My fiancè mother is so over baring and possessive and my man cannot say no to her. She's inviting folk I don't know to the wedding and it's really upsetting me. He is struggling to pick folk to attend as some friends quite out there and he doesn't want grief from his side of the family. Tonight we sat trying to work out guest list and ended in argument and just forgetting out it. He also doesn't want best man as again feels will he judged in who he picks. He also said cannot do a speech as not his thing. Said to him tonight should we just cancel the wedding as stressing us both out. Not sure what we should do.
Your wedding day is about you and the vows you make to each other. I imagine that things are only going to get worse if this is how things are at the beginning. Have you looked at eloping or having a small private ceremony (just you two and two witnesses) and then having a big party when you come back? It would save money and all the hassle. However, if you are wanting a big show-stopping wedding this would not be the answer.
I agree, my partner has a tiny family and his mother isn't my favorite person either, I on the other hand have 8 brothers and sisters all married with children, so we've decided our children and parents will do. I'd rather have just my dad there but we've made it even and it's stopped all arguing. Of course I'd like my family all around but marrying the man means more than a big overpriced party that I'm not in control of organizing. However, the best way is to actually sit down and talk with in-law as I'm sure she won't want to ruin your day. Good luck Xx
My fiance doesn't want his cousin at the wedding, everyone on his side is up in arms about it and pressurising him, threatening not to come etc, they asked me to get him to change his mind, I said 'emd of the day we are spending a fortune on this wedding, I won't force him to pay for someone he hates to eat, drink and not wish us well on our happiest day - its our day and if everyone decided to give it a miss, I couldn't care less, says more about them than us. Personally I get annoyed when men won't stand upto their mothers, she has no right to dictate how you handle your wedding day. Not much use but just my two pence worth!
We told my MIL that she could invite her friends etc if she was happy to pay for them herself. Her list got shorter.
We aren't having speeches,best man,first dance. If your partner is struggling to pick due to what sounds like an over powering mother....comprise has to be the answer
Personally the easiest thing here could be to have a moonlit wedding where it's the ceremony and then straight into the evening disco and buffet! This cuts out everything he isn't comfortable with and then you won't be spending lots of money on guests you don't really know or others have invited! You still get to do your ceremony and say your vows etc. That's what I would do in this situation.
His mum has no right what so ever inviting people you don't know to YOUR wedding! It's your day, not hers! Do you know what, cancel the wedding and bugger off, just the two of you, grab a cpl of witnesses and do it your way! It'll save you money and a ton of hassle x
Elope. No stress over Speeches, best man, who to invite. Save you a small fortune too
Elope x the most important thing about your wedding is each other. Hold a party when you get back to appease the family x
If you are having a lot of issues and don't want the big do, go on holiday somewhere nice and come back and say it's done. If they chuck a wobbly tell them they could have been more helpful planning a uk wedding but they made unreasonable demands and rather than a fight you did it in a way you would both enjoy xx
you don't need to have speeches etc if you don't want them. and your groom should have the person he feels closest to as his best man and boo hoo to anyone who doesn't like it. but he needs to be firm with his mum about her inviting people. don;t cancel the wedding if its all getting too much. take a few days to let everything calm down then talk to each other. if you feel then you want to make it a much smaller wedding then do it. your day your way
Nooooo. Your wedding your way! There's always people who are not happy/ think they have the right to decide. Big hugs xx
Did not have speeches or first dance as could not be bothered with all the pomp . go to gretna green and announce the news when you get back
I'd try to get her onside. Meet with her and explain your budget and emphasise you don't want to start married life in debt. Most MIL would approve of that!
Your hubby(!) could say simply 'I have no words to describe how much I love you, X, my wife. Raise your glasses - to Mrs X.'
My husband didn't have a best man or do a speech that was our preference to have a relaxed more informal day, I couldn't stop my dad giving a speech though on the guest list we were very strict and only invited who we wanted plus a few close parental friends you need to stand your ground it is your day ! You shouldn't care about upsetting people I'm sure we offended a few members of our extended family but we ended up with the day we wanted and if they have a problem then that is exactly what it is their problem not yours ... Try to enjoy your day... The guest list is the most stressful part from my experience but as long as you have who you want there then have a galas of wine take a deep breath and stand your ground XXX I hope it all works out for you
Elope! That'll piss her off
It's YOUR wedding. You don't have to do speeches. You don't need a best man.
