Wedding Forum - I'm going to explode :/...

gaahhhh i've had enough seriously im about to explode at h2b family. Last month his cousin came over and told us they were getting married next year, We congratulated them and sad wow so are we. We asked when they were getting married to which he replied september/october. So far so good so we told him that it was great news and glad our dates dont clash, he asked when we were getting married and i told him the 5th of august!! He then asked about us booking things etc and i informed him i had a meeting with the nect day. Fast forward a month and the cousin sent a message to my h2b asking if he wanted to go to his stag do in june. Hmm thats a bit weird seems as they getting married in sept/oct i thought, so i asked h2b to check their dates......... THEY HAVE ONLY GONE AND CHANGED THEIR DATE TO THE 5TH OF AUGUST I am so flipping angry. We wanted to sort it out with them so we asked where they had booked seems as we had already booked the church, they didn't answer us and are now ignoring our calls which has lead us to believe that they haven't actually booked anywhere and have just decided they like that date. the date we had already informed them of!! H2b and myself sat down and spoke and decided to save family arguments we will just move our date a few weeks back (can't put it off longer as our prices of everything change plus availabilties) we got a message from they saying if its too close to theirs no-one will come to ours. I'm heartbroken I had already had to change my date once due to other reasons with his family and now again with all this. I am thinking that if we do re-book our date they will probably change theirs again and end up being on the same date. I just don't know what to do or how to feel. H2b said why don't we put it off for another year and that brought another round of tears on. We have been together 14 years and constantly have had to change our wedding due to many different problems and we kept putting it off for the time being, so why should we do it again? i know that might sound selfish but after this long why can't we just have our wedding day because his family are being selfish. We could never of told them our date and then changed our date to the one they had booked.

we did look at that stephanie but we just couldn't afford it all our prices would sky rocket and his cousin wants to go abroad so no-one would be able to afford to travel up for our wedding and the stag abroad. yes we booked our venues already which is why i was so upset and his cousin knew we had booked too. which is why we looked at the end of august but i'm worried as they havent even booked anywhere it would end up on the same date again. We also have to take our children into consideration which means we need to go away on honeymoon and have the wedding in the school holidays so we have childcare. It just annoys me its always us that has to change things. if they had already booked somewhere i think i would of just been like oh well we will just move it back a few weeks and that would of been the end of it, slightly annoying that we had booked and we have to juggle it around with the children/prices/availabilty etc when it would of been easier for them to change as they have no kids and haven't booked anywhere but we thought we would be nice and just change it, we informed them we would change it and thats when they started sending messages saying we can't get married anytime around near when theirs is. we have asked mil to see if she can get an answer to whether they have actually booked somewhere yet as if they have we can just rearrange the date and get on with it.

thank you i will keep you updated. We just don't want to cause problems and arguments (when technically we haven't been the ones to cause the issues haha) we have tried to think of them in everything we have done and we wont change that which is why as soon as we get a yes they have booked somewhere we can rearrange ours, not quite sure what to do if they haven't booked somewhere though, should we just change the date and risk it? is the issue we mainly facing at the moment but we also don't want family to think we have done it to spite them/ruin their day if you get what i mean. We keep issues to ourselves and sort them out like adults but sometimes other family members like to run their mouths with their own side and half truths and get everyone involved (not saying they would do this but its a big possibility) which causes mass arguments which we want to stay away from as to be honest they would be completely pointless and cause upset to people who need not have the extra upset. if any of that makes sense.. i ramble too much haha

yes faye we have thought about that alot so still a big option we are thinking about, thank you for replying

Send your save the dates out then messege them to say sprry, you looked into moving the date but it will simply cost too much. Let them move thoers as it doesnt sound like they have booked anything

All I can say is you're being very reasonable and grown up about the whole situation Danielle. Well done you. Personally I would have gone round to the cousins house and ripped both their heads off. What an utterly selfish and nasty thing to do to you both. I hope that someone can talk some sense into them as I for one do not think you should change your date. You have things booked. They don't. Therein lies the answer to the question "Who should change their date?" I know people bang on about it being your wedding, focus on that and don't worry about what other people do but I'm sorry, there is a certain level of respect and curtesy that weddings command. Such a shame not everyone can see that.

Danielle, you seem so calm and I don't know how as even I am angry for you. It's fair enough that he may have genuinely forgotten but if that's the case, why ignore you? He should just answer the phone or messages and say 'really sorry, I totally forgot you told me you had booked that date'.

At the end of then day, although it sounds childish, you booked first so they should be the ones who change their date x

Omg how rude! I would not be changing me date- I would send save the dates asap and make them change their date- why would they do that? Families are so odd!

Hope you sort it x

Omfg do other family members already know your date you planned on? I'd go tell them to take a running effing jump the cheeky baskets. You are handling this situation remarkably well in the face of such selfish people, I'd be asking why on earth have they chosen that date knowing that is when yours is, and if they haven't officially booked anything yet why can't they change the date, why should you have to be inconvenienced, If I was on good terms with H2B's family I'd be suggesting they have a word. That is outrageous.

