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UKbride Member Request 18 Feb 2018

So don’t get me wrong.. I am happy for my brother but since I can remember...

So don’t get me wrong.. I am happy for my brother but since I can remember he never wanted to get married but 5months after I get engaged he pops the question to his girlfriend and it’s always about her already! Feeling gutted as I’ve always been the one wanting to get married out of me, my brother and sister so I’ve always been looking forward to first one out of us to tie the knot! but now that’s been taken away. I’m over that but now they’re using the same venue as us and I feel so disrespected as they haven’t even ask how we feel about it! The venue is at a family farm.. that’s we’ve already booked things for. They’ve gone and taken all my ‘special day/first wedding there away. And Being the youngest I’ve always had to follow in their footsteps and I don’t want to follow on my wedding day! They’re getting married in April and we’re July next year. Am I being silly and get over it or do I have the right to feel annoyed and tell them how I feel? Thanks!

45 Comments
hannah foster
hannah foster 20 Feb 2018

I'd be annoyed. Not necessarily about the getting married part but definitely getting married at same place before you when you booked it first. I'd feel as though people will be comparing the two weddings. Has no one said anything to them on your behalf ie family? Xx

Michelle Palmer
Michelle Palmer 20 Feb 2018

Oh no! Not so much the same venue bit! But the timing!!! Is it to late for either of you to change venue?? Or can you do something totally different??

I’m having a hog roast at night, or the alternative is a buffet. If it’s too late just try and be totally different!

It’s possibly just woken him up to hurry up and get married if he’s older!! 😂 xxx

Rebecca Taylor
Rebecca Taylor 20 Feb 2018

You are not being silly at all. I would be exactly the same - I didn't even look view the venues any of my sisters got married in because I didn't want to ruin their memories, and wanted new ones for myself. He should have way more respect for his sister, I would kick off. You've every right to. I hope you sort it out!! xx

.Melanie Brice
.Melanie Brice 20 Feb 2018

Get married sooner than them ha

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 20 Feb 2018

Firstly I think you should be absolutely made up for your brother, he never wanted to get married yet he has found someone he loves so much that he wants to do it! That’s amazing!! When it comes to who gets married first, you can’t really complain about that as everyone set the date of their choosing, does it really matter if you aren’t the first? When it comes to the venue, yes I guess I can see why you would be a bit upset about that, but it is a family barn and you’re lucky to have that in your family, I think if we had that then lots of our family would have got married there! Just remember your wedding is about marrying the person you love, your wedding day is going to be amazing no matter what because of who you are marrying, everything else is just a party! I say relax, enjoy your brothers wedding and enjoy yours, don’t let jealousy and bad feeling ruin 2 very special days!

.Melanie Brice
.Melanie Brice 20 Feb 2018

2 can play that game

Emma Potter
Emma Potter 20 Feb 2018

We have the same problem we booked and paid for ours, we get married in November h2b cousin has changed their venue to our and they getting married before us too. So make it worse😣 we are trying to luck at bigger picture and trying to find way to make it more special for our memories.

Heather Perry
Heather Perry 20 Feb 2018

Id probably change venue, as im petty, as i wouldnt want to have mine to be ' just another wedding ' at the farm. Plus, id probably bring it forward if i wanted that venue to may as im also competitive. Yes it should be about the man youre marrying ect, but he (brother) didnt think of you, so why would you think of them. Maybe even the week before 😉

Jessica Medcalf
Jessica Medcalf 20 Feb 2018

Me and my siblings get on really well. One of them got married last year, ones this year and next year one gets married in the September and I’m in the October. None of us are using the same venue and we all live within a 30 minute drive from each other. I don’t mind the dates so much however if I’d booked my venue first and then they went and booked the same one without asking how I felt. I would be fuming and I’m not the kind of person to keep my mouth shut 😵 xxx

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 20 Feb 2018

I don’t mean this in a mean way but I don’t see what the problem is? They don’t need your permission to get married where they want. I got married at the same venue as my mum & they were two very different weddings.
Why the need to be competitive I don’t think he’s done it to be spiteful & if it’s their dream venue why should they not have it just because your having your wedding there? I think there are more underlying issues here that need addressing xxx

Callie-jae Tyler
Callie-jae Tyler 20 Feb 2018

I feel your pain.. It's so annoying.. My sister got engaged exactly a week after me and seems to copy everything I do and go to.. Means iam keeping my plans hidden from everyone.. I would most definitely change my venue But he's wrong for booking the same but remember of they copy they are always one step behind xx

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 20 Feb 2018

You should be pleased for your brother, just because you have the same venue it doesn't mean its going to be the same. And I don't mean to be mean but you sound like a child moaning they are getting married first, it doesn't matter you have chosen your date to suit you and your partner, just enjoy organising your own wedding and remember it is about the commitment you and your partner are making to each other that's important.

