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UKbride Member Request 9 Sep 2017

Hi guys! This is a weird question, but how do you deal with someone, who is...

Hi guys! This is a weird question, but how do you deal with someone, who is getting married before you, stealing your ideas? My friend and I both got engaged within a few weeks of eachother, but due to money, we're getting married in 2020, whilst she's getting married in 2019. I've been openly discussing my ideas with her, and since then, i've discovered she's using a few of mine, which include the same type of favours, as well as colour scheme. What do I do? TIA

52 Comments
Emma Nelson-Bailey
Emma Nelson-Bailey 9 Sep 2017

Hi. Congratulations on your engagement.

I can imagine this feel quite difficult. In a way you could see it as a compliment that she likes your ideas and is using them. On the other hand if every deatail is the same then it must be frustrating.

Perhaps refrain from telling her all your plans. If she asks, say you haven't set anything in place and you'd quite like to surprise people so your keeping a tight lid on things. You could ask her what she wants for her wedding, turn the attention onto her so she has to think about her own wedding. We all get wrapped up in our own and sometimes remembering to ask others how they are and how their plans are panning out can help. I hope this helps and good luck with the rest of your planning. X

Cher Foakes
Cher Foakes 9 Sep 2017

Throw some really awful ideas out there 😂 she wont copy u then and just keep what ur doing to yourself xxx

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 9 Sep 2017

Dont tell her! i honestly haven't told no friends my plans x

Niki Clarke
Niki Clarke 9 Sep 2017

I dont really see the issue your having two different weddings at the end of the day hers is hers n urs is urs no matter what each day will be different and special in its own way. Also you will have different guests i presume so half of then wont even know whats different and the same betweent he weddings. i really wouldnt get bothered by it you obviously have some good ideas :-) if theres some things you really dont want her to use just dont tell her xxx

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 9 Sep 2017

To be honest I very much doubt I've ever been to a wedding where ideas are completely original. People always work off inspiration. There's bigger things to worry about. Each wedding is completely different.

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 9 Sep 2017

erm stop telling her! x

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 9 Sep 2017

If she was a true best friend she wouldnt be using ur ideas or if she was just honest with u an ask if she could do it as it was ur idea first she clearly has no respect for u in doing this as its now going to look like u copied her .if it was me ad b telling her straight how i felt an just not share a thing with her ever again tbh go bk to the drawing board an out do wat u already had planned an dont tell her x

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 9 Sep 2017

Different venue. Different design. I wouldn't worry too much. Guests look more at the food and your dress and important things is you get married at the end to the person you love.
Maybe just any other ideas you just don't discuss with her. By 2020 you may have changed your mind anyway x

Gemma Harris
Gemma Harris 9 Sep 2017

I would definitely sit down and discuss how you are feeling to her. I wouldn't be so bothered about colour scheme (most of our family seem to go with purple and I don't think it really matters) but if it's obvious that she is stealing specific ideas, I would use the excuse of hers being first as a way to create even BETTER ideas and make yours stand out over the two!

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 9 Sep 2017

Who really cares! My best friend and I got married a week apart and we both had sequin table clothes for the cake table people don't pay that much attention who attend. My best friend tried on my wedding dress in the shop and I didn't even tell her it was mine as if she loved it as much as I did then she could have brought it. No one would have noticed it was even the same x

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 9 Sep 2017

Tiffany Georgia

Joanne Lay-Treen
Joanne Louise Treen 9 Sep 2017

I dont see why ppl freak out so much about this ... its about marryin the man you love an becoming his wife not all the decs food venues etc thats jus a part of it why worry urself me an my cousin both get married next year me june her july an we arent worried i love talkin weddings with her an if we get ideas from each other wats the harm in that. Many weddings can have many things the same but so wat my day is mine an hers is hers an im excited for both xxx jus enjoy ur day an hers x

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 9 Sep 2017

Amy Price your issues

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 9 Sep 2017

I wouldn't like it either! Very cheeky of her. I'd just stop telling her what I'm doing and say "I want it all to be a surprise for everyone". That way the friendship stays and there is no awkwardness, and you keep your original ideas original. Congrats btw! 🥂

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 9 Sep 2017

You feed her false ideas with the .....
you know what I was thinking my original idea would daft now
I've seen these amazing favours ( tacky ones )
Etc
Or just wait n see what doesn't work at her wedding and change yours accordingly

Denise Kirby
Denise Kirby 9 Sep 2017

Carry on with your ideas. It's about what you and your H2B want on the day. Don't change your mind because someone else took your idea, you'll end up not being happy with it. Take a positive from it, you have great ideas that she wants!! Chances are you'll have different guests too. Enjoy your day x

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 9 Sep 2017

No this would do my head in as i dont like having the same as others and vice versa i like to be different this is why i wouldnt discuss too much with people about they day keep surprises and keep it unique to you xx

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 9 Sep 2017

Tell her things that your not using!! Maybe even some ideas!! Lol 🤣
At the end of the day not all the same people are going to be at both weddings so wouldn't worry about it too much xx

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 9 Sep 2017

Dont tell her. Give her false ideas as CarlaNiland said Or slightly.change your ideas without telling her.

