😉.
As for your guests make a list of people you haven’t heard from yet and set aside an evening to either txt or call them and get a final answer.
Just remember it’s going to be ok, give your partner a hug 🤗 you can do this xxx

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 8 May 2018

It's your day!! Don't let people tell what u should be doing! Tell them no, and if people haven't RSVPed then I just assumed that they weren't coming, and they didn't have a seat, so had to stand! Take control, stand up for your self! If you don't enjoy your day, you'll then start to resent the people who spoiled it for you!

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 8 May 2018

Mil has no say. And if you were nice enough to let her have a say, politely tell her they've already been sent. My maid of honour dropped out like a week before my wedding, we missed her (she is my sister) but actually I was too busy to notice... drop the bridesmaid if she isn't going to make the effort. As for the groomsmen... cancel them? Or replace them? I wouldn't know, I wasn't really bothered how photos look. It's your day. Drop what doesn't make you happy, keep what does and let them all get on with it... your day will go way to fast, enjoy it because as long as the future husband is there... the rest is gravy x

.Melanie Brice
.Melanie Brice 8 May 2018

I'd Jack the lot
Jump on a plane and go somewhere hot and beautiful just the 2 of you. Get married and sod the rest of them sounds like your living for everyone but you and your hubby 2 be

Danielle Ryde
Danielle Ryde 8 May 2018

I've had this problem with my mum she wants us to change everything via making me feel guilty I've basically told her I'm not changing anything

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 8 May 2018

Why on earth does your FMIL have anything to do with your seating plan? Tell her the plan, don't ask. She will have to deal with the plan you have chosen. It doesn't matter if she wants to change it: becuase it's not her decision.
The bridesmaids? Maybe they're busy? Maybe they think your busy? Life does go on outside of your wedding, the issue is, if they are repeatedly ignoring your contacting them.
As for the groomsmen ignoring the requests? That's not good. They should be happy they've been chosen: at least you know the true colours of these people for the future.
The guests that haven't replied? Make it clear: no reply, no place in the wedding. Ensure they know they HAVE to reply to be there (send out a universal text message/Facebook status)

Focus on enjoying your day, and enjoying the planning

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 8 May 2018

My MIL did the same, I'd printed out table plans and sent the details over to the hotel even when I said it was too late I was told to leave it and she would change it on the day anyway it meant rearranging 3 tables just to move 3 people. It was the final straw for me I'd been fighting a really bad chest infection and was finally relieved that I'd finished everything I ended up having a major breakdown. I know it's hard but the stress from that really affected the day and I couldn't relax I was so tense, don't let it ruin your day in reflection you will probably not see a lot of the people stressing you out on the day as you will be so busy, concentrate on the guests who have travelled to see you x

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 8 May 2018

My answer is to hell with the family and so called friends and do what is right for you and your partner and enjoy your day .You don't need the stress good luck and have a happy day .

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 8 May 2018

I'm getting married on the 26th this month and trying to not stress too much even tho there's plenty of family issues it's our day and we're just going to enjoy it no matter What!!

Claire Rutter
Claire Rutter 8 May 2018

Stuff the lot of them... your wedding- your day Hun - they don’t rsvp they don’t get a seat or food!! - call your bridesmaid and invite her round or escape for a glass of wine. - message the groomsmen don’t get measured, don’t have a role! And if your paying say, no contact and you want to be apart, this is what, why, where and how much and leave it at that!! Xxc
Chin up!!
Xx

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 8 May 2018

Take a deep breath! These things happen all the time and even though it’s stressful, you will get through it! Don’t cancel, you are marrying the person you love and that is far more important than anything else!
Your wedding, your table plan, just go with what you have! The groomsmen? Tell them to get measured or sort their own outfits, and the people who haven’t replied, send them a message each saying you need to know today whether they are attending! Obviously word it nicely, just say something like you are meeting the caterer tomorrow and need final numbers, anyone who hasn’t replied won’t be included!
But at the end of the day, in 3 weeks time you’ll be married to the love of your life and all this stress will be behind you!
Hang in there, it’ll be worth it! Xx

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 8 May 2018

We had started planning a big wedding and changed plans to go and get married abroad. Best decision we made as i dont believe for 1 second that a day is 'worth all the stress, hassle upset and anxiety' that we kept hearing and being told and just thought it should be about what you and your fiance want x we werent excited before but we are now and that's how we know its right for us x i would say just do what's right for you and your partner as at the end of it's you two who will be married xx

Gemma Smith
Gemma Smith 8 May 2018

We get married on the 26th And I could have written this myself last week. I have now told my FMIL if she’s not happy with where/who your sat next too don’t bother coming. I know it was harsh but she’d also caused trouble with my fiancé and best man and my FILs partner. It’s too late for us to change anything and to be quite honest I wouldn’t out of principal xx

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 9 May 2018

It's ur wedding... firstly it's nothing to do with your FMIL so tell her it's too late (unless u want to put her in charge and tell her to sort the guests that aren't replying). Your groom should be sorting the groomsmen. Get him to do that job. If guests aren't replyig then they don't come. Simple as. Send ur bridesmaid a text saying u haven't heard from her, is everything OK (you never know she might be having issues) and if she doesn't reply then drop her. You do have to be tough and headstrong. Everyone will always have opinions even until the actual day but it's ur wedding u can just smile and nod and not listen. Also get your bridesmaids to help u out.... it's what they are there for

Helen Ferguson
Helen Ferguson 9 May 2018

Your fiancé only needs a best man - if he's sorted then great. Groomsmen are an Americanism & quite frankly in my book they're surplus to requirements as they play no part in the official ceremony.. if your main witnesses are organised, the rest can be guests.. why over complicate things? But it will be fine xx

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 10 May 2018

Remember whose day it is and do what YOU BOTH want and tell everybody else to but out. Enjoy your day and don't let Anybody ruin it

Suzanne Hunton
Suzanne Hunton 10 May 2018

Elope. In a few years this is going to be one day out of a thousand or more days, and not the big deal it feels like right now.

Or just do what *you* like, as an actual grown-up?

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 10 May 2018

Remember it’s your day no one else’s! You and your fiancé have final say!

Jodie Howard
Jodie Howard 18 May 2018

This sounds a bit familiar. We basically involved no one with any of the plans and people still tried to tell us how to have things, when to do this when to do that. We basically had to tell people to back off. This is your day, DO NOT let anyone tell you how to do it because you will regret it and you won't enjoy the process, believe me I have had some serious stress. It is supposed to be a happy time.

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