One of my bridesmaids recently is putting extreme pressure on me demanding her boyfriend must come to the day of our wedding not just the evening.. her boyfriend isn't someone I get along with very well as the relationship is based on the long affair he had with her before leaving his wife. She questions why other day guests would be allowed +1 to the the day and why she wouldn't be able to have her boyfriend attend ... I feel as though as a bridesmaid is she really putting me first on my day or am I being unfair! The fact she's piling he pressure on is making it easier to say no aswell! This is amongst other things that is starting to make me wonder if she should really be a bridesmaid as she knows we have a very limited budget and space for day guests and have had to not invite many that we would of loved to be there!!
Hi Is it worth falling out with your friend over this we have a similar situation but have decided it is not worth falling out over it. :)
I think you should be honest with her and say that you don't have the space to invite him in the daytime. You know he is important to her that's why he has been invited in the evening. Honesty is the best policy and ensure you speak to her face to face, texts can be easily misconstrued.
If you feel strongly about him not attending, then stand your ground. It's your day, not hers and you shouldn't have to justify why you don't want him there x
Its just as much her fault she chose to have an affrair with a married man as it is his. So why you would not like him for that reason doesnt really wash.
Sorry id change my bridesmaid she is obv more worried that her fella attends than her duties u have for her xx
I wouldn't let my mum bring her partner to my first wedding cause i didnt get on with him. Its your day and your choice.
If she is that bothered explain about not having enough budget and if she really wants him there even though she will be too busy to spend anytime with him she will have to pay for him as an extra guest xxx
I have explained to 2 of my bridemaids who have partners that I don't really know (they don't live nearby) that we just can't afford. They were both totally fine with it. I was ready to have to tell them exactly how much it cost per person but that wasn't necessary. The partners are coming to the evening do. I also explained that they would be in bridesmaid duty anyway so wouldn't be sat with them at ceremony and I have chosen them to be on the top table.
Takes two to tango as much as he had an affair I’m presuming your bm was fully aware he was married. So if your not inviting HIM for that reason why are you having HER as bm ?
If other partners are allowed then so should hers. How they got together is no concern of yours and if it bothered you that much you should have had conversation at the time. I think this situation says more about you than her to be honest so you either start being honest with each other because I'm guessing she will be feeling a little hurt too
To be honest if she's the only one without a 1 that's really rather harsh and she's meant to be your best friend! A wedding is meant to be about love and relationships, yet you want to keep her away from hers for most of the day? I could understand if being on a budget if you hadn't included 1's for most people, but if it's just her then I can totally see why she's upset.
I’d be telling her to piss off and plan her own if she desperately wants him there! U and h2b day so your choice who attends, end of!
If he's really important to her, I would invite him too. What if she married him one day and asked you to be her bridesmaid, would you not attend because you don't like him? And in all fairness you'll be so busy that day with everything else, will you really notice him? Obviously it's completely up to you as it's your day but I do understand your friend, he's a part of her now.
It's your day hun, not hers. Put your foot down, stick to your guns. What's the worst that can happen
If she is a true friend then I would invite her partner! She had an affair with him too so they both made that call! If she is a best friend enough to be your bridesmaid then perhaps working on accepting her choice in partner would be a good shout for your future friendship. If you feel the friendship is not going to last your feelings for her partner then maybe it would be a good idea to chat through things with her. If she can't accept your feelings and you can't accept hers then maybe it's time to part ways. But having a bridesmaid and not inviting her partner is a bit harsh if all other day guests have a plus one ️ I really hope you can work through it with your friend ️ X
It’s your choice of course. Is she the only guest without a plus one though or are there others whose partners aren’t invited? If there’s others then she’s not being singled out. You have to bear in mind though how they got together is none of your business and as long as they’re happy together that’s the only part of their relationship that has anything to do with you.