Zoe Holiday
Zoe Holiday 20 Feb 2018

I don't think your feeling are unjustified if they're booking the same things as you just doing it sooner. I wouldn't want to feel like I'm the one copying. If that were me I'd probably go as far as to cancel my booking and just wait until there married then plan my own completely different x

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 20 Feb 2018

Bring it forward, what they've done is just spiteful, give them a taste of their own medicine

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 20 Feb 2018

Sounds like the start of a lovely family tradition. Please dont let it ruin your experience. Xx

Sonia Overfield
Sonia Overfield 20 Feb 2018

I would be p***** if my sister did that put your foot down and say it’s not on why are they choosing to do the same as u just to beat u to it so everyone will compare the both. I wouldn’t stand for it it feels very spiteful

Natasha Wood
Natasha Wood 20 Feb 2018

Omg! Tell them exactly how you feel!!! I’d be soooo annoyed and upset!

Danielle Ryde
Danielle Ryde 20 Feb 2018

I can relate no one really got involved in mine until my brother proposed to his girlfriend

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 20 Feb 2018

I would be really annoyed. That just seems mean to me. I would either bring it’s forward or change venue x

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 20 Feb 2018

Plan two weddings, one for them to copy and a totally different one for you. Then you can say on their wedding day oh you went with this colour or food ect we decided against this or that

Marie Richardson
Marie Richardson 20 Feb 2018

Oh I'd be totally gutted so feel your pain. There is a hotel literally a stone's throw away from me but I wouldn't even go an 'view it' because I know at least 4 other people including my daughter's father who have married there. I want my day to be about us not people thinking oh so and so done there like that is she copying? etc etc. I wouldn't play the games I would have to confront him though and say how you feel maybe it hasn't even occurred to them that it would bother you x

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 20 Feb 2018

I'd be totally gutted about this also!! Brides need "their time" I think as it's so stressful out just need people to be their for you to help and not splitting them selves between people and having to worry whether you will be going for same colour themes, food, over all style never mind the same venue!!! I do believe in waiting your turn in cases like this! The best thing you can do in this situation is stop your planning for now. Wait until after their wedding which is only 2 months away and you still have plenty of time to get sorted for yours with over a year. That way you can make sure nothing is the same other than the land it's being held on. You can use theirs as a test run for yours and see what works and what doesn't and what you can improve on so you have the best day possible and totally forget about theirs which by then will have been over a year ago and concentrate on you and your partner cxx

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 20 Feb 2018

Well who’s a precious little princess, no one has taken anything away from you.
Go to thier wedding see the things they do and use it to alter things for yours if that what you want

Jayne Young
Jayne Young 20 Feb 2018

You have the right to feel annoyed, I'd be furious! If you wouldn't lose any money I would change the venue. You're right that being the youngest you always follow what your siblings have done but this day is about you and your fiance and your brother seems to have, without a thought, stomped all over that! It may be that he hasn't even realised what he's done though, men don't put much thought into these things, so have you told him how you feel? It may help sort some things out? All the best x

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 20 Feb 2018

Me and my OH are in a simular situation his brother decided 2 months after we got engaged that he was going to ask his partner to marry him.
He has always had to take the limelight of my partner there whole lives and this is just another nail in the coffin he has been the worst person in our lives since we have been together stirring the **it pot ECT my best advice is don't tell anyone your plans then they can't ruin it for you sad that you have to do it but it is for the best hope all goes well for you xxx

Danika O'Connor
Danika O'Connor 20 Feb 2018

Debby Longbottom

Danika O'Connor
Danika O'Connor 20 Feb 2018

Wait it’s at a “family barn” meaning owned by your family? If that’s the case they’d be crazy to not get married there given the price of venues, and it holds the same family value to them as it does to you. You sound like a stroppy child.

Sophie Roberts
Sophie Roberts 21 Feb 2018

I feel for you, that is pretty unfair -_- Make it clear you aren't happy about it. You deserve to have your day untainted

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 21 Feb 2018

Id book somewhere else. Id feel same. I think you should be just as exited for his wedding BUT them doing the same venue ruins the exitment for yours slightly. Get a new venue and change all your plans but dont tell anyone what they are changing to. Use their wedding to make yours better haha. No but seriously, you wont notice on the day. Alls you wil see is your hubby xx

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 21 Feb 2018

How lovely that you both have the option to get married at your family farm, I think your being a bit selfish about it if I honest, your not going to have the same wedding so I wouldn't be worried. Yes it would be nice to have been married there first but then surely once your brother gets married your next so you can look at what you want done differently.

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 21 Feb 2018

I would take it as a compliment that he wants the same venue as you. Would it not be worse if he said OMG I'd never have my wedding there... take his to be the trial run and anything you don't like u can iron out the glitches b4 urs.

