Now before I start, 2 relevant yet random facts about me. 1. I love planning. 2. I dont usually post on forums, in fact this is the first time so that's how I know I must be in desperate need of some kind words of wisdom.
Our wedding was supposed to take place in June. It has been rescheduled for December. With the covid19 situation being what it is there are still a lot of lingering anxieties around it not being able to take place in December either.
With the scene set, I'll get on with what I came here for.... when we sent our original invites out in January 2019, I was bursting with excitement. I learnt fast and hard that noone would love, care or be as excited about our wedding as me or my partner. Which of course is totally understandable and in hindsight, its bizarre that this hadn't occurred to me beforehand. I suppose what I hadn't prepared myself for was people's total lack of awareness, sensitivity and regard for our plans and decisions. I was under the naive impression it was as simple as sending the wedding invites out, friends and family sharing your joy in the celebration of planning a wedding and looking forward to it with you, keen to help where they could. Everyone would attend, have a good time, and then go home, and we'd all move on with our lives. How wrong I was. I suppose my lack of exposure to weddings being the first of my friends to tie the knot, is partially to blame. Nothing could have prepared me for the politics, and self entitlement and pure unreasonableness of friends and family. Do I get a plus one? Can I bring this person? Can that person come? Can I sit next to so and so? Can i wear this cream dress? I want to wear that bridesmaids dress. I could count on one hand how many 'thank you for the invitation' s we got.
I have had screaming matches with my parents over them inviting people without asking me, resulting in a guest list that is now at health and safety capacity according to my venue.
I've had people ask me if they can come or if they can bring someone, and when this question has been met with 'no', (purely due to expense or numbers) they've cornered my partner with the same question, deliberately undermining me and placing us both in a very difficult and uncomfortable situation. In fact the guest list has been at the centre of most of our wedding problems. I will never understand how people have the nerve to question your decision making around your special and very expensive day. Unless of course there is reason to believe there has been a clear oversight on an invitation, for example, only one half of a married couple being invited. What's more unsettling is that, in a number of circumstances, people would have been given more 'yeses' to their requests had they have gone about them with a little more grace and decorum. A little politeness goes a long way and self entitlement stands out a mile.
My disappointment around the matter has been overwhelming. I've learnt so much about my network. The most valuable lesson being that my husband to be is my rock and only person I trust unconditionally. The only person whom I can share things with knowing that he won't share them with another soul. Second lesson being that even on whats supposed to be the most significant day of your life, people will still try and make it about them with little concern around the impact of their behaviour. One would think that after cancelling your wedding and having to reschedule, there may be more 'careful treading' around the matter, however if anything its been worse the second time round.
2019 has been a learning curve and disappointment has been a trending theme. Given the opportunity to receive a full refund from our venue without having to reschedule with them, I would have buggered off to another country and exchanged my nuptials there.
CommentAuthorVerityC21
I think it's such a shame that you feel this way :( We haven't sent our invitations out yet as we're not getting married until October 2021, but everyone we've told about our wedding has been excited and looking forward to finding out more about it.
Considering how this feels, I'd say this is a prime opportunity to cut down your guest list! If that's where most of the problems are coming from, can you re-evaluate who you actually want to have at the wedding and use the coronavirus as an excuse to get rid of others? Say the venue has only permitted you to have a (very) limited number of guests...
CommentAuthorIvsicilyS
I feel very sorry for you, but a happy life for two people is the most important thing. I wish you happiness！