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 9 Sep 2017

Unfortunately not a lot you can do. It's kinda a compliment that she likes your ideas and she probably doesn't think it's stealing your ideas so much as giving her ideas. Perhaps keep them to yourself from now on. My friend has moved her wedding forward before ours and fell out with me for a few weeks because i won't let her "borrow" my flowers and table decorations but I know we have the same people on our guest lists and will be damned before anyone comments how nice those bouquets were at her wedding and it was nice of her to lend them to me

Claire Rutter
Claire Rutter 9 Sep 2017

I wouldn't worry Hun.
Your a year apart and I would take it as a compliment xx

Justine Snell
Justine Snell 9 Sep 2017

At the end of the day.. What either of you Do it's Your day regardless of if you or her have chosen the same stuff. Your Wedding day will always be Your's and H2b with Family and Friends. Xxxxx

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 9 Sep 2017

I wouldn't worry about it, especially as it sounds like your weddings are quite far apart.
But if it really bothers you, you've got longer to go until yours which means plenty of time to find ideas that are different to and even better than hers. Why not let her have those ideas and think they're amazing while you think up ideas you love even more and don't tell her you're changing your plans. Take it as an opportunity rather than an insult.

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 9 Sep 2017

Stop telling them your ideas! Can't steal what they don't know

E Wilson
E Wilson 9 Sep 2017

I've kind of had the same problem with someone at work. She got engaged before me and her wedding is before me but she has actually changed parts of her wedding after I've said a few plans. Luckily no one from my wedding will be at hers and will now not be going to her based on how she has treated me. Im now keeping very quiet on my plans

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 9 Sep 2017

Either don't tell her anything else or tell her something completely different to what you're really going to do

Justine Snell
Justine Snell 9 Sep 2017

Do what I've done. Source everything before an say. It's my wedding xxxxx

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 9 Sep 2017

Just wait see how she does and improve on her wedding, been to a few weddings since we got engaged and am taking ideas from a few but putting our twist on it

Bigger and better is the best karma

Nicola Mooney
Nicola Mooney 9 Sep 2017

If you want to risk the friendship or poss upset her.. then be honest and tell her, I'd personally be furious but as I wouldn't want to cause problems, I'd just share nothing more! Maybe she'll get the hint if in future you say I'm not say anything... its a surprise x

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 9 Sep 2017

I am a wedding photographer and there are certain elements of the day that come in and out of fashion, for instance the vast majority of my brides have dusky pinks in their bouquet, many for next year are having rose gold sequin bridesmaids dresses (as am i) flowers for next year tend to be whites, with lots of green foliage, navy is also getting very popular. I could go on and on about things I see at almost every single wedding, eg wedding post box or card suitcases, Polaroid pics of bride and groom on a string, Mr and Mrs letters, she may not be copying you, just looking on pintrest or Google and seeing the same things you are seeing :)

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 9 Sep 2017

Tell her a pack of lies about what u want.see if she copy's.then u do what u want.

Julia Sweetman
Julia Sweetman 9 Sep 2017

Don't discuss your ideas!!

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 9 Sep 2017

I would be cross as it would look like I copied her as mine was after. Also I wouldn't tell her any more ideas

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 9 Sep 2017

Me and my friend are planning our weddings together, so some stuff will be similar. It's still two separate days with a different couple in the limelight!

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 9 Sep 2017

Stop telling her your ideas might be a good start.. And if she's that much of a great friend then why does it matter if your ideas are the same anyway?! It's not her getting married at your wedding it's you.. so as long as it's not the same venue and the same husband i think you're completely overreacting!

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 9 Sep 2017

Don't tell her anything else! X

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 9 Sep 2017

We've had this last year with some friends. The same couple even copied what we did for our first anniversary this year! It ls hard if you both have the same circle of friends. Try and not say too much to her about your wedding. Congrats and good luck! xx

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 9 Sep 2017

Chelsea Shields

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 9 Sep 2017

Do yours better with style X.

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 10 Sep 2017

Debby Longbottom stop writing to U.K. bride okay?

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 10 Sep 2017

Don't tell her anymore of your ideas xx

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 10 Sep 2017

Your wedding will be after. People will have yours fresh in their minds. If my friend did this I wouldn't be bothered. It just means if it didn't work out for her wedding I could change slightly as I'd have a year to edit. Don't show her your dress when you get it. Or the rings. Or your flowers.

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 10 Sep 2017

I wouldn't care because at the end of the day what is most important is you're marrying the love of your life...

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 10 Sep 2017

Tell them your having something out off this world over the top and see if she copies !!!!!

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 10 Sep 2017

Keep gob shut!!!

Emma Gibson
Emma Gibson 10 Sep 2017

I just wouldn't tell them my ideas x

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 10 Sep 2017

Absolutely nothing. Even if there are similarities they will be two completely different days.

My wedding was red so was my brothers but both were very different days. His was very relaxed while I had a much more formal wedding

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 11 Sep 2017

Whether your wedding has similar elements to others is not important, it's the memories you make together and with your family and friends that are important. Wedding Planning is part of the memories, don't allow them to be spoilt by worrying what others will do.

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 11 Sep 2017

Stop telling her stuff if it bothers you that much but if you love your friend that much you'd be flattered rather than annoyed. She obviously admires your taste.

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 11 Sep 2017

Gina Rose

Claire Hellewell
Claire Hellewell 12 Sep 2017

I had a friend like this she would literally do everything I did, bought etc and make out it was her idea first. Safe to say we are now no longer friends lol..What friend would do this.

UKbride Administrator
UKbride Administrator 13 Sep 2017

I'm a wedding photographer, the finer details won't actually matter all that much on the day. Just focus your attention on your H2B and enjoy YOUR day.

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