Please can I have some advice. I have four bridesmaids, and I really feel that they have no interest in my wedding. I have had to plan my own hen do after weeks of chasing them (as other friends wanted to know details as needed to get time off work/ arrange childcare and save the money etc) they didn't get together and sort anything out so I ended up sorting it out myself which I felt a bit disappointed in. Now one of my bridesmaid has told me she won't be coming on my hen do ( it's inthe Uk for two nights an hour and a half away from where we live). The reason she isn't coming on the hen is because she is going to start trying for a baby soon and may be pregnant when we go. The hen do is in September and I am getting married in October. This bridesmaid has not shown one bit of interested in my wedding, has already said she can't come the day before to help decorate, hasn't got involved at all in the hen do ( I planned hers by myself- and I wasn't even a bridesmaid at her wedding) and may be pregnant on the day. I feel really disappointed that I haven't had any interest from the bridesmaids and feel a couple of my other friends that have shown interest in my wedding would be better suited as the bridemaids. Any advice would be greatly appreciated x
Just get rid of the ones that aren't bothered. It's not worth the hassle
Talk to them. Tell them you feel disappointed in their lack of enthusiasm for your day. Ask if they are happy being bridesmaid and willing to get more imvolved or whether they were just being polite when they said yes and would rather step down and be a normal guest! x
With the chasing your bridesmaids to plan your hen for you... you might be coming on abit strong and it might be putting them off and making them feel like its more of a chore for them? x
I had no expectation of my bridesmaid except to turn up for fittings and on the day. It's my wedding and if they wanted to get involved so be it and if not fine. I didnt want a hen party but would have organised it myself if i did. Your friends impending possible pregnancy should be something to celebrate. Your wedding isn't the be all and end all in her life and having a baby is not planned to upset you. People have busy lives and so much happening. I think just plod along doing it yourself how you want to and don't worry about who else is doing what
I'd talk to them and tell them how you feel. You have to understand that not everyone's life can be put on hold for a wedding and people have priorities themselves but it's understandable to be upset when they're making no effort at all. If they get pissy or don't want to be helpful then get rid. Save yourself the heartache and stress. I only have one bridesmaid (might add another one) and she's gone bonkers with trying to help me, throwing ideas my way, wanting to meet up all the time lol
Hi get rid of them all :)
Out of 7 of my bridesmaids only 1 was bothered if they wasn't family I'd have ditched them xx
I am having my sister's as bridesmaids . I spoke to them about the hen do as I had no clue about if I'm paying for it or organising it etc they said they expected everyone to pay for themselves but they will chip in together to cover me . Also they asked if I wanted to know what we'd be doing or not . I do think it's nice that it's one part of the wedding I don't have to organise etc. All I was expecting of them is to be there on the day and for dress shopping and fittings . If you want bridesmaids that are more involved etc and you have someone in mind then why not ask them? I don't believe that trying for a baby is a reputable excuse for not going. If you don't want to go to the hen do you just say you don't. After all she doesn't have to drink etc just have fun (and could even leave early) I understand your disappointment after all this is your big day and it is nice to have bridesmaids etc that are supportive of your special day etc. Yes it's your day and not everyone else's and everybody has liveds to live etc but I've always thought a wedding is about people coming together. I don't see a problem with you wanting atleast one of your bridesmaids to care and be supportive . Definitely find out if she actually wants to be bridesmaid or not. Talk it out. I wouldn't want to waste time, money and energy on someone who didn't really want to be a bridesmaid. Having a baby has absolutely nothing to do with your day and whether she's a bridesmaid or attending the hen do. Disregard it completely and get down to the nitty gritty with her to get closure and a solution for the both of you.
Please remember that your friends have their own lives, commitments and plans which for them may outweigh your wedding! Your wedding is super special for you of course but don’t expect everyone else to put it before their lives. The fact that you chose these people to be your bridesmaids must mean that they are good friends of yours, don’t risk losing friends and alienating people because they aren’t planning your wedding for you, some people struggle with plans and done even know where to start, maybe they feel too much pressure? Everyone is different, Enjoy planning, at least by arranging your own hen you’ll have exactly what you want! Also celebrate your friends decision to try for a baby, what an amazing milestone in her life! Support her and be understanding that is she is 5 months pregnant at the time of your hen then yes, she probably won’t want to go and that’s fair enough!! But please don’t lose friends over your wedding!!