I wouldn't really want to be bridesmaid at a wedding if my fiance wasnt there for the day but then again I wouldnt kick off about it I would just get on with it for the bride's sake...maybe you just need to explain the situation again (without being nasty about her boyfriend and listing the reasons you dislike him) and say that she has a choice of being bridesmaid and him coming to the evening or not being bridesmaid and both of them coming to the evening together
I'm sure there is a way to deal with it without you falling out with your bridesmaid... I had a similar problem with my wedding and but I'm one of they people it's not easy to change my mind... You should really thing about why you don't get on with the man if it's purely down to the affair then you can't just blame him for it your bridesmaid was also a willing participant... If it's not just her 1 that hasn't been invited due to a tight budget then that's fair enough.... But most importantly no-one should ever be able to make you feel bad on your special day no matter who they are..... But I would suggest you spend some time with the guy and get to know him a little more cause you don't want to lose your friend as she's probably feeling hurt and she will choose her man if it comes to it she will be hurting that no one is giving the guy a chance... Now I am so against cheating but you can't hold that over him forever... I hope it all works out for you and I hope you have a great day xx
Its your day not hers so tell her to suck it up ,or you will find another bridesmaid! X
It is YOUR wedding. If you don't like the guy, then don't invite him! You wouldn't buy him dinner any other day of the year, so why should you be forced to on one of the most important days of your life. Not to mention that if he is a day guest, he'll be in some of the photos and you'll be stuck with that forever. Stick to your guns. Your bridesmaid is being selfish
Why are other day guests being allowed a 1 but she isn't? It's not up to you to punish her because you don't approve of her relationship with this man. If you are that set against the way they both behaved, why are you having her as a bridesmaid?
Dont bow down to her pressure its your day. Tell her you only want people there you know and are.comfortable with and her boyfriend isn't one of them. If you don't like him don't invite him. Or if tell her if he or she wants to pay for his meal he can attend as your on a budget for meals and can't afford extra people.
You dont have to have a plus 1. It's not obligatory.
I.was a bridesmaid twice without a plus 1..i was fine
Depends on how much you value her friendship in the end it’s your day and she should respect that. Good friends would understand
I agree with the opinions that BOTH partners embarked on an affair and both should be banned if the reason for disliking one is the affair. However, ultimately go with what you feel makes you more comfortable, she really has no say as to who can and can't go but don't expect her to not be upset or angry, especially if she knows that she is the only one without a plus one!
My honest advice would be to get the answer from her, not us, talk to her about what you wrote on here and you will get your answer. Good luck!
i attended a wedding day time without a plus one because i had met my then partner after they had finalised numbers.. i wasnt angry with my friend (it was totally understandable) .. but to be the only person without their partner i felt so strange at the time and it was awkward and uncomfortable.. like i said in that situation it was understandable but just think of how your friend may feel .. plus the pressure it will put on her relationship as he will know he deliberately is not invited. on the day you probably wont even notice him there so id invite him unless there is a risk of him causing a scene x
I don;t think you'e being unreasonable as it's your wedding and you are entitled to have who you want there! I would explain that you are on a limited budget and therefore haven't been able to invite many people you would otherwise have loved to be there as it's simply too expensive for you. Say that you understand that she would want him there but that it's your day and you have to put your family and close friends first and that you cannot not invite other family members in order to make space for her boyfriend. Remind her that this is why he has been invited to the evening do as you understand that she would want him there for at least some of the day. I'd also be tempted to state that it's yours and your partner's day and that piling on pressure on top of everything else is really ruining the whole planning experience for you and stressing you out! If she's any sort of friend (which she must be in order for you to have asked her to be a bridesmaid) then she should understand your restrictions and support you accordingly.
Who wedding is it ! I too married this year and you have to draw a line somewhere, on numbers who can and who can't come, if she is a good friend she should understand all my bridesmaids did , and daytime there isn't enough time to be with partners
Maybe suggest he pays for his space if she feels that strongly about it. Sounds to me like she's being very selfish. U don't have to justify anything it's your day not hers. Good luck and hope you sort something ! X
I'll be honest if I was invited to a wedding and my partner wasn't invited I wouldn't attend. It was one of the reasons I didn't attend my brothers wedding this summer. Like it or not, couples come as a package deal.
