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Wedding Forum - To invite or not to invite!!!...

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  1.  
    • StaceyH989
      CommentAuthorStaceyH989
      Is poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadge
     
    Hi Everyone,
    This may be a long one so please bare with me and as always I'd appreciate any advice.
    My relationship with my biological dad has never been an easy one and most of the memories I have of him consist of him letting me down and never being there when I needed him. This all came to blows when he forgot my sixteenth birthday, (should point out he lived 30 seconds away) and then bragged in the local pub that he had given me £1000 for my birthday. So from that I made a decision I didn't want him in my life anymore and stopped all communication.
    Then when I got engaged I received a message of his partner of sorts on his behalf, cause it's really that hard to send the message yourself!! So I decided to go and see him after 7 years of not seeing him because I watched my mum miss my sisters wedding and I didn't want to do that to him.
    So since then I've tried to make an effort and he's made none and has done what he used to do and make empty promises. He was rushed into hospital back in November and I went to see him as soon as I could as it was pretty serious but he's fine now. Continued to try and make an effort sent him messages over Christmas and received none back.
    Then through book of face read that he's been a bit of idiot to his partner/lady friend and he messaged me to ask her to talk to him which I did once and he asked me again to do it.
    I'm now really regretting speaking to him again, I didn't think it was possible for him to hurt me again but he has and it feels like he doesn't have a parental gene in his body. I really don't want to hurt him but after his recent behaviour I'm really considering cutting all ties once and for all.

    Any advice please??
  2.  
    • MrsC2Be
      CommentAuthorMrsC2Be
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    My honest opinion - dont invite him.

    He should have been thrilled when you got back in contact and he should have tried to make as much effort as he could and he should have been really excited about it. You have given him another chance to start over, and it seems he only contacts you if it benefits him. He sounds really selfish and to be honest im sure you were doing fine without him, i would continue to lie your life the way you were any try not to let him upset you anymore. Youve done what you wanted by reconnecting but sometimes people arent what you want them to be.

    Sorry I may sound harsh but im in a similar sitaution - dad left when i was 3, got back in contact with him a few years ago and hes missed all my bdays and Christmases, wasnt excited for the wedding etc. I sent him a STD but have now decided to cut ties once and for all, sometimes people arent worth it.

    Do you feel you will miss him if he isnt there?

    xx

    Members signature icon
    Met In Lanzarote April 2013
    Engaged In Rome February 2016
    Getting Married In Scotland May 2017
  3.  
    • StaceyH989
      CommentAuthorStaceyH989
      Is poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadge
     
    I didn't miss him before and I think of my step dad as my dad I just don't like hurting people
  4.  
    • MrsC2Be
      CommentAuthorMrsC2Be
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    I dont think youll be hurting him at all, it would surprise me if he thought he was coming in the first place.

    I think youve done what you needed to do and i wouldnt worry about it. Youll have a lovely day and itll all be about you :)

    Members signature icon
    Met In Lanzarote April 2013
    Engaged In Rome February 2016
    Getting Married In Scotland May 2017
  5.  
    • InDreamland
      CommentAuthorInDreamland
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    Sorry to hear about your challenges with your dad. Only you really can decide what you do, for your wedding do you actually want him there or not? If you want him there are you prepared for him to not turn up? Or could you take the moral high ground, invite him and then at least your conscience is clear, the ball is then in his court but you are just prepared and expect he will let you down which if you are prepared and expect him to do that it should soften the blow. The same applies to life in general, whether you continue to make some level of effort just because he's your dad, or you cut him out.

    It's a tough one but whatever decision you make will be the right one for you x

    Members signature icon
    Married the love of my life on Saturday 11th May 2013 xxx
    Had our dream perfect honeymoon in Hawaii!

  6.  
    • lala "mod" bunni
      CommentAuthorlala "mod" bunni
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
      edited
     
    You have to ask yourself ,if in lots of years time you will be looking at your wedding photos and will you be regretting not inviting him ..... tbh I would invite him , and put a letter in with the invitation ...along the lines of .

    .." all my life you have hurt me ,I have forgiven you and been the one to hold out a hand to rebuild our relationship only for you to hurt me again. I invite you to my wedding as you are my father but make no mistake this will be the last time my hand is held out to you , this is now your desision to make."

  7.  
    • StaceyH989
      CommentAuthorStaceyH989
      Is poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadge
     
    Thank you for all your kind words and advice ladies.

    My mum wasn't invited to my sisters wedding which is why I'm worrying over it so much, I'm his only child and even though I don't want him to miss out I dont want to be hurt either.

    I think I'm going to take the idea of the letter and use that maybe but how I feel about the whole situation in there and see what happens.
 

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