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 21 Feb 2018

I would have a friendly word with both ur brother & his gf. I'm sure even if as a bloke he doesn't understand she will xxx

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 21 Feb 2018

No I think he's trying to take you're spotlight by popup g the question just after and then getting married just before, seems he has a problem with you

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 21 Feb 2018

My sister has booked the same church, reception venue and even gets married on my 5 year wedding anniversary - does it bother me? Absolutely Not!! I'm thrilled for her! My other sister also chose the same church and reception venue - I'm flattered! Each time we've picked up ideas from the previous and made the next one that bit better. I'd be happy for your brother - you may see ideas at their wedding you like yourself - at least you will have some time afterwards to reflect on what did & didn't work and make your day run perfectly x

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 21 Feb 2018

It’s a rubbish situation but you can use it to your advantage!

The time between their wedding and yours will be solely yours. Everyone will have forgotten their wedding by the time yours comes around and by being their guest you can at least decide what you would and wouldn’t do based on their day, any problems they come across on their day you’ll know how to work around so yours runs smoothly!!

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 21 Feb 2018

You are being silly. You should be nothing but delighted that your brother has found such happiness that he now wants to get married. If it's a family farm what gives you first and only dibs at it?! Why are you the special one? Turn the tables, what if your brother booked it first before you had gotten engaged. Would you trade the place you really wanted to get married just cos your brother chose it?! It will be a totally different wedding. On the day all eyes will be on you and you will be marrying your soulmate. That's all that matters! Enjoy it and stop stressing over daft wee things.

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 21 Feb 2018

This is a tough one, and there’s clearly mixed views on comments already. I can very much see your point of view, as your wedding is an ideal that is personal to you and your husband, so it can certainly feel tainted if others are “muscling in”. I guess it’s focusing on the differences, so there will be aspects to your wedding that won’t be included in your siblings perhaps? Have you talked to your family? And also you husband to be? In a bitter sense I would stop discussing some plans and ideas so that you can keep them for yourself, or vice versa and make sure everyone knows your feelings! The other side to this is maybe planning weddings between you as family? It could help bring you closer together x

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 21 Feb 2018

Stop being a princess

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 21 Feb 2018

At the end of the day your wedding should be about you & your OH getting married and nothing else..surely that’s the most important thing? Getting married isn’t a competition to see whose is the best etc?

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 21 Feb 2018

I would also be offended at this, however, it seems to be quite common at the moment I could tell you a similar story but much, much worse , the only thing to be mad at really is the venue choice, the fact he’s getting married out of know where is their choice, it’s good that yours is the year after and not just months or weeks later. They are entitled to be married whenever they like, wherever they like but I can see your frustration completely. Your venue will look totally different to theirs and personal to you, I wouldn’t be too concerned with that. Just don’t give away any of your ideas or tell them the complete opposite if it’s difficult. I know to you its a big deal but Believe me, it could be a lot worse as I know myself. You’ll be surprised how you discover a lot about those around you when planning a wedding. You will learn how much people really care about you, those who will show you they care and those that will not care less. People close to you can shock you and do crazy things that disappoint you, a friend you can distance yourself from and learn not to ever trust again, but for you it’s more difficult he’s your brother. If I were you I would do your thing, play it cool and try to focus on your day. There’s nothing you can do now, as much as it sucks just try to move on, be there on his day to celebrate and support him and then from there on it’s your day. Good luck with everything x

Laura Wilson
Laura Wilson 21 Feb 2018

Just make yours totally different and better lol ive got a friend that has to do things before you or better than you, its always a competition but you just have to stay true to yourself and take the higher ground. I must admit I'd be tempted to change venue.

Chelsea-Anne Horrocks
Chelsea-Anne Horrocks 22 Feb 2018

I’d be annoyed at first but like people have said them choosing the same venue as you could purely be cost affective on their behalf. The way I’d see it is that you be happy for them and just plan your day, if your worries about them copying you don’t share your plans. Keep it all a surprise

UKbride Member 22 Feb 2018

I'd be really annoyed as well. Not that they've got engaged but that they've chosen to do it all as you had planned. It is possible that you could feel flattered that they thought your idea was so good that they decided to do the same, but I'd still feel pretty peeved about it. Do you have insurance? Would it be possible for you to cancel the venue and choose somewhere totally different to surprise everyone? Does the venue have alternative menu type options, so you could find out what they are doing and do the complete opposite, so if theirs is very formal you could have an informal hog roast or street trucks and a cocktail bar?

Tessa Lok
Tessa Lok 23 Feb 2018

Don't listen to the people telling you you're being silly because we all have toxic people in our lives, unfortunately for some of us, when they're family suddenly we have to put up with it. There's very little you can do if you've already booked everything. Just try not to fall into his game. Try not to aim to make your wedding day "bigger & better" or let them get to you about how they got there "first". From now on, keep all your planning details to yourself or VERY FEW trusted friends in the event that one of them is a flying monkey and will tell all your secrets, resulting in him having an identical wedding to you. If he's chosen to do something similar to you but you really wanted to do it, don't change it out of spite because you might regret not having it. Good luck!

Joanne Woodward
Joanne Woodward 4 Mar 2018

I don't think your being silly I would feel that way too if I'm honest but your wedding will be special no matter what and is tailored to suit you and your partner's taste and personality. Don't let it get you down hunni xx

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