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Wedding Forum - Just recieved an RSVP and something I don't...

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  1.  
    • CJGroove
      CommentAuthorCJGroove
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
      edited
     
    Hi everyone,

    Wow...erm..I'm not entirely sure what I'm experiencing but thought I'd come on here as you might understand.
    A couple of days ago I pushed a Evening Invite through the door of my elderly neighbours; I grew up in this house and now me and the OH live here (parents/siblings live abroad now) and they've been my neighbours for over 20 years. I love them dearly.
    Anyway Bessie (neighbour) has just collared me in the garden and told me she's put a card through the door (I didn't hear it, I'm transcribing something so I have headphones on...don't know why I'm telling you all thing, I digress!) and inside is a decline to the wedding because they both have bad backs and knees etc, which I completely understand.

    But there's also an amount of money in there that I not only was I not expecting but made me gasp. I've known them for a long, long tme and I know they're not well off, I'm just not sure if they can afford to give us so much money, especially as they're not even attending.
    I don't know what to do...she's in the garden now and I want to thank her but tell her it's too much, but I don't know what to say.
    I'm going to upset her if I give it back but I'm not comfortable keeping it.

    I really, honestly do not know what to do...any advice?

    CJ

    ps. sorry about the essay!
  2.  
    • MrsRMalone2b
      CommentAuthorMrsRMalone2b
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    Ooo that's a toughie. Maybe offer her a cup of tea and have a conversation with her about it. Tell her you are very grateful but you are worried it's too much?

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  3.  
    • ElizabethF49
      CommentAuthorElizabethF49
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    Do they. Ah be look on you as a sort of granddaughter? I'm sure if they couldn't afford it they wouldn't have given you it.

    My 93 year old gran mother has no money a basic pension and she barely loves and she always give our son money every week it drives me nuts but she fell out with me ages ago for telling her to keep her cash I mean she through a full on strop and told me it's her money she can do what she wants with it. In the end I just had to accept that she wanted to give Connor the cash.

    I know it's completely different but I wants comfortable with her given the cash away but it made her happy. Could you not just accept the gift gracefully and say to her I'm sorry you. Ant make the wedding but understand, thank you for your very generous gift but it was too much and not expected, I'm a little uncomfortable with accepting such a large sum of cash.

    Members signature icon
    After 7 years and 11 months he proposed to me 18.10.13
    Our son is 5 years old and our world
    Getting married 15.08.15.
    Life hasnt been easy but we have each other :)
  4.  
    • RachelE118
      CommentAuthorRachelE118
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    Really tough one but she's known you a long time and wouldn't have given it to you unless she meant it. So if you are definite that she's in sound mind then give her the biggest hug and accept it xx
  5.  
    • Glitterfairy
      CommentAuthorGlitterfairy
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    I'd thank her for the money, but mention you are concerned its a little too much, and ask if thy are sure they can afford to pass with so much, if they could not afford it they would not have passed on that much. I'm sure she will be grateful that you are concerned enough to worry it's too much

    Members signature icon
    Our wedding day - 6 October 2012


  6.  
    • ErinV
      CommentAuthorErinV
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    Wow that is very nice of her - not many people give gifts if they don't attend! I agree with most of the girlies and say thank her for the generous gift and that you weren't expecting anything and you feel its too much. I'm sure she'll understand and be touched that you care about them.
  7.  
    • MiriamF1
      CommentAuthorMiriamF1
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    Wow what a lovely thing for them to do. Agree with what ElizabethF49 said, have a little chat with her
  8.  
    • InDreamland
      CommentAuthorInDreamland
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    Wow!

    Yes, definitely talk to her, , her for her generosity and explain you're feeling like it's too much.

    I agree though, it may be that they do see you as a grand daughter, we have close family friends who used to be neighbours before we moved away, they looked after my sister and I from when we were babies and were there for every family celebration. Their biological children and grandchildren actually call my sister and I the surrogate granddaughters because we are treated like their grandchildren and we treat them like grandparents. They were very generous with their wedding gift.

    It's hard but sometimes you need to hope that they will only give what they can actually afford.

    Members signature icon
    Married the love of my life on Saturday 11th May 2013 xxx
    Had our dream perfect honeymoon in Hawaii!

  9.  
    • lala "mod" bunni
      CommentAuthorlala "mod" bunni
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    Although I agree you should talk to them I think saying " can you afford to give this amount " is a bit insulting as this is you presuming they can afford it ( even though that may be the truth) ..... You can however say that YOU feel that they are being over generous

  10.  
    • Glitterfairy
      CommentAuthorGlitterfairy
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    That's more like I was thinking lala, but my brain was not functioning when I posted and could not think of the wording I needed to put so just put afford.

    Members signature icon
    Our wedding day - 6 October 2012


  11.  
    • barbie86
      CommentAuthorbarbie86
      Is poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadge
     
    I would just accept it graciously TBH. You don't know their financial situation, or that it's too much for them; I know plenty of people who wouldn't appear to have much money, when in reality they just don't like spending it, and have hundreds of thousands sitting in the bank.

    I think it's a lovely gesture and I am sure they would not have given you more than they can afford. Even if they have given more than they can truly afford, you mentioning it will likely not change anything (ie I very much doubt they'll say 'Actually yeah we can't afford it; we'll have it back') and just risks hurting and insulting. They obviously care about you a great deal, and are upset that they can't come to the wedding, so I personally would just hug them and thank them profusely for their generosity.
  12.  
    • CJGroove
      CommentAuthorCJGroove
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    Thank you everyone, I've read and mulled over every response. After that and talking to my OH we've decided to give them a gift and from-the-heart thank you letter/card.
    If I'm perfectly honest, the money would help us a lot at the moment, we're not great on funds atm as I'm a full-time student and my OH is only in his NQT year as a teacher.

    Thanks again everyone, I really appreciate you all taking the time to help

    CJ xx
  13.  
    • MrsH
      CommentAuthorMrsH
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    We had a similar situatoin whereby we invited my FILs best friend and his wife to the evening do (at the in laws request which was fine) but they couldn't attend and so they send us a cheque for £100. Now i'd never met this friend but obviously Matt had grown up around him and their kid. We sent a lovely thank you card but it was highly unexpected, especially as they were only invited to the evening do too!

    I agree with everything Barbie has said, you don't want to cause offence and therefore a nice thank you card and a chat would be perfect!
  14.  
    • LauraK7
      CommentAuthorLauraK7
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    I think the same a lovely thank you card would prob be well received by them
  15.  
    • Linzi-jo
      CommentAuthorLinzi-jo
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    I've had a similar thing happen Hun. My dads friend who is invited to our wedding but who I have never met (my dad is paying for him and his wife to come) asked for my bank details and told my dad he wanted to send me some money early so that we could put it towards booking a honeymoon. I wasn't expecting a lot as I've never met him but then £1000 turned up in my account! I felt like I couldn't accept it as it was an awful lot of money to send anyone, let alone someone who you've never met! I asked my dad to talk to him about it but he said that he could afford it and would be offended if I sent it back. So we have written them a really lovely thank you card telling them how much they helped us and how appreciated it is. We are also going to pay for all of their drinks at the wedding, as yours aren't coming you obviously can't do this but you could get them a nice little present to say thank you instead :) xxx

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    Got together 14.02.2008
    Got engaged 31.12.2010
    Will become a Mrs on 30.08.2014 xxxxxx
 

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