So my bridesmaides kindly offered to plan my hen for me. I am originally from london but now live in scotland, so as our wedding is up here i said id like a nice weekend down in london. I gave them a list of people to come and said the only thing i really would like is to stay in an appartment instead of a hotel, so the 10 of us can all be together rather than seperated.
I only found out last week that nothing has yet been organised. 2 BMs are trying to sort it but my MOH is basically turning down everything saying its too expensive. i understand everyone has a budget but she is the only one who doesnt pay rent, and shes on a well paid job and has known about this for a year.
Its only 6 weeks until the hen party now, and theres still nothing booked, my mum tried to step in at the weekend with a handful of nice apartments that cost the same, if not cheaper than the local travellodges. But nothing is good enough for my MOH to agree to. My friends have no idea what were doing or where were going or how much they need.
Im dissapointed with my MOH for not been more helpful or not wanting to make this special for me, when do I step in to sort this, as at this rate ill be sleeping on the street with nothing planned :( i really appreciated the BMs help and dont want them getting frustrated, which i think they already are :( xx
Met In Lanzarote April 2013
Engaged In Rome February 2016
Getting Married In Scotland May 2017
CommentAuthorMrsC2Be
I should add, MOH is my best friend of 10 years, but has turned into a not so genuine person after meeting her OH a year ago :( hes completely changed her and controls her.
Sorry for long post :O
Met In Lanzarote April 2013
Engaged In Rome February 2016
Getting Married In Scotland May 2017
CommentAuthorEmily17
Someone needs an honest chat with her to say a hotel would be x the apartment is x what is your budget Does she realise it's the same as a hotel?
Met in 2009
He proposed Jan 2014
Will become Mrs P 7th October 2017
CommentAuthorMrsC2Be
She knows that they are the same price as my mum told her, its just like as she didnt find and it wasnt her idea then she doesnt want to book it.
I think an honest chat with her is just going to cause alot of awkwardness and possibly an arguement which i dont want, trying to work out a way to bypass it without having to have a proper chat. Before she met her bf it would have been fine to chat to her, well i dont think this would be happening, but now its like she has her back up about everything and has stopped talking to alot of her close friends since :( x
Met In Lanzarote April 2013
Engaged In Rome February 2016
Getting Married In Scotland May 2017
CommentAuthorFlossie
It sounds to me as though you need to take the responsibility off her and give it to someone else... maybe even your mum considering she's been doing some research already. It might cause some awkwardness but with 6 weeks to go until your hen you really do need to be getting something booked sharpish - if she doesn't want to do that for you, then let someone who does. She's has plenty of notice and if everyone else is ok with the cost then she really just needs to suck it up and get on with it.
I agree with Flossie but I would also have a chat with her, see if it is to much for her in the sense of not having the time and making excuses. If her OH is controlling maybe he doesn't want her staying out, could there be an option where some don't stay so it gives them an option if they can't afford it? If she is a genuine friend she should want you to be happy and have a good weekend.
Good luck and let us know how you get on x
The future Mrs Perry
CommentAuthorEmily17
You do need to do something though. I like Flossie's idea of giving it to your mom to sort out as she has done a lot of research already. If you leave it now for a few weeks you run the risk of not being able to get anywhere.
Met in 2009
He proposed Jan 2014
Will become Mrs P 7th October 2017
CommentAuthorMrsC2Be
its just so awkward and a crappy situation to be in. OH's ushers were telling me today about all the suprises they have planned for him on the stag and how they want to make it the best weekend ever for him and im so happy, but gutted for myself at the same as i feel like my friends dont want to bother :( maybe im just expecting too much but MOH really wanted to plan it and didnt want me involved in the planning.
Yea my mum has stepped in today and told them accomodation needs to be booked and i think theyve all agreed to book that place and its really reasonably priced so at least thats done. Ill see how things go within the next week and take your advice girls to have a chat with her. Thanks :) xx
Met In Lanzarote April 2013
Engaged In Rome February 2016
Getting Married In Scotland May 2017
CommentAuthorLesley0401
Sounds like it will turn out alright, If they are all booking then it is a positive. Don't let this get you down.
