This is a really long question but I’m desperate for some advice! I was going to have my sister as my maid of honour and only bridesmaid but my fiancé’s sister has declared herself a bridesmaid without my permission (I would never have asked her to be a bridesmaid) the reason I don’t want her to be a bridemaid is because she’s really rude and horrible (though I’m not sure she realises just how bitchy she is) she has crohns, which I know is horrible but her parents have let her get away with everything because of this and she is really nasty and stroppy if she doesn’t get her own way (bare in mind she’s in her 20’s) I don’t think I can stop her being a bridesmaid but I’d there a way I can not get her to be a big part of the wedding? She’s horrible sometimes for example, I’m a mother and only 3 weeks after I have birth she commented on how fat I still looked (bare in mind I have a history of anorexia which she knows about), she’s also told me how big my nose is on several occasions and even though she has more money than we do (she still lives with her parents basically rent free and they buy all her clothes and things for her) she still expects us to pay for everything and gets really stroppy if we don’t. I’m sorry for the massive rant but I really don’t want her to make the usual snarky comments on my wedding day, but I can’t tell her no because she will go running to her parents and they will hate me! I feel like I’m in an impossible situation.
Hi yes this is tricky but she has to grow up at some point :)
Just say to her and the family that you only want one bridesmaid, your sister. It's an easy get out for you. Is you fiancé only having a best man or is he having groomsmen as well? If he's just having a best man then it could be for 'symmetry' that you only have one bridesmaid. But you could definitely get away with saying that you only want a maid of honour and no other bridesmaids x
Perhaps get your H2B to have a word with her - it might sound better coming from him, she can't announce that she is a bridesmaid when you haven't asked her. I am all for getting the grooms family involved in stuff like this but she does sound horrible and immature, and I can feel how much you don't want her to be one. You can just say that you only want to keep your bridesmaids on the brides side of the family - but ultimately you don't need to have an excuse. I personally would not give into the family's pressure - if you do this for your wedding you are just setting yourself up to be trampled over throughout the marriage by them. She has to learn that she can't always get her own way!
I know it really difficult but you need to focus on it being YOUR wedding and what you want goes. How does you H2B feel. If this is proving too difficult why not smile and say you would have loved to have her but you are keeping the wedding party itself very small - just one bridesmaid - your sister. Very tough for you but it is your wedding not hers xxx
Literally don't mention anything to her, she will soon get the hint. And if your friend is being your only bridesmaid then technically you don't need to make a big deal put of it, she is just a friend 'helping out'.
My husband didn't have a say on who my bridesmaid was as I had my best friend, sister, niece and a friend. My advice would be don't discuss the wedding around her or if you can't do that don't talk about the style of dress your sister is wearing then she can't get one x
shes linked to the groom not the bride.. could she be a groomsmaid and get involved with his side of things rather than yours? help him get ready so shes not stressing you out in the morning... have her in same dress as your bridesmaid but with a different colour .. maybe make her feel extra special and let her sign the register or something too so it is doesnt seem like a demotion from bridesmaid x
It's a really tough one, if you really feel you can't get out of it I just wouldn't invite her to anything you might do with your bridesmaid. Choose dresses then take her for fitting, or buy one and give it to her. Bridesmaids do as little or as much as you want! Just don't ask her to do anything. In the end it'll only be the dress and her telling people that will make her a bridesmaid! Will she still want to be one if she is paying for her own dress which you pick? ! Good luck, don't let it ruin your day xxx
Put your foot down! It's your wedding, you don't have to do anything you're not happy with, just to please others! It sounds like it's about time she was put firmly in her place- and your in-laws who are enabling her! Speak to your H2B about it, and see if you can approach them all together and explain the situation regarding just wanting your sister as your bridesmaid. If need be, say it's also to do with the budget. Maybe get her to do a reading on the day so she still feels important, but you have control over what she reads/ says. x
I’d get rid
Just don't say anything to her about being a bridesmaid... You haven't asked her.. there for she isn't one. And if she asks you about it just be honest... And tell her you only want one bridesmaids! Might be a good time to tell her she's not very nice to you!
