Ceilidh Baird
Ceilidh Baird 15 Feb 2018

Just after a bit of a rant at the moment as I feel as though all the...

Just after a bit of a rant at the moment as I feel as though all the excitement for the wedding has been sapped out of me lately!! I was super excited and really enjoying the planning etc, but now I just cant wait for it to be done.. It started when I wanted to go dress shopping, and needless to say i almost literally had to force my own mother to come and she brought along my grandmother (against my wishes which upset me.. as much as i love her she just never has anything nice to say!) and proceeds to sit answering emails on her phone while I'm trying on dresses!!!! Then it comes to h2bs parents who demanded that we discuss the wedding breakfast menu with them, or else they would cancel all contribution and at one point were threatening not to come to the wedding!!! We discussed with them to keep them happy, then when we chose the options that they had not picked, they have fallen out with my h2b because we don't respect or value them apparently.. And then yesterday my mum got annoyed with me because I haven't booked her brother/my grandma rooms in our venue, i explained we cant afford to pay for everyone to stay and apparently this isn't good enough because they are family... We are already paying for parents/siblings/bridal party!!! So fed up of the whole thing at the moment, and feel as though both our parents are doing whatever they can to make it as stressful and difficulty as possible. Apologies for the rant anyway, just needed to get it off my chest as its really getting to me :/

33 Comments
Kelly Tomkins
Kelly Tomkins 16 Feb 2018

I can't even imagine how utterly heartbreaking that whole situation is for you.
However, this is YOUR wedding, not any of theirs, and i'm a bit cut throat in the way that if they're not going to make allowances to come to your wedding, then it's entirely up to them not to come at all.
In my view point, any one who really wants to be there will do everything they can to be there. I understand that getting married without parents there is possibly the hardest thing anyone will ever do, but if parents are making just the planning that difficult, then they have a choice to make. Either remember who's wedding it is and feel grateful they're wanted at it, or don't attend.

Lucy Lewis
Lucy Lewis 17 Feb 2018

Hi I totally agree with Kelly, I have some of those problems. My biggest gripe is not having enough help, as my Mum is a carer for her Uncle and my Dad so pushes for time :)

laura barker
laura barker 18 Feb 2018

Honestly, I would run off and do it without any of them except your bridesmaid/s, best man since they seem to be the only ones not whining.

Sharon  Fowles
Sharon Fowles 18 Feb 2018

Sadly this seems to be the case with so many of us.... Its really hard, especially when we are excited & want them to be involved... I found out yesterday that my only sibling isnt coming mine. Families hey!!! Wonderful things..

Laura Blair
Laura Blair 18 Feb 2018

I agree with others. This is so hard, but it is your day and you’re not made of money, I’m not paying for people’s hotel rooms, weddings are expensive enough as it is. The best bit of advice I’ve had is be a bridezilla, otherwise you get pushed about and you don’t end up enjoying things thats planned because it’s not exactly what you’ve wanted. Xxx

Joanne Lay-Treen
Joanne Louise Treen 18 Feb 2018

Thats so horrid how can ppl be like that.
This is it special day not theirs it not about any1 but u an ur hubby i wouldny pay for any1 2 stay if thy want to stay at yr venue thy shud pay for themselves a wedding is expensive enuff

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 18 Feb 2018

It's such a difficult position to be in. Granted I've had a few wobbles but have finally put my foot down about a lot of things. But made allowances for things I think are reasonable.
Please just remember, you and your H2B could have just went with a registry office and not had anyone there, so anyone who does come are a bonus and they should remember that. You're not getting married for them. You're getting married because you love each other and your family need to remember that. Try not to stress about what they say or think. It's a day just for you both. Enjoy it!