You have got me to get myself into action though, I am part planning mine to a certain extent and we have got no where so far!
The future Mrs Perry
CommentAuthorMrsC2Be
at least youve got time though so thats good :) what are you planning lesley? x
Met In Lanzarote April 2013
Engaged In Rome February 2016
Getting Married In Scotland May 2017
CommentAuthorLesley0401
Well a weekend away somewhere but this July so we are a little pushed for time. Only issue is my friend who has been all up for it and really wanted to go has now deleted herself from wh@t$@pp groups and deleted the app. Not sure what is going on there!
On the plus side we have started looking and hopefully we can get something half decent for not too much money - was going to have a weekend away with just a few girls then have a night out but quite casual drinks and dancing in the UK for everyone much later in the year, might now go for just a weekend away with three people and then have the UK one later as my actual hen - I sound so greedy but I really am not lol x
How are you getting on MrsC2be? Is there any update on yesterday?
The future Mrs Perry
CommentAuthorMichelleC961
Hey- fingers cased hat now you have something booked then things will sort out and it will be a fab weekend xx
CommentAuthorMrsC2Be
Ooo ok lesley not too much longer! I dont think thats greedy at all it sounds fab lol x
So my mum and SIL stepped in and booked the accommodation (once everyone had agreed) but ive found out my MOH has been messaging the other hens saying how ****ed off she is with this hen. She hasnt actually even done anything yet so that upset me shes saying that! I dont want her getting stressed out, but she insisted in beginning of Jan that she wanted to plan it. I told my mum just to take a step back and leave it to her now, im glad shes got accommodation booked so at least we have somewhere to stay :) Hope I dont come across selfish! Im just dissapointed she hasnt been more excited for this and just seems really annoyed by it all.
Thanks girls. xx
Met In Lanzarote April 2013
Engaged In Rome February 2016
Getting Married In Scotland May 2017
CommentAuthorElinor Claire
It sounds like someone needs to talk to your MOH about her OH, if the problem has arisen since then. Regarding the hen if your other BMs are good then maybe you can ask them to quietly support the MOH to make sure things happen.
30th August 2014 was the best birthday ever.
It was the day that I became Mrs. Dixon.
This sounds like a total nightmare for you and I feel so sorry that your MoH is being like that. It is not fair and you are not selfish in the slightest. Hopefully your BM's can ensure she is doing what she should be x
The future Mrs Perry
CommentAuthorMrsC2Be
BM's are definitly sorting things out so thats good, just feel bad for them that its turned into a more stressful planning situation rather than an exciting one.
More drama...... *kill me now lol*
MOH has dropped out of friday night now, but accom is all booked so my mum has had to ask her to still pay for the friday night even if she cant come now (she hasnt given a reason why she cant come on the friday now) she had a whole night planned on friday for us so i guess my other BM's will now need to sort it. im actually dreading the hen as its going to be so awkward between the BM's my mum and my MOH.
Met In Lanzarote April 2013
Engaged In Rome February 2016
Getting Married In Scotland May 2017
CommentAuthorLesley0401
Oh my, I don't understand why friends are like this, especially with such important things. I have booked mine for my 3 besties and then we are setting up a appwhat group to let people know details, they can all book themselves if they want and if it turns out to be just us I am happy with that. I can't be dealing with getting a group of people to pay, I hate asking for money at the best of times so this would totally tress me.
I think you all will have a lovely time, hopefully once you are all out she will forget her issues and remember its your wedding/hen and to enjoy herself!
The future Mrs Perry
CommentAuthorMrsC2Be
i wish i had been involved in the planning so i could have helped and been more to the point and cut out alot of drama (i only know about all this through my mum! not in a gossiping way just in a concerned wants my advice on how to handle it way)
Yea hopefully your right :) Your plan sounds much easier and stress free, can you come plan mine please lol x
Met In Lanzarote April 2013
Engaged In Rome February 2016
Getting Married In Scotland May 2017
CommentAuthorLesley0401
lol you wouldn't like me telling your MOH to get over herself lol I can do that for other people but I know if I were in your situation I would be feeling incredibly awkward
The future Mrs Perry
CommentAuthorMrsC2Be
Mum has said to MOH that she still needs to pay for fridays accomodation even though shes dropped out (which is correct i think) but MOH has come back saying she refuses to pay. So now we all need to try and cover her cost.