Although it’s the grooms sister, the bride is the one to choose the bridesmaids and the groom chooses the groomsmen
She shouldn’t assume she is involved and I certainly wouldn’t have her as a maid
Me and my sister don’t get on so I’m not having her apart of my maids as I feel she would ruin the atmosphere and ruin my special day. Put your foot down now before she gets too carried away with the idea
Sounds harsh but do what makes u happy - it’s your day and H2B will understand
If you really can't say no to her just don't include her in any of the preparation keep your dress shopping a secret from her and ensure you get your family to agree to keep things quiet too. If she's not invited to go with you shopping or to wedding fayres and other things she won't be able to ruin what should be a lovely time. She may get mad about it later if she finds out but that's better than her being awful to you at the time x
Don't let her be a bridesmaid! She may be able to get away with being downright nasty other times but your wedding is the one time you can really put your foot down with her, it will only ruin your day if you don't! Like someone else mentioned, just don't mention anything to her and carry on with the planning, if she asks just politely tell her sorry she must have misunderstood, you only ever wanted one bridesmaid and have already asked your sister. Don't feel like you have to cater for her to make her feel important in any way, don't even give her a reading if you don't want to. After everything she's said to you she's lucky she's invited at all! Talk to your fiancé too
personally i wouldnt have her as a bridesmaid, its your day dont let her try to ruin it
It's your wedding I would tell her no tell her it's your wedding tell her no and mean it tell her that what you always wanted and that what you are sticking to talk to your h2b
Shemight be your future sister in law but if you dont want her as a bridesmaid say so your fiance should understand and rspect your reasons for saying no to her
You haven't actually chosen her to be your bridesmaid... carry on without her regardless what she may claim... that's what I'd want to do personally, but it's probably better to talk to your H2B and tell her you're only having the 1 bridesmaid. You don't have to tell her why if you don't want to, and for the record she sounds like a spoilt brat. All the best for your wedding :)
I would make a point of your sister being the only bridesmaid. When you go bridesmaid dress shopping, put it on Facebook that you are doing it. Or when you and your sister plan your hen do, make a point of it only being you 2 planning it maybe she’ll get the hint
sit her down.and tell.her yiu are only having your sister. you only.want her.
Have yourcH2B with you to back.you up.
speak.to.her parents about it too.
When she isn't included in buying dresses and arrangements she may realise.
Dont tell her when you are going dress shopping with your sister
1 she has no right to say she is going to be your bridesmaid. 2 regardless that she is your H2B sister(i didn't have my ex husbands sister as a bridesmaid as she hated me from day one) 3 Its Yours and H2b day Not hers.
Unless your in laws are paying tell her to jog on 😂
If she’s not been asked she absolutely is not a bridesmaid. Don’t get her a dress, don’t have her at any fittings and don’t put up with that bs, you can only be a doormat for so long before you’ll lose the plot so it’s better to get it all out of the way now.
No,,, this is not your problem ,, it's your h2b who needs to sort this out as its his sister and family I definitely wouldn't consider letting someone like this as part of your wedding party ,,, bridesmaids are supposed to support and help a bride , to many people forget this stand firm pet
Drop kick her in the face
This might actually be exactly what she needs to hear.. You telling her no you don’t want her as a bridesmaid might just make her realise she needs to grow up and stop being such a bitch, or she’s going to miss out on things until she does. Mummy and daddy won’t always be there to save her
It’s your wedding don’t do anything you don’t want to because you will only look back on your special day with regrets xx
Jeez, I'd just tell her I didn't ask you to be bridesmaid and I'm upset that you are telling everyone you are. She has to grow up sometime
Get ur moh and bridesmaid a card asking them to be one...then let them post on social media how thrilled they are and you how pleased u are they said yes ..cowardly, but might work or at least make h2b sister and whoever she's told question why she doesn't have a card...then cue you with an honest answer x
I think you should tell her no. That’s ganna be a nightmare for the duration, nip it in the bud now. Or get our fiancé to point out to his sister and parents that she wasn’t asked.
Don't give her what she wants! I'd bin her. Don't have time for those types!
She's his sister, I never officially asked my new sister in law to be my bridesmaid but as she has 2 brothers it was automatically assumed she would be a bridesmaid. I would have asked her anyway as she would have been devastated if she couldn't be (she's only 15). Originally it was just my sister and her as my bridesmaids but I ended up with 4 bridesmaids and 3 flower girls. As much as everyone says it YOUR day it's also the joining of 2 families and everyone needs to remember that and everyone close to you as a couple is just as excited about your big day as you two xx
Is she close to your fiance? Because if so, I think Jane Robson made some good points and suggestions. I am very close to my brother and, although at the time his then fiance and I weren't close, she included me as a bridesmaid and it meant so much. 10 years on and we are now incredibly close; she will be my matron of honour in the summer and I can't imagine anyone I'd rather have by my side. Perhaps your fiance could explain how she has made you feel on occasions and present her role (even if it isn't bridesmaid) as an opportunity to build bridges and get to know one another better.
Trouble with saying she'd have to pay for the dress, sounds like she'd just get mummy & daddy to pay. Keep everything quiet. Or announce on Facebook " I've just invited *** to be my one and only bridesmaid, so pleased she's accepted as we're so close" or something like that. Good luck.
Just tell her no who cares if she gets moody she will get over it why should you have to put up with been insulted especially on ur wedding day just explain that to ur partner I'm sure he will understand xx
How do you know she's told everyone she's bridesmaid ? If she hasn't told you then you don't need to acknowledge it?
Also get H2B view on it, or maybe create another role for her?
Ahh maybe you could give her a little speech to read a poem or verse during the ceremony so she feels involved? I did one at my brothers wedding but I asked all my sister in laws to be bridesmaids at mine. But if u don't want her to be just don't mention anything to her.
I think if you tell her you are only having your sister because you dreamt of having just the one bridesmaid your whole life her parents can’t possibly hate you even if she complains to them xx