Sorry this will be a long post but I appreciate any advice given. Me and my biological dad have always had a turbulent relationship. He has made a lot of promises he has never kept and very much acted like a child is only for Christmas and birthdays. After we hadn't spoke in 6 years I decided that I would give him another chance as I didn't feel it was fair for him to miss out on his only child's wedding day. He seemed grateful to have a second chance and excited for the wedding. However in the 1 1/2 years we have had contact he has only messaged me twice both times were to drag me into the middle of an argument between him and his partner (which is no of my business as far as I'm concerned). He has messaged me on my birthday but other than that made no other attempts to meet up or get to know me again. Yesterday I had a very distraught call of my mum to say he had been bragging around the village that he was "going to pay for our honeymoon". I explained to mum I hadn't spoken to him for a while but I would be angry if this was the case. So I messaged my aunt to ask what was going on and she explained it was a surprise, that my nan had suggested he should make a contribution that wouldn't step on anyone's toes. I replied I had reservations about this as he has made empty promises before and I wouldn't want to risk any part of our wedding on a promise. My mum has now turned around and said if he comes she won't as he has handled this the wrong way and he should have messaged me or even spoken with her so she could let him know any details he needed. I'm now caught in the middle once again of both my parents something I thought would never happen. I was starting to think about not inviting him months ago as he has made no effort and I know he can get right under my mums skin. But now I'm not sure please help?
Hi to be honest with you I would cut all ties with him :)
I'm sorry you are in this situation. I completely understand what you mean by that he has made empty promises and don't trust him enough to pay for a part of your wedding when he has let you down in the past. But I also see it as a nice gesture on his behalf - would you have felt differently if it was someone else? Its just a shame he has gone about it the wrong way. It sounds like he wasn't going to win no matter what he did. I obviously don't know the extent of your relationship but don't offer him a second chance if you can't trust him to do so. If you are making the effort to contact him and hes not doing it back I get why you are upset. Ultimately do you want to have him at your wedding? If you do I think your mum needs to respect this - its your day. My mum is having to put up with two of her ex's at my wedding - my dad and my half sisters dad who I still consider a second dad.
Your dad might not think it's a big deal that he hasn't been in touch, some ppl are just not good at keeping in touch and I know that's no excuse but it sounds like he hasnt had much practice. If you are always making first contact I can understand it's frustrating. Maybe you need a chat with him to explain how you feel. For your relationship to work you have to be honest with him. Your mum will just want you to be happy so I'm sure she'll support you no matter what x