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UKbride Member Request 21 Nov 2017

Getting super annoyed with one of my bridesmaids.... wedding is next year...

Getting super annoyed with one of my bridesmaids.... wedding is next year she has already refused to get her hair and make-up done but would rather sit and do her own while my other 5girls and myself get ours done. She has also become extremely picky when I suggest dress styles so much so I’m dreading going shopping for my BM dresses... does anyone have any advice?

44 Comments
Lucy Lewis
Lucy Lewis 21 Nov 2017

Hi it is your wedding if she doesn't like your ideas or style tell her she is no longer wanted as a bridesmaid , your wedding your choice :)

Chloé Roe
Chloé R 21 Nov 2017

I'd have a conversation with her and tell her how you feel and see if that changes anything.
Its your wedding and you shouldn't be dreading going shopping it should be a fun experience.

Dianne Few
Dianne Few 21 Nov 2017

Its your wedding, but has she always been like this and you've never noticed or is to do with your wedding? is there a little green monster lurking? Either way she needs to get on board. I am having 4 BMs and I was worried about one of them being difficult, I was so relieved when we talked and she said how excited she is and how grateful to be asked. I have paid for all of their stuff all they need to provide is their own underwear and tights. As one BM and her mum are hairdressers the girls will all get their hair done that way and they all put me in the shade with their ability to put on makeup so one of them will be doing me too. Shopping for your dresses should be a fun day out and someone being awkward can spoil that so you need to address why she is acting up and if the worst comes to the worst its your wedding and what you want (providing it doesn't make them look awful re colours and styles) should go. Good luck x

Emma Raisborough
Emma Raisborough 21 Nov 2017

Sit down and speak with her, she may not realise she is making things difficult. Its great to take in your bridesmaids opinions but if you are paying for them you have the ultimate say. With mine I just chose the colour I wanted them to wear and sent them a selection of 8 dresses in the same colour. They could choose any of those dresses and they didn't all have to chose the same one - so all mine are in different dresses but the exact same colour, I had no complaints from mine. If she is not willing to accept anything then I would say she then can't be a bridesmaid.

Steph V
Steph V 21 Nov 2017

I would sit her down and discuss your feelings.
But have you offered to pay for her Hair, Beauty and bridesmaid dress?
If yes then by all means be angry but If no to be honest she might not be able to afford it that’s why it’ll be best to have a chat and air your problems.
Good luck :)

UKbride Editor
UKbride Editor 21 Nov 2017

Like the other girls have said, I think you need to sit down and have a chat with her about this, and tell her how it's making you feel. Is there a reason she doesn't want someone else doing her hair and makeup? Perhaps you could discuss her having a trial to make sure she's happy with what she's having done, if that's the problem? Ultimately you need to stress to her that this is your day, and that a certain amount of compromise might be needed from her to make you happy! Hope this helps!

Susan Coleclough
Susan Coleclough 21 Nov 2017

I agree with everything that has been said already! Hope it goes well and you enjoy your shopping.

Emma Richardson
Emma Richardson 22 Nov 2017

I would have a word with her and remind her it’s your day not hers and if she doesn’t want to be a part of that then there’s no point in her being your bridesmaid

Jodie Fennelly
Jodie Fennelly 23 Nov 2017

The dress thing would annoy me. However with the hair and make up situation, if she’s paying for it herself , you can’t force her. I was recently bridesmaid for my best friend, and as much as I’d have loved to have had my make up done, I just couldn’t afford it. If your paying then I don’t understand what her issue is x

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 23 Nov 2017

If your paying for the hair and makeup I can see no reason y she can’t have it done, have a chat n tell her how u feel, as for dresses she does have to be comfortable as she’s wearing it so u may end up with different dresses but the same colour as with 6 BM I think I’ll find it hard to get a dress that suits everyone n that everyone likes xx

Andrea Lawlor
Andrea Lawlor 23 Nov 2017

I see no issue with her doing her own hair and make up, on of my girls is doing the same even though I have offered to pay. I really don't see the issue here...

I also had hesitation when it came to dresses, but I was willing to have different dresses as long as they were all the same colour and length as I understand that everyone has their own shape and suit different things. I think you are stressing yourself out unnecessarily.

If it keeps bothering you why don't you just talk to her? She is supposed to be one of your closest friends right?