Really dissapointed in her, dont even know what to say!! x
Met In Lanzarote April 2013
Engaged In Rome February 2016
Getting Married In Scotland May 2017
CommentAuthorMrs T Hurley!
I would tell her that it's too short notice for cancelling and so the place where the accommodation won't refund it. It's not your fault she's had to cancel, so why should you cover the cost?
Met 18/09/03
Engaged 06/09/08
Getting married 05/09/17
CommentAuthorMrsC2Be
Shes adamant that shes not going to pay so nothing more I can really do without having an argument with her. So difficult and awkward! x
Met In Lanzarote April 2013
Engaged In Rome February 2016
Getting Married In Scotland May 2017
CommentAuthorMichelleC961
I woukdnt have her as MOH to be honest- doesn't sound like she deserves it!
CommentAuthorFutureMrsW
Oh Mrs C that's so rough, errgh why does there always have to be drama when things are supposed to be fun?
I think you're right to expect people to pay at such short notice, even if they drop out, perhaps she's having money troubles or panicked because shed not organised anything (despite saying she had). Whatever, she should be honest with you. Poor show.
CommentAuthorWizbit89
I would also have some concerns about her being the MOH, I know it is a horrible thing to think about but she is supposed to be there and supporting you throughout not making things worse and more stressful. Is there anyone you could invite in her place who would fit the dynamic of the group, even if its slightly reduced its better then having to pay for her?
Sorry you are having such an awful time with this but glad your maids have stepped up!
CommentAuthorMrsC2Be
Thanks ladies :)
No one I can replace her with now (we are travelling to london from scotland as most of my friends including MOH live there as i used to live there) so my new friends up here in scotland wouldnt be able to travel down with us or get booked onto the activities :(
I am deffo having doubts about her been MOH but itll just mess up the wedding to bring up how I properly feel, shes one who is quite stubbon and doesnt like to back down. Didnt realised a hen party could be so difficult :O she went for lunch with our friends at the weekend and apparently was saying shes fuming with my mum, which again is obviously frustrating and disrespectful to hear xx
Met In Lanzarote April 2013
Engaged In Rome February 2016
Getting Married In Scotland May 2017
CommentAuthorEmily17
Mrs C if you are having doubts regardless of what people are saying here you needs to sit down with her and tell he that. Maybe then she will realise that something has changed and you aren't as close as you used to be.
Definitely not fair on your mom. I would not be having any one say things like that about my mom at all
Met in 2009
He proposed Jan 2014
Will become Mrs P 7th October 2017
CommentAuthorLesley0401
I totally agree with Emily. Such a horrible position to be in though x
The future Mrs Perry
CommentAuthorMrsC2Be
yea im going to have to speak to her, ill maybe wait until the weekend when shes free, and so i can prepare myself for it :( sad that its going this way but hopefully it can be a pleasant phone call and all will be fine, thanks for the advice xx
Met In Lanzarote April 2013
Engaged In Rome February 2016
Getting Married In Scotland May 2017
CommentAuthorWizbit89
it may just be that she is overstressed and maybe worried about it all and then maybe it will be an easy resolution but definitely be honest :) Hope it all works out okay for you though x
CommentAuthorEmily17
Hope it is ok, Really hard place to be x
Met in 2009
He proposed Jan 2014
Will become Mrs P 7th October 2017
CommentAuthorLesley0401
Let us know how it goes, I really hope that it kind of gives her a wake up call and that she hasn't realised what she is doing to you x
The future Mrs Perry
CommentAuthorMrsC2Be
definitly, weve arranged a call for tomorrow night so ill let you know how it goes :O xx
Met In Lanzarote April 2013
Engaged In Rome February 2016
Getting Married In Scotland May 2017
CommentAuthorLesley0401
Good luck x
The future Mrs Perry
CommentAuthorMrsC2Be
spoke to MOH for a couple of hours, and she didnt even mention the hen. I felt to awkward to mention it as I thought she would mention it first to tell me she wasnt coming anymore on the friday. Im speaking to her again next week so if she doesnt bring it up I will.
