My sister in law has decided she doesn't want to be bridesmaid as she is to...

If she doesn't want to be a bridesmaid i wouldn't force her, she probably just isn't comfortable, don't pressure her - she is making it clear she just wants to be a guest.

Don't force her to do what she doesn't want to do. It's nice that you want to include her, but if she's more comfortable as a guest, leave her be

Just leave the option open to her if she changes her mind maybe, my partners neice lives in a different area from us so decided she didn't want to be a bridesmaid as she wouldn't be able to do the dates with work and traveling but we've left the option open to her and she is going to be a bridesmaid x

Some people just don’t like the attention that being a bridesmaid brings...she wouldn’t say she didn’t want to be one if she thought it would upset you in anyway she clearly would just rather be a guest. If I were you I would include her in everything regardless and give her the option to opt out of things if she doesn’t want to be involved. If you ask her no matter what then you’ve given her the choice x

Leave her be let her be s guest

I think you’re being a little bit harsh to be honest. I’m sure she appreciates you asking her to be bridesmaid, but if she’s not comfortable then you shouldn’t force the issue

I wouldn’t want anyone as bridesmaid who wasn’t 100% committed and comfortable.
Traditionally bridesmaids are younger, unmarried girls.
Just have her as a guest and be happy.

I wouldn't say she is being selfish, she has been honest and said she doesn't want to be a bridesmaid. Not everyone is comfortable having such a big role in the wedding and maybe she wanted to take some of the financial stress off you and her brother. If you would still like her to be a part of your special day maybe say you understand she doesn't want to be a bridesmaid but you'd like it if she helped out with any wedding prep I.e gave opinions on hair styles, accessories etc. It's disheartening to think someone doesn't want to be involved but it's much better for her to be honest with you now rather than her be uncomfortable on the day, even make things awkward or pull her face and cause you stress x

If you still want her to be involved why not ask her to be a witness

Don't get upset we all feel diff things .include her with things I'm lucky my two best friends who are my maids of honour one will be 50 and the other 60 they can't wait to be involved , but we all feel diff xx

If she has stepped down as bridesmaid then I wouldn't include her in bridesmaid things. Don't hold it against her though being bridesmaid isn't for everyone and although the day is yours, if someone doesn't feel comfortable they have a right to say no thanks to being bridesmaid...as long as she is still going to be There as a guest it's all good

If she’s not comfortable I’d let her be a guest.

She’s perfectly entitled to say no - you ask someone to be a bridesmaid, not tell them. It’s better that she says no from the start than say yes and then end up doing it half heartedly which would only upset you. Just invite her as a guest and leave it there.

My sister in law felt the exact same way and I respected her wishes I involved her in the ceremony so in her own way she was still an important part and she was thrilled

She may be feeling uncomfortable...why is she being selfish if you have other bridesmaids I could understand u saying that if she was demanding to be a bridesmaid and u didn't want her but gosh u can't make someone do something they don't want.

This happened to me. I asked my sister to be my maid of honour but there is a big age gap between us and she turned me down as she would feel silly in a bridesmaid dress. I was upset at first but in the end we made her our “honour attendant” and she wore same colour as bridesmaids. She didn’t walk up the aisle with the others but she was our ring bearer and gave a speech and sat at the top table x

How about asking her to be your Best Woman?

She’s being honest and straight with you - calling her ‘selfish’ for that indicates that you’re entering Bridezilla territory; I can hear you stamping your satin-clad little foot just in the tone of your post 😳 But by all means attempt to frog-march her down the aisle with you anyway - I’m sure that’ll work out beautifully

Maid of honour

What a load of balderdash. I got married last year and my friend, who I've known since I was 4 was my bridesmaid... We were both 46! Tell her that it's only a flipping number and to get over herself.

I’d just respect her decision and maybe find something that she can do to still feel involved. Not worth falling out with her over one day x

I think if she doesn’t want to be that’s ok. It’s about you not your bridesmaid! She may not feel comfortable been a bridesmaid and I don’t think you should force that x

Being a bridesmaid doesn't matter about how old you really are

Actually i was asked to be a bridesmaid a few years ago at 37 and I didnt want to do it because I had anxiety about walking down the aisle as had mini panic attack at my own wedding. I used my age as an excuse. I wanted to be able to sit and watch the beautiful bride walk down the aisle so i could enjoy wedding. Please dont take it personally x

Include her but not as a bridesmaid? I’m doing this with my OH sister as she’s in her 50s!

I don't think she's being selfish. Yes, it's an honour to be bridesmaid, but do you want your sister in law to feel really uncomfortable and out of place? You'll never please everyone at a wedding, but forcing her would be actively displeasing her. Why not talk to her and see if she'd like to be involved in another way such as witness, or doing a reading or a speech? Or if she'd be happier to just be a guest and enjoy watching her brother get married?

Asking someone to be a bridesmaid is a request and an invitation, yes it's a lovely one, but it's not a guarantee that someone will accept nor are they obliged to. I can understand that it's disappointing, and I think it was really nice of you to include your husband to be's sister. However it's her choice and maybe a bit unfair to call her selfish particularly when she's been honest with you from the start. There are enough horror stories on here about bridesmaids who accept and then don't show any interests and the trouble that can cause in friendships or family relationships. Just enjoy the experience with the bridesmaids you have and let your sister in law to be enjoy the wedding and support you both in the way that she feels comfortable with.

I would leave her to be a guest. No one should feel that they have to be a bridesmaid. My matron of honour wasn't comfortable and I wished I'd known sooner, I would have had her do the majority of the role as she was the right person to do it, but without her wearing the dress and walking down the aisle. It might be that you can include her in another way, sometimes the sister of the groom is a female usher. I don't think she is being selfish, yes it is your day but do you really want a bridesmaid that won't be enjoying it?

Ask her to be maid of honour

She is completely entitled to say no. Let her enjoy your day with you without the pressure of been a bridesmaid. Nothing worse than been uncomfortable. Her self esteem isnt a measurment of her love for you and her brother. Its a personal battle. Not for you to judge

If she doesn't want to be bridesmaid don't force her when I got married in was 31 and had 3 bridesmaids. The youngest bridesmaid was the same age as me and oldest one was 16 years older than me. Truthfully I wish the oldest 1 would have pulled out. As there would have been less drama

Hi if she doesn't want to be bridesmaid don't insist on it she would be uncomfortable all day :)

Why not ask her to do a reading

I didn't think my sis or my sis in law to be would want to be bridesmaids as they are both over 40 and their girls are going to be bridesmaids but they both shocked us by saying yes. If she doesn't want to be then that's her choice at least you have asked and both left her out

My MoH was 51, looked beautiful, did a reading in church and was brilliant... there's no upper age limit rules! But at the end of the day she has to be comfortable in doing this just like a bridesmaid of any age. It's her decision whether to accept. I hope she changes her mind for you as I believe it's a real honour to be asked.