Demi Dinsmore
Demi Dinsmore 23 Nov 2017

I had that problem with my maid of honour. Got rid of her, it's not her day. She can turn up looking like a leprechaun all she likes, won't be in my photos I tell you that :)

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 23 Nov 2017

I would pick your battles! If she doesn't want to get hair and make up done and rather do it herself, is that a real issue? Is that a small thing that can be let go in the grand scheme? Dresses are hard because there's so many different body shapes, so finding a mutual style can be hard. Is there a compromise somewhere? Or an accessory that would make her more comfortable? Otherwise, as everyone else has said, it's worth sitting down and telling your side, but also hearing here. Maybe she self conscious or worried about something, and it's coming across as her being difficult?

Hazel Cottrell
Hazel Cottrell 23 Nov 2017

If she is paying it could just be a financial issue and she doesn't want to admit it?

Siobhan Knight-Potgieter
Siobhan Knight-Potgieter 23 Nov 2017

Have a conversation with her, tell her straight it’s your day and you’d appreciate if she’d remember that.

If she carries on drop her like she’s a hot potato

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 23 Nov 2017

It's your wedding, your rules.

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 23 Nov 2017

Drop her
Sounds too high maintenance and up her own arse..
probably just jealous no one needs anyone like that as a guest never mind a BM! Xx

Gemma Collins
Gemma Collins 23 Nov 2017

Bin her off

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 23 Nov 2017

Drop her. I dropped a bridesmaid for telling me she couldn't attend a fitting and instead she was at home enjoying wine and uploading it onto social media!! So i replaced her with someone who means more to me than she did!! But i know what its like to have picky/ fussy bridesmaids and it does stress you. As people keep saying me. 'its your day'i think we lose sight of that throughout all the stress of it all xx

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 23 Nov 2017

I dunno if she is more comfortable doing her own hair and makeup I think you shouldn't force her. Is she very different in shape or age to the other bridesmaids? I have very large breasts and some styles just wouldn't fit me right so she might no being awkward she might just feel uncomfortable with some things you're suggesting

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 23 Nov 2017

Speak to her and if it keeps happening drop her as your bridesmaid

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 23 Nov 2017

If she wants to do her own hair and makeup I wouldn’t make a deal out of it, the dress however, choose what you want, she doesn’t get a say in that

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 23 Nov 2017

Ask her if she really wants to be a bridesmaid as it sounds like she doesn’t.

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 23 Nov 2017

I gave them the option for make up (as they were paying for themselves) they had no option with hair being done, or dresses, as we paid. I did show them styles etc and asked opinions but ultimately it was my wedding, my choice. All 9 of them were happy to go along with it x

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 23 Nov 2017

Remind her on that it's your day (not hers), your choice and what you say goes... tell her how it's making you feel - if she can't respect your wishes or doesn't like it then she shouldn't be bridesmaid or agreed to do the honour in the first place x

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 23 Nov 2017

Wow I can't believe how quick people are to drop their closest friends because of such trivial things! Maybe she has dodgy skin and prefers to do her own make up because she feels that she has perfected it, maybe she can do her hair nice without others doing it for her, some people don't like to be touched! As for dresses maybe she's self conscious! Jesus, she's your friend talk to her! So many people saying 'it's your day, she doesn't have a choice' well actually if you really wanted her as a bridesmaid because she's special to you maybe a compromise is necessary!

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 23 Nov 2017

Difficult one, hair and makeup is a very personal thing. I've only been a bridesmaid once but hated the way the hairdresser did my hair. I ended up just going to my own hairdresser that morning in my own (the bride was fine with this). There's nothing worse than not feeling anything like yourself and out of your comfort zone. She's a bridesmaid, not a clone. She wearing the same dress as everyone else so is that not enough. Are you paying for hair and makeup? This may be a deal breaker if she's expected to pay.

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 23 Nov 2017

Some people don’t like having their hair and makeup done, I don’t think you can make her do that if she doesn’t want to. When it comes to dresses just chat to her about what she likes and try come to an agreement? A colour you like and a style she feels will suit her maybe? I think brides all too often get caught up in the whole ‘it’s my day so as I say or you’re not a bridesmaid’ and it’s a shame because surely you asked her to be your bridesmaid because she’s important to you and you want her with you on your wedding day? It’s hard to please everyone, always is but I think it’s also good to be understanding of how other people are feeling xx

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 23 Nov 2017

One of my bridesmaids is doing her own hair and make up whilst the rest of us get it done. I have absolutely no issue with this, she's still going to look absolutely beautiful and feels more comfortable this way

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 23 Nov 2017

Your wedding! Your rules! You tell her what to wear and how to have her hair! Not the other way around.