MOH was supose to be staying with me in a room in the venue the night before the wedding, she now said that shes booked a room for her and her boyf so will be staying with him, and shes now not flying up till late evening so wont be able to see me for long at all the night before :( it was all arranged for us to have a girly diner and evening in the room with wine and a film so we could wake up together too.
Met In Lanzarote April 2013
Engaged In Rome February 2016
Getting Married In Scotland May 2017
CommentAuthorMichelleC961
What a cow bag- no way is she MOH and she doesn't even care! She just sounds butter and jealous
CommentAuthorEmily17
OK if she has said that about the night before your wedding day i would definitely say no to her being MOH. Completely out of order if you had already planned it!
Met in 2009
He proposed Jan 2014
Will become Mrs P 7th October 2017
CommentAuthorElinor Claire
I can understand her wanting to share a room with her OH, as you'll all be asleep it won't make much difference as long as she's in the same hotel, she just goes elsewhere to sleep. She should be there for the evening though.
30th August 2014 was the best birthday ever.
It was the day that I became Mrs. Dixon.
CommentAuthorLesley0401
Wow MrsC - you are doing really well not to hurt her! Did she know about your plans? I don't know what I would do in your shoes and I feel so awful for you. She should be enjoying your experience and making it special rather than putting this stress on you. See what she says next week but you may need to bite the bullet and tell her exactly how you feel about everything and see what happens.
The future Mrs Perry
CommentAuthorLesley0401
How did you get on MrsC?
The future Mrs Perry
CommentAuthorMrsC2Be
saw MOH at the weekend and she still didnt tell me that shes not coming on the friday and didnt mention the hen do at all.
also ive found out from others were not even going out for dinner, shes just getting some nibbles in to have in the apartment, but i was really looking forward to having a dinner with everyone with cocktails in a nice place.
Am I asking for too much? Dont know how to approach the subject at all i feel so awkward!!
Met In Lanzarote April 2013
Engaged In Rome February 2016
Getting Married In Scotland May 2017
CommentAuthorMichelleC961
There are 2 options- tell hem what you really want- if these are you true real friends they will be fine- maybe they needed guidance all along- I am going to say to my bridesmaids this is the sort of thing I like- don't mind where we go and what we do and here's a list of people- rest is up to you.
Either that or if you said to begin with you don't mind what they do then I think you will just have to go with the flow and enjoy it- if it doesn't live up to what you had you could always go out for a meal an cocktails in a couple of weeks- although I know you are short of time and hard to get everyone together
I am pretty sure you will have a blast whatever you do and I think you need to just not stress over it too much now xx
CommentAuthorLesley0401
Oh MrsC, it is such a shame, I agree with Michelle though and I am sure at the end of the day you will all have a good time - could always do cocktails and dinner after the wedding so you have something to look forward to after? In the summer maybe?
The future Mrs Perry
CommentAuthorMrsC2Be
yea im sure ill have a good time what ever happens! Just sad that by the sounds of what everyone is saying to my, my MOH is trying to do things all on the cheap (im the first to love a bargain not if it ruins things though) so wants party food in the house instead of a meal. amongst other things. Its only in a week and a half so we'll just see how it goes.
Sorry for the constant rants, i just dont want to fall out with her i should just be able to have a conversation with her but its not that easy unfortunately.
Met In Lanzarote April 2013
Engaged In Rome February 2016
Getting Married In Scotland May 2017
CommentAuthorLesley0401
Not at all, that is what we are all here for x
You will have a fab time, I am sure xx
The future Mrs Perry
CommentAuthorMichelleC961
Sometimes it's better to rant on here and sound things out rather than saying something you may regret?!
CommentAuthorMrsC2Be
definitely!!! you all keep me sane lol! x
Met In Lanzarote April 2013
Engaged In Rome February 2016
Getting Married In Scotland May 2017