I have a massive problem. Long story short me and my ex partner share custody of our children, we have set times and days when we have them. However, I'm trying to pick a date to get married and get planning, and he's turned around and told me I need to make sure I plan the date for when I have the kids because they won't be going otherwise.... Now I'm absolutely devestated and said that I can't do it... However I'm determined to prove the idiot wrong, so I need your advice... How would you go about picking a date? Would you book two and then cancel one closer to the time? Would you explain to the venue what's happened? What would you guys do? Help meeeee
Aw i bet this is a horrible situation to be in! Have you chosen a venue yet? I would probably reserve a couple of dates you would possibly like, and perhaps not tell your ex straight away? This is really a tough situation to be in. Good luck with what ever you choose to do! :)
What a terrible situation to be in. Sounds like he is spiteful and will try to go against anything you choose. What about choosing two dates in your cycle and telling him one of them. If he says 'no' then go for the other one when you know you will have them. i.e. if it is alternate weekends you have them then saying no to one will mean the next one will be OK. Hope that makes sense. Best of luck and I hope you get your kiddies to be there for your wedding.
Oh how horrid! No idea how I would handle this tbh. If you have set days to have the kiddos hopefully you'll be able to find a venue with availability to match. And who knows, he may get more used to the idea that you've moved on as the day gets closer and be more accommodating. In the meantime make sure the kids are aware that you are trying to find a way to have them there (if they are old enough to understand that) and that their parents both love them very much. Good luck.
He is being very inconsiderate, have you thought about possibly changing weekends? I know a few couples that have changed weekends but saying this their ex partner has been more accepting.
If you are close to his parents maybe have a chat with them also.
I would literally sit down with a calendar and work out the dates that you have them! And book it accordingly! X
I would agree with Gemma
Sorry I read this wrong, your ex isn’t being very kind or helpful at all how unfair on you I hope you manage to sort it out. Problem is most places take a deposit for booking the dates and are non refundable if you cancel as I found out losing 500. X
So why can’t you work out the dates that you have your children and pick a date? Not hard to do really saves energy and keeps the peace anyway
Yeh I agree to an extent that the children should be at your wedding and maybe swap over when you were supposed to have them?
I dont see a problem, cant you and your partner look at dates you want to get married and also work out what dates you have your kids and see which match up? Or speak to your ex and work out a years worth of dates or however long and then with your fiance find a date you want your wedding. Xxx
My now newly married ex husband was being a total bell-end and I did tell him to make sure that when he booked his wedding it would be a weekend he had them...not that id of stopped my children going, he had just pissed me off ALOT! surely if it is alternate weekends just make sure your venue etc is available on a date you know you will have the children.
The ex sounds very unreasonable!
I don’t think a venue will hold two dates for you? Can you pick a day where you know you’ll have them either way! So if you always have them on a Friday, maybe pick a Friday as your wedding day?
Perhaps get a court order for the weekend of your wedding? If it's a court order it must be honoured. You can't really take the chance that if it's his weekend to have the kids he may refuse to let you have the kids at the last minute to ruin your day and cause extra stress if he is that spiteful
Just try and agree to swap dates me and my ex had a horrific relationship but we do swaps for each other - just explain that it’s about the kids not him or you and they would be really sad if he made them miss it .... or just keep them with you it’s not like he would take you to court over it now it’s not free to do so ... I’m sure they could be kept away until after the wedding - my ex refused to return my daughter when she was five the police went round said she looked happy n fine so left her with him even tho we had a court order - nobody will do anything and if he ring the police they’ll tell him to get a grip x
My ex has our children every other weekend so i just booked a date when it was our weekend
Apart from your ex being a total k**b am not sure why its such a big problem. If you share custody and you have set day etc why cant you work out the dates and times you will have them and pick a date from there? Unless am missing something I cant see the problem, my ex didnt say what your has but i picked a weekend date i know my daughter is with me regardless, either way i hope you get it sorted x
My Ex would be the same an unfortunately I don't think yours will come round, they sound the same, i think your gonna have to just get on with it an sort it on one of your days
Food for thought, but your children have a legal right to attend special family events, parties and even holidays, as ruled in the case of Lyle v Lyle. Raise this with your ex, and if he still won't cooperate, I'd seriously suggest you seek legal advice and/or mediation. He's being unreasonable, your children have a right to attend the wedding; he would expect them there if tables were turned.
It’s just such a shame people use their children as weapons to hurt the other person when in actual fact it’s the children that end up in the middle and feeling awful about it all. I would try to see if u can book a venue that falls when it’s your time to have them but if that’s not possible then perhaps try and speak to you ex or get mediation?
Don’t book 2, you’ll have to pay 2 deposits, and you’ll lose one. Do you have court mandated joint custody? Check the papers, there must be room for flexibility written in for special circumstances.
When do you have them. Do you share weekends or does one have in the week and one at weekends.
We had the same problem. We had to book out wedding for a weekend we had the kids because there's no way his ex would have let us have them otherwise. We get married next Sunday
I would ask him if he's actually thinking of the kids. Does he want his kids to hate him because they kept them from this joyous event? Because that will happen. He's thinking only of himself and not the kids - that needs to be pointed out. This is something he needs to work out because if he keeps going in that direction over time, the kids will end up not wanting to be around his selfish self.
