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UKbride Member Request 25 Jan 2018

Why do people butt in on your wedding plans? Already this week I’ve had a...

Why do people butt in on your wedding plans? Already this week I’ve had a complete stranger saying what they’d do differently and also my father in-law to be just because they think we aren’t doing it on the cheap and we should do it as cheaply as possible. Now it’s making my H2B think differently, everything I’ve chosen he seems to now dislike and say they are way too expensive when a week ago they were perfectly fine. In space of a week I have changed what sort of catering we are having and photography which I’ve had my heart set on since we have been engaged just because of people’s opinions. I know it’s also his wedding but I feel people are swaying his decision and I’m getting fed up. I feel like I’m having someone else’s wedding instead of ours. They are right about the cost but we’re not getting married until 2020 so plenty of time to save. Do I just grin and bear it? TIAx

43 Comments
Lucy Lewis
Lucy Lewis 25 Jan 2018

Hi don't change anything to please someone else or you will end up with a wedding you'll hate :)

UKbride Member 25 Jan 2018

Have the Wedding YOU want! It's no one else's business :)

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 26 Jan 2018

If you’re paying, then it’s your choice! If someone else is sometimes you have to compromise. xxx

Claire Kennedy
Claire Kennedy 26 Jan 2018

I agree. This is your day. Even if you are getting help to pay for the wedding have the things you want. I am having a bouncy castle which of course needs to be tested by adults to make sure it is safe for kids 😋

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 26 Jan 2018

Have a date night with your man and discuss the wedding you both want, most men aren't interested in the frills & will want to save money, but come the day they will love & appreciate all the added bits...talk to each other, make your choses, and then tell everyone else to butt out xx

Natalie Casey
Natalie Casey 26 Jan 2018

I know people mean well most of the time and are trying to help. But you’ve just got to stick with what you want, if you’re are paying for your own wedding then you should be able to have your day how you want. It’s your special day so you want to be happy and not just make do to make others happy 😊

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 26 Jan 2018

There are plenty of things you can cut costs on but I wouldn't try and cut back on everything. I've talked to lots of other brides and some of the key things they regret skimping on are the food and the photographer x you literally get what you pay for x

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 26 Jan 2018

I think you and your fiancee need to have a good chat about this. Ask for him to ignore what others are saying as the only true opinions what matter here are yours and your fiancee. If he genuinely is worried about cost why not compromise. List the things that are important to you both and less important so you can save or change some of the less important parts but still have the things that matter to you both. X

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 26 Jan 2018

I agree with the above. Sit down with your H2B and have a frank and honest conversation about the cost but also about how this is making you feel

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 26 Jan 2018

Don’t change a thing to please anyone else, I’ve had the same issues but strangely only with certain females in my fiancé’s family, it’s your day, u can’t n won’t please everyone important people are you and your partner

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 26 Jan 2018

Tell them straight that it's your wedding, not theirs. People put their noses up at the idea of the groom & groomsmen of our wedding being in jeans, but my husband hates suits & on the day, the all looked very smart. I kept the fact that I was wearing fairy wings a secret to add a surprise, but as soon as I mentioned converse or BBQ instead of a sit-down meal, people gave their opinions. Our guests ended up having a great time & have always remembered our wedding for the right reasons. Our big day was OUR day but our guests continue to talk about it with fondness over five years later.

A member uploaded image

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 26 Jan 2018

Tell them it's your wedding ! And also your HTB should be listening to you too! Think chats all round need to be had! x

Hala Al-Chalabi
Hala Al-Chalabi 26 Jan 2018

It's your day you should do what you want. Tell people this

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 26 Jan 2018

Your day, your rules. I'd talk to your fiancé and see if he's just being swayed. I would not skimp on photographer though. Pics are one of the best mementos from your wedding.

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 26 Jan 2018

Oh god , don't change the photography!!!! Your stuck with that person all day! They can make or break your day plus the pics are the only memories you have after the day, there are literally thousands of stories online about people skimping on photos and being so incredibly disappointed x My website is www.helensarah.com I am in Berkshire and your probably nowhere near but just in case you wanted a look :) We also have a dress shop The Wedding Dress Barn

Hazel Cottrell
Hazel Cottrell 26 Jan 2018

If they’re paying for it all / certain things, then they have a right to say on cost - but you could offer to top up so you get what you want?

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 26 Jan 2018

Stay strong, it's your day and you will love every second of it despite the hassle getting there. Good luck x

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 26 Jan 2018

Ignore them it's your wedding that's what I'm doing x

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 26 Jan 2018

do it your way hun you husband will not be bothered especially on the day hel be happy your happy and had the day you both want ,, i wouldn't bother too much bout other people.. we had the same issues and did it cheaper but still cost a lot of money but i still stuck to my guns about photography and food etc my husband just left me to it ,, i did some of the things myself xx

Sharon  Fowles
Sharon Fowles 26 Jan 2018

The problem your probably having with your father in law is that cost of things have trippled if not quadrupled in the last 25yrs... When i got married to my first husband the whole thing cost us £450.... In registry office in the same town, its costing my fiancee & i £3000 this time... Totally agree that you should sit down with H2b and talk, easier said than done i know, but you both have to compromise thats what marriage is all about... And being honest with each other... Good luck..

Siobhan Knight-Potgieter
Siobhan Knight-Potgieter 26 Jan 2018

Do not grin and bear it. Do not change a thing.

