UKbride Member Request 4 Nov 2017

Looking for a bit of advice on guest list politics!! We had said we do not...

Looking for a bit of advice on guest list politics!! We had said we do not want children at our wedding other than those that have been asked to be directly in the ceremony (my two nieces are my flower girls). My mum has absolutely flown off the handle that I'm not planning on inviting my uncles children - one is a grown up who I've not seen for over 10 years, the other two are younger as he had them later in a second marriage but I have never even met them. My response to my mum initially was that it was my fiancé and I paying for the wedding and therefore others have no say in our guest list. My mum has now come back and said if it's money then she will pay for his children. However she cannot see the principle side of it - if I let her do that do I then tell others that if they want their kids there someone will need to pay for them?? She doesn't understand how awkward she is making this and she will not reason. Am I being unfair?

Lucy Lewis
Lucy Lewis 4 Nov 2017

Hi you are not being unreasonable if your Mum doesn't like it then tough :)

Lauren-Emily Pepper
Lauren-Emily Pepper 4 Nov 2017

It’s very unreasonable of you Mum. My mum had this problem with my Nan over her own wedding and now my wedding. My mum simply said I’m paying for it it’s tough. If you don’t want children there don’t have them there!

E Wilson
E Wilson 4 Nov 2017

Your Mum is being unreasonable. I have people such as my cousins who I really do not want to attend. I'm using money and size of venue as an excuse.

Susan Coleclough
Susan Coleclough 4 Nov 2017

If you are paying for the wedding then it is your choice. I wish I had stood up to my Mum when I was married first time. I pared my friends down to less than 10 and then found a full church ... all her blasted friends who I didn't necessarily know. Stand your ground if you feel strongly on it.

Nicola Cassell
Nicola Cassell 4 Nov 2017

Your mom needs to appreciate this isn't her day it's yours. Therefore the guest list is the choice of you and your htb. I know it's hard but you have to be firm. It can't be one rule for them and another for the rest. Your mom will get over it! Good luck hun. Xx

Laura Wilkinson
Laura Wilkinson 4 Nov 2017

It's your wedding and you need to have ppl there who you want, not that you feel obliged to invite. We are fortunate that my parents said have whoever you want, this resulted in me not inviting half my family because we aren't close and my h2b hasn't even met some of them. Maybe sit down with your mum again and explain that inviting children would be difficult as no other guests children have been invited, tell her how upset she made you feel (Im sure she didn't mean to) and explain that you only want ppl there that your close to and have seen recently. X

Emma Raisborough
Emma Raisborough 4 Nov 2017

You are not being unfair at all. You’ve never met them/not seen n years - logically why would you invite people you have never met to your wedding. I know it can be hard but stand your ground and don’t give in. In this situation it might just be easier to be blunt with your mum and say you don’t want them there, you don’t know them.

Adelaide Hopper
Adelaide Hopper 5 Nov 2017

It's a stressful enough time for you and your partner. Your mum should understand your wishes and reasons on who you are inviting. It is your n your partners day and no one else's. Put your foot down, as hard as it is. Good luck x

Alison Jarvis
Alison Jarvis 5 Nov 2017

No your not being unfair your mum is being unreasonable.


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