I would look to negotiate with him or her!
I would get a calendar & go through all of the possible available dates of your time with the children & theirs. I would then narrow it down to possible wedding days - all of them, theirs included. I would then offer to swap days if/ where possible wedding days fall on their days. I would remind them that as co-parents it is important for the children to see that you are both considerate of each other’s lives and that if important days for them fall within your scheduled time, that you would be more that willing to consider swapping for the sake & happiness of your children
Good luck with this & congratulations on your pending nuptials
Personally I would book whenever suits you and just keep the kids even if it's not your weekend. Sorry but I don't play ball with horrible inconsiderate pricks 👍🏻
Just so you know your not alone... My ex is an Ass too.....
i asked my ex to have our son (7) over wedding night.... So me & hubby can have 1night in hotel... But he cant cause he is doing requested overtime, to pay for the holiday he booked for his girlfriend, himself & our son... They have 2-3 holidays a year, Taking our son out of school. Apparently by doing this, he is doing me a favour ?!?! Cause i get a break... atleast when he is with me i ķnow he is safe & fed, when he is with them i worry constantly, have even put him in swimming lessons so i know he stands a better chance of surviving the pool... lol.
Also you can get married on a week day...might be easier and cheaper!x
Can you not work out in advance what’s dates would suit you having them? Is there ever a time he asks you to swap for his convenience if so then next time say no unless he garuntees he you can have them for the wedding date when you choose plus maybe offer that he can have them for extra while your on honeymoon?!? X
just set the date on your weekend you got kids
seeing as he's acting like a child why do t you play him at his own game. suggest that he has them for an extra day the weekend before if you can have them for the date set makes out that he is winning but you actually get what you want
I would speak to a solicitor about writing him a letter in advance requesting it and needing a valid reason as to why he won’t allow it other than spite.
If you share custody why should he give up his time with his children just book the wedding on a date you have your children problem solved and there's no arguments
Just don't hand them over in the week leading to your wedding? I'm stuck in a court order with my ex and had to have it specifically into the order but it would be him in the wrong should he not allow them to go so you keeping them for your wedding and the festivities leading up to it wouldn't be frowned upon. Xx
I agree with some on here you have the right for your children to attend certain functions and holidays. I had the same problem with my ex partner and i was advised by the solicitors if hes been allocated 2 weekends per month then its down to the both of you to agree but main ruling stands with the parent that the children live with. So as long as you give him 2 weekends that month he doesnt have a leg to stand on.
Tell him to get a grip! It’s one day out of the year.
If he is not willing then contact your solicitor who will write to his solicitor and they will tell him to wind his neck in and stop being a total prat.
I've had this too so I just haven't told him the date. We are going abroad so we will just say it's a holiday xx
Get him to tell his kid they can’t be bridesmaids /Paigeboy at mummy’s wedding coz they have to go and see Daddy and let them see their cases selfish so and so
He's being ridiculous! Swap weekends with him. Unreasonable so and so!! Why do people act like this when they split up! It's the kids that suffer
Don't understand if u have set times/days y is it a problem. I can tell u at any point in the future if it's my wwwkend or my ex's to have the children cos of set times/days
Could u not pick a date that suits ure access or apply to the court to have them attend if u choose a different date? I wouldn't depend on him coming round cos if he being that spiteful now I can't see him budging in badness. To book 2 dates u might have to pay 2 deposits and then lose one. We had a similar situation with my h2bs niece, her dad said she could come then said she couldn't, then said she could again if we can promise she won't be near her mum's partner, we couldn't promise that so he said no again, now the partner has said he'll not come so the niece can, now with 6 weeks to go, she might not be coming again cos her dad wants her home early which means my h2b's sister leaving early too, it's all un needed extra stress, y r sone so petty? hope u manage to sort something x
Typical case of the adult not putting his kids first. They'd be devastated to miss your wedding- has he not thought of that? This isn't about the kids, it all about him. So juvenile. Do you know in advance what weekends you have them? Do you have main custody off them? You could fight it through a solicitor but I'd like to think adults could sit down and decide what's best for their children, not who's getting back at who.
The law covers all these things, they can’t be prevented from attending. A visit to a lawyer and a well worded letter should sort it.
If tell him to go fuck himself! No court in the land would do anything just because you changed a date as you are getting married so it would consider exceptional circumstances! Pick the day you want and go from there! Good luck x
Get a Callander and work out when you have them and tell him nothing ....hate it when people act so childish and it’s the kids that would miss out and hold it against him ...idiot men ...x
What an idiot he is . Bet your glad you got rid of such an arse hole . Book the wedding you want . Get a solicitor to draft a letter saying that you will be having them that weekend and he needs to make alternative arrangements for a different time to have them . Get the solicitor involved I will cost about £50.00 or a bit more . Money well spent IMO
Forgive me if I’ve completely missed something.. but why don’t you just pick a date when you know it’s your turn to have the kids?? x