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 23 Nov 2017

I just wouldn't make anymore effort clearly she ain't interested I would tell her to go one

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 23 Nov 2017

In my opinion, if you need to ask about a bridesmaid on here then they arent a close enough friend to you to be a bridesmaid! I have 3 bridesmaids and a maid of honour and can talk to them all about anything, that's why I picked them!
A bridesmaid is supposed to be a close friend so you should already have spoken to her about her hair, make up and dress and her reasons.

Teresa Burns
Teresa Burns 23 Nov 2017

Its your day the only one that can go into fuzzy wedding zilla the bride .it is not exceptional for your bridesmaids to detect to you at all. If shes going to be like that now wgat will she be like on YOUR wedding day. Id have to speak to her and ask her to tske a back seat

Charlotte Mixture
Charlotte Mixture 23 Nov 2017

I don’t think it should be a problem if she doesn’t want to have her hair & makeup done? Saves you money at the end of the day (if you’re paying) in my opinion though it may be “my day” I wouldn’t want my best friends (firstly) bridesmaids (secondly) to be unhappy just cus it’s my wedding, id much rather everyone was happy!

Fiona Patton
Fiona Patton 23 Nov 2017

MAybe she prefers to do her own make up. I don't fancy the idea of someone else doing my makeup.

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 23 Nov 2017

I did my own hair and makeup when I was bridesmaid whilst the others went to the salon. And apart from the bride, the others looked crap. (Not even sorry) If she's good at it then let her. Saves you money too if you're paying. Win, win.

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 24 Nov 2017

The makeup thing shouldn’t be an issue, some people just don’t like others doing their makeup. The first time someone else did my makeup it freaked me out having their hands over my face (I’m claustrophobic and don’t like people invading my space) some people have insecurities and don’t like people looking that close up, if she’s having to pay for it she might not be able to afford. The dresses on the other hand, what you want is what they wear, that’s the way it goes. Just talk to her, let her know how you’re feeling.

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 24 Nov 2017

yeah tell its your choice and if she dont like it then she knows where the door is

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 24 Nov 2017

It may be your day but maybe this girl feels really uncomfortable with the way she looks? All of my bridesmaids have something they are self conscious of. It may be your day but do you really want someone who you love enough to ask to be bridesmaid to feel self concious all day? When one of my best friends got married and I was bridesmaid she let us all choose how to have our hair and makeup, she even let us choose dresses. I felt so relaxed and comfy on the day and will be doing the same with my bridesmaids . There is nothing worse than feeling you look awful at something like this. It is your day but these people are your life not just one day of it. Xxx

Catriona White
Catriona White 24 Nov 2017

So the questions is why. Like everyone has said talking to her is the only way to find out.
Are you paying? Hair and makeup is expensive, if you're expecting her to pay for her own and cross that she doesn't want that sounds unreasonable.
If you're paying, does she feel uncomfortable and if so why? Is it worry about the style or the physical act of having it done?
If she's actively trying to be difficult ask her why and only if she either picks unreasonable fights and can't explain why and won't modify her behaviour then think about dropping her.
I don't understand this culture of dropping BMs here. IMHO they are meant to be your best friends, the ones you can rely on so either a lot of ppl have terrible friends, a lot of ppl choose unwisely or a lot of ppl go full bridezilla.
And yes I realise the last comment may well see me get roasted it's just my opinion.

Kayleigh Eldridge
Kayleigh Eldridge 24 Nov 2017

Don't give her a choice, you choose the dress and ask her size and that is it...tough luck! Easy peasy!! 😂

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 24 Nov 2017

Say that if it's all too difficult for her to join u for hair and make up and your dress choices don't suit her style you don't mind if she pulls out of being BM. Let it be her choice to join in or not.

Emma Richardson
Emma Richardson 24 Nov 2017

I would have a word with her and if she’s not cooperating tell her she’s no use what’s the point in her being your bridesmaid if she’s not getting involved

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 25 Nov 2017

Same happened to me for my wedding. I made my sister maid of honour out of respect and she refused to have hair and make up done. Then i ended running around the town on my wedding day to pick up my own flowers as she wouldnt even though everything was paid for her and transport for her to grab flowers on the day. If i could offer one bit of advice it would be don't keep people in your day because you feel you have to. It ruins the memory.

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