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 18 Feb 2018

My husband and I paid for every bit of our wedding ourselves so nobody could dictate who could come, what we should eat or where we should hold it etc. We told our parents that if they wanted to contribute they could do so to our honeymoon. I'm really glad I got married when I was slightly older (34) and had become comfortable in myself so was happy to say if you don't like it that's up to you but we do. We had the most perfect day and I genuinely wouldn't change anything at all. I hope you can get your excitement back. Do you have close friends you can share all those bit with instead of your mum if she isn't going to show an interest x

Joanne Jeffery
Joanne Jeffery 18 Feb 2018

I am two weeks away from my big day and I feel the same just want it to be over!! Totally stressed out and wish people would be interested i.e. my own mother and sister oh and my other half!! Wish I had not even bothered!! X

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 18 Feb 2018

We've given up trying to keep everyone happy and just getting a statutory ceremony done and a party after that everyone else can go too

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 18 Feb 2018

I think you're very kind paying for anyone else's accommodation but your own. I think you and your h2b need to sit down with all parents and explain gently and calmly how you feel and what's upset you. Explain that you appreciate them wanting to contribute but that doesn't mean they get a say. If they're not happy with that they could contribute to the honeymoon and/or you and h2b will elope as less stressful etc xxx

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 18 Feb 2018

Tell both sides that this is your day and while you are glad they are contributing if they can't be helpful then butt out. Tell them that you will just cancel everything and the two of you will just go away and get married with no interference. It is your day not theirs and it supposed to be a happy time for you not a stressful one.

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 18 Feb 2018

Im so sorry your family is being this way. This is YOUR day. I would def sit down with your mum and calmly/firmly explain how you feel. Say you will not be paying for anyone else to stay over, you will happily book them in but that is all. Say how upset she is making you feel and that it is supposed to be about you and your husband to be. Ask her where she thinks you're getting your money from to pay for all these people to stay over? Ask her if shes excited and happy for you and look her in the eye when she answers. Explain that you chose to have a big wedding so that you could have all your family there with you. Would she prefer you to run away and do it on the quiet? I highly doubt it. As for your h2b parents... I have no words but your h2b can speak with them. Enjoy your day it will be wonderful, it will all work out in the end xxx

Siobhan Knight-Potgieter
Siobhan Knight-Potgieter 18 Feb 2018

I would suggest you tell both sides of family from now on you will be doing all planning without any input or opinion as it is not their day. If they threaten to remove help or not come tell them so be it but you don’t want grown adults at your special day who cannot act their age.

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 18 Feb 2018

I’d bugger off to Scotland then and do it without anyone there, stuff em!

Roxie Houghton
Roxie Houghton 18 Feb 2018

My mum was shocked when I said I wasn't inviting 20 cousins I don't see to the day.... but when I explained that it would cost me about £130 pp she understood.. in her day you just invited everyone to everything because they were family...and because the weddings were cheaper they could afford to... but now things are very different and you need to just do what you want because it costs so much... Maybe if you spoke yo them all about this they might ease off a bit! Good luck! Xx

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 18 Feb 2018

I could have written this post three years ago.
Demands on who to invite and people complaining about food choices.
We ended up saying “we didn’t ask you for a contribution and we can do without it. It’s our day and you don’t get to dictate to us”.
Funnily enough all those who threatened not to turn up didn’t follow through with it.
Dig your heels in - you only get this experience once, do what you want.

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 18 Feb 2018

I feel for you it must be hard. Luckily my wedding is a ways off and when people get excited I just say I haven't set a date or a venue so calm down. In the meantime im planning everything myself then when it gets closer to the time ill just tell everyone its all sorted that way I can avoid all the hastle.
My family are feisty at the best of times so keeping my cards very close to my chest till im ready to reveal. Its a bit harsh on my family but ive learnt no matter what you do someone will take the hump. This way if they dont like what I choose the only decision they have is if they turn up or not.

