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UKbride Member Request 17 Sep 2017

Need some advice. Okay my bridal party planned something last week and one...

Need some advice. Okay my bridal party planned something last week and one og my bridesmaids messed about sayin she is then isnt coming. Finally last min she cancelled. Now im really not sure what to do regardin her being a bridesmaid. Its not the forst time either but its always last min after its been paid for. My bridal party are noe reluctant to buy or arrage anything with her. Any advice on what i should do? P.s i have spoke to her and getting excuses all the time. Help a bride out

19 Comments
Lou Rowlands
Lou Rowlands 17 Sep 2017

I would drop her as she cant commit it isnt fair on you. x

Lucy Lewis
Lucy Lewis 17 Sep 2017

Hi I agree with Lou :)

E Wilson
E Wilson 17 Sep 2017

Drop her. I was my friends maid of honour and the hen party caused .e so many issues of people saying they are coming and then not. I lost so much money due to deposits etc. I can see why the bridal party are being reluctant

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 17 Sep 2017

Drop her

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 17 Sep 2017

Was it going to be alot of money. If she doesn't earn much she might have wanted to come but couldn't afford it

Leanne Harris
Leanne Harris 17 Sep 2017

I've got people saying they're going on mine but not paid deposit yet (got 3 days to pay £10) I'd rather just be told they can't afford it/don't want to go rather than getting excuses 6 months away! I've used Hen & Stag website as I knew this would happen on mine where I'd be chasing people for payments. If people don't book on, they don't go and no one else has to cover cost.
Ps. Sack her off.

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 17 Sep 2017

She might be feeling left out. I was bridesmaid for my best friend a few years ago and felt very left out of the whole bridal party thing because it was more a case of the bride texting me and saying "me and the other bridesmaids are doing this..." and only when I asked to go was I invited. Maybe ask her if there's anything specific she would like to do for you and your wedding before just dropping her. You might be surprised at what she says

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 17 Sep 2017

If she keeps on cancelling last minute cancel her as a bridesmaid last minute.. taste of her own medicine lol ..
Or you could just say look stop with all the bullshit and tell me the truth then maybe you may understand

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 17 Sep 2017

Maybe she wasn't sure if she could afford it, money or lack of it can be embarrassing I know that's no excuse to mess people about but try talking to her.

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 18 Sep 2017

Has she always been this way with plans? If you asked her to be bridesmaid you must be important to each other. My sister is late for everything, anything up to 3 hours late sometimes, its a running joke. However there was no way she would be late for my wedding day and was actually early. The wedding day is what's important.

Emma Bell
Emma B 18 Sep 2017

DROP HER! if all she is doing is cancelling last minute abd costing your other maids money by doing so, how do you know she won't do the same to you when your special day comes?

I dropped one of my bridesmaids after she said she was coming to the hen doo and then cancelled and said she couldn't because of childcare...well it came out a month later that she cancelled as her bf was jealous and didn't want her to go so booked a holiday for just the 2 of the them instead! After that I dropped her as I knew it would be the same with the wedding day...especially as she dropped out of being a bridesmaid for her own mum's wedding 2 days before!! Its been 6 months since I dropped her, I still haven't told her but she hasn't asked anything about the dresses or the wedding either, just keeps saying she's looking forward to it...its in 5 months and she doesn't know the date of it!

I suppose what I'm trying to say is that if you're asking this question, deep down you know the answer... Follow your gut feeling!

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 18 Sep 2017

Honestly....is it worth losing a friend over what is technically 1 day!!?? I got married in July and had a few issues but ild never had dreamt of dropping them because they're my friends first and foremost!! People seem to lose sight of this. Maybe have a word with her and just tell her how your feeling and give her the option of being your bridesmaid, gives her a boot up the arse.

Lesley Smith
Lesley Smith 18 Sep 2017

Tell her she not one and plan without and dont have as a dithering guest either

Helen Gracie
Helen Gracie 18 Sep 2017

Speak to her and find out what's going on. Your bridesmaids lives don't stop just because you're getting married.

I was a bridesmaid for a friend who would set early morning dress fittings when I lived 2 hours away and worked very long hours and studying at weekends​ which took all my money and time. She also expected me to help make things for the wedding which I just couldn't do. She was expecting a lot from me I wasn't able to take on in my situation. I felt like I was letting her down but at the same time her lack of interest in my life at that time made it very hard to want to do things I couldn't afford for her big day.

As a result im only having my sister as my bridesmaid and am organising my own hen do so other friends aren't put through the same thing.

Sonja Gibson
Sonja Gibson 18 Sep 2017

Heu hun sorry to hear about how ypu felt but i myself have invited her as have my other bridesmaods without her having to ask n its the same story. Ive given her 3 chances now. N we are involving her and have asked her also shes like oh anything but then doesnt help woth ideas. Thanks for the comment tho xx and yes she always been cancelling last min since i asked her. She was supposed to be a best friend im just worrying that she wont show on the day.

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 18 Sep 2017

Drop her

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 18 Sep 2017

A few of my bridesmaids couldn't make my hen do and only saw them once, possibly twice to sort dresses. People have their own lives and as much as they want to be apart of your day doesn't mean they can jump to attention every time you need them.
As my dad said to me 'even though your wedding is the upmost priority for you it wont be for them' and you've got to understand that xxxx

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 18 Sep 2017

Wow can't believe how many people are saying drop her when no-one knows the full story. Maybe those 'excuses' she's giving you aren't just excuses but real reasons why she can't do something. Maybe you and your other bridesmaids earn more money than her and she is too embarrassed to say she can't afford to go to all these things you keep planning?! Or maybe she is your close friend but she doesn't get on with the other bridesmaids or feels like she doesn't fit in with them and would rather not spend her spare time with people she won't have a good time with. You really should be speaking to her privately, explaining to her that you're gutted she couldn't make it and offer to give her more notice before the next time you arrange something or arrange a get together that doesn't break the bank. Asking a bunch of strangers telling them half the story won't solve anything!

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 20 Sep 2017

Have a chat she may have money problems people don't like to share their finances with the world

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