I hear what people are saying about them having their own lives .... but not showing any interest is wrong ... my bridesmaids fall into 3 categories ... my 17 yr old niece .. she’s just showing up on the day ... my MOH who has a busy life but has been to dress fittings, wedding shows and my #1 Bridesmaid ... she’s organised my Hen, and been involved with most of the planning and offered opinions whenever I’ve needed ... don’t know what I’d have done without her xx Danette Matthews 😍
I get that people have their own lives but not showing any interest is wrong. It's your big day and your spending alot of money for it to be perfect. I would chat to them and tell them how you feel. Xx
😬 tell them how you feel and as such you are sacking them all ! X
I understand where your coming from and I agree with majority. Yes they have there own lives but shouldn't have said yes to being a bridesmaid if they wernt bothered about helping. And it can take years to get pregnant anyway and what's she going to do about her dress if she does get pregnant? Sounds like she isn't that interested anyway. I'm not picking mine for definite until closer to time so I can see who is actually bothered. Made that mistake once I'm not doing it again. Xx
I think you should talk to them tell them how you feel, also ask them if they still want to be bridesmaid’s as they might not xx
Just ask them out right if they want to be involved.... the worst thing you could do would be to keep them as bridesmaids and look back and regret your choice if they aren’t interested.... xx
Christ I’d say bad choice of bridesmaids? My MOH is sorting me flowers, already thinking of ideas for my hen do and has come with me to try my dress on..my other 3 are younger so I’m sure will get involved in some way but my MOH I couldn’t do without
I would sit down with them and ask them if they actually want to be bridesmaids. They sound a bit selfish to be honest. You could end up resenting them as friends if you don’t do anything about them x
I had this trouble with one of mine I got rid and swapped her for someone who was more excited and happy for me. I was so stressed with the one I got rid of but I'm now sleeping so much better. we no longer talk but I now dont have to put up with her negativity. :) massive weight of the shoulders. xx
Personally I don't want my MoH/Bridesmaid to be organising things ... people's tastes differ. I don't want a hen do but if I did I would be providing her with all the details of people anyway so might as well do it myself. Some people may be concerned about appearing to be too pushy ... one does read about how everyone has an opinion about a wedding which is really irritating so I say make your own decisions and not expect others to do everything for you. I see a bridesmaid as someone to help you on the day. Obviously they need to be interested and involved with the dress etc but the main thing is help on the day. Just my opinion.
It all sounds like a cop-out to me! Definitely tell her if she isn’t willing to fulfil her duties she really doesn’t need to be a bridesmaid at all and if ask if she would be more comfortable as a guest.
Being pregnant doesn't stop you going on a hen do! I was 5 or 6 months pregnant when I went on a hen do which involved a cocktail making class! I just made non-alcoholic cocktails!
I know that feeling , it’s hurtful more than anything don’t you think...Good luck with every thing and happy wedding day
Get some other friends to do stuff for you. I never wanted any of my family or bridal party to make decisions because it seems situations like this exist and everyone falls out! So I enlisted my best friends x3 to sort everything. They are not within my bridal party. My MOH I’ve personally asked not to get involved because she has a very busy life and I know she can’t dedicate the last 6 months and the next to my wedding... and I love her and I want her there on the day. I know this may seem odd but it’s the perfect set up. I have my bridal party intact. My best friends I trust with my life so I definitely trust them with my Hen do. People would say they deserve to be apart of the bridal party but they too have their own lives and can’t be expected to run everything for me.
Only my mum is sorting my dress with me.
Only my mum and MOH is being with me the night before and on the day... and my other best friends will be able to enjoy the day (and a way for me to say a big thank you) without having to worry about the little things because my bridal party will do this part.
I think I’d be having family as my bridesmaids. As I don’t think some of my friends would bother neither lol. I can understand why your upset definitely change them before it’s too late and you regret it x
Sack them! I was pregnant at my besties Hen Do. Still managed to plan the whole thing from the UK when it was in Australia. I also helped set up the day before, with my toddler in tow. Don’t bother with people like that. They’re obviously not real friends if they’re not willing to do the same for you.
Sack the lot of them!
Mine did nothing ...I didn't want or expect them to...I knew what I wanted it was my wedding so I did it x
She’d be getting the flick for getting pregnant but I’m a bridezilla 🤷🏻♀️
This is awful. It's simple, get rid of them and tell them why. If the are genuinely sorry you will know by their reactions and may buck up their ideas. Ask your other friends to do it.
Before losing good friends why don't you sit down with each of them (THIS 1 IN PARTICULAR) and have a chat. Ask them outright if they want to be bridesmaids or would they prefer not to be. This particular 1 sounds like she's not interested but the others may just be a case of crossed wires. Give them the chance to say what they are feeling and then you will know how to proceed. I.E. get rid of them as bridesmaids or they may just step up a bit. This way you may be able to salvage your friendships. TBH though this particular 1 does sound as though she's not interested so be prepaid for that. Hope you manage to sort it out & have a fabulous wedding. X
I organised my own hen party. I didn’t expect my bridesmaids to do anything except turn up for on the day.
I wasn’t invited to my best friends wedding, as she had a limit to how many people she could invite. So we went to the evening do instead.
Some things aren’t worth getting het up over and my choices haven’t made a difference to the 8 years since I got married!
I’m still happily married and as others have said - you may get upset; but your wedding day isn’t as important to others as it is to you.
That’s life unfortunately and if you are upset about it, perhaps the thing to do would be to talk to said person instead of calling her out on Facebook? Your story is quite detailed, so she will know it’s about her (especially if you comment on it etc) and that will cause more upset than talking to her directly!
I hope you have a lovely wedding, but remember to enjoy yourself and not worry about the little things
Pathetic excuse may be pregnant and also may not and so what it’s not an illness and should not stop her doing anything !
Get rid of them
I would suggest you speak to each one, perhaps individually and tell them the roles you need them to fulfill. Then say to them do they feel they could do their best to achieve said roles and if not, perhaps they would enjoy the day better simply being guests as opposed to members of the bridal party. I am sure they dont even realise what they are doing to you. I hope you get it sorted. x
This is an incredibly stressful, though not uncommon, topic. There could be several reasons why your bridesmaids aren't working out. It might be good to sit down with them and ask them why they seem disinterested. There are certain expectations and responsibilities that come with being a bridesmaid. Make sure they know what your expectations are because the last thing you want is lots of drama on the day of your wedding