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 18 Feb 2018

As hard as it is remember that it’s your wedding so anyone can frankly do one. If they don’t like it tough. We’re not paying for any guests to stay, that’s their choice or travel home. If someone was trying to emotionally blackmail me I’d tell don’t bother coming, it’s their choice but if I’m honest if I’d had that all happen to me I’d sack the wedding off and just elope. If people can’t be respectful and supportive then why have them at your wedding. Xxx

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 18 Feb 2018

wow - this is why I wanna keep things simple and cheap. I'm not inviting two of my brothers, my sister hates my Mum but has promised to stay at the other side of the room, my H2B hates his cousin so she's not invited even though his Mum and Nan are pressuring him to invite her. They asked me to talk to him and I just said the way I see it, we are paying for people to come and celebrate with us - why would we want to pay for people who can't wish us well? We will invite who we want to - its our day. We are not paying for anyone's travel or accommodation - my best friend is travelling quite far so her and her family will stay over in my house while we stay at the hotel for the wedding night - that's about it. Weddings are expensive and complicated which I've always found strange, its one day of our lives, its basically a big party, why do people (by which I mean relatives and busy bodies interfering) make such a hooha about it?

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 18 Feb 2018

It can suck sometimes. My mum had a go the other day as I apparently wasn't involving her. Which couldn't be further from the truth. My partner was as annoyed as I was upset. But we are planning for us and it's our day and we just have to ignore those being awkward. It's hard and it's good to rant, let it all out and then just focus on the pair of you and celebrating your love. Good Luck!

Michelle Eeles
Michelle Eeles 18 Feb 2018

Your right totally stressful and it's because of others I am dreading some parts of the planning but like other ladies have said it's your day and enjoy it people should be happy for you and want to help and share your planning and big day. Hope all goes to plan for you, good luck x

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 18 Feb 2018

u should of taking Aunty Allie with u instead

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 18 Feb 2018

They all sound really selfish. Don’t let them ruin your day, don’t give them the satisfaction

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 18 Feb 2018

Id fuck off abroad and not invite and of the ungrateful fuckers xx

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 18 Feb 2018

My son didn't pay for rooms for family & no-one expected him too! X

Susan Cartmill
Susan Cartmill 18 Feb 2018

This is why I'm getting married in Las Vegas!!!.. It's your day.. And that's all that matters!!! As long as your fiancé is waiting at the alter, everyone else pails into insignificance.

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 18 Feb 2018

It doesn’t matter what anyone else wants you’ve got to be brutal (easier said than done I know) if they don’t like it don’t come!!! Those that support you thoroughly will be there that’s all that matters xx

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 18 Feb 2018

Elope! A beach somewhere hot, just the two of you xx

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 18 Feb 2018

Feel for you, it's your wedding it's up to you what you do, just because your family is contributing doesn't mean they should be telling you what can and can't do! No wonder some people go off and elope, I'm so lucky my family was supportive of our decisions. Please don't let it put you down, politely tell them it's your wedding, your day, and your choice, if they don't like it then don't come, if they're going to behave like children then let them get on with it x

Ceilidh Baird
Ceilidh Baird 19 Feb 2018

Thankyou so much everyone, I have lost count the number of times I have ended up in tears over everything.. my other half doesn’t want to confront anyone as he ‘just wants an easy life’ and doesn’t want to talk about things, so I feel very much alone. I have tried to persuade him a few times to elope and have a quiet ceremony but apparently it would break his mother’s heart so we can’t.. grr!!! I’m at the point of avoiding my h2bs family as I feel as though I’ll snap and tell them exactly what I’m thinking.. and likely cause a bigger argument. As for my family, I have completely and utterly given up, I’ve ended up with a dress that will do because I couldn’t bare trying to make my mum go shopping another day, and I’m completely lost when it comes to finding shoes/tiara etc to go with it as nobody seems interested in helping me at all. I’ve tried talking to my family about their lack of interest but the just don’t really care and get defensive saying they do pay interest to it. I just don’t know what to do anymore :’(

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 20 Feb 2018

This is exactly why we paid for our own wedding. We could plan the day we wanted and no threat of money contributed taken away could happen. We also booked a venue that didn’t have accommodation which then made every1 in the same boat to organise their own and it all worked out great. We had the best day ever as it’s the way we wanted it x

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 20 Feb 2018

You need to remember who’s wedding this is. As much as it would be sad to not have those family members there but it will be a whole lot worse them being there and ruining your big day! It’s your day not theirs! X

Comment

Before we add your comment, please: log in to an existing UKbride account or join UKbride
Why Join?