I think it depends on how your 1 works. If you mean you are inviting couples that you know very well/ have relationship with both then I don't think you should feel you have to offer a 1 to your bridesmaid. If, however, some guests have an open 1 or are bringing a partner that you don't know, I can understand your bridesmaid's point if view.
Hi, my boyfriend at the time was an usher at a wedding and I was only invited to the evening do. I was told that the budget was small so partners were only invited to the evening even though we had been together 7 years and where all friends from uni. I was horrified when I got there in the evening to find out I was the only plus 1 the hadn't been invited to the day do. I felt like they just hadn't wanted me there. I'd wished they'd just been honest and said the true reasons why or not invited me at all because it made me feel very uncomfortable in the evening and all I could do was smile and be polite and congratulate them because you don't want to cause any drama on a wedding day. Honesty is the best policy n I believe if you don't want someone at your wedding don't have them.thrre at all n then they don't feel ark ward turning up half way through unless there are other people's plus ones arriving at the same time as them.
I wouldn't be coming if my husband wasn't invited I think they come as a pair and u should except that if u approve or not xxx
Things like this happen at every wedding I've heard of! Why do people suddenly feel they have the right to tell you what to do and who to invite to your wedding. It's not their day or their money!! If she's a very good friend she should respect your decision, if not, tell her she has the option of not being your bridesmaid anymore. Good luck x
I’d question whether you have the right to sit in judgement on her relationship. If you want her there and other guests get a 1 then it seems a little unfair. Then again, i wouldn’t want to be a bridesmaid for some one who judges my life!
Your wedding your decision x
If shes the only one without a plus one i would say its harsh IMO. Im on a budget but i will tell people who are singles if they eant to bring a plus one they will have to pay for them cheeky but necessary or it would cost me a hell of a lot more. I told my bestie if she wants him there she vould pay but when i told her the cost she said she completely understood as we dont know him that well xxx
Not really fair if day guests get a plus one but a member of the bridal party doesn't ,,, if she is your friend and her partner makes her happy then you shouldn't judge them, im curious as why you did not hold her as responsible as him though? You clearly don't rate her relationship with much importance or the friendship you two are supposed to share so why did you ask her in the first place ?
Just be honest with her. You want people you like and appreciate to be at the actual wedding ceremony as it's the important part of the whole day and you want to be comfortable with people .you need to tell her you wouldn't feel comfortable with him there as a day guest there's others you want more important but his welcome to come on night.
Plus he round be sitting on his own as the bridesmaid would be at top table. And he wouldn't be.
If I was the bridesmaid and was told my partner couldn't come to the day I probably wouldn't be to pleased either a wedding represents love and togetherness years down the line your friend may be the one marrying her partner this could pop up again but maybe with her partner not wanting you there. Life's too short I would invite him as it is so important to your friend x
I had this with my first wedding. Her partner wasnt a very nice guy at all so i didnt want him at my wedding, she ended up not coming either, nor did her family! Yet she wasn't just a friend she was family :( which meant half my family didn't attend. Massive family fall out occurred but the day was still great, even without them.
If you don't like him as person don't invite him, if you don't like him because he had an affair, well he didn't have the affair on his own did he? Your friend was just as culpable. You are being unfair not on just on the 1 question also but on your judgment of him but not your friend.
That said it's your wedding, invite who you want. *Plonks bum squarely on fence*
It takes two remember, he was wrong but so was she yet u want her to be a part of your wedding party but not let her have a plus 1, end of day if u don't want him there cos he had an affair with your friend I think it's only fair she doesn't aswell or just let her bring him.
Stick to your principles, if you fancy t like the guy why would you want him at your special day?
If shes causing you that much stress - dont invite her dont invite him this is YOUR special day