Wedding Etiquette
A new book by wedding etiquette empress Miss Manners aims to encourage brides-to-be — and their guests — to mind their Ps and Qs on their special day… but does the style of your dress really matter in terms of politeness, and are balloons and matching bridesmaid dresses really a sin...?
Do strapless wedding dresses offend you? Are matching bridemaid’s dresses tacky… and are balloons reminiscent of a children’s birthday party… or is that just a load of hot air?
The answer to this and many other wedding etiquette conundrums are addressed in a new book by Miss Manners, also known as Judith Martin, the Washington based etiquette author and social agony aunt who writes under the famous pen name of Miss Manners.
When Miss Manners’ daughter Jacobina married two years ago, the mother and daughter were ‘horrified’ by what they saw as the “Monstrosities of the modern wedding machine.”
That may sound a little harsh but the empress of wedding etiquette explains that having manners is absolutely not about snobbery, and that money does not equal taste, and that these rules have been forgotten by etiquette experts and modern brides alike.
Rather, Miss Manners advocates that weddings should a tasteful, polite and enjoyable formal occasion for all, regardless of wedding budget: “People try to do something totally alien to their everyday lives and get nervous and upset. But weddings should simply be a more formal version of the way you entertain in your normal life.”
The pair decided to write a book for brides-to-be offering advice in the form of letters with replies from Miss Manners to clarify traditional wedding etiquette and pour scorn on what she refers to as ‘bridal pornography.’
“We are concerned with etiquette, not extortion. And etiquette is not about throwing money around.” She says. “Some wedding magazines instill fear in you,” says Jacobina. “And the sense that if you want your wedding to be ‘right’ you have to spend a lot of money.”
Jacobina’s own wedding was a low key event held at home, with the bride wearing a simple dress with sleeves and holding a high tea in order that she could talk to her guests.
Whilst the subject may sound a little dour for those planning their special day, the expert admits that weddings should be enjoyable, and that wedding etiquette itself is not a rigid, menacing concept but; “Simply about showing consideration towards others… The least mannerly thing you can do, after all, is to point out people’s bad manners.”
The book, Miss Manners’ Guide to a Surprisingly Dignified Wedding is on sale now, from £17.99, published by Norton.
Miss Manners Wedding Commandments…
1. Thou shalt not… encourage the clergy to become jocular…
2. Thou shalt… show consideration to guests and politely ignore any instances of bad manners.
3. Thou shalt not… consent to extended photographic sessions that abandon guests after your ceremony.
4. Thou shalt… set a budget and create a tasteful wedding within that remit.
5. Thou shalt not… use balloons in the decoration of your reception venue.
6. Thou shalt… create a wedding that is appropriate to your personality.
7. Thou shalt not… create a wedding list!
8. Thou shalt… acknowledge gifts with personal rather than ‘mail-merged’ thank you letters.
9. Thou shalt not… be seduced by ‘bridal pornography’ in glossy magazines.
10. Thou shalt… firmly and politely tell family, friends and attendants who wish to enforce their own designs on your wedding to back-off; it’s your day, so it’s your way or no way!