Do what you guys want to do and tell your M-I-L to back off
Tell her to pay for her guests herself then. Why should you pay for people you don't want there? Xx
Getting married is about you 2 and you 2 only. I would either jet off and get married and enjoy some time together stress free and then come back and let friends and family know that your now married. If they don't like it tough! Marriage is about the love you two have for one another, no one else should have a say in it, other than being happy for you both.
I'd tell him to get a backbone and sit his mother down! She should also understand that it's about you and her son not "the mother of the groom show". If you would risk cancelling the wedding just like that then it speaks volumes really. Sit your H2b down each with a bit of paper writing the pros and cons. Then work through each point together. Good luck
ask him is he marrying you or his mother? Just tell them that it is you're wedding (and you're partners) but if they want to interfere so much tell them to get re married and demand you have friends that you will invite to there wedding (but then again I'm a bitch haha) xxx
Maybe try having a speech but just between you two after the ceremony? If hes embarressed. And just tell his mother straight that its you two who will be paying for it so it will be you two that will be doing guest lists and if there is soace after all is done THEN she can invite people. Have a glass of wine and chill out, hopefully all pieces of the puzzle will fall into place once you both know where youre at x
We get married in 3 weeks and we sorted everything out ourselves. We've picked all the things we want and invited the people we wanted to. It's your day and you shouldn't feel bullied into making any decision you're not comfortable with. Sit down with your partner and agree to do it your own way together. We've been quite relaxed about planning our wedding because we've done all the things WE want and not asked anyone else for any input, we've not had a single argument over it either. Put your foot down and stand firm. It's your day and no one else's x
Hi Speak to your other half he needs to tell his Mother to butt out just like my Fiance had to :)
Tell her its your day and your on a budget. Dont give her invites to send out. Have your guest list and stick to it. You send out ALL.the invites.
Tell.her its both YOUR close friends and family and not people you don't know or want. If she doesn't like it...tough. or of shev wants jer friends their SHE will.have to.pay for them. But you.wont.
As for best man who is his best friend or has he a brother or sister sister?
A quick.thankyou.fir being here on iur special.day. how lovely the bridesmaids look. And tbank.both parents for any help.given
Set a limit. Say due to venue restrictions then divided into 3. 1 lot each set of parents final third you & groom. But tweak this if necessary before talking to anyone else. Good luck.
It's YOUR wedding day. Not hers or anybody elses. You invite who YOU both want. Tell her to pay for the extra guests...see how many people she will want there then. Anybody who turns up who wasn't invited by yourself or the groom get them escorted out of the service/party.
Get your man to stand up to his mother, tell him to pick his best man who HE wants no matter who judges. It's his choice. No body especially his mother can change or dictate that.
Personally, and I don't mean this in a nasty way...but he needs to grow a pair and confront her. And she needs to but out.
Cancel the wedding and move on, if she's bad now she'll only get worse after
I think this is a difficult one. I imagine he has always been this way with his mum so this probably shouldn't have come as a surprise. Whilst no she shouldn't be inviting people and he shouldn't not be inviting people because of judgement....if this is how your husband to be is then why would he change because of a wedding. I'm sure this won't be a popular reply.
If this is how it is now.. this is probably going to be how married life will be.. i suggest speaking to her yourself.. give her your joint list of people including the best man choice and tell her that no changes will be made to these choices.. then tell her she can invite who she wants if she pays for them because its HER SONS AND YOUR wedding not hers.. yes it may cause a war but by the sound if it she has bullied him for all of his life to the point where its easier if he just gives in and yes she will try and manipulate him in to doing what she wants...If you dont make a stand now.. she will control your life as well..
If your h2b won't speak to his mother (who btw sounds like a real dragon) then you speak to her. You tell her to mind her own unless she is asked. Out of respect for your other half tell him to speak to her or you will. Don't let ANYONE have an input on your day unless you both ask for it.
Pocket the money. Go do it in vegas. Tell everyone it's already done. not worth the stress
Naomi Dixon dear me
Have you thought about just eloping? Might take the stress away...
You are likely to get into arguments with your other half at some stage and have disagreements over plans so please don't feel too bad. My H2B is terrified at the thought of giving a speech so we have agreed that we will do a joint speech just thanking everyone for coming (most likely me doing most of the talking). I think you need have a sit down with him and tell him at the moment you feel like he isn't making any effort and that it's upsetting you, his best man should be his best friend and someone he trusts, who cares what anyone else says?! As others have suggested it might get be worth trying to get your MIL on side and explain about budget and not wanting to spend money on people you and your H2B don't know.