Anyone who comments should be told the following ‘well that’s nice when you got married I’m sure you did that/when you get married I’m sure you will do that’

Tell your husband to be that your quite upset he’s changing his mind at the whim of others and you expected him to care more about what the two of you want not Great Aunt Muriel’s neighbours cousins !

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 26 Jan 2018

We are having a fairly expensive wedding. People keep telling me I can do it cheaper but I don't want to. I want it exactly the way we have chosen so far. So I can literally just pay people and not worry about a thing

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 26 Jan 2018

As long as you're paying for it, it's your decision.

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 26 Jan 2018

Would you not buy a pair of shoes for work because people thought they were too expensive? Or not buy a house because friends thought you couldn't afford it? Weddings are very personal and if you are paying for it you should set your own budget and spend it how you like!

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 26 Jan 2018

Your wedding your choice it’s what YOU want!

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 26 Jan 2018

Stay with your plans..your paying for things

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 26 Jan 2018

We are getting married in 2020 as well, and we're both in agreement we don't want to skimp on things, so we have plenty of time and want to save as much as possible. Don't let anyone change anything, as long as you and your partner feel comfortable with the cost that's all that matters! Especially if you're paying for most (if not all!) of it!!! Xx

Sarah Pollard
Sarah Pollard 26 Jan 2018

Compromise , compromise.....
Its all about your choice I agree .....
But also remember to have a discussion with your other half to lay foundations for your marriage re: finance ....
If relatives are paying you will need to listen to them ....
If it is both your other half & you paying , have a weekend away just you two alone to discuss what you actually want ...& what you can afford ....
Yes have your fairy wedding but also think about it's not just 1 day but a journey of a lifetime & don't start married life in debt .....
Warm wishes for a A Special day ,
Love Sarah xx

Kayt Walker
Kayt Walker 26 Jan 2018

Hey, don't let it change what you want, you only get married once! Let him know how you feel. He might not realise that he's letting it effect him. People will always try to influence your plans, some you will accept, others not so much. At the end of the day it's YOUR day!

Stephanie Wood
Stephanie Wood 26 Jan 2018

No, you do what you want. It's your wedding so you have what you want. At the end of the day weddings are expensive and people don't seem to understand that. If you are paying then tell them it's not their decision and none of their business how much you spend. I had someone shocked on the cost of my wedding (not going extravagant, just paid for a nice venue and standard prices for other things but have a lot of guests and food costs) and they then said that I'm spending it all for other people. So I pointed out I'm spending it on what me and H2B want and hopefully our guests will enjoy the day. Do what you want or you will regret it.

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 26 Jan 2018

I've had a few comments about my wedding and have told whoever it is that I don't care it's my day 🤣! I have sometimes apologised for the way I have communicated this but the message is true and I don't apologize for that. I think unless you've been asked what your opinion is.. you shouldn't just voluntary give it. Xx

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 26 Jan 2018

I’m just not telling anyone anything! Getting a bit fed up of people saying how cheap you can do things - that’s great but if you don’t like it then it may well ruin your day. You (hopefully) only do it once right?!

Mickie Button
Mickie Button 26 Jan 2018

I haven't started planningmine yet and yet I know exactly what I want. But I wouldn't change my ideas for anyone but myself and my partner especially if we go overbudget. I'm not really bothered what other people think as at the end of the day it's my wedding day not theirs. So you plan how you and your h2b like it because when I finally start planning mine I'm going to do it my way. So you do it your way :)

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 26 Jan 2018

Perhaps some things can be changed if your htb thinks it would be better, but stick with your gut and heart hunnie, hopefully you'll only do it once and it's a long time regretting not having certain things x good luck and l hope you have a great day xx

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 26 Jan 2018

Tell people to butt out. It is your day not theirs. You do what you want and if they dont like it then tough. Unless they are paying for it then they have no say in the matter, and even if they are contributing in some way then they still need to remember it is how you and your h2b want it to be.

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 27 Jan 2018

Tell everyone from now on your keeping it all secret so it’s a surprise on the big day.
Make the photographer & meet in the middle with everything else. Remember it’s your day too x

Nicola Simmonds
Nicola Simmonds 27 Jan 2018

My mother-in-law to be told me to ‘just go down the registry office and it over and done with’. I told her it’s our wedding, we are paying for it and we will do it how we damn well please. Compromising is ok if you are happy with the compromise, if you’re not you’ll spend your wedding day regretting everything and every time you look back at the album it will be with sadness. Do it your way, it yours and your partners day!!

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 27 Jan 2018

your not getting married till 2020 ? thouth you was getting married soon

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 27 Jan 2018

Do what you want and f**k what anyone sais

Suzanne Davies
Suzanne Davies 27 Jan 2018

Tell them all to keep their opinions to them selves. Its your wedding and you should be able to have the wedding you want. Good luck.xx

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 28 Jan 2018

Absolutely not!!! You don’t want to look back in ten years and think ‘I wish I’d done xxxxx instead’ No regrets!!! This is YOURS and YOUR HUSBANDS day, no one else’s!!!x.

Charlene Hook
Charlene Hook 28 Jan 2018

I think you should talk about how you are feeling with your H2B and it is both of your day no one else’s day and u should start agreeing on things again

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 28 Jan 2018

why should you cut cost on anythink theres 2 simple solutions

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