Send your Save the Dates and keep your bloody date!!

thanks ladies, I am still fuming inside and have had a few little teary moments over it. The problem is me and h2b were doing it properly by booking date sending std's a year before etc so even though some people knew we were getting married they didn't know when (my nana, and his cousin were basically the only ones that knew exactly when) and his cousin has run around telling everyone they are getting married on that date, so if we get married on that date we will be basically asking for more agro as we will get your trying to ruin their wedding, they were getting married first, your trying to cause issues in the family and all those other not so delightful things will be said to us, which to us is not worth it. they can be childish over who gets married first all they want (i expect wanting to get married 1st is the reason for change of date) we just want to get married we don't care who gets married in what order.

velcro that did make me giggle

Danielle, you would only be sending you stds a month early.. Its July tomorrow remember so I'm sure no-one will think you have sent them early

Why don't you send out your std cards now and then once you know people have received them wait and see what happens. Your immediate response to any negativity should be to post a photo on fb of any receipts you have or booking confirmation info that shows the date you sealed the deal. That way everyone will know that you made your bookings for your date well before that bellend of a cousin even got engaged. Should silence any detractors and mean that people perhaps start questioning him as to why he isn't changing their date. Honestly am so cross for you. Please don't back down. Remain dignified but in victory not defeat x

i would be LIVID!!!!! That's really unkind and inconsiderate considering they are family too. Why would they even want their date to be the same as yours surely they would want a few months apart so that people can focus on their wedding too.

I would definitely not move my date for them if you picked it first (im stubborn lol) and I would send out the save the dates asap so when they send out theres everyone can see that they are the selfish ones.

Thank you ladies, i appreciate all your idea, i love the one of putting up our booking things on book of face, i do have emails with the details on i can share i'm glad i wasn't over reacting (it has been suggested that i had over reacted at thins, not sure how haha)

Please tell me you are keeping y our date! xxx

at the moment we are sticking to our date we have found out they are getting married abroad so all this tosh about not getting married near them ect is baffling me a bit to be honest, it's not as if everyone can afford to go abroad so the people that won't be going abroad are more than welcome to come to ours

Ahh kim that sucks, i've had that before when we started planning (a few years ago lol) and saying little ideas i like etc for then my future sil to have them at her wedding not that it matters now as its been a few years so people would of forgotten It's heartbreaking and i feel gutted for you, i would be tempted to give them a swift kick up the backside ive avoided our issue people too out of fear i might wallop them

So pleased to hear that your sticking to your date!!! Good for you chick. Hope it all works out for you and karma bites them in the ads haha lol. I do think you will be fine especially if they are going abroad as like you say it's very expensive.

Yes I could kill them but not being biased but our wedding is going to be way better than there's so they can copy us haha lol

xx

Danielle I definately would keep your date hun they are assuming family will travel well its not always the case, me and my hubby got married in Mexico and there was NONE of my family there at all hence why we are doing a renewal in a few year. My cousin was my maid of honour and said she couldnt afford it then booked to go away 2 weeks before my wedding which really pee'd me off to be honest since I am her little cousin and she reckons she would do anything for me blah blah blah, let them book theres alot of people dont like going abroad because of the heat and stuff also or the fact they will be stuck with family for 1-2 weeks. Just enjoy planning your day and do your STDs. It seems the cousin is just being petty or maybe its his other half you never know but if it was me I wouldnt be changing for anyone xx

Thank you Danielle the way I saw it it was their loss I wasn't going to make a fuss about it, if she didn't want to be there it was fine by me as what mattered most was me and my hubby, Now when I do see her if we have a drink or anything she always says how much she regrets not being there. To be honest it never bothered me in the slightest I had my son give me away and the rest of the party there was my hubbys family so there was 11 of us in total and it was amazing :) My advice is don't change for anyone hun it's yours and your h2b day it revolves around you 2 and not what suits others, those that matter most will be there and the cousin will come to realize not everyone will go abroad for their day. The cousin also needs to realize its peak season the kids are on there summer holidays so family and friends may have other things planned which means they cant attend anyway or the fact school uniforms for high school now are way over £100 so some people simply wont have the cash to spare anyway. Enjoy planning your day hun and don't worry about them :) xx

Your welcome hun :) have you got much more left to arrange? xx

Aww fab hun so nearly all done :) xx

ohh i agree that would be hilarious

Have just been told that MOHs brother and fiance have decided to get married next year too. They have been engaged for years and next year will be their 10yr anniversary. They want another child but realised if the baby came first they wouldn't be able to afford a wedding for a very long time. I totally understand their decision and am excited for them but it has still caused me to feel like the shine has been taken off our wedding plans. They plan to wed in June, 5 months before us. I know it's silly to feel like this especially as their day will be very different to ours. What bothers me is that now all the secret little details of our wedding feel under threat. What if they innocently choose the same entertainment? Feel am going to have to divulge some details just to make sure that doesn't happen. I don't want anyone accusing us of copying them. Our wedding is planned to the last detail already. Also dreading future MIL winding me up because their wedding is first and he's her fav son! She's already had a couple of digs at me and that was before this news. Don't get me wrong ladies I genuinely care about MOH Bro and fiance, they are lovely and I am looking forward to sharing their special day. I just am disappointed I have all these negative feelings to deal with. Hopefully it will pass.

Thanks Danielle. Gosh yes I know I'm lucky not to be in your position. We actually went round to their house last night and there was lots of wedding talk. Luckily we both want very different things and turns out they don't plan on inviting most of the family members that will be at ours so I'm feeling a lot better now. Phew!

Yay Laura so happy for you x